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Author Topic: Disclosure-non sexual  (Read 2275 times)

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Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Disclosure-non sexual
« on: October 26, 2008, 04:14:56 AM »
Hey everyone-

I'm just home form a costume Halloween party at my friends house. I drank too much, and the hosts insisted I sleep over. When My good friend brought me upstairs to the room they made up for me, I told him I needed to tell him something, that I was HIV positive, and needed to go home and take my meds. Long story short, the conversation went on for over an hour, and went really well.

I can't tell you how relieved I am that someone knows. It's not such a big secret anymore. I'm almost free...

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2008, 07:31:35 AM »
Hi Paul. I've also found disclosure to be a very liberating experience. :)

Hope you got home alright after drinking too much!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Buckmark

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  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2008, 09:08:12 AM »
Perhaps it's a tired cliche, but the truth really will set you free.

I'm glad you feel better after talking about this (now I just hope your hangover goes away).

Cheers,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline Alain

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  • Posts: 680
  • I am.
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2008, 09:15:07 AM »
Way to go, free at last!

Good for you Paul, even if you have that headache this morning. ;D


Offline David_CA

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  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2008, 10:36:31 AM »
I'm glad you were able to do it (loose lips and all that), and that it went well.  Now, next time take your meds with you so you won't have to leave.  Sometimes the after parties are the best part!  ;)

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,002
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2008, 02:05:27 PM »
Very happy to hear your disclosure went well!

Online anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,937
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Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2008, 02:20:56 PM »
Hi LI

I agree with Henry, the truth will set you free, and I bet you are standing a lot taller today.. ;)

Hope the hangover wasn't too bad.

Hugs
Jan :-*
« Last Edit: October 26, 2008, 02:34:08 PM by anniebc »
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Moffie65

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  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2008, 02:23:40 PM »
Paul, I am not only really proud of you, but so glad this was the correct time and place to disclose.  Truly it does get easier with time to accept both the negative and positive results from doing so.  Certainly it will weed out those in your circle who really love and respect you, and those that don't.

Good for you Paul.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2008, 03:31:34 PM »
I have to laugh about the hangover comments!! Where were you people last night before I went to bed so I could've popped some Advil??!! lol Never even crossed my mind that I would wake up today a little less than stellar~ :o

But I stilll feel great about disclosing this to my friend.  He listened to me talk about all I've been through in the past (almost) 3 years. We even talked about who in our group of friends would take it well and who might not ( my ex, being 1 who might have a rough time hearing it).

When I told him about the shame, or embarassment I've felt, he said ' hey, you know it could have just as easily been me'. After all the talking about what I've been going through, he suggested that it may be time for me to seek out a therapist.  And he's probably right in that.

Alot of people at the party have asked me where I've been, and that they've missed me, etc.  Now I got to explain to at least one person why I've been doing a good job of avoiding my friends for the past few years!

I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks.  I realized that HIV has basically put me back in the closet. I walk around with a dirty secret again.  Well now the secret is out to at least one person who is important in my life. I'm a little bit freer.

Thanks for the nice comments everyone~

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Online anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,937
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2008, 04:12:30 PM »
Hi Paul

Hope that closet door didn't hit you in the backside on your way out... ;)

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2008, 04:20:09 PM »
Quote
Hope that closet door didn't hit you in the backside on your way out...


hehe ;) it did, but it felt good....
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Online anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,937
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #11 on: October 26, 2008, 04:25:00 PM »


hehe ;) it did, but it felt good....

 :D..Well they do say "No pain -No gain".

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #12 on: October 26, 2008, 07:19:56 PM »
To have gone as long as you have without telling anyone must have been pure hell.  That first step is the hardest, take my word the more people you tell the easier it gets. 

"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,699
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #13 on: October 26, 2008, 08:35:22 PM »


   Paul,

      Your friend's reaction does not suprise me one bit.  You are one hell of a guy...  Both my wife and I found this to be the case after speaking with you on the phone on several occasions.  You are a genuinely good hearted guy...

   Peace!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline fearless

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Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #14 on: October 26, 2008, 10:39:10 PM »
Way to go Paul.
Next you'll be on the front cover of POZ or the eq of Women's Day telling your story.
Steve
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #15 on: October 27, 2008, 01:09:06 AM »
Quote
must have been pure hell.


almost an understatement, Woods!

Thomas, you're making me blush- but very sweet of you to say. And kiss the wife for me ( and no tongue this time !!  :o  ) lol


Quote
Next you'll be on the front cover of POZ or the eq of Women's Day telling your story


OH no, not me!! And Women's Day?? You MUST have me confused with someone else , Steve  ;)
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Buckmark

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  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #16 on: October 27, 2008, 12:25:40 PM »
Just as a followup, I think that Longislander made a brave choice in deciding to stick with his meds, and using that as an opportunity to disclose to his friends.  In that instant, it would have been very easy to for you (and many others) to decide to say "fuck the meds" and keep your mouth shut.  I'm glad you didn't, and that it is working out for you.

Regards,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline steven6908

  • Member
  • Posts: 36
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #17 on: October 27, 2008, 04:14:08 PM »
HI Paul

Am glad you have told someone, and its worked out for you, however ive not been so lucky i told a so called good friend however could have been a great friend he does not want to know me told him 5 months ago,

Am glad for you Paul

Steven xx

Offline Longislander

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  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #18 on: October 27, 2008, 05:25:28 PM »
Thanks Henry~ I wish I could say I made that conscious choice, but under the influence of alcohol, it was really just a matter of wanting to not skip my meds because I'm getting labwork this week. Add that to the pressure I've been putting myself under these past few weeks, something had to give, and it kinda just happened.


Steven, I'm really sorry to hear that your friend has made that decision. As others have said, though, it separates the wheat from the chaff.  Don't let one bad reaction keep you in the closet if that's a tough place for you to be in. I can tell you that I have also disclosed to guys I've dated and guys that wanted to date, and I haven't had a really bad reaction yet.  Be well.

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline auspoz

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Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #19 on: October 27, 2008, 06:25:50 PM »
I'm really pleased to hear it worked out well for you!

And I'm sure that friendship will go from strngth to strength.

Good for you. What great news.

Auspoz.

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: Disclosure-non sexual
« Reply #20 on: October 29, 2008, 12:54:41 AM »
Good for you Paul, I never had the option of having the secret because I lived in Long Beach, within walking distance to everything gay, in the 5th largest city in Calif.  It was normal conversation on the transit bus, on the street corners, and pretty much everywhere. I was still there when I went to the hospital with PCP and everyone offered so much support.  My name, AIDs status and the community where I live in Sonoma County has been on the front page of our daily paper in a couple of articles about HIV funding.

I did keep it from Walter before we met in person and disclosed on the first date and now... 8 months and many dates later, he is one of the most caring people I know.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael


 


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