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Author Topic: letting nature take its course  (Read 4723 times)

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Offline nolife69

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  • Posts: 4
letting nature take its course
« on: September 11, 2008, 04:09:25 PM »
i am on the verge of letting nature takes it course...i honestly dont know if i can go on anymore...i am considering quality of quantity of life...considering quitting all my meds so i can have 2 yrs of quality life instead of 20 years of sleeping...n e one else feel this way?

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: letting nature take its course
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2008, 04:24:43 PM »
I have felt this way before , then I realized there is nothing natural about allowing myself to die of hiv .

I also came to realize that in my case depression was sapping me of my energy more than HIV was . I urge you to keep posting and sharing with us that have so much in common with what you are dealing with . How long have you been POZ . ? Please share some more of your story with us . Maybe if you have the kind of support and the benefit of a qualified counselor you may find things to be a Little more bearable .... Hang in there , I did and I'm glad for it every day .... Jeff

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: letting nature take its course
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2008, 04:31:36 PM »
i am on the verge of letting nature takes it course...i honestly dont know if i can go on anymore...i am considering quality of quantity of life...considering quitting all my meds so i can have 2 yrs of quality life instead of 20 years of sleeping...n e one else feel this way?

No I don't feel that way, but I support you in your decision . . .

. . . . provided you understand what you're doing. Whilst the whole "kwitting mah medz to show the wurld a thing or two" is attractive the eventually the only one who gets a hard lesson is you.Having no T cells sucks. It's nearly impossible to get 'em back and if you do they don't work properly anways.

MtD

Offline nolife69

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: letting nature take its course
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2008, 04:34:40 PM »
diagnosed in 2003, my ex of 12 yrs cheated and brought home hiv, syphillis, hpv and god knows what else to me...i am on truvada, reyataz,norvir, xanax,celexa,doxycycline,mupiricin,aldara,milk thistle, probiotics and multivitamins, my car was stolen 3 days before last xmas, i recently lost my job, my home, my friends, and now at 40 yrs old, i am living in my parents home...right now i am dealing MRSA or some kind of skin infection cuz my doc cant seem to take a proper culture...my LMHC seems to only want to talk about herself and i now have no income...i appreciate your reply, but quite honestly, i dont know why i am here, i tried a local support group and the leader came on to me, soc sec dis has put me on a 2 yr waiting list, my lawyer could care less, i am just so tired.

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: letting nature take its course
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2008, 04:48:42 PM »
It seems we have more in common than I anticipated ... My Ex. cheated , I lost my job my home and had to move back to Alabama from California so my family could help me . I'm 46 with a difficult to treat skin condition that took 6 years to diagnose and I really wanted to die at one point .

I know its not easy , I have been there also . I now have my life back after some very dark days of struggles . I hated it when people told me  it will get better in time ... but it did .

You have come to the right place for support .     

Offline nolife69

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: letting nature take its course
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2008, 04:55:28 PM »
thanks, i just dont know if i am in the right state of mind for this...my parents are gonna come home from being away all summer and they are gonna see a completely different side of me, i dont want to do this to my mother...i feel like i have bugs crawling on me all the time, and if i scratch, i re-infect myself. My doc is certain its MRSA, but i'm not convinced it is...the nurse said it wasnt...so who knows...i just dont know if i really can go on with all these toxic meds...

Offline Jeff G

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  • Posts: 10,876
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: letting nature take its course
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2008, 05:02:42 PM »
I found a dermatologist that knows a thing or two about how to treat HIV POZ People.
My skin condition turned out to be a simple yeast infection of the skin , now its healing after many years .

I was told it was MRSA , flat warts and all kinds of dreadfull things .

If you ever need to talk just PM me , got to go now bud ... Later ... Jeff 

Offline weasel

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  • Posts: 1,645
Re: letting nature take its course
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2008, 11:57:11 PM »
hey NOLIFE ,
                   your storey is ALMOST my storey !

   take your time !

   being DEAD is FOREVER ! , GOT   IT  ?  ,   FOREVER !

  My life turned to CRAP  when I was told I had AIDS !

well   four years later it is NOT perfect , but a few good days is way better than a lot

of shitty days because you want to be a baby !

   I know it is easy to blame everybody  and anybody for the PICKLE we are in , BUT  life

 goes on .

 Your Family is there for YOU !

 let them  help , things get BETTER  a little at a time .

the first couple of years i was on meds I felt like crap ,ALL THE TIME !

But it goes away and things get to a more normalized state !

 OH how luckey you are to have parents to be there for you !

 Get down and kiss thier feet !
God  has blessed you .


 i hope in your next posts  we will hear you are doing  better !

 what if you had no choice !
 the 80's were Hell , but a lot of us made it  and are thriving !

                                                     best of luck , karl
« Last Edit: September 11, 2008, 11:59:31 PM by weasel »
" Live and let Live "

Offline Bucko

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  • Posts: 1,947
  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: letting nature take its course
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2008, 12:50:06 PM »
thanks, i just dont know if i am in the right state of mind for this...my parents are gonna come home from being away all summer and they are gonna see a completely different side of me, i dont want to do this to my mother...i feel like i have bugs crawling on me all the time, and if i scratch, i re-infect myself. My doc is certain its MRSA, but i'm not convinced it is...the nurse said it wasnt...so who knows...i just dont know if i really can go on with all these toxic meds...

NL-

You've obviously got a lot going on, and when that happens, it's really difficult to get a sense of balance and direction. Trust me, I understand everything you're going through.

Here are some ideas that have really helped me out this last year:

The first thing that will help you is to cut yourself some slack. Wounded pride is never a flattering look, and it's not doing you any favors right now at all. Realize that, though hardly ideal, living back at home is an excellent situation for you. It frees you from the stress of trying to support yourself at a time when you really can't. 

Do an inventory of all the good and bad that's happened in the last 20 years: all of it. Somewhere in there you'll find that you once had greater resources than you do now. Reconstruct in your mind what worked, and how far it brought you. You'll probably not be able to use the identical strategies now (things are very different), but reminding yourself of past success and how it was achieved might reorient your mind away from a sense of failure and doubt. Give yourself a couple of weeks for this. You're in no rush.

You need to break down the fears into manageable, bite-sized pieces. Staring at a seemingly insolvable dilemma in all its ferocity is too daunting a task. Your challenges will remain insurmountable as long as they remain monolithic.

Be better to yourself. Treat yourself to special indulgences that really make a difference to you. Maybe it's an afternoon getting lost on YouTube, maybe it's time for a Jackie Collins cycle, or maybe it's time to start taking long walks.

Look at this time as a chance to explore and implement new habits. The old ones might have worked for a while, but they're doing nothing for you now.       
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline AndyArrow

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,196
Re: letting nature take its course
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2008, 04:22:16 PM »
nolife,

I can relate to alot of what you are going through and I my heart reaches out to you.

I think about stopping my meds all the time and like you said let nature take its course.  Fortunately, in my more rational moments I know that isnt the answer and have started seeing a therapist and I dropped prozac and am trying Effexor to see if that is any better.

It sounds like you need to find yourself a new therapist.  Just as every drug isn't riight for everyone neither is every therapist.  If she isn't helping find someone who will listen.  Where I live if you meet certain income requirements the state will cover the cost of therapy so you might want to look into that since it sounds like money is also an issue.

I hope things start looking better.  Keep everyone posted, there are people here who care about you.

Hugs & Stuff
AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

 


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