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Author Topic: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?  (Read 8636 times)

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Offline SoTerrified

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Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« on: September 05, 2008, 10:10:42 AM »
Last night I engaged in extremely risky sexual behavior. I know it was stupid and I'll never do anything like it again.

I am a female and I met a man from an online personals site for no strings attached sex. I made sure we used a condom for both oral and vaginal sex, but at one point he stopped and took off the condom and we rested for a while. He got hard again and suddenly penetrated me without a condom on. I immediately freaked out and asked whether he was wearing a condom. He said no and I pushed him off of me.

Is there any chance I haven't caught something? This man clearly has a lot of sex with strangers that he solicits on the internet. He also doesn't seem to be afraid of having unprotected sex. I think he may have had sex with drug users (he said another woman he had met from the site seemed like she used a lot of pills). and possibly other men (I asked him if he would ever have sex with another man and he said he hadn't but didn't seem completely turned off by the idea).

I'm extremely depressed (which is why I began this behavior) and now I am so scared. I never thought I would have unprotected sex with someone like this but I didn't know he was going to.

Any advice? What is the earliest I can be tested? I can't imagine waiting 6 months; I can't function.  I told the guy this and he seems relatively nice and sympathetic.  He told me he was clean beforehand and when I told him how worried I am he said he would try to get a printout from his doctor.  Is this even possible ? Do doctors do STD printouts?  When I have been tested before, they just told me the results over the phone.

Offline ginseng52

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2008, 10:40:48 AM »
1st of all remember the guy would have to have HIV for you to have it and you don't know that he did. Assuming that he does if he didn't ejaculate inside you I'd say your risk is quite low. I'll let some of the more knowledgeable people add their 2 cents. I don't know how recently this happen but PEP might be an option.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2008, 10:49:49 AM »
HIV is not the easiest STD to catch. Other, garden variety things like chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis are far easier to transmit, per-exposure, than HIV. HIV demands specific conditions, and even then, it's a crapshoot.

But your risk, though minimal, was real. And stranger things have happened. I am not trying to make you even more anxious, but facts are simply facts.

Were you infected? Probably not. But a full STD workup in three months (earlier of course if you experience, say, discharge or other STD symptoms) is the only way to know for sure. The Six Month Window has been obsolete for years now. An HIV test at three months will be accurate. This also coinsides with the window period for syphilis,  do it would be making sure of two pathogens at the same time.

In the meantime, there is nothing you can really do but wait. And try to distract yourself. Remember, HIV has NO straightforward, reliable symptoms. So don't assume every cold, rash, or enlarged lymph node means anything.

Most people seroconvert within six weeks past exposure, so maybe an HIv test at that point would give you a little leeway towards peace of mind. But only a test at three months is considered conclusive.

You will need to function in the meantime. Work, pay bills, eat, go to movies, whatever. Life unravels pretty quickly if you try to hide from it. Don't let the fear of a pathogen you most likely were never exposed to in the first place hurt your life. Trust me, I've seen it happen here on these forums, and it's always ugly.

Your post title asks "Is there any chance I Don't Have HIV?"

My reply, for what it's worth, is that I would be truly and seriously shocked if you did. It is extraordinarily unlikely. Another STD? I would not be exactly fainting in my chair. But HIV? Most likely not.

still, you had a minimal but real risk. And the next three months are up to you. Life goes on, whether you are rational or not, obsessing or not, worried or not. I urge you to find ways to make it go easier. After all, you have to live in your skin.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline SoTerrified

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2008, 10:57:53 AM »
Thank you for your response.

I don't think my risk is minimal, given the man I was having sex with.  If it was a normal guy I met at work or even a bar I wouldn't be so worried.  Should I trust him at all when he says he's clean?  Would seeing his results mean anything do you think?

How accurate is the test at 6 weeks?  How likely is it to test negative but really have HIV?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2008, 12:38:03 PM »
I have answered your questions already to the best of my ability.

As for the nature of the man you had sex with, I might remind you that it is the act, not the person, that transmits HIV. it is a pathogen. You might have encountered a person who is ignorant or arrogantly assumes he is immune to infection. You might have encountered a person who is HIV positive and does not know it. You might have encountered a person who knows, and does not care. You made the choice to have casual sex with what amounts to a total stranger. That he behaved inappropriately by penetrating you without a condom is a sad, but not uncommon thing to happen under such circumstances.

This site is not here for the purpose of judging either one of you. You are both adults, and both met under consensual circumstances. Trusting a complete stranger to behave according to your standards of safer sex is a risk that you took. Fortunately, you found out and reacted before the act was completed.

again, your risk was real, but minimal.

And you would be shocked at how many "normal" people you work and play with, or you meet in a bar will behave in exactly the same way. We are none of us perfect. Some of us are monsters. And at the end of the day, it is up to each of us to take care of ourselves and avoid harm.

Your test will be a good indicator at six weeks. Only a three month test is currently the US standard for a conclusive result. I am afraid that is the best I can do, science-wise, to assuage your fears.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2008, 02:13:36 PM »
And no, seeing someone else's test result(s) are not sufficient to know your own HIV status. You need your own test result taken at the appropriate waiting time as JK suggested. The odds are in your favor but only the test can tell you for sure.

You need to learn from this experience. You're responsible for your own healthcare. The HIV status of any partners you may have is irrelevant as long as the guy is always wearing a condom for intercourse. And the ideas you have about someone being likely to be healthier or more reliable if you meet him in a bar rather than online is just fanciful on your part. Great guys sometimes don't know their own HIV status accurately. So always using a condom provides you with the protection you need.

Good luck with your test.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline SoTerrified

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2008, 05:12:46 PM »
I'm not sure if this is within the scope of this message board, but I really didn't intend to have unprotected sex or want to.  You say not to have unprotected sex in the future... but is there any way I can absolutely prevent a guy from just surprising me and penetrating me without asking me or say anything?  I pushed him off as soon as I realized what was happening, but what can I do to make sure something like this never happens again?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #7 on: September 05, 2008, 05:25:18 PM »
Open your eyes and look or feel his cock. That's not hard to do.

Offline SoTerrified

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #8 on: September 05, 2008, 05:26:46 PM »
I have been reading about PEP... can you tell me more about this and do you think I should get it in my situation?

This event happened about 15 hours ago.

Offline SoTerrified

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2008, 05:38:29 PM »
Rapid,

We were just lying there and he just did it unexpectedly.  It was a matter of me not knowing he was going to do it... I didn't think he'd do such a thing.  Aside from never getting into bed with a guy, what can I do to make sure this never happens again?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2008, 05:41:08 PM »
How about making sure you know your bed partners.

Offline SoTerrified

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #11 on: September 06, 2008, 03:51:33 PM »
Hi everyone I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm still extremely worried.  :(

I have been browsing this message board and almost all of the threads from people worried about having HIV are from people who have no risk whatsoever, such as people who had oral unprotected, or even protected oral, or masturbated, or had protected sex, or men who had unprotected sex, which puts them at lower risk than me.

I just feel so bad and stupid because I feel that I have engaged in the riskiest behavior possible and that no one would ever be as stupid to do what I have done (unproected sex as a female) and if all these people who have had protected sex or oral sex and are worried, I should be EXTREMELY worried and definitely have it.

I am so scare I don't think I can continue on.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #12 on: September 06, 2008, 03:58:22 PM »
Then I suggest you seek professional counseling until you have your conclusive test result. We’ve given you the facts and you need to deal with it.

Offline SoTerrified

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #13 on: September 06, 2008, 10:29:09 PM »
Should I get PEP?  It is within the window time...

Please help!

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #14 on: September 07, 2008, 02:00:18 AM »
I am sorry you are afraid. Thing is, PEP is really optimally used within 24 hours past the incident. Given your relatively low risk, I cannot imagine a doctor prescribing PEP for you. Perhaps you will find one who Will.

If so, good luck. The side effects of the drugs can be rather debilitating, and studies show that less than half of those who initiate PEP actually finish the whole month.

It's your call. We have honestly done the best we can for you here.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline SoTerrified

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #15 on: October 08, 2008, 01:18:13 PM »
Hi everyone,

Once again thanks for all the replies.  I don't know if anyone remembers my story, but I tested today (used an OraQuik rapid test) and it was negative.  Since it's only been about 5 weeks, does anyone know who accurate this would be?  (I know I have to test again at 3 months).  I also tested for chlamydia and gonorrhea (the doctor didn't think I had much of a risk factor for Hepatitis C since I don't have anal sex and it's transmitted through blood) and I should get those results back in 2 weeks.  Wish me luck!

Offline Ann

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #16 on: October 08, 2008, 02:22:14 PM »
So,

Your result is not likely to change when you re-test at three months. Good luck!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline SoTerrified

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Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #17 on: October 14, 2008, 01:48:48 PM »
I'm not sure if this is outside of the scope of this board, but I tested negative for gonorrhea and chlamydia (thank god!)  Is it necessary to test for syphilis?

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Is there any chance I don't have HIV?
« Reply #18 on: October 14, 2008, 02:59:46 PM »
So,

You should have had a FULL sexual health screen. If you do decide to test for syphilis, it shares a three month window with hiv, so you can test when you go for your three month hiv confirmatory test.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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