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Author Topic: What I have just done...  (Read 20836 times)

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Offline Oscar

  • Member
  • Posts: 244
  • 20 Years POZ
What I have just done...
« on: July 27, 2006, 06:15:48 PM »
 This isn't the first time I've tried to do this. Slashing wirst, cuttoing deep into my skin with a sharp serated hunting kife. Hell, I've even put the my postil in my mouth before only for it to be taken away from me.

Now it's a chance to let the meds do thermagic. What has been done is done there is no going back now. I feel the medications starting to work.



I just chewed 24 2MG lorazepam, 30 25mg Amitriptyline & 10 25mg seroquel. All chased down with a pint of good old standby Absolute vodka. I hope I get the result I'm looking for.

If I die this post serves as my last statement to the world. I can't go on living the way I feel about myself, the damage that HIV has done to my body, mind & spirit. I'm not worthy to be around such loving, compassionate people as the lot of you are. I feel as if I am the boil on the butt of humanity that keeps comming back. I try to work on myself, therapy that didn't work, antipressants didn't work, a great HIV doc but he can only help me so much. I feel like everything I worked for healtwise the last 3 years has all been for nothing. The struggle of trying to work. I just can't seem to get along well with others so I am back to working at home with the law firm. I hate that job. I called 127 accounts today and didn't even manage to get one person to pay on their bill. My supervisor tells me I'm too nice, that I should be more forceful in getting the debtors to pay. I see that another way. Wouldn't it be better to kill them with kindness and undertatanding while at the same time encouraging them to pay their bill so it won't be reported to the credit reporting agencies? I have a soft voice that isn't suited to the collections field. I have tried different collecting techniques that I have learned but none of them to work for me.

My family will be hurt bu what I have just done, but I can't be concerned about that anymore. Danny is alone is this journey. I don't care what happens to my "stuff" they can throw it away. While they are at :

1. I do not want a funeral or visitation, flowers or a grave side service of any kind. My casket will be closed. If someone wants to send flowers or food they can make a donation to RIFA (food bank for indigent peple in my area }or a donation to and HIV/AIDS service organization on my behalf.


All I want to do is go to sleep and find peace with myself, I can't find ithatwhere else.


This post or decsion has nothing to do with my lates disgreement with Steve.  Anction like this has been  iin my mind for the last 25 years. No more HAART requardless of what the out come
Dan Jones
2000 years poz May 21, 1986 Died July 27,2006

When I am in my box I would like to wear my AMG 2006 Montreal t shirt & my favorite pair of jeans.

This is real, I took the medications 15 minutes ago... Now I will be able to be free or if not free then maybe brain dead in coma would work fine for me too. I don't care either one of those 2 options are better than what I feel now

Dan

Offline skeebo1969

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  • Posts: 5,705
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2006, 06:21:50 PM »


IF ANYONE KNOWS HIS # SEND THE POLICE OVER THERE NOW!!

I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2006, 06:23:02 PM »


  I am looking for my phone bill Dan from September when I find your # I am calling the police and sending them right over..
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2006, 06:26:50 PM »
Dan lives in Jackson TN area code 731. Police number is 731-425-8400

Offline Oscar

  • Member
  • Posts: 244
  • 20 Years POZ
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2006, 06:29:08 PM »
I don't remenber calling you & if I did it was on my cell phone & I recently changed that number * mailing address. It is not your resposibity to take such actions. I don't know you from flip. Please do ,e a favor and just go live you life and let me end mine the way I see fit. It's my life. I have that right.

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2006, 06:39:59 PM »

  I have all my shit packed in a pod outside my home...it's going to take me an hour to get past all the furniture to my office shit....  Someone in the mean time please if you have his # that is all you need to give to the police at the said number..
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Oscar

  • Member
  • Posts: 244
  • 20 Years POZ
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2006, 06:40:50 PM »
that's find you called the cops.I have a car that can get me out here before they show up.

Im leaving now.

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2006, 06:41:51 PM »
Dan get off your self centered ass and call an ambulance. If you don't care about yourself think of all the others you will be hurting. Now get off the fucking internet and get some help NOW..

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2006, 06:41:55 PM »
Dan I don't know you from flip either and I would hope if it was me you would do the same!  I know I have your number... your mother answered the phone..
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2006, 06:44:16 PM »
Dan,

What about Emmie....whos gonna give her a good home and spoil her? Shes counting on you.

Come on Dan, call 911, tell them what you have taken.
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline kcmetroman

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  • Posts: 567
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2006, 06:45:06 PM »
on the phone with him now

Offline RapidRod

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2006, 06:46:56 PM »
Thx John..

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2006, 06:49:03 PM »
Dan for your own good I called the Jackson police.
Hal

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2006, 06:50:38 PM »
Thanks John, the Jackson Police Dept. is trying to contact him.

Offline kcmetroman

  • Member
  • Posts: 567
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2006, 06:52:18 PM »
we have cops after him and he just hung up on me.  He is driving around in a black honda civic.  His phone number is
« Last Edit: July 27, 2006, 07:02:54 PM by kcmetroman »

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #15 on: July 27, 2006, 06:53:50 PM »
we traced his address down, he told us he was on 6th street in his car.  The cops are trying to intersect with him

Offline tnboy

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #16 on: July 27, 2006, 06:56:14 PM »
  I called him as well and tried to reason with him but he finally hung up on me as well. I am about 1 hour away from him but I have no trasportation and have no ideal where he lives.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #17 on: July 27, 2006, 06:56:40 PM »
Should I call his parents?

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #18 on: July 27, 2006, 06:57:40 PM »

  I just called....  they have an officer dispatched.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #19 on: July 27, 2006, 06:58:15 PM »
anybody who does talk to him try and confirm his vehicle and location.  He may be lying

Offline lydgate

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  • Posts: 1,022
  • Virgin, can't drive
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #20 on: July 27, 2006, 06:58:25 PM »
Yes. They may know where he would go if the police don't intersect him on 6th street.
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline Peter Staley

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  • Founder & Advisory Editor, AIDSmeds.com
    • AIDSmeds.com
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #21 on: July 27, 2006, 06:58:37 PM »
  I called him as well and tried to reason with him but he finally hung up on me as well. I am about 1 hour away from him but I have no trasportation and have no ideal where he lives.

tnboy  -- call the police, and give them his phone number -- they'll be able to find his address.

Peter

Offline Trish

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #22 on: July 27, 2006, 06:59:23 PM »
Hal if you have his parents' number, YES, CALL THEM NOW!!!
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline lydgate

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,022
  • Virgin, can't drive
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #23 on: July 27, 2006, 06:59:49 PM »
I've given the police his phone number.
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline kcmetroman

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  • Posts: 567
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #24 on: July 27, 2006, 06:59:55 PM »
Peter, they have his address

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #25 on: July 27, 2006, 07:00:33 PM »
I talked to his father who said the police called, he said Dan just left the house...his father seemed oddly not concerned.

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #26 on: July 27, 2006, 07:00:45 PM »
they had his number, and did the trace on that already

Offline lydgate

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  • Posts: 1,022
  • Virgin, can't drive
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #27 on: July 27, 2006, 07:01:53 PM »
Anybody know him well enough to confirm that he does drive a Black Honda Civic?
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #28 on: July 27, 2006, 07:02:30 PM »
Anyone heard from the cops? Have them put a APB out on the black Honda Civic!

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,957
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #29 on: July 27, 2006, 07:04:08 PM »
Dan drives a silver car...he may be in his parents. I will call the police again in a minute for an update.

Offline kcmetroman

  • Member
  • Posts: 567
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #30 on: July 27, 2006, 07:06:03 PM »
someone do me a favor and look this up. He may be lying about the car....

He posted a thread month or so ago about a new car he bought.  I don't remember it being a civic, or black

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #31 on: July 27, 2006, 07:10:03 PM »
How long can he drive with everything hes taken?
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,957
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #32 on: July 27, 2006, 07:10:28 PM »
Dan drives a new silver Honda Fit...I just talked to the police and asked them to call Dan's parents again. They are not actively looking for him. >:(

Offline tnboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 108
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #33 on: July 27, 2006, 07:14:08 PM »
 I called the emergency room in Jackson and they told me to call the sherriffs department which I have done. He said he thought the police department had received a call about this. He took my number and said he would see what he could find out. Anymore suggestions??

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #34 on: July 27, 2006, 07:14:53 PM »
He can drive for about another 15 mins if he took the stuff at the time of his first post

Then it will be another 3 hours before the drugs really kick in
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline tnboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 108
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #35 on: July 27, 2006, 07:15:54 PM »
He just called me and seems to be very confused. I couild not get him to tell me any information then he said his father was on the phone and hung up.

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #36 on: July 27, 2006, 07:17:21 PM »
TNBOY . . if you did not tell the police or ER that Dan took these pills at approx 4pm his time as well as the scrips, CALL THEM BACK...

I just chewed 24 2MG lorazepam, 30 25mg Amitriptyline & 10 25mg seroquel. All chased down with a pint of good old standby Absolute vodka

Offline lydgate

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  • Posts: 1,022
  • Virgin, can't drive
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #37 on: July 27, 2006, 07:17:33 PM »
I checked the fatal doses of the three drugs. The Seroquel dose he took his nothing; lorazepam fatal dose in adults has to be as high as 1.85 gms, and he's taken a fraction of that; the real worry is the amitriptyline, toxixity/fatality at 750. Plus the vodka. They need to find him within the next 2 to 4 hours.
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #38 on: July 27, 2006, 07:18:40 PM »


  Ugggggggggggggggg... please something...  oh man does this suck...  its my fault I should have never told him I would cll the police...  he would have never left...  I fucked it up
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,957
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #39 on: July 27, 2006, 07:19:46 PM »
Dan's parents, police, and sheriff have all been notified...please do not call them again. They are getting confused by the number of calls coming in. I have given them all his phone numbers, address and make and model of car...they have run his tags and are in contact with his parents. Remain calm and I will let everyone know as soon as I hear.

Thanks,
Hal

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #40 on: July 27, 2006, 07:20:41 PM »
Not your fault Tom

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #41 on: July 27, 2006, 07:22:06 PM »
It is NO one's fault...remain calm they will find him soon.

Offline Trish

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #42 on: July 27, 2006, 07:22:23 PM »
Tom, don't be so hard on yourself... you did what you could under the circumstances.
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline tnboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 108
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #43 on: July 27, 2006, 07:26:13 PM »
The emergency room would not take any information because they said he is not there. Does anyone have his parents number he will not answer his cell phone

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #44 on: July 27, 2006, 07:32:40 PM »
I had a long talk with Dan's mom. The police have talked to Dan on the phone. There is not anything more we can do...his parents know where he is. His mom assures me he is okay and is going to call me if there is a problem.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #45 on: July 27, 2006, 07:34:50 PM »
Quit calling...I am in contact with his parents, they have my number and said they will call me if anything changes. Right now they believe Dan is okay.

Offline tnboy

  • Member
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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #46 on: July 27, 2006, 07:35:31 PM »
Thsi is making me crazy, I just hung up with him and he told me he is out on some road out of the city limits.He told me he has not and will not speak with his parents. Do you guys think he is lieing to me. I just feel helpless but don't know what else to do?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #47 on: July 27, 2006, 07:37:45 PM »
Guys, I believe you all did what you can do. You are all troopers.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #48 on: July 27, 2006, 07:40:21 PM »
I hope I am right...but yes he is lying. The police and his father have talked to him on the phone. That I know for sure. I hope he is not lying to the police, parents, and you. If he is, then there is nothing we can do. Remain calm...I will let you know as soon as I know.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2006, 07:46:31 PM by Dachshund »

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #49 on: July 27, 2006, 07:40:39 PM »
Rod is right

Offline tnboy

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #50 on: July 27, 2006, 07:49:52 PM »
I have done all I know to do and hope at this point that he is alright. He called me and it makes me feel very helpless because there is nothing I can do if he wont let me or any of us for that matter. I do feel better that he has actually spoken with his parents, he insisted to me that he has not and will not but if he has then that is great news to hear.

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #51 on: July 27, 2006, 07:57:16 PM »
I can't believe this.  He posted in my Gatherings thread not too long ago, and seemed in good spirits.  Cross your fingers, say a prayer, whatever works........

Offline Life

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #52 on: July 27, 2006, 07:58:31 PM »
Rest Easy....  Let the professionals now take over.  All of you have done a great job in a medium of communications that is not always conducive of quick response time...  Say a prayer or go take a walk...  Dan was reaching out in his post...  I don't think its over, no not yet....

Offline Teresa

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #53 on: July 27, 2006, 07:58:54 PM »
Been praying since I read his post!
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline blondbeauty

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #54 on: July 27, 2006, 08:01:39 PM »
Praying for him... :'(
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline purpledragonfly

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #55 on: July 27, 2006, 08:03:23 PM »
I do not know Dan at all, but he is a part of this forum family, so he is a part of my family. Dan if you ever read this please know that no matter if we know each other or not you are a part of my family and i care about you and love you.
I am praying very very hard right now. I will not stop till i know he is ok.

Love Wendy

Offline Eldon

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #56 on: July 27, 2006, 08:03:59 PM »
Everyone say a PRAYER for Dan that he will be alright. Everyone calm down you have done what you could do.

Offline The Canuck

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #57 on: July 27, 2006, 08:08:24 PM »
I'm not much the prayer type but will have him in my thoughts. I'm still hoping he'll come to Montreal though as he really needs to get out of Jackson for a little while, see new faces and who knows ? It might help him more than we think.

Regards,

The Canuck

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #58 on: July 27, 2006, 08:09:38 PM »
I just got off the phone with Dan's father. He talked to Dan and Dan's mother is going to meet him where Dan told them he was. His father said he sounded fine and will call me back when he knows more. Let's hold off on discussing this until we know more.

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #59 on: July 27, 2006, 08:53:38 PM »
Dan,

I just saw you in this thread.  Please respond

Offline Jeff64

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #60 on: July 27, 2006, 08:55:50 PM »
This whole thread has brought me to tears.

Is he allright? I don't even know him, but the thought of suicide just makes me cry.

I read every post just now and am overwhelmed with how much all of you CARE about the rest of us...it is overwhelming.

Jeff

Offline cmhjeff

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #61 on: July 27, 2006, 08:56:35 PM »
Oh my god,when did all this start? I had an out of area call today at 3:45 and by the time I picked up the call the caller hung up. Could it have been Dan reaching out? This thread has really shook me up. Dan,my friend you just told me how you were going to get a dog when you got back from Montreal. Dan I'm praying for you

I Love you
Jeff

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #62 on: July 27, 2006, 08:57:57 PM »
Goddammit Dan, respond.  You owe us that.

Offline Jeff64

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #63 on: July 27, 2006, 08:58:31 PM »
He is onling according to AIDSmeds.

I just sent him a PM....hope he responds.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #64 on: July 27, 2006, 08:59:54 PM »
Dan we know you have been online reading this thread. No need to explain, knowing you are okay would suffice.

Offline Lis

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #65 on: July 27, 2006, 09:06:00 PM »
god knows... most of us feel your pain.. we wait at all times for the other shoe to fall.. and most times it does... you are loved.. respected and wanted more then you will evre know...  you take your time.. you stick your finger down your throat, puke that shit up, and get yourself to the ER.... the is NO shame in your saddness.. we can all relate!!!
lisbeth
« Last Edit: July 27, 2006, 09:53:48 PM by RUKind »
poz 1986....

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #66 on: July 27, 2006, 09:17:14 PM »


  Dan,

  I just want to tell you I am glad you are ok.  That is all that matters...  You can be angry and say you don't know me from flip...  if I can be a stranger that can help then so be it.   I may need help from a stranger myself one day..

    Feel better Dan
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

jerry

  • Guest
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #67 on: July 27, 2006, 09:20:10 PM »
Dan we are all pulling for you on here and you have most of our numbers. If you ever get down and need to talk too any of us you know we are always there for you man. You take care and get better soon.

Offline Teresa

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #68 on: July 27, 2006, 09:25:54 PM »
Dan,

I hope your OK....Ive been praying for you!

Big Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #69 on: July 27, 2006, 09:33:40 PM »
My prayers are also with all of the people here tonight who have shown such caring concern and great heart under very painful and frightening circumstances.
Andy Velez

Offline Optimistic

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  • An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctors Away!
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #70 on: July 27, 2006, 09:53:55 PM »
Dan,

I have never met you, but I have read posts from you and it makes me really sad to see that you are feeling this way.  If you are reading this, please respond.  I am also praying for you and hope that you are ok. 

Justin
12/06 (Atripla): cd4 - 260; cd% - 33%; vl - 169
1/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 267; cd% - 38.1%; vl - 132
4/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 373; cd% - 33.9%; vl - <50
7/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 287; cd% - 35.8%; vl - <50
9/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 356; cd% - 39.5%; vl - <50
12/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 517

Offline carousel

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #71 on: July 27, 2006, 10:05:48 PM »
Dan

We've  never spoken, but I hope that you are safe tonight.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #72 on: July 27, 2006, 10:37:40 PM »
While I was out Dan's father left me a message. Dan had to be put in the hospital this evening. He said Dan was okay and that he was on his way back to the hospital. I won't bother his family this evening but will call in the morning to check on Dan. I am a little shaken up by all of this...I was afraid to listen to the message when I saw Dan's number on my phone. I hope Dan can get the help he so desperately needs. I know Dan and his parents could use your thoughts and prayers.

Sadly,
Hal

Offline Life

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #73 on: July 27, 2006, 10:39:00 PM »
Dear Dan....

When we talk about family we talk about those who care for us through life's up's and down's.  As you can see, you were caught on the down side by love.   Please know that you mean a great deal to those who know you, and those who know of you.   I would hope you would reach out and ask for what you need - it will be supplied.  There is no reason to think you are in this by yourself, and if you do, just look up......  Our journey together is one sure way of getting through and managing the next set of hurdles, but you know that, you always did.  It just might have slipped your mind today...   Please rest well and know that we are thinking - praying - and hoping your soon return to us.

Love

Offline SouthSam7

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #74 on: July 27, 2006, 10:49:36 PM »
I concur with PurpleDragonFly... we are all each others brothers and sisters, and I care about you, brother.  You are not alone.  Love, Sam in 'bama

Offline Teresa

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #75 on: July 27, 2006, 10:52:59 PM »
Well I'm glad hes in the hospital and is OK for now.

This has sure been a very emotional evening for us all.

I am and have been praying all evening for Dan and his folks.

Hope you get better soon Dan, so you can come back to us!

Love ya
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline J.R.E.

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  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #76 on: July 27, 2006, 11:07:16 PM »
Hello Dan,

As I am typing this, I am hoping that you are safe. You have a lot of people that care about you Dan. Sending good thoughts and energy your way.



((((HUGS))))     Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 8/2514,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #77 on: July 27, 2006, 11:21:08 PM »


  Dan,

  Rasheen and I are sending you our love.... 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline kiki06

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #78 on: July 27, 2006, 11:21:45 PM »
I wanted to add my prayers for Dan and his family tonight. I hope that you are able to find help and get well. You have a great bunch of friends/family/support here and a very lucky man.

I'm new to this forum and I was amazed and in awe over the amount of love and support shown here tonight for Dan. I'm glad I found you all.

Many hugs to everyone.
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
           Mother Teresa

Offline tnboy

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #79 on: July 27, 2006, 11:25:00 PM »
This is such a relief to hear that Dan is safely off the street and is hopefully getting the care he needs. This got the best of me and I just had to go for a long walk to calm my own nerves. I have been in Dan's shoes before, as some of you have as well, but I never realized until tonight the fear it can bring upon others that care when this kind of thing happens. I also can appreciate the professionals that are trained to handle crisis like this.

Offline purpledragonfly

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #80 on: July 27, 2006, 11:57:45 PM »
Dan, i am so very thankful that you are now safe. Please know that you are so loved and needed here is these forums. Like i said before we are family and family is there for each other no matter what. Please next time you get feeling like stop and call someone who cares about you and loves you, even if we haven't ever ment in person.
I will keep praying for you. Hope you are back soon.


Love Wendy

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #81 on: July 28, 2006, 12:21:44 AM »
Dan,
I hope and pray you are doing well. It is obvious you have several people that care deeply about you. That is a beautiful thing. We are all in this together, I hope you are feeling less alone, and you can rest easy knowing you have several people that are in your corner.
Positive since 1985

Offline heartforyou

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  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #82 on: July 28, 2006, 04:30:17 AM »
Dan,

You told me yesterday afternoon that you needed me.
I told you I needed you.

You said you needed to talk about many issues in Montreal and we will.

Magda had no way out.
You have your family here and I have been overwhelmed by the immense rescue action.
This is never seen on here and it shows that many of us have been in your shoes.

Rest, calm down and get ready for Montreal.

What would I do with all the hugs I saved for you???

Hermie

Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #83 on: July 28, 2006, 05:28:21 AM »
Dan,

I can't tell you how relieved I am this morning to find that you are safe in hospital. I wasn't posting last night, but was following this thread all the same and I even dreamt about this situation overnight. The dream details are hazy, but it involved someone from our forum family being in great peril and being helped and carried through with the forum's love. I'm glad my dream was true.

Hang in there mate!

Hugs,
Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Nadine

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #84 on: July 28, 2006, 05:35:50 AM »
I am so happy to wake up this morning and find that Dan is safe and he will be getting the help that he so desperately needs.

I watched this thread in horror lastnight, at the same time, I was in awe of everyone that was trying to help. This is a F***ing wonderful family!

Dan, please know you will remain in my thoughts, you will get through this. The love for you here is immense...I am glad that you reached out for help lastnight.
Rest up and feel better, my friend. There are many people looking forward to seeing you in Montreal.

((HUGS)) & KISSES  :-*

Offline Tim Horn

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #85 on: July 28, 2006, 06:13:01 AM »
I'd also like to extend a very warm and sincere note of appreciation and amazement to daschund (Hal) --

Hal, it sounds as if you were the one who got Dan the physical help he so desperately needed, or at least made sure of it.  You used all resources available to you, contacted the moderators, and have kept the Forums members abreast of Dan's situation.

As far as I'm concerned, you are the hero of the day.  Watching you handle this with such concern -- and calm -- has been incredibily reaffirming (at least for me) and speaks to the value of these Forums and what people such as yourself bring to them.  While we are fortunate to have wonderful members like Dan in the Forums, we are truly blessed with members such as yourself.  The long and short of it is that you helped in saving a valuable and vital life -- and this is not the kind of Forums gift that should ever go unspoken.

With love, admiration, and respect,

Tim

Offline Nadine

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #86 on: July 28, 2006, 06:18:18 AM »
I'd also like to extend a very warm and sincere note of appreciation and amazement to daschund (Hal) --

Thank you Hal! You really did a fantastic thing lastnight!

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #87 on: July 28, 2006, 06:46:20 AM »
Hal,

I'd also like to thank you personally for what you did last night. Although we also talked about this briefly via PM, I wanted to make my appreciation public.

I'd also like to thank everyone who offered prayers, help and support. I know there were many more of you reading this thread but not responding and the care and concern could actually be felt in the air regardless. Times like these show just how much we really do care about each other and that is priceless.

This family rocks and I'm privileged to know you guys.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #88 on: July 28, 2006, 08:20:45 AM »
Bless everyone here, and Dan, it is clear that you are loved.  Never forget that.

Offline cmhjeff

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #89 on: July 28, 2006, 08:37:34 AM »
Good morning family and friends. I hated going to sleep last night and I'm in tears reading this today. I was overwhelmed by the fear of the unknown. I'm relieved to know Dan is getting the help he needs and I'm in awestruck by the love here. I've been in Dan's shoes before and have made similar attempts twice. One time I took myself to the hospital and the other time I guess I was lucky. Reading this thread last night really hit me hard because I never realized just how many people are effected and I hope if I ever reach that low point again that I can remember this thread and remember Dan.

Thank you Hal - Thank you Everyone

HUGS

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #90 on: July 28, 2006, 08:51:32 AM »
Gee guys you are making me blush. I did just what each and every one of you would have done. I am honored to call you all friends and family. In his heart I know Dan is too. I pray he can get some help and find some peace.

Love,
Hal


Offline Trish

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #91 on: July 28, 2006, 09:12:06 AM »
Dan, I love you and I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.  I'm relieved to know that you are safe.  We all care about you very deeply and we are family, and as such we never let one of our own sink.  We will all be here when you return.  HUGS always... and remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Hal, thank you for going the distance and keeping us well-informed.  BRAVO!

"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline CApronda

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #92 on: July 28, 2006, 10:38:22 AM »
When I'm Gone .... Where Is Beyond ?
When It's Time ... You Have Decided That It's Now ... Why Did I Wake Up Not To The Heavenly Lights ... But To Flourescent Overheads ?  Does One Decide When Or Is It Decided By Your Destiny ?
Wednesday June 7, 2006 - 02:05am (MDT)

This is What I Was Feeling When I Decided .... You Are Not Alone Friend ... I Am Here And You Are Here Too ... There Is A Reason ???  I Do Understand And Am Happy That You Are Here

Farewell

My computer doesnít run, just like the rest of my sorry assed sick life, loss of no one, loved by less, betrayed by all, or should I say anyone that really should matter to me.

I donít want it anymore; I hate my life, my being, my nothingness. God forgive them, for they know not what they do. I didnít deserve this, I always tried, itís just never good enough, hopeless, despair, loneliness, desperate, deserted, no where to turn when I need help. Iíve been screaming over and over, not a soul listens.

I think that I am better off dead, so I canít feel this never ending pain and anguish that haunts my heart.

Your embarrassment and shame will soon be over, youíll regret the pain and sorrow that you made me go through and miss me when Iím gone. Too little, too late, youíll have to make amends to your maker.
Iíve fought and won for everything I stood for Ö true and trustworthy and know in my heart I did my best. Who do you think you are to every judge my life?

You have lied to me . . . the truth no matter how bad would have shown me that you knew I was unconditional.

You have cheated when you should have understood that winning wasnít what I wanted, just having you as my partner was all that was important.

You have stolen from me you should have known anything I had and more was yours for the asking. My greatest pleasure would have been to share anything with you.

You have betrayed me . . . I have always been loyal and there for you!

You have discredited me, bad mouthed, divulged my personal affairs . . . have I not proudly boast to anyone listening about all your gifts, I would smite those who ever said anything bad about you and protect you with my life.

Have you ever loved someone so much that you would give your life to save theirs? I have and would without the asking.

Have I ever made a promise or commitment that I havenít followed through on? Whether it was to be there for you, or swallowing 30 Seroquels, or slicing my wrists just because you were acting like a drama queen.

Have I not stood in front of your attacker, taken a gun to the head of your foe, made amends for your follies?

Havenít I taken the food from my mouth to feed you, the clothes off my back to dress you?

Have I ever asked or expected anything from anyone of you? Oh yes three times in my life and three times youíve turn away.

Youíve all been down and out at one time or another, yet who was there without question? Without any thoughts of payback or whatís in it for me.  Thatís not what any of you did only when it was in your best interest in your own timing.

I donít expect accolades just hope that you all reflect on your deeds and perhaps show someone more compassion than you did to me! 

Do you ever think I needed you? Do you ever think I needed your support or encouragement?

Can you think of just one instance where you thought about me before yourselves?

Did you ever take the time to know who and what I was about? I doubt it but you all can be assured that I had the privilege to know you all very well. Iím certain that each one of you knew that, seemingly so as each and every one of you always turned up on my doorstep, unsolicited I might add. 

All of you without exception needed me more than I needed you and I am truly blessed!
http://mp.aol.com/video.index.adp?pmmsid=1434768&referer=http://music.aol.com/artist/eminem/347307/main&mode=1
When I'm Gone Maybe someone might look at my Web Site you may get to know me and what I was all about.

Weíll what more can I say except that I love you all more than life itís self.

Good Bye and I do believe that my rewards will be in Heaven, as they sure the hell werenít here on Earth!




This isn't the first time I've tried to do this. Slashing wirst, cuttoing deep into my skin with a sharp serated hunting kife. Hell, I've even put the my postil in my mouth before only for it to be taken away from me.

Now it's a chance to let the meds do thermagic. What has been done is done there is no going back now. I feel the medications starting to work.

I just chewed 24 2MG lorazepam, 30 25mg Amitriptyline & 10 25mg seroquel. All chased down with a pint of good old standby Absolute vodka. I hope I get the result I'm looking for.
And You Begin To Accept Your Defeats, With Your Head Up And Your Eyes Open,
           With A Grace Of A Woman, Not The Grief Of A Child

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #93 on: July 28, 2006, 11:03:57 AM »
CApronda,

I am not quite sure I understand this response. But, it feels wrong and inappropriate for you to use this thread for your own purpose. If I am missing something I apologize.

Offline Lisa

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    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #94 on: July 28, 2006, 11:13:42 AM »
I must agree. I found myself a little confused by this post as well. I am unable to distinguish whether this is an empathetic post, or a me too outreach.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #95 on: July 28, 2006, 11:16:40 AM »
cApronda,

Perhaps your concerns would go well in a separate thread. If we can help you, we will. What's happened to Dan is very distressing to us and I don't think it appropriate for you to tack your issues onto this thread.

Have at least a modicum of respect.

MtD

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #96 on: July 28, 2006, 11:21:24 AM »
CApronda,

If you wish, I could split your post out into its own thread. Let me know.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline ademas

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #97 on: July 28, 2006, 11:25:51 AM »
damn...

(((Dan))) my best thoughts to you this morning...I'm relieved to hear you are in the hospital and receiving care.

Hal & others...I'm in awe. 

xox

Offline zephyr

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    • Zephyr L.T.N.P. Foundation, Inc.
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #98 on: July 28, 2006, 12:22:38 PM »
Truly an amazing family, this!

I was completely unaware of this event, until just this moment. What a remarkable response to one of our own in need!!

Good job, everyone.

Dan, I am sending you the strongest hopes for recovery from this intense depression. Honey, this out-pouring of love and support for you has just got to make you feel the value you have in this world.

Please, feel better, and soon.

With love, love, love,

Zephyr :-*
"It is character that communicates most eloquently."

Offline ACinKC

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #99 on: July 28, 2006, 01:05:56 PM »
I know precious few of you and I am in tears.  A family has been bonded for me, friends forged through challenges and love.  I doubt I'll forget this day or outpouring of raw, unconditional love for the rest of my life.

(not feeling wierd at all saying this)
I love all of you.
Andrew
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Eldon

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #100 on: July 28, 2006, 02:25:15 PM »
Hello Dan it is Eldon, I am so releived to hear that you are in the best of care. All of us here are a family and we do care about you.

Best wishes in your recovery as well. AND thanks Hal you are a shining star, no matter who you are.

Great job everyone! Support Each Other is my motto.

Offline CApronda

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #101 on: July 28, 2006, 02:33:09 PM »
Thank you For Making Me Understand
I perhaps communicated my concern and understanding inappropriately and am truly sorry and appreciative of your voiced concerns.

My most private personal disclosure was in no way for the benefit or the interpretation of our readers only for that one person in need to know.   When I read this post I was brought to tears with his words reaching to the deepest parts in my heart and soul.  These were not just words but emotions which many fortunate people will never have to experience however paralleled and never forgotten in my own life.

I remember the importance of those who gave me empathy and support with their sincere concern and caring well wishing  but deep down I wondered if they really knew what this was all about.

All the Medical Specialists ~ Psychiatrics ~ Nurses ~ Police  ~ Paramedics that provided continual support couldn't fill a void that I knew only someone that had walked there before me could understand and interpret the intrinsic values of all those feelings that were unspoken yet still there.

My purpose was to relate to and share this dark place with him where one can feel so alone, afraid, angry, ashamed and validate his feelings and recognize the experience that another walks beside him.

I will delete my posting as required by your response.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2006, 02:35:59 PM by CApronda »
And You Begin To Accept Your Defeats, With Your Head Up And Your Eyes Open,
           With A Grace Of A Woman, Not The Grief Of A Child

Offline CApronda

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #102 on: July 28, 2006, 03:22:04 PM »
Thank you for your thoughts and I can assure you that the greatest respect was my intention.

Yes I agree this situation is distressing and Dan is very fortunate to have all of you as friends.  The inappropriateness of tacking my issues onto this thread confirms exactly what is not understood.

It is difficult to simplify a paradox of such complexity or one would recognize that these are not just my issues or issues at all but the reality and its commonality as a whole.


cApronda,

Perhaps your concerns would go well in a separate thread. If we can help you, we will. What's happened to Dan is very distressing to us and I don't think it appropriate for you to tack your issues onto this thread.

Have at least a modicum of respect.

MtD
And You Begin To Accept Your Defeats, With Your Head Up And Your Eyes Open,
           With A Grace Of A Woman, Not The Grief Of A Child

Offline Christine

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #103 on: July 28, 2006, 03:46:48 PM »
I just read through the posts. You all are an amazing group of people.

Dan,
My thoughts and prayers are going out to you. I want to keep reading your posts, and share all of your joys and hardships for years to come. And I want to hear all about your new puppy. We can share doggie stories!

You are loved and respected here. Peace be with you.
Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline Oscar

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #104 on: July 29, 2006, 12:54:40 AM »
First of all thanks T  Hal, Mike, John, Trish and anyone else who either called or made a psot in this thread. My last few hours are3 all al blue and I have no idea if this went through one dau or tow. I barely remember being in the hopsital. I think Steve was there. All I could hear was my mothers yappy mouth going off aboujt soem stupid subtect to some body.  I remember pulling the IV out of my arm, ripping off all of the heart monitor stuff and running out of there  with security, police chasing me. I t was pouring down rain when I left the hosptial . I got to with in a block of my house. The co0ps converged on me with their guns raised like I was a criminal. I tlold them to go ahead and do me the favor and blow my brains out. Next think I knwo I'm thrown on the hood of a cop car (in the rain), handcuffed , thrown in the back of a police car & taken back to the hospital. There I sat in a holding room for over 3-4 hours & then they movied me upstars and strapped me into a hospital bed. I eventually was given over to the sheriffs department to be taken to Western State Memtal Hospital. ther I spoke with a psychiatrist. She decided that I didn't need to stay but strongly urged that I get counsling. So Here I am back home... STILL HURTING
« Last Edit: July 29, 2006, 03:38:31 AM by Oscar »

Offline lydgate

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #105 on: July 29, 2006, 12:58:45 AM »
Welcome back pooch.  :-*

The hurting gets better. Trust me.

Jay
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #106 on: July 29, 2006, 12:59:40 AM »
Oh Dan,

Honey, please get the help you need. You don't have to live like this. Things can be so much better.

We love you.

MtD

Offline DCGuy511

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #107 on: July 29, 2006, 01:04:20 AM »
Dan,
I'm glad that you're okay.  Please take care of yourself. You are important to us.

Steve
Steve
Infected/Diagnosed Fall 2003
"No Man Is An Island" - J Donne

Offline Oscar

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #108 on: July 29, 2006, 01:11:52 AM »
I know that it would be health for me to just stay completely way from you know who. But I'v e lost myselfi in him. I'm fighting the urge to go knowck on his back door right now. I know I don't need to, BUT I FEEL LIKE I do. I'm the obsessed  not Steve. All this shit has very little in the grand scheme of thing than that man. This shit goes way back to when I was molested a 5, put in a special class in school where the kids ideas of recess and nap time was to either fuck out behind the bushes or in the closet. I''v e had low self esteem all my life. My mother alwayst told me I couldn't do anything, my dad, he was a good father, a provider but very very cold and distant. I donl't think I really know what love really is.

All I know is I need a change  physically, mentally & spirtually. Because if something doesn't happen soon the next time I will succeed. I'm going to plan for it.

Dan

Offline The Canuck

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #109 on: July 29, 2006, 01:13:59 AM »
Dan,

I'm happy to read you are safe and back home. As Matty said Dan, you need to get help as life can be fun and worthwhile even when being HIV+.

I really hope you're not considering cancelling your trip to Montreal. You'll have there people to talk to and I'm sure you'll be back to Jackson with some positive energy, from there you will have to put some effort for getting out of this vicious circle.

Besides you have to believe that people care about you, want you to be happy and understand you are a much better better person than you think you are.

See ya' in Montreal Dan...

Regards,

The Canuck

jerry

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #110 on: July 29, 2006, 01:16:20 AM »
Dan what can I say but I know what you are feeling I went through the same thing about two months ago and tried to take a lot of pills also. There is some reason that we are suppose to be here and can't get away. I can say this please think or pick up the phone and call some of your family here on aidsmeds because we really care for you and love you very much.

Just think honey just in under 18 days and we can finally get to meet each other and have one big group hug.

Love you man and mean it.
 :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #111 on: July 29, 2006, 01:16:49 AM »
Dan, you should not be out of the hospital this soon. A suicide attempt requires a hold for at least 72 hours.

Regardless, you are still in need of critical care and supervision. I hope you get the help you need.

*edited
As much as this situation brought to light the power and amazing cohesion that is aidsmeds.com, I hope that no one is made cynical by the fact that the circumstances surrounding the situation remain suspect.

Daschound, killfolie, Ann, Tim, Peter, you guys are heroes. Seriously. And  I hope this serves as an object lesson to anyone who thinks that these forums are simply stages on which to place dramatic production. We will conspire to take physical action if we feel a threat exists. And we will make certain that this situation is resolved.

Its not Tough love. Its just Love... for the entirety that is aidsmeds.com, as much as for the individuals who exist here.

« Last Edit: July 29, 2006, 01:39:13 AM by jkinatl2 »
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline lydgate

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #112 on: July 29, 2006, 01:21:44 AM »
It's not true that you've not experienced love. What is this -- this group of friends, of family -- if not love. True, it's over the internet. True, it's not a physical body. But it is love.

Dan, would you consider checking yourself in for a few days? That way, you're in control. I wrote you in a PM how I checked myself in for a week, a few weeks ago. After I'd called the suicide helpline. I lied here and said I had gone to stay at a friend's place. Nope, I was in a hospital. It helped. A lot.

I changed my AD meds quite a bit. And I feel fine now. And strong. Don't listen to the voices of depression, they trade in bad stuff.

Steve-obsession is fine. If his help is what you need at the moment, go knock on his door now.

Can you get on a plane and come stay with one of us for a few weeks before Montreal? To get away from Jackson?

With understanding, concern, and love --

Jay
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #113 on: July 29, 2006, 01:56:50 AM »
Quote
All I know is I need a change  physically, mentally & spirtually. Because if something doesn't happen soon the next time I will succeed. I'm going to plan for it.

I do not believe you.

But I have been royally pissed since your first stunt yesterday. You simply do NOT take what you said and get into a car and drive and end up back online two and a half hours later. That's impossible. Its bullshit.

Dan, I am calling BS. You pulled this same thing last year. And last year, you had the whole board buzzing around looking for you. Yeah, I remember.

If you are serious, then you need to be in in-patient care for at LEAST three days. But the police never saw you, did they? You drove to your parents house and talked them into either taking you to a hospital (doubtful, since they never would have released you in two hours) or covering for you (read: lying) to the board.

Regardless, and at the risk of the wrath of the forum, I call bullshit. You manipulated this forum because your "relationship" had ended and you had a lack of drama in your life.

I certainly hope that the bridges you burned here have been worth the attention and effort. I fell for all this once. I did not fall this time, and I was right. I would rather be ashamed for my cynicism, but I am not. Not this time. You hurt people. You used people. I hope you can live with that, and with your hard choices.

I do not for a moment think you are emotionally stable, don't get me wrong. I think you have a pathology and a mental instability that requires a great deal of therapy and assistance.... and I honestly hope you get the help that you need. I submit that you have poisoned the well here for now.

I've been sitting on this emotional junk all night, and I just could not keep it to myself any longer. Have at me, guys. Slice me to shreds. Thing is, we were used.

Pwned.

 And that hurts me deeply. Hurts worse when I see the good souls here expending their limited resources trying to help. Trying to save a soul who, for all I know.. all I suspect... was staring at the fracas on the computer screen, happy to have gotten this reaction from the gullible, the sweet, the noble, the brave people who actually have lives.

God Freaking Damnit. This is why I don't post here too much anymore.


"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Sdgirl

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #114 on: July 29, 2006, 02:49:35 AM »
Amen my brother!  I wanted to say this whole entire time and you took the words right out of my mouth..................bullshit, that is what it is
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?"

Offline Cliff

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #115 on: July 29, 2006, 03:05:20 AM »
Hi Dan,

I don't know what's going on or what the full story is.  But I do know that you have been reaching out for help for a very long time now.  I know you have been wanting a change in your life (living conditions, work, family, lovelife, etc..) for a while now.  I hope you realize that lots of people do genuinely care for you, (even if they didn't post in this thread).

But mostly I hope you get the help that you have been offerred, not for us, but for yourself.  I'm convinced your life could be what you want it to be, if only you would take, what I imagine to be, the difficult steps in getting professional help.

Cliff

Offline Oscar

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #116 on: July 29, 2006, 03:07:47 AM »
EVERYTHING I POSTED IN THIS THREAD IS THE TRUTH. @ 5:00  I TOOK THE MEDICATIONS I SAID I DID. BECAUSE OF THE ACTIONS OF HAL AND OTHERS ON THIS BOARD CONTACTING MY FAMILY THEY FOUND ME IN A CITY PARKPOPPING MORE PILLS. BY MY MOTHER & WAS TAKLKED INTO GOING HOME WHERE  I WAS HANDCUFFED IN MY BEDROOM, & TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL, wHILE AT THE HOSPITAL RIPPED OUT MY IV, HEART MONITOR LINES AND FLED THE HOSPITAL. I WAS FOUND BY 4 POLICE OFFICERS WHILE WALKING HOME IN THE RAIN. THEY THREW ME ON HE HOOD OF THE CAR, HANDCUFFED ME AND TOOK BE BACK TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE I SAT IN A HOLDING ROOM FOR AT LEAST 2 HOURS. THEY THEN MOVED ME TO A ROOM ON THE 10TH FLOOR. AS SOON AS I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL BED THEY RESTRAINED ME WAITING FOR SHERIFF'S DEPUTIES TO DRIVE ME TO WESTERN STATE MENTAL HOPSITAL TO BE EVALUATED BY A PSYCHIATRIST.  i GOT BACK HOME AROUND 11PMI TOLD THE WOMAN THINGS SHE WANTED TO HEAR. SINCE I HAD A HOME TO GO BACK TO SHE LET ME GO. THIS ISN'T OVER. I'M NOT GOING TO TRY ANYTHING FOOLISH LIKE WHAT I DID TODAY AGAIN. I WILL END IT THE LEGAL WAY. SINCE I MISSED MY MEDS TODAY I WON'T BE TAKING ANYMORE OF THOSE AND I WILL JUST LET MY BODY BE DESTROYED BY HIV. THAT IS LEGAL & I HAVE THAT RIGHT TO MAKE THAT CHOICE. IT WILL BE A LONG SLOW WAY TO GO BUT THE ENDS WILL JUSTIFY THE MEANS. I'M TIRED. TIRED OF LIVING WITH THIS THING IN MY BODY, TIRED OF THE UNHEALTHY REALTIONSHIP (THERE ARE A FEW OF THOSE ON THIS FORUM) TIRED  OF FEELING LIKE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT ON  BOTTOMSOMEBODIES NEW WHITE TENNIS SHOE. MY ISSUES GO WAY BACK TO THE TIME WHEN I WAS YOUNG . BEING MOLESTED AT THE AGE OF 5 , COPYING THOSE BEHAVIORS WITH OTHER YOUNG BOYS, DOING DRUGS AND BOOZE TO MAKE ME LIKE MYSELF EVEN MORE. I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE. SO IF YOU WANT TO SIT THERE AND TELL ME THAT I LIED TO CAUSE A BIG DRAMA HERE ON THE BOARD YOU WERE WRONG. WHAT I SAID WAS THE TRUTH & IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THAT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND. IF ANYONE ELSE HERE FEELS THE SAME WAY & YOU DON'T WANT ME AROUND ANYMORE JUST SAY THE WORD AND I AM GONE.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2006, 03:42:16 AM by Oscar »

Offline allanq

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #117 on: July 29, 2006, 03:09:25 AM »
It's impossible to really know someone in cyberspace. It is very difficult  to get a balanced and true view of someone's situation in any internet forum. I don't think it is a good idea to start a discussion questioning another person's intentions or state of mind.

Just my opinion.

Allan
Top (Breakfast): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress, Zoloft (2), Glyburide (2), Aspirin
Bottom right (Dinner): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress
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Center: Alprazolam (Xanax)
Not shown: various vitamins & supplements

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #118 on: July 29, 2006, 03:15:24 AM »
EVERYTHING I POSTED IN THIS THREAD IS THE TRUTH. @ 5:00  I TOOK THE MEDICATIONS I SAID I DID. BECAUSE OF THE ACTIONS OF HAL AND OTHERS ON THIS BOARD CONTACTING MY FAMILY THEY FOUND ME IN A CITY PARK POPPING MORE PILLS. I WAS HANDCUFFED IN MY BEDROOM, TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL, RIPPED OUT MY IV, HEART MONITOR LINES AND FLED THE HOSPITAL. I WAS FOUND BY 4 POLICE OFFICERS WHILE WALKING HOME IN THE RAIN. THEY THREW ME ON HE HOOD OF THE CAR, HANDCUFFED ME AND TOOK BE BACK TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE I SAT IN A HOLDING ROOM FOR AT LEAST 2 HOURS. THEY THEN MOVED ME TO A ROOM ON THE 10TH FLOOR. AS SOON AS I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL BED THEY RESTRAINED ME WAITING FOR SHERIFF'S DEPUTIES TO DRIVE ME TO WESTERN STATE MENTAL HOPSITAL TO BE EVALUATED BY A PSYCHIATRIST. I TOLD THE WOMAN THINGS SHE WANTED TO HEAR. SINCE I HAD A HOME TO GO BACK TO SHE LET ME GO. THIS ISN'T OVER. I'M NOT GOING TO TRY ANYTHING FOOLISH LIKE WHAT I DID TODAY AGAIN. I WILL END IT THE LEGAL WAY. SINCE I MISSED MY MEDS TODAY I WON'T BE TAKING ANYMORE OF THOSE AND I WILL JUST LET MY BODY BE DESTROYED BY HIV. THAT IS LEGAL & I HAVE THAT RIGHT TO MAKE THAT CHOICE. IT WILL BE A LONG SLOW WAY TO GO BUT THE ENDS WILL JUSTIFY THE MEANS. I'M TIRED. TIRED OF LIVING WITH THIS THING IN MY BODY, TIRED OF THE UNHEALTHY REALTIONSHIP (THERE ARE A FEW OF THOSE ON THIS FORUM) TIRED  OF FEELING LIKE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT ON  BOTTOMSOMEBODIES NEW WHITE TENNIS SHOE. MY ISSUES GO WAY BACK TO THE TIME WHEN I WAS YOUNG . BEING MOLESTED AT THE AGE OF 5 , COPYING THOSE BEHAVIORS WITH OTHER YOUNG BOYS, DOING DRUGS AND BOOZE TO MAKE ME LIKE MYSELF EVEN MORE. I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE. SO IF YOU WANT TO SIT THERE AND TELL ME THAT I LIED TO CAUSE A BIG DRAMA HERE ON THE BOARD YOU WERE WRONG. WHAT I SAID WAS THE TRUTH & IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THAT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND. IF ANYONE ELSE HERE FEELS THE SAME WAY & YOU DON'T WANT ME AROUND ANYMORE JUST SAY THE WORD AND I AM GONE.[/color]


Dan,

You need to understand just how much distress and disruption this has caused here. Ok, you're hurting we get the picture, but this whole incident has caused a lot of people unbelievable grief and upset.

Not just you.

Jonathan's comments are, I'm sorry to say, apt and to the point. He had the courage to say what many of us have been thinking for the last two days. You really need to get your shit together and sort this out. It can be done. Many of us have problems likes yours. Some have it worse than you.

But we cope, ya dig?

The support offered here is a two way thing. You ask for help and we do what we can, but there is an onus on you to do something to help yourself. This isn't the first time you've erupted in crisis in this place babe and you never seem to do anything to help yourself.

Dan, it's time for you to make some decisions for yourself. You're rapidly burning through your goodwill with many of us. We can only take so much crap babe.

Fix yourself.

MtD
« Last Edit: July 29, 2006, 03:17:04 AM by matty.the.damned »

Offline Oscar

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #119 on: July 29, 2006, 03:30:50 AM »
FINE, IF I CAUSE SO MUCH ILL WILL FOR ALL OF YOU I WON'T DARKEN THE HALL OF THIS FORUM ANYMORE.

I WILL KEEP MY ASS AT HOME AND NOT GO TO MONTREAL. I WOULD HATE THAT ME BEING PRESENT THERE WOULD PUT A DAMPER ON THE FESTIVITIES. I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT TIME. THIS IS THE END OF THE LINE FOR ME, I'M OUT OF HERE.

I DO NOT WANT ANYMORE PEOPLE FROM THIS BOARD CONTACTING ME THROUGH, PHONE, OR EMAIL. YOU CALL ME I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A CUSSING YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE.


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #120 on: July 29, 2006, 03:41:41 AM »
FINE, IF I CAUSE SO MUCH ILL WILL FOR ALL OF YOU I WON'T DARKEN THE HALL OF THIS FORUM ANYMORE.

I WILL KEEP MY ASS AT HOME AND NOT GO TO MONTREAL. I WOULD HATE THAT ME BEING PRESENT THERE WOULD PUT A DAMPER ON THE FESTIVITIES. I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT TIME. THIS IS THE END OF THE LINE FOR ME, I'M OUT OF HERE.

I DO NOT WANT ANYMORE PEOPLE FROM THIS BOARD CONTACTING ME THROUGH, PHONE, OR EMAIL. YOU CALL ME I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A CUSSING YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE.


As you wish Dan. I'm sorry you can't appreciate what people have tried to do for you here.

MtD

Offline Oscar

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #121 on: July 29, 2006, 03:43:55 AM »
FINE, IF I CAUSE SO MUCH ILL WILL FOR ALL OF YOU I WON'T DARKEN THE HALL OF THIS FORUM ANYMORE.

I WILL KEEP MY ASS AT HOME AND NOT GO TO MONTREAL. I WOULD HATE THAT ME BEING PRESENT THERE WOULD PUT A DAMPER ON THE FESTIVITIES. I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT TIME. THIS IS THE END OF THE LINE FOR ME, I'M OUT OF HERE.

I DO NOT WANT ANYMORE PEOPLE FROM THIS BOARD CONTACTING ME THROUGH, PHONE, OR EMAIL. YOU CALL ME I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A CUSSING YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE.


As you wish Dan. I'm sorry you can't appreciate what people have tried to do for you here.

MtD

I APPRECIATE WHAT OTHER HAVE DONE FOR ME BUT I AM NOT GOING TO SIT BACK AND BE CALLED A LIAR BY ANY MEMBER OF THIS FORUM. YOU WERE NOT HERE.

Offline lydgate

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #122 on: July 29, 2006, 03:49:21 AM »
Frankly, I don't care at this point whether you lied or whether every word is true; whether some of the comments made tonight are valid or completely unjustified. What matters is your feeling better, getting better. OK? That's it. And, from all the advice offered by so many, you know there's a concerned consensus: get professional help.

Jay
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline Optimistic

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #123 on: July 29, 2006, 04:21:04 AM »
I have to agree with Jay...whether this was the truth, a lie, etc is really not a concern.  What matters most is that you are ok for now.  Hopefully this situation will help you come out of the dark and realize that it is possible to change and live a happy life.  Each and every single one of us have gone through the tough times you are experiencing, whether we are Hiv poz or neg.  You may think you have it the worst, but I guarantee you  that there are people out there who has it ten times worse than you.  If you want to stop feeling this way, all it takes is for you to make the first step in accepting help from others.  I have confidence that you will make the right choice.

Take care,

Justin
12/06 (Atripla): cd4 - 260; cd% - 33%; vl - 169
1/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 267; cd% - 38.1%; vl - 132
4/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 373; cd% - 33.9%; vl - <50
7/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 287; cd% - 35.8%; vl - <50
9/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 356; cd% - 39.5%; vl - <50
12/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 517

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #124 on: July 29, 2006, 04:53:58 AM »

    Dan,

  Do not cancel your trip to Montreal.  Maybe a little humility in this matter would serve better....  Just stop, breath, and come back tomorrow.   Dan come on man, if you did try to or if you didn't, you were wrong!  Take a few days if needed to collect your thoughts... try to see where Matty and Jonathan are coming from.  Don't be so damn defensive...

  Get it together brother.... and I say that with concern!

  Thomas
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #125 on: July 29, 2006, 06:46:14 AM »
I gotta be honest Dan, I am with JK here.  It smelled from the very beginning, but being one who has been royally chastised for being cold here, I bit my lip...... just in case.  Now, with the smoke settling, it smells even more.

Offline heartforyou

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  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #126 on: July 29, 2006, 06:59:32 AM »
Danny boy,

It's me , Hermie.

I just recently experienced what a terrible pain, grief, feeling of loss and deep sadness a suicide causes.
Honestly, when I read about your attempt it just sucked me down.

We have all been in a state of min where life did not see worth living anymore.
I had to face the answers on the Forum in spring 2006.
And , honestly many of the things said hurt. But it was the hurt that made me think about myself.
And through the thinking I I realised the only person who could help me was : ME.

It is of the  biggest importance to know that most people on here DO CARE.
And a lot of them have gone through similar processes. Call it growth, call it live, call it learn to live.

I shall be in Montreal. Arms open, mind open and heart open for you.  Take it.
We will talk, walk, laugh and cry. We will SHARE. And that is what Montreal will be about.

Sharing and realising this is one exceptional family that, I can assure you, many of my neg friends are very envious about.

Dan, grab the chance you are given. This comes from my heart.
I would hate to see a kindred soul go down this way.

love u

Hermie :-* :-* :-* and Lola  :-* :-* :-*
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline anniebc

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #127 on: July 29, 2006, 08:38:54 AM »
Dan

I know you need help (and I hope to god you get it) but right now I feel nothing but anger towards you...you have taken the love, the friendships and support of everyone here and you have abused it...that is unforgivable.

How many times do you need to be told how much you are loved and supported  before you will do something about it and stop hurting us?...I hope you have an answer to this, because I know my time here is precious, I don't want to spend it being angry, and I need to know that it's not going to waste.

HAL...what can I say that hasn't already been said, you have shown an amazing strength and compassion that speaks volumes..you are a decent and caring man and I'm proud to know you.

JONATHON...Thank you...just saying.. ;)

MATTY...Thank you for listening, you are an incredible young man.

Jan

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #128 on: July 29, 2006, 09:09:30 AM »
After receiving considerable pm's regarding Dan I feel it necessary to make my final statement regarding this unfortunate mess. Dan, I left the door open for you to fill in the blanks when and if you decided. That door as always remains open here at AIDSmeds. What you choose to do with it is up to you.

It is not my place or anyone else for that matter, to lecture, scold, beg, or plead with you to get help. That decision is yours and yours alone. I know you know that the truth will set you free. Am I angry...you betcha. That will pas when I sense that you are honestly trying to help yourself.

As for the outpouring of love I received from so many of you...your kindness is beyond belief. I think it was Eric who suggested a walk in the park...well, that is what Sam and I are about to do. I suggest everyone else find something to do today that makes them happy...or at least peaceful.

Cranky old Hal is honored to be in the company of such amazing people...and I love you all. Dan I hope you and your family can find some peace.

XXXOOO
Hal


Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #129 on: July 29, 2006, 10:05:01 AM »
Dan,

I have been praying for you and your family. Like the others here I hope you get the help you need. Its now up to you to get that help.

You have alot of people here that love and care about you. I am one of those people even though we dont know each other very well. I hope you do go to Montreal as I think it would do you a world of good.

Love
Teresa

Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,706
Re: What I have just done...
« Reply #130 on: July 29, 2006, 10:12:42 AM »
Dear All,

I am locking this thread now. Please look for a new thread I have started which relates to this one.

Thanks,

Andy Velez

 


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