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Author Topic: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....  (Read 2607 times)

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Offline jinghua

  • Member
  • Posts: 138
My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« on: October 02, 2008, 11:11:33 PM »
2 days ago, one of my friend had his blood draw for health screening....so, we took the chanceto discuss if someone become +, what will happen in malaysia....

my best friends say : i would not even dare to have meal with the pozzie friend....(it broke my heart to pieces silently  :'()

I told them hiv doesn't transmit via any form except semen,blood and breast feeding....they said : i don't want to risk my life.....(my heart broke again.... :'()

It makes me being more anxious if i come to the point i have to tell any of them (which i know i don't have to and hopefully it won't happen....will it be too selfish?)

Jing Hua
Live started to change...i wish i can have a better life...

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,670
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #1 on: October 02, 2008, 11:52:06 PM »
hi jinghua  :),
                      are you asking if it is selfish NOT to tell your RUDE inconsiderate

  uneducated friend if you are pos ?

  It is YOUR  right to keep what is personal ,personal !

  I have told ALL my freinds ,workers  and of course family .

  Only one sister-IN-law will not eat at my home !

  Our home is brand new , all clean and pretty , We have a comercial dishwasher ,everything is

clean and fresh .

BUT she makes an ass of herself and brings pizza or McDonalds  to our home ,because

it is wrong to be HOMOSEXSUAL AND HAVE AIDS !

she is a nurse at a V.A. hospital ! ,It used to make me feel bad , now I just thank

her for the RACOON  food ,cause i don't be eating food that is marginaly clean or fresh !

I hope you do NOT dwell on this , not all people can be nice .

                                             the best to you and family ,karl
" Live and let Live "

Offline jinghua

  • Member
  • Posts: 138
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2008, 12:05:37 AM »
Dear Karl,

Yes....i would think it's rude not to tell them....but i am also thinking about the consequences if i were to tell them about that....i don't want to lose my best friends...

Oh....i am sad to hear your sister feels that way...strange for a nurse no offense)

I think what i need to do is to stay low till i have to disclose my status....and be careful when i am eating with them...mmm....

jing hua
Live started to change...i wish i can have a better life...

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2008, 12:12:29 AM »
jing hua,

Sorry that your friends are 'killing you softly' with their unthinking remarks. If they knew, they would probably think before speaking. If they knew, then you would know if they were really your friends.

ronnie
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,670
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2008, 12:28:03 AM »
jing ,
          YOU misunderstood ME

 THEY are the RUDE ones

NOT you !

it is your bussines  who to tell , if they are just eating  Friends ,then I do NOT

think you should ever tell . No reason to do that !
                                                                                      karl
" Live and let Live "

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2008, 12:42:13 AM »
I've found that in many Asian countries people would fear for the most ridiculous and impossible ways on how HIV can be transmitted - the classic being lipsticks..

But than they'd happily put their dicks in places that they shouldn't be. Figure that out. One time I was trapped in a straight bar (how subversive, straight bar!  :D) with some, er, manly jocks who frequently hire CSWs. And one said he didn't fear getting anything because he knew a sure way to prevent it - by drinking a lot of beers before sex. How? By the time he finished with the girls he would really need to piss so he'd be able to pee anything "dirty" out...

It always hurts to hear comments like this from friends you care about.. and you feel more the need to hide it. Give it time though.

Hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,343
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2008, 08:00:20 AM »
jing hua,

Sorry that your friends are 'killing you softly' with their unthinking remarks. If they knew, they would probably think before speaking. If they knew, then you would know if they were really your friends.

ronnie

Jing Hua

I echo Ronnie's sentiments. One final aspect to consider, if they knew, they might know better how to protect themselves as they are obviously uneducated about HIV. Only you know the level of friendship you have with them and what you are putting at risk in your setting. No one here can gauge that, but many of us have had the disclosure experience with surprising results---both negative and positive. 

Em

Offline jennynyc7

  • Member
  • Posts: 146
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2008, 09:01:15 AM »
Wow. Sounds like when my childrens father (who knows I am +) said to me as I was passing my bottle of water to one of them,"ummm, I don't think they should be drinking after you...." I just laughed and of coursed offered him a copy of one of my books for some good ole education. Or, when my neighbor was over a few night ago (who doesn't know I am +) and said she was asked to perform CPR on someone recently and she said to them, hell no, I don't want to risk getting AIDS or some crap like that". It is so unreal that in this day and age there are still people like this out there. Furthermore, I can't imagine how it made you feel.

j
12/24/07-infected
1/3/08-ARS began
2/12/08-diagnosed
Initial Vl=99000
CD4=585
2/14/08-began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
3/01/08=Swapped Reyataz for Viramune
5/1/08:     vl= undetectable
                cd4=1250
10/24/08:  vl=undetectable
                cd4=1172 (55%)

12/4/08:    vl=254 (hopefully just a small blip)
                cd4=1234

Offline joemutt

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,041
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #8 on: October 03, 2008, 01:29:41 PM »
Hey Jinghua, Those are not "best" friends.

Offline marc11864

  • Member
  • Posts: 440
  • I apologize for nothing!
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #9 on: October 03, 2008, 02:32:00 PM »
Hmmm where to start?

 Jinghua,

 From your posts throughout the forum you've shown yourself to be a man of good character and high standards. From the posts of others, you've been shown to be very brave. Neither of these qualities appears to be showing in the people that you are calling your friend let alone "best friend" at the moment.

 Often, we lower our standards and our ethics in order to avoid being alone not understanding that this same behavior is what creates or encourages our sense of loneliness. For many, it is this exact behavior that enabled us to become HIV positive. Let me make it clear on this point... this is not a healthy choice to make.

 Only you can choose for yourself as to what each of these friends behaviors you can consider acceptable but I would challenge you to ask yourself what you think is more detrimental to your health and happiness and then act as you see fit.

 My partner who is negative, lives in Thailand. I speak with him every single day and told him within a day of receiving my diagnosis. This was well before we started dating. I have few friends nearby but of those I do, every single one knows that I am gay, done drugs in the past, have AIDS, dislike George Bush... ;D To me, that is preferable to having someone close who doesn't accept and support you for who you are. Personally, I think you deserve better. If you think each person really cares for you then you owe it to yourself and to them to let them get to know the real you and not some compartmentalized version. Many of us here have enjoyed all you've had to offer and want more. I'd sit and eat with you any day of the week... provided you're buying ;)

 Hugs and be strong.  ;)

 
 On a side note to Shaun, once again your anecdotes bring a smile to my face... but I miss your FENG SHAUN!  ;D
« Last Edit: October 03, 2008, 02:47:00 PM by marc11864 »
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #10 on: October 03, 2008, 04:04:27 PM »
Jinghua
I am saddened by your post. I hope you find a way to cope with this situation. I think a little humor is always good.  Thanks Shaun.
Joel
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,912
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2008, 04:27:26 PM »
Jinghua,

They need some education about HIV.  Of course, who knows whether or not they would believe it.  It's your right not to tell them.  I am so sorry they're making you feel so lousy.  Keep you chin up, you're loved here.    {{{Jinghua}}}
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline jinghua

  • Member
  • Posts: 138
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #12 on: October 03, 2008, 10:43:06 PM »
Thank you so much for concerning~~~everyone~~

It was hard for me, but 2 1/2 years of coping with my status....i can probably just laugh with their reaction, i haven't done anything wrong...just a little guilt to eat with them..(i think that's normal,right?)

I'd sit and eat with you any day of the week... provided you're buying ;)

That would be expensive flying around just for food....but if we can sit down someday to have a meal would be nice not to be judged~~~hehehehe

 ;)

jing hua
Live started to change...i wish i can have a better life...

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #13 on: October 04, 2008, 09:32:04 PM »
2 days ago, one of my friend had his blood draw for health screening....so, we took the chanceto discuss if someone become +, what will happen in malaysia....

my best friends say : i would not even dare to have meal with the pozzie friend....(it broke my heart to pieces silently  :'()

I told them hiv doesn't transmit via any form except semen,blood and breast feeding....they said : i don't want to risk my life.....(my heart broke again.... :'()

It makes me being more anxious if i come to the point i have to tell any of them (which i know i don't have to and hopefully it won't happen....will it be too selfish?)

Jing Hua

Oddly enough, I thought this only happened in America in the uneducated families of friends.  On a personal level, I remember coming home from the hospital following AIDS diagnosis and treatment for PCP.  I was sharing an oceanfront apartment with a gay friend who had rearranged the kitchen while I was away.  There was a special shelf which contained:
1 plate, 1 fork, 1 knife, 1 spoon, I coffee cup and 1 drinking glass.  I was instructed to not use any of the other dishes because HE did not want AIDS and this was in 1996.

What did I do?  Ever so glad you asked, I moved that afternoon.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael


Offline jinghua

  • Member
  • Posts: 138
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #14 on: October 07, 2008, 10:17:00 AM »
Dear Michael,

You see? people are still somehow unbelievably uneducated about hiv in my country....and have been trying to avoid what you experienced....cause that will break my heart... :'(

I would move out instantly if anyone treats me with separated set of cutlery...  ;)

jing hua~
Live started to change...i wish i can have a better life...

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #15 on: October 07, 2008, 10:20:16 AM »
Oddly enough, I thought this only happened in America in the uneducated families of friends...

Silly, ignorance happens ANYWHERE.
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #16 on: October 07, 2008, 11:58:22 AM »
Silly, ignorance happens ANYWHERE.

Hey David,

Ignorance is not acceptable at my house, except for two flood victims in 2005, I have lived alone for the past 8 years.  ;D  Have the best day
Michael
(who would eat with Jing hua if there were enough frequent flyer miles)

Offline dixieman

  • Member
  • Posts: 889
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #17 on: October 07, 2008, 12:11:22 PM »
Well when in doubt... just leave it alone. Or why don't you cook for them before you tell them of your situation... plus have educational pamplets ready in the meantime...

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: My friends will not sit and eat with pozzie....
« Reply #18 on: October 07, 2008, 01:02:07 PM »


   Jinghua,

    This is why many of us have issues with disclosure.  I respect people's opinions but not their ignorance.  Unfortunately those outside of the HIV circle really don't concern themselves with the knowledge to help   realize what is true and what is false when it comes to HIV.   My being HIV + with an AIDS diagnosis does not change who I am as a person.  I realize that and if they can't then I won't tell them.  It's none of their business...   I'll let them figure it out when they read my obituary or see me taken out of my home in one of those plastic body bags.

    Tom
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

 


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