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Author Topic: why me?  (Read 378 times)

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Offline chilanga

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
why me?
« on: Yesterday at 12:51:26 PM »
hello all
am a new comer
i just found out about my status last month when i went for a normal check up.
i am devastated,  i mean all my life i have resisted all the temptation to play around despite staying alone. you see, the man who claimed to love me did this to me and am sure he cheated on me last year and acquired the virus because we were both negative when we started dating a couple of years back. am in pain.
anyway my vl is at 160,000 and cd4 is at 234. the doctor put me on atripla.
my biggest challenge now is having support because am not ready to open up to my friends and family

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,430
Re: why me?
« Reply #1 on: Yesterday at 12:59:46 PM »
hi chilanga,

want to welcome you to the group. glad you've found us, sorry about your dx. acceptance of your status is a difficult time, but you'll make it.

if you don't mind me asking, what country do you live in?
An honest tune with a lingering lead has taken me this far

Offline realitycheck

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
Re: why me?
« Reply #2 on: Yesterday at 01:31:11 PM »
Hi chilanga,

Welcome and sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I found out a little more than a month before you and I'm also on Atripla, it does get better just takes a little time for the shock to wear off. hope you keep us updated.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,648
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: why me?
« Reply #3 on: Yesterday at 01:39:24 PM »
hello all
am a new comer
i just found out about my status last month when i went for a normal check up.
i am devastated,  i mean all my life i have resisted all the temptation to play around despite staying alone. you see, the man who claimed to love me did this to me and am sure he cheated on me last year and acquired the virus because we were both negative when we started dating a couple of years back. am in pain.
anyway my vl is at 160,000 and cd4 is at 234. the doctor put me on atripla.
my biggest challenge now is having support because am not ready to open up to my friends and family

I am sorry you have to go through the stress of an HIV diagnosis. Its very stressful. Stick around here and post a lot and read a lot on THIS forum. There are lessons under the tab Newly Diagnosed, above.

Medicine knows very very well how to deal with HIV.  Eventually you will take it in stride.

I am also very sorry you have the shock of mis-placed trust.  For what its worth, remember that there are billions of people in the world negotiating relationships and marriages and sex and many many many many many many many people are deceived and betrayed.  Your "why me" is therefore, understandable, but its already been answered in your experience. This is what happens sometimes in love and sex. Misplace trust. People aren't honest. People let their guard down.  HIV isn't the only STD that people get.  Also, unwanted pregnancies, for example. Or financial betrayals. The list is long long long.  Broken hearts.  Etc.

I bet about 25% of the member of this forum could easily relate to your transmission experience.  Most people get HIV through an accident, in my unscientific experience.  I hope you realise this isn't a group of people who were "asking for it".   Why you? Why anyone? Why the millions who have it?

Its a virus, not a judgement, not a sentient thing.  Comes with stigma attached, but your task going forward is to overcome any stigma you have yourself, to protect yourself from society's stigma, and to forgive yourself for having a stupid dumb virus.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline TheNormalLife

  • Member
  • Posts: 55
  • Rules have changed; giving up is never an option
Re: why me?
« Reply #4 on: Yesterday at 03:16:55 PM »
Chilanga:

Why you? Because you can fight it. Because you are strong enough to pull yourself together, to face and win the challenges of living with HIV.

Denial (not me, why?, I was always good) is one of the early stages in the process of loss and so, it is important that you live it. It is, however much more important not to get stuck there and keep progressing along the path of acceptance and wellness. It is a continues road which along other things will challenge our ability to adapt to the new set of rules that others, but mostly often we are imposing.

Remember, you can fight it, you are strong enough to pull yourself together, to face and win the challenges of living with HIV.

The benefits of a long (now a-la-par to those HIV-), normal, fulfilling life is given to all who decide to do something proactive about it. Thousands of members in this board can testify on that. On what side are you? Will you be passive or will you do something about this?

Atta girl!

Much love and strenght!

Ray.

if you don't mind me asking, what country do you live in?

I'd say Mexico or currently living in the US but from hispanic heritage. Chilango/a is a term (used to be derogative) to name people from Mexico City outside of it.
09/14 Conversion
12/14 Diagnosed
12/14 CD4-6; VL-4245 (wrong CD4 test)
01/15 CD4-530 (pheeew)
01/15 CD4-755
03/15 CD4-545; VL-14401
04/15 Truvada/Efavirenz

Offline chilanga

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: why me?
« Reply #5 on: Yesterday at 04:24:08 PM »
thank you all for the encouragement....
am from zambia in africa
and chilanga is the name of the district i live in....
am scared, were do i start from, who will love me? it is really hard on me

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,648
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: why me?
« Reply #6 on: Yesterday at 04:56:53 PM »
What kind of support exists in your city or region?  Are there any ways to meet and/or discuss with other HIV+ people?  What i read is about 13% of the adult population.  So surely some people are discussing it with each other - even if they want to keep it discrete publicly.

You start by breathing.

Also, you got your medicine. Take it everyday.  Your health will start rebuilding in no time.

It can take a long time to adjust to this news.  Be patient and nice to yourself. But just keep taking your treatment in the meantime.  When you are undetectable you are going to feel a LOT better about the present and the future.

What do you do in life - work kids or family responsibilities? school?  Are you feeling well otherwise?  If so - try to stick to your routine while you process the shock.


« Last Edit: Yesterday at 04:58:59 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline chilanga

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: why me?
« Reply #7 on: Yesterday at 05:03:33 PM »
am working, my health is good just a cold here and there. no kids yet was suppose to get married to the same guy who infected me. i am yet to find a support group otherwise its not easy to come out in this country. stigma is on the higher side.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,648
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: why me?
« Reply #8 on: Yesterday at 05:06:20 PM »
So what have you done with that relationship? Where have you left it?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,648
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: why me?
« Reply #9 on: Yesterday at 05:09:06 PM »
One little article I read said the rate is much higher in urban areas in Zambia. Maybe 20%.  So maybe there are discrete networks....   Its not like most adults won't have some experience with HIV in your country, it seems, even if there is a lot of stigma.  I think love is still quite possible. Don't worry too much during this time of shock about the what ifs or the never will bes....     You'll be more optimistic later on.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline chilanga

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: why me?
« Reply #10 on: Yesterday at 05:17:38 PM »
thank you for encouragement

Offline Weber

  • Member
  • Posts: 40
Re: why me?
« Reply #11 on: Yesterday at 10:45:49 PM »
Chilanga,

I can totally relate to your experience. I contracted HIV from my fiancé and found out two months before the wedding. He admitted the cheating and we split right away. I feel ya and I can imagine how devastated you are, not just the virus but also the betrayal of the one you were planning to spend your life with. It will get better. I've been poz for 9 months and life has truly moved on. I feel good, enjoying my life, taking care of myself and I don't attach importance to HIV any more than it deserves.

I'm kinda curious where you left that relationship too. You may share if you're comfortable talking about it. Don't wanna get in your business but please keep in mind that HIV is no good reason to stay in a toxic relationship. A lot of members here can testify about beautiful partners they met post-dx.

We also have a lovely support group on the poz women forum. It might be very helpful for you. Please come join when you have a chance. And welcome...

Offline chilanga

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: why me?
« Reply #12 on: Today at 01:38:17 AM »
i am trying to move on from him. its hard.

 


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