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Author Topic: hello...  (Read 1760 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

bleueyes

  • Guest
hello...
« on: September 25, 2008, 03:50:02 AM »
I am just feeling alone.  Life is not all too easy any more since I started trying to handle my responsibilities a couple of years ago.  It seems when people talk crap about how irresponsible a person is, those same people put you down for trying. 
This September 17 I have been clean of drugs for four years.  I used for two years and six months.  No one recognizes I am clean long enough to tell people anything else , but I am an addict.  My alcoholic sisters and mother tell people I am a drug addict. 
My boyfriend is also always on top.  I am a bit insecure about the fact he wieghs 150 and I wiegh 180.  So being on top might not be too good. 
His advice is to ignore my family and just be with him.  Only I told him of my past and family so he does not trust me! 
I have put on somewhere between five or ten pounds, but it feels better to be fat than be verbally abused by my family.  I grew up as a thin young girl in a house full of obese women who called me a slut everyday.  This actually all started when my mother's boyfriend dumped her and she had to come home to my father and us children.  I was eleven. 
I spend a lot of time trying to mend my life.  Every time I think it is good, someone lets me know because he was on top he did all the work. 
Sometimes I do not know how to make things better. 


tendai

  • Guest
Re: hello...
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2008, 10:21:01 AM »
congratulations for being clean for four years blue. thats quite an achievement! please dont let those people get u down.   why doesnt he trust you? coz of what your family says?  you need to avoid negative energy honey, its so exhausting believe me.  surround yourself with love and warmth and things that make you happy.  better be alone than unhappy.  and your man better be thankful u dont beat him down, so what if he;s on top ( i take it u mean financially, coz i was having dirty images in my head :)  )  dont u let him bully you.  have u tried talking to your family and telling them how u feel? coz if they cant listen to you then maybe its best u do ignore them until they give you the respect you deserve.  just my thoughts...
sending you a great big (((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,626
  • Diagnosed + 1989
Re: hello...
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2008, 12:13:39 PM »
Hey Blue,

I'm also a recovering addict (this time for three years).  I used for years and years (too many to count, in other words), different drugs.  I know the struggle it is to try to improve in the early days of recovery, and I commend you on your accomplishments.

My advice to you is to seek professional counseling.  Just from your post, you seem to have a lot of unresolved issues (like is what usually happens in early recovery) that need professional counseling.  I'm not saying you can't come here and vent; I just think that adding a therapist (besides us) would be a good idea.  Please, take care of you.  You deserve a good life, truly.

Do you have a sponsor?  If so, have you talked these things over with her?  Do you go to meetings?  I'm just thinking of a few ideas that might give you a bit of immediate relief by talking to "live" people.  Please let us know how you're doing.  We do care.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: hello...
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2008, 06:41:51 PM »
Bleu---
I am just feeling alone.  Life is not all too easy any more since I started trying to handle my responsibilities a couple of years ago.  I think we all feel alone at one point in our lives especially when something is going on that people can't relate to. It is always easier for some folks to put another down than congratulate them on trying to change.

This September 17 I have been clean of drugs for four years.  I used for two years and six months.  No one recognizes I am clean long enough to tell people anything else , but I am an addict.  My alcoholic sisters and mother tell people I am a drug addict.  Congrats on being clean. My father was a recovering alcoholic when he was alive and always told people he was. And in effect you will always be a recovering addict no matter how long you have clean so don't be ashamed that they are calling you an addict. To me, it is the kettle calling the pot black considering that they are still alcoholics, be proud of the fact that you are clean and you got the help you needed


My boyfriend is also always on top.  I am a bit insecure about the fact he wieghs 150 and I wiegh 180.  So being on top might not be too good. 
His advice is to ignore my family and just be with him.  Only I told him of my past and family so he does not trust me!  I have to admit that I was thinking dirty like Tendai with you saying he is always on top. I agree with him that you should ignore your family but how can you be with him if he does not trust you? If a relationship doesn't have trust then it is bound to fail but that is just my opinion.
I have put on somewhere between five or ten pounds, but it feels better to be fat than be verbally abused by my family.  I grew up as a thin young girl in a house full of obese women who called me a slut everyday.  This actually all started when my mother's boyfriend dumped her and she had to come home to my father and us children.  I was eleven.  It sounds to me that your family was jealous of an eleven year old girl  instead of taking responsibility for being over weight


I spend a lot of time trying to mend my life.  Every time I think it is good, someone lets me know because he was on top he did all the work. 
Sometimes I do not know how to make things better.  Not sure what you mean by he's always on top and he did all the work, but those people have not been through what you have and since they are not part of the solution, don't let them be part of the problem. Don't give them that power over you. Once they see you are changing your life for the better, they will probably still hate on you, it's what haters do. Don't let them get to you. Keep your head up!!!!


Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
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