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Author Topic: Oral Sex  (Read 10584 times)

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Offline doco

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Oral Sex
« on: July 27, 2006, 03:07:12 PM »
I'm confused.  I have been told by my doctors and friends that oral sex without ejaculation is very low risk.  Yet, my community AIDS organization says it's very high risk because of HIV in any precum.  My viral load is non-detectable and I'm an otherwise healthy guy.  I'd like to hear from you.  What is the risk of someone giving me head?

Offline MoltenStorm

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  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2006, 03:13:26 PM »
I will probably catch flack for this... again... but there is a slight risk for the person giving you head. Because of the rare cases where HIV is passed on, it is classified as a theoretical risk. As long as the person doing the sucking is not bleeding and has no open wounds (surgery, gums cut, etc), they will be fine.

Whenever bodily fluids have the chance to mix in an air tight environment, there is always a risk. If the person is not bleeding and has no open sores, the bodily fluids can't mix as there's no blood to mix with your precum/semen.

Just be aware of your lover's mouth (that sounds so wrong), and you and they will be fine.
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline MSPspud

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  • Joined Mar 2005 - Formerly UofMurbs
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2006, 03:29:48 PM »
The risk is theoretical as claimed cases cannot be proven.  Studies with long term sexual partners of a mixed status have not shown any transmissions via oral sex. 

In other words, I would have more concerns about losing my loved one in a plane crash.   

Offline newt

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2006, 03:31:25 PM »
Your ASO is talking out its eyelet.

Molten is closer.
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline lydgate

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  • Virgin, can't drive
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2006, 04:28:25 PM »
Though the risk (theoretical, vanishingly small...) remains the same in both situations, I'm curious (perhaps intrusively so) whether you were thinking about getting head in the context of dating and/or relationship, or in anonymous/casual sexual encounters, or both?

Jay
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,951
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2006, 05:10:36 PM »
I'm confused.  I have been told by my doctors and friends that oral sex without ejaculation is very low risk.  Yet, my community AIDS organization says it's very high risk because of HIV in any precum.  My viral load is non-detectable and I'm an otherwise healthy guy.  I'd like to hear from you.  What is the risk of someone giving me head?

Your question belongs in the Am I Infected Forum. You will find a HIV Transmission Lesson in the Welcome Thread that you should read. We have several AIDmeds members with the expertise to answer your questions concerning transmission in the proper forum.

Offline whizzer

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  • Posts: 363
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2006, 05:59:43 PM »
He says he has an undetectable viral load.  I assume he's poz until he states otherwise.

Here's an interesting panel discussion of the oral sex/transmission question:

http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/InSite?page=pr-rr-05

It is lengthy but woth reading.  They seem to come to no real consensus on the issue, other than to agree that oral sex without ejaculation is low risk - some say very very low - for both participants.  They seem to agree to disagree on the risk of oral sex with ejaculation for the receptive partner.  One study say 5-7% risk of transmission, one says zero.  They are all relatively small samples, 200 to 400 people.  They  explain the difficulty of getting truthful epidemiological data in studies like these - something to which I had never given much thought.

Offline Lou-ah-vull

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2006, 06:01:58 PM »
I disagree with Dachshund....he is already HIV+ and wants to know about the risks of someone else performing oral sex on him.  This is an issue with those of us who are living with HIV.  I almost never look at the Am I Infected forum (way too much paranoia, drama...and oddly enough, misspelling.) 

I have always wondered about the increased level of risk when there are mouth problems like gingivitis, bleeding gums, or in my case a mouth full of bridges, crowns and a partial (yes there are some real teeth in there too...lol)   No one seems to know how much riskier it is under those conditions. 

Oh well...I really just wandered into the thread because it said Oral Sex.  It appealed to my more animal instincts unlike most of threads that appeal to my intellectual instincts.  It was a pleasant diversion from my current worry about changing my Kaletra for another drug (see other thread.)

Gary    ;D
Diagnosed Oct. 2005
10/05:  367 (26.2%), 24556 VL
01/06:  344 (24.6%), 86299 VL
04/06:  374 (22.0%), 87657 VL
05/06:  Began HAART 05/15/06, Combivir/Kaletra
07/06:  361 (27.8%), 1299 VL
10/06:  454 (32.4%), 55 VL
01/07:  499 (38.4%), UD
02/07:  Switched to Atripla 2/8/07
04/07:  566 (37.7%), UD
08/07:  761 (42.3%), UD
06/08:  659 (47.1%), UD
01/09:  613 (43.8%), UD
07/09:  616 (47.4%), UD
01/10:  530 (44.2%), UD
07/10:  636 (48.9%), UD
01/11:  627 (48.2%), UD
07/11:  840 (52.5%), UD
01/12:  920 (51.1%), UD
07/12:  857 (50.4%), 40
10/12:  UD
01/13:  710 (47.3%), UD
07/13:  886 (49.2%), UD
01/14:  985 (46.9%), UD
06/14:  823 (47.2%), UD

Offline Teresa

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2006, 06:26:37 PM »
Me and hubby have been together for 6 yrs (married for 4). They think he has had it longer than we have been together because of his low CD4s and high VL from his first labs.

I cant even begun to guess how many times i have given him head (I swallow sorry if thats too much info) over the years. I guess it is low risk since I'm negative.

His doc says that if I preform oral we should use a condom. She said we could use a nonlubricated one for oral but for intercourse use lubricated condoms (duh).

To me a risk is a risk no matter if it is just "theoretical". Don't know what it would be like to give head with a condom on, but if hubby wants one hes gonna have to suit up.

But thats just me.

Teresa


Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline newt

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  • the one and original newt
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2006, 06:30:19 PM »
I am sure they exist somewhere, but I have never met a man into men who was into oral with condoms HIV or no HIV, (what is the point?)
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Eldon

  • Member
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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2006, 06:49:20 PM »
Hi Doco it is Eldon. First of all, welcome to the forums. You are at the right place to get the support and advice you need. Secondly,as far as Oral Sex goes, it hasn't been proven that HIV is actually transmitted during oral sex. Now i'm not saying go out there and have a good time either.It is a possibility that HIV can be transmitted in most rare cases.

I beleive Molten is close when explaining the oral sex issue. One thing I do advise you is to tell whomever you choose to have sex with that you are HIV positive. Just Keeping It Real. Just be upfront with them and Honest.

Offline lydgate

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2006, 06:51:45 PM »
I do know a few such men (who expect a guy to suit up before they go down on him) and I guess I can understand that -- just barely, though. What strikes me as pretty bizarre is guys who suit up before letting someone go down on them. That's just plain silly.
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2006, 07:37:07 PM »
As is consistent with the current state of the lessons section, giving fellatio is considered an exceedingly low risk. Not no risk, but heading towards the "rather difficult to quantify" level as more and more long term serodiscrodant studies come in. As to whether that risk is compounded by swallowing vs. spitting, or whether the presence of pre-ejaculatory fluid presents a risk, you can find different studies to support different thesis.

However, insertive fellatio is the closest to a zero risk scenario as you can get, sexually.

I guess it all depends on a person's negotiated level of risk. And all sex that isn't solitary masturbation carries a level of risk, however crazily small. I too have yet to encounter a gay male who uses a condom for oral sex. The epidemiology simply does not support oral sex as a high risk behaviour, but it appears that heterosexual women have a different view on fellatio (which makes sense) than gay men, and might be more willing to insist on a condom for that behaviour. And straight guys might be more willing to use one for that activity.

My own personal choice (if I can remember that far back to when I was actually having sex) is to try not to expose my partner (if he is HIV Negative) to my semen, orally or anally. Have I always been successful? No.

To date, my infection has stopped with me.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,394
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #13 on: July 28, 2006, 09:35:22 AM »
They make flavored condoms for oral sex. I have some if anyone wants to try them.

Somehow, going down on someone who tastes like a Hershey bar just doesn't float my boat. Oh, and by the way, it is still like sucking on a bicycle tire, no matter what hideous flavor they coat it with.

If I ever have sex again, with another person, I'll worry about it then.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline AIDS2HIV

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    • www.aids2hiv.com
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #14 on: July 28, 2006, 09:54:58 AM »
im not into the numbers games (odds,stats,etc) but the reality of it is....If it was any real threat risk, the whole planet would be infected and dying by now. Stop and consider the millions or billions of blow jobs that go on daily, weekly,yearly...however ya want to figure it, and then look at the amount of hiv cases. theorectially yeah, it might be listed as risky. But so was kissing at one time, and that has since been removed. I often tend to think Oral sex was hyped up, not so much as an actual transmission risk itself....but as something that often leads into something that can/will be a risky situation*

thats just my take on it, if it was something to really be worried about, it would be all over the news,all over the world,confirmed by doctors/researchers, etc
Its the future of Hiv Education, and Resources www.aids2hiv.com      Got Community?

Offline ryeguy

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  • Posts: 173
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #15 on: July 28, 2006, 02:17:04 PM »
My boyfriend and I are in the same situation as you and your potention partner. He gives me a blow job just about every day (not because I make him, he just loves doing it..... lol.... GRIN ;D :-*) After almost 2 years he remains just as negative as he can be. ( I would never cum in somebodies mouth I think that would just not be responsible, even if the other wants it) 

Ummmm yeah enough from me on this thread ;)

Offline david25luvit

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  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #16 on: July 28, 2006, 06:05:54 PM »
Every day Ryeguy....WOW!  I want one of those...........and that's all you have to say.  Hmmm
Oral Sex.........I want some :P
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline doco

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #17 on: July 28, 2006, 07:43:20 PM »
Thanks guys (and gal) for all the input.  I appreciate it.  I have been positive for three years now and always disclose to a potential sexual partner.  I have been reluctant, however, to let them perform oral sex on me.  I just get really nervous.  I met someone not too long ago that might develop into something and I want to go into this relationship with the confidence that I wouldn't be putting him in harms way (he's negative).  So, I just wanted to hear what some "real" folks had to say about the subject.

Cheers!

Offline otherplaces

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  • Posts: 398
  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #18 on: July 29, 2006, 02:09:59 AM »

From what I've read and believe...the risk is only really present if the insertive partner has been recently infected.  Then it just drops dramatically...especially if the person is on meds.  Of course being aware of the situation one should be sure their mouth is 'in order' so to speak.

brian



Offline ryeguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 173
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #19 on: July 30, 2006, 11:05:36 AM »
I just had to think about this thread:-) My boyfriend and I have not seen each other in about 6 weeks as he was on business in Austria. He will be back in Berlin in about an hour :P ::) ;) :-*

Ummm yeah, My baby can blow the dry paint off a jet at mach1!

Offline david25luvit

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  • Member since March 2005
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #20 on: July 31, 2006, 02:16:55 PM »
Hmm...so much for everyday ::)

I too would be nervous about allowing someone to go down on me now....When David was alive( and he was a fabulous ....sucker), I didn't think much about it since he had been positive for 16 years.  Two months before he died...he insisted and I mean insisted upon performing Oral sex on me in his hospital bed.  I didn't climax but I sure loved him for "wanting" to pleasure his baby one more time.  I don't know what the future holds but I don't think I'll ever feel that "comfortable" again getting a blowjob. 
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline krakerjm

  • Member
  • Posts: 107
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #21 on: July 31, 2006, 02:35:30 PM »
For what it is worth there are those out there with the conception, or misconception that oral sex regardless of ejaculation in their mouth: is safe.  Amazing there are no proven cases of infection by oral sexl?!?  So, who really knows?  How does one prove otherwise: have hiv+ guys line of for bjs and see what happens?  LOL!(and don't say U wannna be first in line).  I have met susposedly str8 guys that I told I was poz and said it don't matter, can't get it that way?  I'm not willing to take the risk of infecting them; maybe let them enjoy, but pull out.  I think I read something a long time ago about digestive enzimes in the mouth and digestive system that might kill the virus, but was only theory.
By the way, for some reason I do not precum, never have, but man when it shooots, it's a big messy load and half way across the room, or............
« Last Edit: July 31, 2006, 02:40:35 PM by krakerjm »
GWM, 63, PN w/footdrop
"I swear there ain't no heaven, pray ther ain't no hell"

Offline cubbybear

  • Member
  • Posts: 510
  • Joined August 2005.
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #22 on: July 31, 2006, 11:45:43 PM »
I'm a notorious cheek biter from stressing while I'm sleeping, and the insides of my cheeks usually have some kind of cut or wound on them from the night before.  My gums also bleed at the drop of the hat.  Although I had a lot of unprotected receptive anal sex which is high risk, I also swallowed a lot of loads from unknown guys and I really wouldn't be surprised if I was infected orally.  I think unless someone was hiding in my colon monitoring hiv pathogens entering my blood stream, no one can accurately say that was my means of infection. 

If someone is giving me a blowjob, I won't let them anywhere near my cum.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2006, 11:50:20 PM by cubbybear »
There's a bear in there!
Positive since 2000
Diagnosed 17/9/2005 CD4 35 VL 293,000
Meds 23/9/2005 Sustiva/Truvada
Currently CD4 232 VL Undetectable

Offline ryeguy

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  • Posts: 173
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #23 on: August 01, 2006, 02:51:47 AM »
TO MUCH INFORMATION!!! ::) :o :-X :-[ ???

Offline lydgate

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #24 on: August 01, 2006, 03:08:16 AM »
I disagree, it's not TMI. In a thread like this, the more specifics the better (not for salacious reasons, "of course").
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline ryeguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 173
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #25 on: August 01, 2006, 04:29:14 AM »
I am so not surprised that you disagree with me.  :-*

Offline Aug2000MBA

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #26 on: August 01, 2006, 11:53:12 AM »
One man's story ...

I became infected nine years ago.  My boyfriend, at the time, stayed with me.  We stopped having unprotected anal sex, but continued having unprotected oral sex.  BTW ... he was negative.

Since my time of known infection, I have had many sexual encounters and many boyfriends.  I stay in contact with most, if not all, and I have never heard back from any of them that they came up positive as a result of them going down on me.  At least one has become positive, but it was YEARS after we were together ... from his new partner ... who was having unprotected anal sex with him.

What I'm trying to say is that, given the knowledge of my own personal experience, most guys are going to want to know your HIV status before they do anything risky.  HOWEVER, I haven't ever had a guy decline to perform on me or to ask me to wear a condom as a result.  My feeling is that they'll run away long before it gets to that point if they are that paranoid.

Remember, they have to treat each new encounter as being positive until they know otherwise.  It's the only way to really to "safe" without abstaining, until you know better.  Just food for thought.

As a side note, I've always had a serious condom phobia.  I think it dates back to failed attempts at sex with women.  The feel and smell of a condom makes me nausious (sp?).  As a result, I have had anal sex (receptive or incertive) only a few times over the past nine years.

Luckily, I now have a boyfriend who's been patient enough, and sexually confident enough, to teach me how to enjoy sex again (with a condom).  We don't do it like bunnies, but sometimes it's nice to know that you can still be that close to somebody.  I still don't like condoms, but I love my boyfriend enough to deal with them ... mostly because he really enjoys receptive anal sex.  Who am I to deny him that pleasure?  :-)  So, it's a condom or no insertive anal sex (giving or receiving).

In summary, I think that there are more important fish to fry than giving in to fear that oral transmission of HIV "can" occur.  Of course it "can" occur, but the odds are so remote, especially if you know what to avoid, that it isn't worth sweating about it.  Just remember ... if there are open sores or cuts in the mouth, abstain from unprotected oral sex.  It's just that easy.  Otherwise, the risk is so low that it should be a non-issue.

In closing ... for all those HIV positive folks out there who are alone, please keep hope that you will meet somebody who will want to be with you.  If you choose to be alone, that's fine, but if not ... don't let OTHER people put up roadblocks to your happiness.  I have had a couple of one-year relationships, a three year relationship, and now I'm at year number two of another LTR.  I don't want to be alone, so I keep putting myself back out there.  HIV never stops being an issue, but at least it's not a deal-breaker.

Be safe, play safe, and never stop learning ...
--Mikey

Offline Rick64

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #27 on: November 09, 2006, 03:00:28 PM »
Allow me to introduce myself as I am the one and only I guess....I'm Rick and recieved my AIDS diagnosis shortly after my late partners death. I will not allow my new negative partner to give me head without a condom... EVER.
We have been together for five years now and part of my gettin' ready is putting on a condom. Sometimes a flovored one... sometimes not. He loves giving me head and I have grown to not even notice that I have one on anymore. It is part of what I have to do to protect him. My infection stops here! PERIOD
Lost my lover to AIDS and diagnosed 3 months later with PCP AIDS CD4 56 VL over 250K.Told I had 3 to 4 years. I'm in my 8th year now!!.

Offline poet

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  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #28 on: November 10, 2006, 07:01:58 PM »
Back in the dark ages, when I worked on the National Aids Hotline, we had to say, as many a.s.o.'s have to say, that there is potential risk of transmission by giving oral sex.  One of the problems clinical studies always have is that the technical possibility is there, viral suppression or not.  Secondly, how can a study accept or not accept as subjective someone stating that he/she was infected from oral sex only?  The study administrators don't follow someone around, making sure that only oral sex is used.  Since there was and is in many circles an unwillingness to confess to anal sex (as in 'it was just a blow job, nothing gay') a hotline or a.s.o. is stuck: make someone understand that there could be risk involved and make that person decide on the amount of risk he/she is willing to take.  Which, of course, is not what most people want to hear.  Give us column a, safe and column b, unsafe, and we will act from there.  Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #29 on: November 10, 2006, 07:42:32 PM »
I agree with Molton here(and that makes me feel good cause I have a crush on that gorgeous man) But seriously....

I took my now "ex"  to my Dr's office so he could ask him whatever he wanted. And the DR said that "With oral, precum there is a very slight chance of transmission." It did not deter him from oral.  he just got tested and happily in NEG.

So I guess "Skate at your own risk." Everyone needs to do their own thing.



Positive since 1985

Offline SoSadTooBad

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #30 on: November 10, 2006, 11:18:04 PM »
Well, I am going to chime in as a person who was most likely infected through giving oral sex.  I was diagnosed in May of this year, and I had a limited amount of insertive anal sex, and very very little receptive anal sex, and all of it was with a condom, and I never had a condom break in either situation. 

I cannot for the life of me figure out how I was infected, other than to conclude that it was through giving oral sex.  I had a fair amount of oral sex, but I never had anyone ejaculate in my mouth, and was careful not to brush or floss for a few hours before any potential encounter.   Despite all of the above, I was infected at some point in the last 4-5 years, and I am frankly struggling a bit with that fact, given that I thought I was being 'careful.' 

My oral health was good during this period, with no tooth or gum problems, so I cannot attribute it to that either. 

For as long as I live, I will struggle with the fact that a 'theoretical risk' / 'low risk' activity jumped up and bit me.  I take responsibility for it, because I was certainly in control of my actions, but, please don't assume that transmission is not possible through oral sex.   

Offline poet

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  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #31 on: November 11, 2006, 05:37:03 AM »
I thank SoSad for sharing his experience with us.  We know it's possible.  If it's possible then it will happen sometimes and, like driving a car, if you put yourself out there you may have an accident caused by another driver even with seatbelts and airbags.  Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline Cliff

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #32 on: November 11, 2006, 06:02:37 AM »
No disrespect to Poet, but I think the car scenario is a bit misleading.  The risk of having an accident in a car is actually not that low.  The risk of contracting HIV from oral sex is known to be low, very low actually, so low it can't really be proven that it's actually a real risk at all.  We know it's a possibility.  No one has said that it isn't.  But that doesn't mean that the risk is high enough for the average person to alter their sex life.  Yes, it's a possibility that when I step onto a plane, it's gonna go down in flames.  But that risk is not high enough for a sensible person to alter their flying habits.  Key word being sensible...cause loads of folks have an irrational fear of flying.  And loads of folks have an irrational fear of sex (or rather HIV).

And no disrespect to SoSad, but personal accounts are not the same as scientific, verifiable and repeatable evidence.  Personal accounts, are just that...personal.  We can't always test the accuracy of such statements.  Actually we can't test them at all here in the forums.  Again no disrespect.  But I personally discount such statements...because there are too many other factors at play here.  Factors that can encourage some people to mistate the level of risky behaviour they have participated in.  Ignorance, judgment, guilt...just to name a few.

Personal account.....

I met a guy almost 2 years ago, who has become a good friend.  He was infected about the same time as I was, and when we first met he was certain he caught the bug from oral sex.  After now dealing with his status (cause he kinda ignored it), he has now come to the realization that he did indeed have other risky acts, but for him it was easier to say it happened via oral sex....cause he was always the guy telling his friends to get tested and always the guy making sure his friends used condoms.  For The guy to now become positive himself, it can be embarrassing and The guy can harbor loads of guilt.  So much so that he convinced himself that it must have been oral sex.  But it wasn't.  How many people were told he got it from oral sex, before he finally realized that this wasn't the case?

I think if you plot on a graph (time on the horizontal and % believing oral sex is the cause of their infection on the vertical), then I think the line would start off high (say 10-15%) but will ultimately trail down towards the bottom of the graph.

Offline SoSadTooBad

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #33 on: November 11, 2006, 11:21:13 AM »
Cliff, I think you bring out some valid points, and I am new to this, and I have definitely not come to terms with it in the short time since May. 

It will be interesting to see if my perspective changes over time.  I know I spent some time with the doctor on how I got infected, and he seemed to care so little about the 'how' and a lot more about the 'what's next' that there was not much value in going down that road with him.

Anyway, on we go, but thanks for the opportunity to discuss a topic that is certainly on my mind a lot.

Offline o

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Re: Oral Sex
« Reply #34 on: November 11, 2006, 07:00:15 PM »
Hallo Guys,

I never had unsafe anal sex that i could get HIV from. But for a while, my gums were bleeding, and i can not think of any other reason that i am at the end infected.

For the two years i had sex with my bf, i asked him to use a condom while giving me a blowjob. He wanted to take the risk of not using it, but i couldn't. At least, my relationship is now over, and he stayed negative.

I have decided not to let anyone give me a blowjob without condom, as i also have a lot of precum. So i don't also have anonymous sex. Or i have to tell everyone that i am HIV+, that i want to go to bed with. At the end, i have told one guy my status that i thought he had a right to know before we had sex. And he couldn't make it. i feel fine that i told him.

That's a personal choice for sure, and i made mine....

greets
o

 


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