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Author Topic: Help... I just got my result...  (Read 27076 times)

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Offline prayerblue

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  • Posts: 123
Help... I just got my result...
« on: September 18, 2008, 05:36:45 PM »
I am well versed in the "am I?" forum, but I just got my bloodwork in today... it was positive reactive.

I didn't cry as much as I thought I would, but my world feels like it's crumbling... this is where I guess I hope someone here can give me some advice that makes me not think I'll be dead very soon.

Please... I'm not going to lie and say I'm planning on killing myself, but I've been losing so much weight that I can't imagine I'm not already dying of something internally beside this... and I hear so many bad things about seroconversion being an indicator of your prognosis...

Someone, anyone, please help me...

Offline loop78

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  • Posts: 147
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2008, 06:58:10 PM »
Hi Blue,

First of all, if I'm not mistaken you just had a reactive ELISA. You need to have it confirmed with a WB, until then it cannot be said for sure whether you're infected or not.

Second: do not panic. No matter what's the final result of the WB this is not the end of the world.

I've been there, all of us here have, and though it feels totally overwhelming in the beginning, things do get better.

Try not to worry about seroconversion or other symptoms. In the worst case, you just got infected, so the virus has not made real damage to your immune system yet, and prognosis right now with current meds is really good, you can live a normal life no matter what the result of the WB is.

I'm sending you a big hug!
« Last Edit: September 18, 2008, 07:11:08 PM by loop78 »

Offline prayerblue

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  • Posts: 123
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2008, 07:07:06 PM »
That's kind of you to say, it really is... I tend to want to think that way, but everyone at the clinic said it was a done deal just like they said to my b/f (who is positive...) AND she confirmed the weight loss to be a huge indicator... also said my throat was real red and that she couldn't find any nodes that were obvious...

I just would like to say I need some friends right now... cause I just can't fight this alone, and right now I feel really weak... She also gave me the mother of all swabbings down there... God, that hurt!

Point is... I just don't want to die of HIV... I want to live a normal life... anyone think that's hard to do?

Offline loop78

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  • Posts: 147
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2008, 07:19:59 PM »
Well, you had a positive ELISA, so it's likely you're infected. However that "likely" is not "100% sure" until the ELISA is confirmed with a WB.

Symptoms are not an indicator of anything, blue. Specially when, as you are, someone is suffering from stress and anxiety. Do not beat yourself up, you'll be ok in any case.

It's a good idea to be with friends meanwhile, and do not let yourself fall into irrational thinking... People who become infected nowadays have a great prognosis and can live a normal life.

Hugs!

Offline prayerblue

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  • Posts: 123
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2008, 07:24:04 PM »
Sorry to ask this, but is it irrational of me to think my days are numbered as a result? Seriously, it's all that goes through my mind and the fact I only have insurance til 25 (and then won't qualify after...) scares the hell out of me...

Offline komnaes

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  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2008, 08:33:30 PM »
Hi Blue,

All of our days are "numbered", it's just a matter of how big or small that number is for you. With new meds, statistically the average "number" has increased significantly; but no one can know what's that number for me, for you, but not freaking out and start taking care of oneself seems to help.

I would not go as far as saying that it's a "done deal", but while there's a chance of a false positive no matter how small it's, they'd still need to confirm your status with a WB test. And frankly I think it's inappropriate for that person (the "she" you referred to) to say that the weight loss is a "huge indicator". If she's not a qualified doctor, she's in no position to make that call, consider the clinic has only done one ELISA test for you.

You'd need to be more specific about your insurance issues - I am assuming you're in the US; there are many folks here can offer more advises on getting assistance and the right medical attention. And there are many support groups/organizations too.

Hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline prayerblue

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  • Posts: 123
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2008, 08:50:23 PM »
I mean I won't have insurance after I'm 25 cause my mom's work lets me ride on as a student... But I guess that's the least of my worries... Gosh, to be honest, komnaes, I was a little worried when I read your CD4 thing is 400's just after conversion... does it slip real fast?

I'm sorry... just really, really, really terrified right now... I'm 23 right now and so afraid of dying in general, but that I have what is seen as either terminal or chronic illness is scary to me.

I'm in Texas... what good places for advice and support can I find, or point me to where I can find them?

Offline Assurbanipal

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2008, 10:03:34 PM »
Hi prayerblue

Try not to worry a lot about the long term future.  A lot of the scariest things you have read about living and dying with HIV apply to how things were in the past or to people who didn't realize they were infected for years.  The newer drugs and treatments are really much improved.  Recent studies have shown that life expectancy is pretty close to normal for people in the West who find out they are poz relatively soon after infection.

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=21859.msg279890#msg279890

In fact, the chance of dying in the first 5 years no different from the general population, and for years after that the additional risk due to HIV infection is very small.  So relax and take it slow; you have plenty of time to figure out what the next steps are.  Your most important things to worry about right now are finishing up your testing and, if poz, establishing a relationship with a doctor you can trust.

You may want to take a break from HIV for a week or two -- but when you are ready to read more, the lessons on this site are great.
http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Introduction_4702.shtml


Good luck to you
Assurbanipal

5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline hotpuppy

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  • Posts: 555
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2008, 11:18:46 PM »
Okay, first things first, take a deep breath... scream, cry, get the tension out.

Now, that done, let's just pretend for a second that your results come back poz.  You can expect to live a pretty normal lifespan if you take care of your body, eat right, and dont' fall into a pit of drugs and drunkenness. 

I don't know what part of Texas you are in, but it's a great place to be poz.  Not that I am out recruiting folks... but it can always be worse.  If you are not in a major city, I'd suggest getting to one.  There are alot of poz guys in Austin, Dallas, and Houston.  I live in Houston and have a pretty extensive network of poz guys and poz friendly guys.  I don't tolerate people who have a problem with my poz status, I also don't wear it on my sleeve.  It's a need to know thing, just like my being gay.  You ask, I'll Tell, you bitch I'll tell you off.  Life's too short for me to let someone else bring me down.  Besides I have plenty of guys to date who will send me up and down anyhow!  :)

Your mileage may vary, but I look at being poz as switching dating pools.  Now a month ago I would have told you I wouldn't consider dating a neg guy.  Of course, luck has a strange way of paying me back.... you see I met a really nice, wonderful, and sexy guy last week who is neg and when he found out I was poz he didn't vanish. 

anyhow, there is so much out there for you.  Knowledge is your most important tool.  Don't blindly trust what I say, or what anyone including your doc says.  You need to understand treatment options and implications.  Ask questions, seek answers and make sure you participate.

HIV is more like diabetes than it is cancer.  HIV can kill you if you ignore it, but if you treat it you can have a pretty normal life.

As for insurance, not to worry.  Worst case you will be able to get insurance through the Texas High Risk pool.  You are guaranteed access, even though it's a bit pricey it beats nothing.  If you get a job where they offer insurance you can switch from your mom's insurance to that insurance and they can't reject you.

First things first, If you are poz you need to go to a class that helps you with what you need to know about HIV, treatment, and staying healthy.  Legacy Community Health in Houston teaches a class twice a week.  If you need their contact info I would be happy to put you in touch with Barbara who is the coordinator for the classes.  Just PM me.

Second, my experience with HIV is that it has made me appreciate life more than I ever did before.  It made me acutely aware that life is finite and that each day should be appreciated and lived fully.  I used to be conservative with my choices.  Now I tend to act and do things I'll enjoy just so I can enjoy them.  I'm more laid back with my friends and much more likely to try something new.  In short I'm hellbent on enjoying life and I refuse to let HIV make me miserable.  That's not to say I don't have my ups and downs.  when I'm down I just ask myself what good it will do and set my sights on being in a good mood.

Hopefully your bf will be there to comfort you.  If not, the rest of us here on the forums will give you differing points of view that you can use to make your own decisions..

There are also lots of social things in the poz community.  This weekend is the all Texas poz campout for example.  it's a great chance to go camping in a safe and private environment with other poz guys and relax.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Offline komnaes

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  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2008, 02:17:51 AM »
Hi Blue,

Actually my numbers are rather stable (I haven't added the new one that has bounced up a bit). But how I am doing is of course no indicator as to how you are and will be doing. This virus behaves differently in different people, and it's just the way you have to accept it. Meaning - don't compare yourself to others, just FOCUS on yourself.

Again, as Puppy has advised, take a deep breath, follow-up with a WB confirmation test. There are a few fellow Texans here who will be able to point you to resources and support groups that you may need. We have all gone through this and know how hard it is - but trust us, thousands of HIV positive people like me and many here are able to ride it out and carry on.

Hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline prayerblue

  • Member
  • Posts: 123
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2008, 06:17:46 AM »
So if this is a terribly recent (July 12) infection, and I just seroconverted, is this where I'm gonna have a long while before it would even progress to AIDS? That's what I'm most scared of, so many places say once you have the virus nothing will stop it from progressing to AIDS...

Offline loop78

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  • Posts: 147
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2008, 06:56:51 AM »
First of all, chances are you would never progress to AIDS. That's why there is medication and periodic blood tests, to monitor how the immune system is doing on his own to fight the virus, so medication can be started before progress to AIDS happens. Nowadays HIV only progresses to AIDS if not treated properly.

Anyway, the average time from infection to AIDS is said to be around 8 years in absence of medication. Your mileage may vary, though.

Offline tag_man08

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  • Posts: 118
  • Keep Dreaming!!!
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #12 on: September 19, 2008, 07:41:41 AM »
I've been positive for a year now.  The best advise given to me was to not change anything.  Continue to be YOU.  Its gonna take some time to settle into this new diagnosis, but every day you will get up and continue.  If you need 30mins to cry about it, then cry.  Each day will go by and you will cry less until you wake up and look in the mirror and see the same person as you were before your diagnosis.  Followup with your doctor every month and when the time comes for you to consider meds then he/she will let you know.  Remember there is a great deal of support here for you.  Look for a mentor in the http://mentor.poz.com   

It sounds like you would benefit from talking more with someone how's been around >20years with HIV.  One of my best friends was there for me when I got my results and he helped me out alot.  He has been around 21years dealing with HIV (He became HIV+ around 24.)  I am assuming your boyfriend is recently HIV+ too, so considered a mentor for both of you.   A BIG hug to you....
08/30/07:  The HIV diagnosis...
09/07/07:  CD4 299 (21%)  VL 160K
01/07/08:  CD4 396 (26%)  VL 125K
04/21/08:  CD4 478 (25%)  VL 92K
09/03/08:  CD4 313 (23%)  VL 10K
11/03/08:  CD4 338 (23%)  VL 30K
11/21/08:  Isentress & Truvada
12/05/08:  CD4 485 (29%)  VL  undetectable in two weeks
03/13/09:  CD4 575 (30%)  VL  undetectable

Offline prayerblue

  • Member
  • Posts: 123
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2008, 08:14:07 AM »
Thanks, guys... I just need to figure out what to do... even this minute, I feel my stomach is in knots and like I'm paralyzed with fear...

Offline RapidRod

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  • Posts: 15,288
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2008, 09:20:31 AM »
The first thing you do is get a confirmative test done. Until then you are not considered positive.

Offline jennynyc7

  • Member
  • Posts: 146
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #15 on: September 19, 2008, 10:19:52 AM »
I was told that too...unfortunately all it did was get my hopes up. I know you mean well Rod and are just giving good info. I got one of my tests done at the health dept and they do WB there, actually everywhere I went to get tested, which was quite a few places, automatically did a WB. So when people told me that I needed a confirmative test to be sure, I got so excited, when in actuallity the confirmative test had already been done. I remember calling all the testing sites and being crushed when they said, yes mam, an Elisa is always followed up by a confirmative western blot (I am only speaking about KY). Anyway, not trying to be a downer, I am always optimisitc, so I urge you to be, but also don't get overly excited, you will only be setting yourself up for possible heartache.
12/24/07-infected
1/3/08-ARS began
2/12/08-diagnosed
Initial Vl=99000
CD4=585
2/14/08-began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
3/01/08=Swapped Reyataz for Viramune
5/1/08:     vl= undetectable
                cd4=1250
10/24/08:  vl=undetectable
                cd4=1172 (55%)

12/4/08:    vl=254 (hopefully just a small blip)
                cd4=1234

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #16 on: September 19, 2008, 10:45:11 AM »
Jenny, unfortunately, not every testing center confirms with a WB before informing the patient that they tested positive. Blue does need to find out if one has been run. If he was tested with a rapid blood or saliva test, chances are that he still needs to have a WB to confirm the diagnosis. He hasn't said what sort of test was run so it's good that it has been pointed out to him to make sure he's been confirmed via a WB.

Blue, have you had WB confirmation? False positive ELISAs can and do happen. Good luck.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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  • Posts: 123
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #17 on: September 19, 2008, 10:58:34 AM »
They sent off for one, this was at a Planned Parenthood. It was a uni-gold rapid 10 minute test... I just feel ill in my stomach and that my life is a number of weeks or days now... sorry, I know I'm wavering but it's hitting me when I was already feeling ill...

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #18 on: September 19, 2008, 11:03:16 AM »
As you were already told a positive test has to be confirmed before you are actually confirmed positive.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2008, 11:08:02 AM »
They sent off for one

I take it you mean they sent off for a WB? When do you get the result?
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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  • Posts: 123
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #20 on: September 19, 2008, 11:11:13 AM »
She said next Friday... I guess what concerns me is there was no counseling or anything, and they just told me I had it and scooted me out after... and no info on what to do or how I can keep healthy and so I'm so afraid of dying early.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #21 on: September 19, 2008, 11:18:08 AM »
Look mate, you're not going to die tomorrow, not because of hiv anyway.

I would advise you to see if you can't find some counseling independently while you wait for the WB result - or possibly go somewhere else where you can get your result earlier. Until you have confirmation, you aren't considered hiv positive.

Go to http://directory.poz.com/ and find another testing center near you - and find your local ASO so you can find someone to talk to face-to-face.

Good luck.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #22 on: September 19, 2008, 11:21:16 AM »
I feel my stomach is in knots and like I'm paralyzed with fear...

Which is why you're not eating, and why you've lost weight.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #23 on: September 19, 2008, 11:35:57 AM »
When I do a search, a few pop up but I've no idea which are counselors and most seem like testing centers... Will everyone get KS and OI's as a result of being positive? Is medicine eventually not working inevitable?

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #24 on: September 19, 2008, 11:46:58 AM »
Will everyone get KS and OI's as a result of being positive? Is medicine eventually not working inevitable?

No and no.

I thought you said your boyfriend is positive?  Where is he going for counseling, etc.?  You are over-worrying yourself with these incessant questions.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #25 on: September 19, 2008, 12:48:38 PM »
He's going somewhere here in town, but he didn't get counseling as far as I was aware... just a few blood tests... Sorry, I really am worried about dying...

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #26 on: September 19, 2008, 12:56:58 PM »
He's going somewhere here in town, but he didn't get counseling as far as I was aware... just a few blood tests... Sorry, I really am worried about dying...

Posting obsessively on an internet message board is not going to help you resolving the fact that you're not 100% sure that you're even infected (as stated REPEATEDLY above you need the WB results).

Again, you repeatedly complain about "being alone" but you have a POSITIVE boyfriend.  I sure wish I'd been in that position when I tested positive 15 years ago.

What does he say about this situation?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline jennynyc7

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #27 on: September 19, 2008, 01:18:38 PM »
Were'nt some, if not all of us in his same position long ago, or maybe even just recently, like me?  Waiting on the results of an HIV antibody test alone is stressful, let alone waiting on a confirmatory test when you know that you had a real risk. Again, since I am so new, the feelings I had during that two week period of uncertainty was worse than getting the news itself. Nobody (the medical personnel) could offer me any information and all I wanted was to talk to someone who knew about HIV/AIDS firsthand (I did not find this site at that time) to ease my mind. I know I am "nobody" here and am gonna get some slack for posting this but it really bothers me how some of us have a little less compassion in a real time of need. Is this forum here to limit the amount of questions someone may ask, to berate someone if their question seems unreasonable or is it here to be a pillar of strength, of knowledge and of some compassion for those reaching out to us?  Myself, I hope to be of any help, as little as it may be, to anyone, no matter what they ask and how many times they ask it. I feel that is what I am here for.

J
12/24/07-infected
1/3/08-ARS began
2/12/08-diagnosed
Initial Vl=99000
CD4=585
2/14/08-began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
3/01/08=Swapped Reyataz for Viramune
5/1/08:     vl= undetectable
                cd4=1250
10/24/08:  vl=undetectable
                cd4=1172 (55%)

12/4/08:    vl=254 (hopefully just a small blip)
                cd4=1234

Offline atlq

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #28 on: September 19, 2008, 02:20:12 PM »
When I do a search, a few pop up but I've no idea which are counselors and most seem like testing centers... 

Blue,

Then give them a call and ask.......waiting for confirmation is hard, believe me we've all been there. But spending the time productively (seeking out some counseling etc...) is going to be better for you and make the wait shorter.
ďKeep up the good work....   And God bless you.Ē
  --  Sarah Palin, to members of the Alaskan Independence Party, 2008

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #29 on: September 19, 2008, 03:13:25 PM »
jennynyc7, maybe it would help if you read the posters previous posts in the "Am I Infected" forum before you go jumping the gun.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #30 on: September 19, 2008, 03:20:49 PM »
jennynyc7, maybe it would help if you read the posters previous posts in the "Am I Infected" forum before you go jumping the gun.

Yep.  That's exactly what I did before coming into this thread. 
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #31 on: September 19, 2008, 03:35:40 PM »
prayerblue, you said you live in Texas but that's a VERY big state -- if you can tell others what large city you live in or near that would assist others in locating an ASO that can better assist you.  We have board members that live in about every large metro area of Texas.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline jennynyc7

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #32 on: September 19, 2008, 03:48:10 PM »
Yes, I read his previous posts, sure he asked several questions, some even being off the wall, however, when you aren't thinking straight because of a bad situation, sometimes you don't think rationally, that is what we call fear. Fear does strange things to people. Bottome line is, his partner is confirmed positive and he has a positive elisa reaction, and yes he is not technically poz until he is confirmed but come on. I did the same thing, I got sick in january, got tested, it came back indeterminate, my fiance got tested and was poz and my dr's said for me to test again at 6wks. Sure that is what all the "books" say, "don't consider yourself pos until a WB confirmatory",  but let's be real. I KNEW it was not a freak coincidence and I don't think this guy think so either. He is, and has been coming here looking for help, as absurd as some if the help he is asking may be. I know that before I was officially diagnosed, NOBODY would see me until I had it documented on paper, so there I sat, scouring the internet looking for answers. I am sure if I would have joined this group I would have come across as "annoying" as well because I could not think straight. I completely understand these kind of responses in the Am I forum but here? Anyway, I am getting off of my soap box now.

j
12/24/07-infected
1/3/08-ARS began
2/12/08-diagnosed
Initial Vl=99000
CD4=585
2/14/08-began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
3/01/08=Swapped Reyataz for Viramune
5/1/08:     vl= undetectable
                cd4=1250
10/24/08:  vl=undetectable
                cd4=1172 (55%)

12/4/08:    vl=254 (hopefully just a small blip)
                cd4=1234

Offline atlq

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #33 on: September 19, 2008, 04:05:05 PM »
? Anyway, I am getting off of my soap box now.

 


....so maybe we can get back to answering the original poster?.... Just sayin'....
ďKeep up the good work....   And God bless you.Ē
  --  Sarah Palin, to members of the Alaskan Independence Party, 2008

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #34 on: September 19, 2008, 05:43:39 PM »
atlq- thanks for redirecting back to the topic...

philly- I'm in the San Antonio metro area... there's a specialist hospital in Austin, but that's too far for me :( so I'd love to know what to do from some of the Texan members...

jenny- thanks... you made me smile a bit, actually. I hope to talk more with you, because even just 24 hours in you've given me some hope and perspective.

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #35 on: September 19, 2008, 07:46:36 PM »
oh, and guys... is it true if ARS hit you hard you'll progress quicker naturally? that's what i'm most afraid of, or that i have a hard strain to treat...

Offline atlq

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #36 on: September 19, 2008, 07:58:50 PM »
oh, and guys... is it true if ARS hit you hard you'll progress quicker naturally? that's what i'm most afraid of, or that i have a hard strain to treat...

No. I went through a a pretty bad seroconversion and a decade an a half later ( as I remember), am here, fine, and typing away. You are not even sure yet that you are positive. Nothing is going to happen to you between now and next week when you get your results.


ďKeep up the good work....   And God bless you.Ē
  --  Sarah Palin, to members of the Alaskan Independence Party, 2008

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #37 on: September 19, 2008, 08:04:13 PM »
thanks atlq... really... i guess it just scares me to read about liver or renal failure, KS, OI's, pills being less effective, classes of pills no longer working... etc... but my docs said i need to research, so where do i start that won't scare the shit out of me?

Offline atlq

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #38 on: September 19, 2008, 08:10:56 PM »
Why in the world would your doctors suggest you "research" the topics you have mentioned when

1) You are not yet sure you are positive.


As with all things in life, one step at a time. If, If, your result is confirmed you will have plenty of time to research things...you have a bigger worry this week...its getting a grip on your obsessive fear.  And the first step in that process is to stop randomly reading HIV stuff on the web. Go do something else this week....seriously.
ďKeep up the good work....   And God bless you.Ē
  --  Sarah Palin, to members of the Alaskan Independence Party, 2008

Offline BT65

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #39 on: September 19, 2008, 08:26:01 PM »
thanks atlq... really... i guess it just scares me to read about liver or renal failure, KS, OI's, pills being less effective, classes of pills no longer working... etc... but my docs said i need to research, so where do i start that won't scare the shit out of me?

Prayer, I've been on meds for HIV and lots of other things for years and years and don't have problems with my liver or kidneys.  I have no idea why you're fearing things that are so out of range in the first place.

Let's wait to see how your confirmatory test is and then talk.  Like Atlq said, focus on something else this week.  I've been positive since 1989 and don't obsess over stuff like this.  You shouldn't either.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #40 on: September 19, 2008, 08:34:23 PM »
Thanks, Ms. Betty... sorry to seem like I'm too anxious, I just really want to not get AIDS... and depending on who I talk to, the answer is yes you will or no you can stop it from getting that far...

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #41 on: September 19, 2008, 09:03:01 PM »
Sorry to ask a weird question... but from looking in *the Just found out forum*, there's not a ton of recent posts like the "am i?" forum... was I just that f*in' unlucky or am I just reading too much into the fact that there's not a bunch of posters in this forum? I guess what I'm asking is, is this really that hard to get or is it just that people don't necessarily turn here or other forums for support?
« Last Edit: September 19, 2008, 09:18:59 PM by prayerblue »

Offline auspoz

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #42 on: September 19, 2008, 09:10:59 PM »
Hi Prayer,

I've been where you are now. It's not a nice place to be. When I was dignosed I was convinced that I had cancer, thrush, neuropathy and I could 'feel' the virus inside me. I lost a ton of weight, and no matter how many times people told me I was OK, I was never convinced. My mind raced out of control. But it was anxiety that was causing all that, not HIV. Really really bad anxiety, yes, like I'd never experienced before.

And gradually, I relaxed bit by bit. I saw that I was still the same, just, well, different. And all of us come to HIV with different fears for many different and complex reasons. One of my favourite quotes is "prejudice rarely survives experience". That was certainly true for me. Fear can be very powerul, but so can inner strength in the face of our fears.

Somehow I managed to go on, and you can too. I guess that's how life is. I don't know how I achieved what I did, but it is possible to move forward. And once you get your WB test, you'll know what to focus on, either way. You have a partner and you're seeking help- you're doing all the right things. Hang in there and soon you'll see that you're managing, then coping, then hopefully moving forward.

In the meantime, try to think rationally, relax, understand what it means to be diagnosed in 2008 rather than 1988, and keep seeking help. That's how you'll find the inner strength that you're having trouble finding at the moment.

In the end, you will be OK.

Auspoz
« Last Edit: September 19, 2008, 09:18:03 PM by auspoz »

Offline atlq

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #43 on: September 19, 2008, 09:12:44 PM »
Blue,


Sorry to ask a weird question... but from looking in here, there's not a ton of recent posts like the "am i?" forum... was I just that f*in' unlucky or am I just reading too much into the fact that there's not a bunch of posters in this forum? I guess what I'm asking is, is this really that hard to get or is it just that people don't necessarily turn here or other forums for support?

What are you talking about? I count no less than 12 people who have offered you advice and support for your question since yesterday....Could it be that you just don't want to hear what you are being told?.....
ďKeep up the good work....   And God bless you.Ē
  --  Sarah Palin, to members of the Alaskan Independence Party, 2008

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #44 on: September 19, 2008, 09:17:29 PM »
Oh, atlq, no I meant posters in the FORUM here, "Just found out..."

As in, I feel like there weren't a lot of people finding out lately cause they were not infected and I was just unlucky that the one time I did have sex...


Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #45 on: September 19, 2008, 09:28:00 PM »
aus-

thanks... that does make me feel a little better, because people told me i was so anxious and i said they were wrong i wasn't feeling anxious... maybe it was just so much fear i was unaware of the depths of this anxiety... i too feel worry about the neuropathy, tingling in my legs, and worry about things like dementia or progression.

but i guess i just need some guidance, even if just people telling me nothing is set in stone about me dying. i swear to all who read this i appreciate all that i've been told about a good outlook... i just fear that i'm "wasting" right now since i lost a ton of weight and there was weird spots on my arm...

Offline auspoz

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #46 on: September 19, 2008, 09:40:06 PM »
Prayer,

You are dealing with something new. It takes time to adjust. Some more than others, and to varying degrees.

Hang in there. You're just confused at the moment.

Auspoz
« Last Edit: September 19, 2008, 09:41:39 PM by auspoz »

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #47 on: September 19, 2008, 09:50:06 PM »
hey, aus... sorry to bug you, but just curious... how did you deal with the initial shock? how are you coping, and are you thriving? and i guess, just curious, the aus is not for "austin" like texas is it? lol just a shot in the dark i guess...

Offline BT65

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #48 on: September 19, 2008, 10:49:13 PM »
Sorry to ask a weird question... but from looking in *the Just found out forum*, there's not a ton of recent posts like the "am i?" forum... was I just that f*in' unlucky or am I just reading too much into the fact that there's not a bunch of posters in this forum? I guess what I'm asking is, is this really that hard to get or is it just that people don't necessarily turn here or other forums for support?

Prayer, I've responded to many posters here in this part of the forums.  The reason it doesn't get as many posters as the "Am I" is most likely because  most people in the "Am I" don't test positive.

Having HIV is not a punishment.  No one is any more lucky or unlucky than the next person.  HIV is a virus.  Viruses are transmittable.  You still aren't 100% sure yet that you are HIV+.  Just relax and think of positive ways you can deal with this if your test is positive.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline auspoz

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Re: Help... I just got my result...
« Reply #49 on: September 19, 2008, 10:57:45 PM »
In the last little while I've been coping OK thanks. I sense that you want to know when things might feel 'normal' again. I'm now convinced that that is a very individual thing.

So to answer your question about how I dealt with the shock. Not very well. I was advised to take time off work and give myself space to deal with the news. In retrospect I probably should have. But, I'm not sure that it would have helped me. Having to go on, and being forced to find a way to deal with it was possibly what I needed. I tried to think that eventually I would feel better and that the shock would wear off. Makes perfect sense but though it's hard to believe at first, it is true. I did go on meds for anxienty, then depression, but I'm wondering if I should come off those soon.

I guess the thing that helped me the most was telling my parents. That's when things changed for me. They could not be better about it, and they are my best support. But, again, that's going to be a very individual thing too.

At this stage I think I'm going OK. It's getting easier, I'm more focussed, and I am realising that life goes on. Am I thriving yet? No, but I'm planning to. There's now space in my mind to let more productive thoughts enter my head, and I'm going to just do the best I can at being healthy, and finding out what really makes me happy.

I'm an impatient person by nature, and wanted things to be all fixed or better fast. It doesn't work that way, and we need to be patient with the process. I mean I'm talking about having to really process the statement "be kind to yourself". I had to figure out what that meant.

Don't jump the gun. Be in the now. You need to get the WB results.

Oh, and no, not Texas, Down Under.

Auspoz
« Last Edit: September 19, 2008, 10:59:43 PM by auspoz »

 


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