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Me, at 3 months

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I don't know what is the 'nadir' level.  The cd4 count starts to climb slowly after the sharp drop during initial infection.  Yet many times it does not reach the level of pre-infection.  It somehow stabilizes before starting to decrease again.  In some chaps the it drops very slowly in others it is fast.

In a way I can compare myself to you.  In my life I dated more girls than men.  I just wanted to have sex with a man because I was curious and wanted to experiment.   I started to go to a sauna in September 2005 but  3 months later I was already bored.  After these months I ended up with this bug in me. In January I had a terrible influenza but it turned out to be primary infection of hiv. My cd4 crushed to 154 and viral load was near 700,000.  In April 2006 the viral load had dropped to 24,000 and the cd4 count climbed to 205 without any meds.  

I was so stupid.  I remember having unprotected sex only two times but I guessed I was not at any risk because I was on the top.  I was wrong ...  

Anyway, courage my friend!  I remember your energy and stamina from another thread in the way you forwarded your arguments.  I think you are strong and a real fighter ... Sometimes I need to hear something like that because it makes me hope.  When I see your fighting spirit and Matt's (Newt) optimism I really feel better,


Don't assume you'll be dead at 30, there are many long time survivors here.  I've been on meds for five years and doing quite well, at age 63 I intend to live out my life whatever it takes, assuming I don't get hit by a mack truck, LOL.  The death thing haunts us severely at first and never really goes away, but in time, it doesn't seem so inevitable.


Just stay away from public transportation ;D

  Convenience stores can be risky too after 11 pm, be careful!


Hello B99, it is Eldon. Welcome to/back to the forums. Don't fret it at all. Hell, I found out in August of 1990, was in the initial state of shock, then moved on and lived my life without meds up until recently in Feb 2006.

The Doctor says I can expect to live to old age. If you take care of yourself and use protection, and please tell the prospective partner that you are HIV, then you will be fine.

Don't feel down and blue, there is a brighter day tomorrow.



Thanks for your interesting post and giving us an update.

Having HIV offers an interesting perspective on death.  I remember that during the months leading up to when I was infected I was a bit obsessed with death.  I was depressed and just had a strange feeling that something horrible was going to happen.  I'm not saying I had a premonition.  It was just my state of mind.  I began to believe I better venture out and do some things before I die.  This was but one factor in being willing to sleep with an absolute stranger...there were many others.  A few months after I was diagnosed I seemed to achieve some serenity in regards to death.  As before it seemed to hang over me, and I would worry about it.  I seemed sure it was something that was just going to grab me out of nowhere, and i was scared of that.  But now death doesn't really worry me at all.  Of course there were times that I felt so sad and upset that I would've welcomed it.  But now death just seems like this thing that will happen and I have no opinion on the matter.  It will happen.  If it happens tomorrow, that will be okay.  If it happens 30 years from now...that's fine too.  This is not to say I intend to welcome death, nor to walk quietly into the night.  I have always been a fighter.  I guess I've come to terms with the fact that I definitely will die one day, and I'm okay with that.

I do fear pain and illness, but I somehow see that as a serperate issue from death.

I also consider myself straight.  I was infected by a transexual.  Hell, I'd still be interested in a ts, but I've never been interested in men...go figure.  Most of all I'd love to date a woman again. We're all different.  HIV makes dating hard for all of us, but so many seem to somehow find a way.  So I have hope. 

Yeah, I'm totally horny too.  I guess I'm glad to know it's going to take more than HIV to slow down my

take care,


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