Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 23, 2014, 01:07:49 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 646931
  • Total Topics: 49284
  • Online Today: 167
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 5
Guests: 136
Total: 141

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Found Out Yesterday  (Read 1120 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline senseformiles

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Found Out Yesterday
« on: November 14, 2014, 08:21:35 AM »
Hi all,

First of all, what a great forum.  Thanks for posting.

Let me tell you a little of my backstory.  I'm 27 and living in NYC.  I had a standard test last week at my primary care doctor's office, and she called me on Wednesday to tell me that I had to come into the office.  I knew it was something bad because she always calls me and simply leaves a voice mail if my vitamin D is low or something.  Then I went to the office yesterday morning and she told me.  It was devastating.  I truly didn't expect it as I've always been safe.  I had one condom break but I can't be sure if that's what caused it. 

I called two of my best friends, one of whom is in a long term relationship with a great guy who is HIV positive.  They both took me out to dinner.  I also told one of my straight friends.  Then I told my mom.  She said she already knew.  How strange is that?  I told her I was going into my doctor's office for a follow-up based on my blood test, and my mom said it was that moment that she started researching HIV online. 

I know that my life isn't over, and this forum proves that.  But, I feel embarrassed and like a failure.  I was always safe.  Something must have happened. 

I'm a full time graduate student and can't take any time off.  Finals are coming up and on the one hand I think it will be a nice distraction to study, but on the other, I'm worried about getting too stressed.  I've seen that some of you continue with full-time jobs right away!  That gives me a lot of hope.  I feel ok except that my doctor vaccinated me against some things that made me achy and my arms hurt. 

I have a specialist visit today.  My mom is going with me.  She said she hopes she doesn't embarrass me in front of anyone!  Hah.  I'm so lucky to have a supportive mom.  Oh, the other thing is that I came out to her as being gay, and with my status, in the same phone call.  I'm so glad I told her everything.  Her strength gave me strength. 

Didn't I promise you a backstory?  I started having panic attacks, anxiety, and depression in my senior year of college.  I was in intense therapy for three years, never had any medication because I didn't want any side effects, and came through it.  It was the worst experience of my life, perhaps until now. But, one thing I'll say for anxiety and depression is that you learn a lot about yourself.  What sets you off; what you say to yourself to make yourself upset.  My mom keeps saying, you beat anxiety, you can work with this.  I wouldn't wish anxiety and depression on my worst enemy.  I had some very very dark moments.  I'm worried that the anxiety and depression will come back now.   

I'm also terrified that the medications won't work—see anxiety!  And I'm terrified that I'll get run down or something and get an infection.  One of the things with anxiety and depression is that I can't eat.  I'm hungry but I have no appetite.  I ate a little bit last night, but I'm hungry now, I just don't have the motivation to cook or feed myself.  I can see my abs, which is nice, but it means I've probably lost a pound or two already.   

My life was going so well.  I'm just thankful that this is my last year of graduate school, and perhaps the easiest.  I can pay attention to my health and try to take it easy.  My doctor said that diabetes is worse in her mind because she has patients dying of diabetes but doesn't have any dying of HIV/AIDS.  She said this multiple times.  It doesn't matter: I'm pretty terrified.  I'm also thinking, perhaps this is an appropriate time to get my health in order since I'll have almost a week off for Thanksgiving, and a month off for Christmas.  Then I can start next semester as a new person.  Grad school is stressful, though, as some of you know, and I'm worried about getting run down. 

I was doing so well in life.  I was happy for the first time... maybe ever.  Then this. 

I'm meeting with the specialist in a few hours. 

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,418
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2014, 09:13:10 AM »
Hi, welcome to the forums.

I will just say in regards to your concerns of anxiety/depression issues returning post-diagnosis that yes, this is of course possible. But assuming you went through cognitive behavioral therapy instead of medications for your previous treatment you should be well-equipped to 1) either handle it if/when it occurs or 2) know the warning signs if it intensifies to the point you need to re-enter therapy sessions.

Perhaps a good idea is to do some research on who you would go see if/when this happens that way you have the referral at hand in advance. And of course you could always make the decision to return for six months of talk therapy just to brush up on your skills if you want. All your choice.

I've had long-standing anxiety issues so I empathize and I do the same thing where it gets so elevated that my appetite greatly decreases. If you are already heading that way and thinking it will be a problem when time comes to commence taking HIV medications then maybe you should consider seeing someone after the holidays or something.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline greenapple23

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2014, 10:02:46 AM »
Im 23 years old living in NYC , working on a Bachelor in Engineering . My diagnosis came in as soon as i started my four year college after transferring from a community college.

People react differently to an HIV diagnosis. In my case, All i could think about was HIV during class. My mind was never on the professors lecture. I was in class but my mind wasn't. I lost the drive i once had for my education. i was also skipping classes. I already know my grades wont be that great this semester. But right now i am getting better. HIV doesn't bombard my mind like it did during the Many weeks after my diagnosis. I still have dreams about HIV, and being magically cured, Infact i had once last night.

i say all that to say.... it is a process. it takes some people time to recovery from the initial shock of being diagnosed positive. For some it takes weeks for other months or even years. you will get through it, HIV DOESN'T OWN YOU.

Offline senseformiles

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2014, 10:08:32 AM »
Hi Miss Philicia and greenapple,

Thanks so much for your comments.  I did go through CBT, which I recommend to anyone and everyone.  I'm going to make an appointment as soon as I get my meds and everything squared away. 

Green: I already don't pay attention in class, so... par for the course!  Haha, just kidding.  Maybe this will actually cause me to focus my attention on something.  We'll see. 

Offline Tonny2

  • Member
  • Posts: 395
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2014, 03:22:08 PM »

         ojo     Hi senseformiles....well, I think you having your mom by your side, will make this journey easier for you...you are going to be ok...later this month, I will be celebrating 20 years with this virus, so, I think, you will be fine...hugs      ojo

Offline senseformiles

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2014, 01:26:53 AM »
Thanks Tonny2!  I'm glad you're doing so well.  Hug accepted. 

Online tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,050
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2014, 02:06:31 AM »
Welcome to the forums, although I wish you didn't have to join.  That is great to hear you have friends and your mom for support.  That is so important. 

I, too, can empathize with the anxiety and panic attacks.  You said you worry it will come back, but it sounds like it already has-- to some degree.  I guess it hasn't come back full force?  It is good you already have coping skills, so you don't have to start from square one.  Hopefully, the anxiety will just be minimal and not blow up. 

I look forward to hearing more from you.  Keep in touch. 

Ted

Offline absopozilutely

  • Member
  • Posts: 382
  • Love to chat/text/talk/encourage!
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2014, 09:35:28 AM »
I hate anxiety, I'm battling through it now. Also, did you get a confirmation western blot? Positive Wednesday, and told Friday isn't enough time. Wait for all the results, while the odds are very very small Of a false positive you still want it confirmed. It's a process, I'm quickly approaching my first year anniversary and obviously it's not something I'm excite about, but I look at the last year and see how much I've grown, especially because of that and I'm thankful in a way. We're here for you so good luck!
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline senseformiles

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2014, 04:43:26 PM »
Hey all! 

Sorry—I thought I responded, but I guess I didn't. 

Thankfully, I have many coping skills from my psychologist and from books that I've read.  I've learned that anxiety and depression doesn't come back or go away; it's always here.  We just have to understand it and make room for it, like a bad house guest.  That's not to say that you can't recover from either affliction.  But, it's not something that ever disappears completely.  Here are two amazing books that saved my life:

http://www.amazon.com/Compassionate-Mind-Guide-Overcoming-Anxiety-Compassion-Focused/dp/160882036X

http://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592407331/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416173937&sr=1-1&keywords=daring+greatly&pebp=1416173938147

Abso—

Great screen name!  I haven't had confirmation from the specialist.  My primary care doctor first told me about the results, and now I'm assuming my specialist is running the more sensitive test, along with the rest of my numbers. 

Glad to hear you've grown.  That's what I'm hoping for, and that's what I'm expecting from myself, as well. 

Offline absopozilutely

  • Member
  • Posts: 382
  • Love to chat/text/talk/encourage!
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2014, 07:31:08 PM »
Glad you like the screen name. I love it. I have a happy mentality so I like that it coincides with that. Pm me if you ever need to talk to someone.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline NewAdventure1

  • Member
  • Posts: 30
Re: Found Out Yesterday
« Reply #10 on: Yesterday at 12:51:15 AM »
Hey!
I was once in your shoes, just six months ago! It feels like just yesterday I found out, but I rarely ever think about it. I take my meds and doesn't even phase me. I found out right after I got my acceptance letter into nursing school. Life goes on. Do not let it mess with you!
02/2013 Tested Negative
Exposure between 02/2013-10/2013
06/03/2014 Tested Positive
06/06/2014  VL 787 CD4 881
07/08/2014 VL 1756 CD4 813
07/27/2014 Started Complera
09/08/2014 Undetectable!

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.