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Author Topic: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....  (Read 3473 times)

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Offline Blixer

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  • Posts: 712
Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« on: September 16, 2008, 11:44:57 PM »
Just over 16 months ago I started a thread about relationships.  At that point I had been diagnosed just over a year.  I started that post by stating "I've found it very difficult to even begin to think about dating and relationships since my diagnosis.  I know others have mentioned this too.  I've felt a bit isolated and I know I do part of it to myself."

Here is the link to that original topic http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=12201.0

Well, in the past 16 months I've done a lot of soul searching. I've tried to do some dating.  I've had some real disappointments.  I recall numerous times I'd email a friend after putting myself out there and meeting someone and saying "why do I even try?"  I was really about to the point of thinking that maybe I was expecting too much.  Maybe I should just give up on the concept of meeting anyone or maybe I should just settle for something that I knew was not really what I wanted.

And then 2 months ago, out of the blue, I got a message from a guy on poz.com.  Most of my experiences with the personals ads had been less than stellar. I  almost just passed on this one.  But something said I should give it a try.  His name was Jeff and he lived a few miles from my house in St. Louis.  We agreed to meet for dinner on a Saturday night.  I was a bit delayed because parking and traffic were horrible and I had to park about 6 blocks away.  Walking to the restaurant, I noticed this cute guy about half a block in front of me. I thought, "humm, I wonder if that's Jeff."  As it turned out, it was.  We met for dinner at 8 PM and suddenly it was 11:30 and we were nearly the only people left in the restaurant.  The goodnight kiss was amazing and we agreed to meet for a bike ride the next day. The 10 AM bike ride turned into spending nearly the rest of the day together.

To make a longer story short, we saw each other the following weekend and he had flowers for me.  The next day I spent the entire day fixing a romantic dinner for him.  The more we talked, the more we realized that there was a very strong connection between us.  Very quickly those walls I had built up over the years started coming down and I could tell this man was stealing my heart.  He was so easy to be around.  We had different backgrounds, but enough similar interests that there was a strong connection.  After 3 weeks, he had a toothbrush at my house and I had one at his house.  Except for his work schedule, we would spend the entire weekend together ( I work out of town so I'm only in the city on weekends).  There was such an immediate trust in each other and we opened up to each other so easily.

He is a gorgeous man with the most beautiful brown eyes and such a fantastic smile.  He is easy going and he treats me better than I've ever been treated by anyone.  And if I had my list of what I was looking for in a man, he met item after items.  We are comfortable biking together, we made a 2 hour hike into a 5 hour hike on Labor Day, and we can even be comfortable just spending the day together talking, laughing, napping, and musing about life.

I've totally fallen for this guy as he has for me.  And next weekend I meet his mother.

I know that there are no guarantees in life or relationships.  But I have a confidence in this one that I've never had before.  Both being positive takes an issue off the table that has caused problems in the past.  And I know that no matter what happens, I've experienced some of the most amazing days of my life.

In my previous post a lot of people said that when the time was right and when I was ready, someone would be there.  Well, I was finally ready, and he came along.

I do appreciate all of the friends that I have in these forums.  You have helped me through a very difficult time in my life.  I've taken a step back these past few months and haven't been as active here, but since many of you have held my hand when I was scared or anxious or worried, I wanted to share this bit of good news with you.  I waited a while because I know sometimes things spring up quickly and then dissipate.  But I'm convinced this has the potential to be something significant and long term.  I've been on top of the world for the last two months and it is a fantastic feeling!

Thanks to all of you who have been there for me.
David
Diagnosed 1/9/06
8/27/2007 CD4 598, 29%, VL 58 (72 wks)
11/19/2007 CD4 609, 30%, VL < 50 (84 wks)
2/11/2008 CD4 439, 27%, VL <50 (96 wks)
5/5/2008 CD4 535, 28%, VL <50 (108 wks)
10/20/2008 CD4 680, 28%, VL <50 (132 wks)
Changed to Atripla in 2012
1/14/2013 CD4 855, 35%, VL <40

Offline Robert

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2008, 12:38:38 AM »
david...

congratulations~~  What wonderful news.  Ummm..You're meeting your mother-in-law.  You know we're having our next AMG in Boston.  Why don't the 2 of you come tie the knot?  We'll be your bridesmaids.

Oh by the way, you didn't mention anything about your house. This is important.  DOes he like sanding floors? Stripping paint?  Pointing and sealing chimneys? 

Oh lucky man ~~

robert
..........

Offline auspoz

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2008, 03:33:55 AM »
That is the most excellent post Blixer. I'm so happy for you!!! Both of you.

I hope things just keep getting better for you.

Auspoz

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2008, 03:43:12 AM »
Blix, I had faith in you. You're one hell of a nice guy and I hope your guy is half as nice and may I say good looking as you.  Congrats.

Rodney
« Last Edit: September 17, 2008, 04:03:18 AM by RapidRod »

Offline lucas clay

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  • Posts: 518
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2008, 03:56:17 AM »
congrats.
So nice to hear something good.
Enjoy the good times.

                                   Lucas

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2008, 06:10:30 AM »
a lot of people said that when the time was right and when I was ready, someone would be there.  Well, I was finally ready, and he came along.

I do appreciate all of the friends that I have in these forums.   

Very very glad for you sweets  :) I think Mom will be delighted! I know I told you a few times via email that "If it's gonna happen it will, virtualy by itself." therefore, I expect to be invited to your Big Day, if you guys have one.  And ditto/LOL at what Robert said!  :)

Offline bear60

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2008, 08:36:59 AM »
This a great news. I'm so happy for you Blix.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2008, 08:54:13 AM »
WOW! How great to read your story. Happy for you, Blix. Long may you guys wave!
Andy Velez

Offline Florida69

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  • Posts: 428
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2008, 11:35:06 AM »
We are all happy to see you happy...   I am so happy for you, and I too hope this is the one..  HUGS... D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #9 on: September 17, 2008, 12:21:36 PM »
David,  your a very special man.   I knew that the day I started talking with you.    I am so happy that Jeff is part of your life.   And, it only has to be for today.   These today's add up really quickly my friend.   

Love you with all my heart,

Eric

Offline allanq

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  • still life with pills
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2008, 01:21:21 PM »
Congratulations, David! It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Allan
Top (Breakfast): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress, Zoloft (2), Glyburide (2), Aspirin
Bottom right (Dinner): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress
Bottom left (Bedtime): Sustiva, Trazodone (2), Lipitor, Septra (no longer taking this)
Center: Alprazolam (Xanax)
Not shown: various vitamins & supplements

Offline Longislander

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2008, 02:26:53 PM »
Great news! I wish your relationship continued success, and many many happy times together. Here's hoping he's the one!

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline GSOgymrat

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  • Posts: 5,031
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2008, 02:36:19 PM »
So nice to hear about a successful love connection! Thanks for sharing your story.

Offline pozniceguy

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  • Posts: 1,181
  • Niceguy Dallas
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #13 on: September 17, 2008, 04:03:04 PM »
So happy for the both of you David... hope we can meet him in Boston next year...or if you happen to be in Dallas  come on by...

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2008, 05:51:10 PM »
Blixer~

Congrats on the love connection.  I'm very happy for you!

~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Desertguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 183
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #15 on: September 17, 2008, 07:21:18 PM »
Luck You!!!  Wish you the best.  I hope mine turns out as good as yours so far.  Like you I have basicly given up looking.

Good Luck

Dennis

Offline Blixer

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  • Posts: 712
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #16 on: September 17, 2008, 08:53:12 PM »
Thanks to everyone for the good wishes.  Needless to say, I"m very happy for this to have happened.  I had been single for almost six years and my last relationship was somewhat emotionally abusive.  So I was very cautious and had built up a pretty big "safety" wall around me.  I wasn't going to let my guard down and it was going to take quite a man to woo me.  Jeff has done exactly that!  He has been very good to me and I'm convinced it is just his nature.

Thanks Robert.  I'm hoping to bring him to Boston for the next AMG and maybe "tying the knot" will be the thing to do. Those of you from my first AMG would be great bridesmaids.  He does like the house and he does have some skill at being able to help with some things.  The house is coming along nicely.  I've gotten the new hardwood all through the second floor and as soon as I decide on window coverings for the master bedroom I'll be ready to move in there.  The neat thing is I'll have someone to help me enjoy that master bedroom.

Thanks for your encouragement Auspos.  I think things will just keep getting better.

Rodney, I'm glad someone had faith in me. I was beginning to lose it.  And I think one reason Jeff and I get along so well is that we are both very nice guys.  He does treat me right.  And even though I'm a bit prejudiced, he is a very handsome man, both on the inside and on the outside.  He is actually a bit slimmer and taller than I am.

I'm glad I could share something good Lucus.  And I hope the enjoyment of this goes on for a long time. I know there will be bumps.  But I think they will be minor ones.

And allopathicholistic, thanks for your comments.  Yes, I know you have told me that when it happens it should be easy.  That's probably why I had such issues with some of the other guys I've met over the past couple of years.  It wasn't easy. It was a chore.  But not with Jeff.  It is so different and good.  Thanks for being there for me my friend.

Bear, you have always been an encouragement. I recall many times that you helped cheer me up when things weren't going so great.  Thanks for sharing in my happiness now.

Thanks Andy!  And I tried to keep the story short and only give the relevant details.  I can get carried away talking about how this guy treats me.  His background is theater, he is an artist, and he does a very nice job writing emails. I just love reading his emails because they are always so descriptive and beautiful (well, maybe not always, but usually).

Hey D, thanks for your kind words. I hope he is "the one" too.  So far, so good, and by 8 weeks with things going even better every week I think there is a real possibility in this one.  Now it's your turn to find that person who is more than a friend for you.

And Eric, you have been my rock so many times.  You were the one that came to my rescue that first night of my diagnosis when I didn't know who to turn to and had no one to talk to.  I will always be indebted to you for that.  I know you have had your own struggles and through you I have seen a connection that can exist between two people that is truly amazing.  You have been my inspiration when it has come to trying to find "the one."  You did it with William and I know you have encouraged me to keep searching till I find the one I can fully give my heart to and trust will all my being. I think I may have finally found just that man.  Thanks for your support and encouragement and I will always look to you and William as a role model for myself.  I have always felt the way you two loved each other.

Allan, you are probably one of the people on here who knows me the best.  You even know some of my deepest darkest secrets and some of my hearts desires.  You have been a true supporter and friend.  I've appreciated your support, encouragement, and guidance, both from afar and as you provided such great hospitality for my visit.  Again, you are one that I hope will have the same luck that I have in finding someone who truly wants what's best for you and who wants to share a future with you.

Thanks for the encouragement Paul. It is so great to hear all of the good wishes from each of you.  And yes, I'm counting on this guy being "the one."  I'm so ready to settle down with someone and focus on making a life together.  I see a real possibility here.

GSO, thanks for reading my story and giving me the good wishes.  I haven't had the opportunity to engage in many conversations with you on these forums, but I often read what you have to say and I've always thought you had very good contributions.

Hey Nick, As I mentioned in response to Robert, I'm hoping to make it to Boston with Jeff in tow... or him with me in tow... either way....   He is a great guy and there are many of you I would like him to meet.  I'll actually be through Dallas the end of October, but only through the airport.  I'll be on my way to the Poz cruise out of Miami.

Thanks Cindy.  I do believe that love connections are precious and they don't happen very often. I had good friend suggest that we only have a certain number of times we can fall in love in our life and that we should not waste them.  I've wasted a few in the past but I don't think thats the case with this one.

Dennis, it is easy to give up looking.  It is a lot of work to keep yourself out there. I went through a period after my last (somewhat emotionally abusive) relationship where I didn't think it was worth it.  It took me a long time to be ready. I did some stupid things along the way.  But the time did come and I was finally ready.  I hope that same thing happens for you.  Keep yourself out there and don't give up.

Thanks again to each of you. It is so great to have a community of support like this. 



David
Diagnosed 1/9/06
8/27/2007 CD4 598, 29%, VL 58 (72 wks)
11/19/2007 CD4 609, 30%, VL < 50 (84 wks)
2/11/2008 CD4 439, 27%, VL <50 (96 wks)
5/5/2008 CD4 535, 28%, VL <50 (108 wks)
10/20/2008 CD4 680, 28%, VL <50 (132 wks)
Changed to Atripla in 2012
1/14/2013 CD4 855, 35%, VL <40

Offline Alain

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  • I am.
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #17 on: September 18, 2008, 10:06:29 AM »
Blixer,

How wonderful to be starting my day with such great news.

I am so happy for you.

Best regards, Alain.

Offline Lakis

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #18 on: September 18, 2008, 11:14:11 AM »
Hi,great story and great news.I'm happy for you.Congratulations.Let us know how everything is working out.
Lakis

Offline Buckmark

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  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #19 on: September 18, 2008, 08:42:48 PM »
David,

I'm happy for you, and for Jeff.  I recall you've struggled with if, when, and how you might meet the right guy and find a good relationship.  It's gratifying and exciting to hear that this has happened for you.

Cheers,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline Oceanbeach

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  • Posts: 3,565
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #20 on: September 18, 2008, 09:52:43 PM »
Dear David,

What excellent news! and after only 16 months, you get to meet the future mother-in-law.  I started a similar thread about 7 months ago about meeting Walter and disclosure and etc., etc., and 7 months later, he is still here.  Congrats and much love  ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #21 on: September 19, 2008, 06:09:17 AM »
I'm really glad to read about your good news David, and that you met one of the "few good men" that are still out there. Best of all is seeing that you overcame your fears and anxieties about facing the dating risks and didn't completely give up. I hope that anyone questioning if there is hope for romance after diagnosis reads this thread. You and Jeff sound like a good match and I wish you both lots more happiness together!

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Blixer

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  • Posts: 712
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #22 on: September 22, 2008, 08:56:34 PM »
Well, my weekends are definitely different now.  I pretty much spend all of my available time with Jeff and things continue to be fantastic.  I met his mother yesterday and last night he suggested that I might want to keep "some things" at his place for the nights we stay there.  So yes, things are developing nicely and it's been a long time since I've been this happy and upbeat about any type of dating or relationship situation.

Thanks for your good wishes Alain.  Every day I'm becoming more confident that this one might just work out.

Thanks Lakis!  As I mentioned above, things do continue to work out.  Jeff has such a pleasant personality and we get along great.  Two weeks ago when plaster was falling from his ceiling as the results of the upstairs neighbor letting water rain in through the window, he remained calm with an attitude of "why get mad over something you can't change." 

And Henry, yes, you recalled correctly about some of my struggles. I know none of us are probably strangers to similar struggles.  Sometimes it just seems like why bother with the effort.  But then when you find someone that really comes to mean something to you and they feel the same way, it is marvelous.  No matter what happens, this has been a good relationship.  I realize there can always be surprises, but sometimes a person's eyes allow you to see into their soul.  With Jeff, when I look into his eyes I see that his focus is me.  I'm not just another in a string of attempted relationships, always looking for something better.  To him, I'm the one and I feel the same way.

Thanks Michael.  Yes, I met the potential future mother in law and we got along just fine.  She is a very straightforward woman who thinks the world of her son.  But I think she saw that I'm good for him and that I do care deeply for him.   And congratulations on 7 months with Walter.  Maybe the winds of fortune are blowing on several of us.

Daniel, you always have such insightful comments.  Thanks for your encouragement and I hope this thread also provides encouragement for others.  I know there can be extreme frustration in any relationship search and it can be compounded by the HIV issue.  I do believe Jeff and I are a good match. I'm thankful he found me.  I made myself available and he found me.  He do believe he is the "good man" that I was looking for.
David
Diagnosed 1/9/06
8/27/2007 CD4 598, 29%, VL 58 (72 wks)
11/19/2007 CD4 609, 30%, VL < 50 (84 wks)
2/11/2008 CD4 439, 27%, VL <50 (96 wks)
5/5/2008 CD4 535, 28%, VL <50 (108 wks)
10/20/2008 CD4 680, 28%, VL <50 (132 wks)
Changed to Atripla in 2012
1/14/2013 CD4 855, 35%, VL <40

Offline stratosphere

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #23 on: September 22, 2008, 09:27:51 PM »
And I know that no matter what happens, I've experienced some of the most amazing days of my life.


I think this sums it up nicely right here.  Man im happy for the both of you,  what a great story. 
Best of luck to you guys
 :)
1/05   CD4 305  VL  ?        34%
2/05   CD4 310  VL  ?        35%
7/05   CD4 277  VL  <50    43%
11/05 CD4 516  VL  <50    46%
2/06   CD4 640  VL  <50    46%
6/06   CD4 578  VL  <50    46%
10/06 CD4 491  VL  <50    50%
3/07   CD4 674  VL  <50    50%
7/07   CD4 516  VL  <50    43%
11/07 CD4 635  VL  <50    44%
3/08   CD4 584  VL  <50    48%
7/08   CD4 510  VL  <50    49%
11/08 CD4 580  VL  <50    49%
2/09   CD4 661  VL  <50    50%

Offline anniebc

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2008, 02:18:08 AM »
I believe there is someone for everyone..and you have found your someone, he was just waiting for you to come into his life, how lucky is he.

A great story, if you are happy we are happy.

Double hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline hotpuppy

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #25 on: September 24, 2008, 10:34:43 AM »
David,
  Congrats on finding what we all deserve.  I really appreciate you sharing your story because its just the sort of "yes it can be done" that I was needing to see lately.  We need more role models in the poz world that show us you can have a fulfilling and happy relationship with 'the guy'.  (as opposed to a guy...lol)

Best wishes and keep us updated.
-Brian
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Offline Blixer

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Re: Dating and HIV -- Round 3 (or more) -- Some good news....
« Reply #26 on: September 24, 2008, 08:30:07 PM »
The only unfortunate thing currently with Jeff is that I'm 180 miles away during the week. So I only get to see him on weekends.  But we have made the best of it and actually being apart makes us appreciate each other even more.  Jeff knew that I had some trust issues because I've been cheated on quite regularly in previous relationships.  He has done a very nice job of being transparent for me and helping me to trust him totally.

stratosphere, thanks for the good wishes.  It has been an amazing few weeks. I know there can be lots of bumps in the road and we can't always know the future.  But I have a good feeling about this. 

Jan, thanks for the "Double hugs".  You are such a sweetie and I was beginning to wonder if somehow I had missed my "someone."  I do believe that Jeff might really be that "someone" for me.  I think we are both very lucky that we found each other.  Thanks for sharing my happiness.

Brian, yes, it can be done!  It isn't necessarily easy and sometimes I think it is a matter of just sticking with it. I know I got very discouraged a number of times.  Either I knew the guys I met were not a good match or when I would meet someone I thought had potential, there were other obstacles in the way.  But I always knew what I wanted.  Sometimes I wondered if my expectations were too high.  But I'm glad I held out.  At the very least I now know for sure what is possible.  And if by some ugly turn of fate Jeff and I are not meant to share our lives long term, then I still will have known was it was to find someone that touched my heart on the deepest level.  And yes, you are so right "the guy" is very different to having a relationship with "a guy."  I've had way too many of those.  So this is a very nice turn of events.

Thanks all!
David
Diagnosed 1/9/06
8/27/2007 CD4 598, 29%, VL 58 (72 wks)
11/19/2007 CD4 609, 30%, VL < 50 (84 wks)
2/11/2008 CD4 439, 27%, VL <50 (96 wks)
5/5/2008 CD4 535, 28%, VL <50 (108 wks)
10/20/2008 CD4 680, 28%, VL <50 (132 wks)
Changed to Atripla in 2012
1/14/2013 CD4 855, 35%, VL <40

 


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