Main Forums > I Just Tested Poz

"I am outed"

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Well, I figured it would happen, but not this way....

I use this site to stay mentally fit.. I will occasionally go online at work for short periods and read.  Well I didn't close the browser and a fellow associate clicked on the minimized aidsmeds....   Well,  I was not here when this happened and my boss who knows about my status advised the associate that this is Eric's business and that this goes no further.  Well,  I doubt that's going to happen..  I am bit petrified.  I let those who I trust and who understand what it is to be +ve know my status..  All I need now is to be part of a rumor mill.  Why am I frightened??  I just am...  I wish I had my Clonazopam today...  Crap!

Hello Eric, it is Eldon. We are all here to help you stay mentally fit. There are a lot of people who go online at work and they DO read for short periods of time, in fact some of them are on the site all day. Now one of your co-workers decided to go over to your desk and be "nosy as hell" to see what you are reading all of the time.

You were not there when this happend and your Boss intercepted him/her and told them that that was your business. Well, I am used to the workplace where runor control has none some time. Are you afraid the "nosy as hell" co-worker is going to start a rumor in the workplace?

If so, act completely normal like nothing is going on and IGNORE the bastard child who was getting into your business. You DO have your boss to cover your steps but he can't control the mouth of your co-worker. If the rumor starts, by all means don't get defensive at all, just handle it accordingly. Go to your Boss.

How did your Boss find out anyway? Just relate to him the outcomes and just take a wait and see attitude, the damage has been done. Hell, when I was working, I used to chat all day when I had the time to. Hope this helps.

Keep us posted and if there is anything you need let us know.

sounds like the perfect oppurtunity to experience some growth from disclosure...

Why run from this? Especially since your boss has proven his stance is right there beside YOU. when you have HIV, you have 2 choices....sink or swim. Trying to float only leads to sinking. Accept your "self" and what others think wont ever matter. You are the one who has to live in your skin Eric, no one else does, make that skin comfortable for YOU and no one else* Good Luck & God Bless

Sadly, a person's HIV status can easily become a poorly-kept secret once it's out. That's probably why disclosure of any sort is a dangerous thing. Can't un-ring that bell.

All I could suggest is that you hold your head high and not let anyone think for a moment that you have anything to be ashamed of. You don't.

I'm sorry Eric. Not being able to control who knows your status -- and even before one year has pased -- is just plain sucky. What's your opinion of this associate? Sounds like you don't necessarily trust him/her. Do you know the person well enough to talk to him/her directly, and explain just why you're wary about having your status become public? That you're not ashamed but that being "out" about being poz brings a lot of complications with it, and you want to take things one step at a time? But I guess even if the associate gives you his/her word, there's a good chance that he/she will find the temptation of whispering this bit of news to a few good friends too much to resist.

You might care a lot less in a few days and shrug it off, and let things take their course. Remember, your job is not in danger.

You could also make a general announcement, pre-empting the rumor mill. Take extra clonazepam for a few days.

You might also be surprised, if The News (as I call it) becomes public, how understanding and supportive people can be. The jerks will always be jerks, but they might be a teensy minority.

I remember reading a post from you, maybe six weeks ago, in which you said that in the small town where you live there are no secrets, everyone knows everyone etc. I guess I took that too literally, and assumed that you were "out" about this.

What does William say?

Not that this will be a consolation, but essentially the same thing happened to me. The population of the town in which I live is 60,000; there's one gay bar. I go there occasionally on weekends. Two or three times, going home with a guy, I had The Chat. The immediate response was surprise, then gratitude -- "Wow, thanks for being so honest, man!" I also said that I'd like this information to remain private. "Sure!" Of course, in a few weeks, several gay men knew. One guy came up to me (I know him in a different context) and said, "Sorry to hear that you're HIV positive." I hadn't told him. And he'd told several of his friends, assuming that "everyone" knew. Ouch!  In a way, after a few days, I was grateful: the whole coming out thing had just happened without effort on my part (I'm a lazy bugger); and it did mean that, if I were to go home with someone, I wouldn't have to have The Chat all over again.

Hope you have a good weekend, Moose, despite today's developments.  :-*



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