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Author Topic: thought u might like to know  (Read 1958 times)

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tendai

  • Guest
thought u might like to know
« on: November 10, 2006, 05:54:19 AM »
i'm sorry if i'm going to upset people but u see there's website where u can ask anything and people answer your questions frankly so there was this question "would u go out with someone who's HIV+ and have sex with them.  safely of course". since i dont know how to move the thread or whatever i copied and pasted the replies. some of them are quite awful and a tiny fraction are encouraging but its unbelievable how people are so ignorant and intolerant and these are people from the developed world.  these are replies from people from australia, germany, UK, US. its sad, i think. just thought you might be interested what the ordinary guy on the computer thought.  here goes.  i put the most awful ones in bold

   definatly wouldnt mind being there friend... partner... buddy.... whatever... but im with the other people... getting that close to someone who is ill is hard on the heart... but definetly not impossible or out of the question.... if i love someone... i wouldnt be able to help that . im kinda ammused by the ignorant answers this question has generated... people need to do some research or atleast get out to the real world.... HIV isnt the ebola virus.... you dont have to treat the person like they are a plague... thats just silly

   I really dont think I would. Not only for the risk of getting HIV (even through protected sex, condoms break), but the fact that I wouldnt want to get that close to someone who could possibly die soon. To make that emotional committment and then have them taken away would be devastating

   Would you get emotionally involve with some one who is suicidal? Or someone who has a death wish?

   No. If you can have an accident and get pregnant while using a condom then you can have an accident and lose your life while using a condom.

   hell no, what if one day you want kids you want to burden them to death? You're fucken stupid! Why take a chance there are plenty of fish in the sea, and if hes a real sweetheart, its probably because he knows he has to try extra hard, and he probably was a whore so he got aids
   Ofcourse! ,but then again I`m a fan of playing
Russian roulette with two bullets...lol

   no never

   Are you crazy??? Of course not! Going out is one thing....but sex, NO WAY.

   Nope! It would always be in the back of my mind that i would contract it - regardless of how much protection you use and on that basis i doubt i could even get it up.

I would not have a problem having a friend with HIV and would'nt be one of those people who refuse to touch them "in case in you catch the lurgy". It is not a crime to contract it its just something emotionally i couldnt deal with on a relationship level.


   of course and have safe sex all the time. But to some people it depends on what's your take on the HIV issue, if you have enough knowledge about it and know what you need to know then you'll be safe at all times.....

   If meeting them then no, but if it was someone whom I known for a while and they turn up with it yes... but no sex!

   no, i would rather eat glass.
if they loved you they wouldnt want to sleep with you.
lets keep in mind that when alls said and done (ive studied HIV) HIV is a death sentence.

   Tough one... if I knew from the start it would probably drive me off... if i was already in love with the person, it would be harder to stay away... but sex? I donīt know... I doubt I would have the guts to put myself at risk like that at this age.  I once read an article about an HIV+ man who caught it when he was 16... The time the article was written he was 26, married and had a child. I rememember thinking how much I respected the woman for being brave enought to take that road and thinking how much they must love eachother. They needed doctors help to get the woman pregnant and of course there were lots of risks and they tested the baby to see if it was HIV+ as well... So far it wasnīt but they said they have to have the tests frequently to make sure. I hope it works out for them.

   That is a really hard question to answer. I guess if you loved someone dearly and found out that they were HIV positive. You would still want so much to be with them. Even if you did not have sex until you were fully sure that it was safe. I guess you could still be really intimate with that person. The more intimate you were with them... the more you would want to sleep together.


   I would go out with someone that is HIV+ve for sure. wouldn't have sex with them cause contraceptives fail sometimes, wouldn't want to take the risk, specially cause i see a bright future for my self.

   hell no

   Yes I would.

 :'(





Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2006, 09:03:21 AM »
Tendai,

How are you these days, I often wonder just how you are coming along and how you are doing with your own health.

Wow, this post is one that really got my attention today.  Not primarily from the subject matter, but because of the 29 reads of this thread, and not ONE answer so far.  Here we have a Woman from South Africa, holding up a mirror to us in the "Developed?" world, and not one person who read this thread had the fortitude to answer with any ideas at all.

Unfortunately Tendai, this very subject is one that makes many people on this side of the pond very nervous and uncomfortable.  I can only speak from my own experience, and in doing so, shed any sort of light on this subject.

Over the last 25 years, and only one year ago in recent experience, I have observed many people who come up against this wall of complete ignorance and their one and only solution is suicide.  Not always the person HIV+ are the ones I am talking about, but sometimes the negative partner.  One couple I served in the last two years for example.  The HIV+ partner died, and left the other HIV- partner holding onto an emptiness that they could not handle on their own, and they didn't actually reach out for help.  The answer; take their own life.  Unfortunatly they were not married, and also unfortunate was the fact that this particular suicide was not counted as an HIV related death because the two were not married.  I connect this example because the HIV- surviving partner, only three days before he took his own life, stated in my living room that there would be nobody that would be able to accept them because they had been with an HIV+ partner and they had died from HIV disease. 

I have to tell you Tendai, that here in the United States, the actual understanding of HIV issues is so very confused, mainly because we have a government that is so far in denial about this Pandemic, that they have actually chosen to ignore the problems sorrounding HIV and just let it play out it's course.  Unfortunatly people have no imagination, nor do they acutally care about anything unless it impacts them personally.  We have gone so very far askew from a nation of caring people that we have accepted the fact that Africa will change irreversibly from HIV and there is nothing we can do about it.  Nor do we care as a nation.

I know that my view is probably not well accepted, nor will it be the view of the majority of the members here, but the truth is sometimes not pretty, and the truth that we are mostly asleep at the wheel when dealing with HIV, is brought to light by this very disturbing post.  The one and only answer to make this mis-understanding about people "Living with HIV/AIDS", is to come out of the HIV closet and divulge our status to everyone.  To hell with hiding anymore.  There is no way in Hell that anyone is ever going to find out the real truth about HIV unless the people who are living the life, and walking the walk will step up to the plate and accept the responsibilty for this disease and help others to understand the reality of it.  We have one member here who is very young and still in High School, and he is very astute in letting young people where he goes to school about this disease and how they can and cannot get the bug.  He has shared some distressing posts here that show that he is very much on his own in his school atmosphere and some of the staff of his school have absolutely no idea about how to deal with children with HIV.  So, Tendai, please understand that while we profess to be more "Developed" on one hand, on the other hand, we are so very backward and "Un-developed".  Sad isn't it?

Thanks for shedding some  light on this very disturbing truth, and I hope that it receives the respect and the discussion that it deserves.

In Love,
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Beatz4me

  • Member
  • Posts: 39
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2006, 09:38:07 AM »
Thanks Tendai..Hope you are well.

Hooked on phonics worked for me.......

Why is it that all the ignorant replies to the question are either misspelled or grammatical nightmares.That should tell you something..

8)
« Last Edit: November 10, 2006, 10:32:14 AM by Beatz4me »

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2006, 09:49:36 AM »
The one and only answer to make this mis-understanding about people "Living with HIV/AIDS", is to come out of the HIV closet and divulge our status to everyone.  To hell with hiding anymore.  There is no way in Hell that anyone is ever going to find out the real truth about HIV unless the people who are living the life, and walking the walk will step up to the plate and accept the responsibilty for this disease and help others to understand the reality of it.

Couldn't agree with your more.  But finding the courage to do so is difficult.  Was just diagnosed in Feb.  However, am getting closer and closer to accepting the fact that it is me and others are just going to have to deal with it.  After all I am!

Cheers,
Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,382
  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2006, 09:51:01 AM »
Hey Tendai,
It's been a while. I hope you are well.

After reading through the replies, I am sorry to say I am not surprised. My experience is people, at least those in the U.S. and some of those I've met from the "developed" world, are flat stupid when it comes to HIV.

Thanks to years of misinformation promoted by feckless government, people aren't sure what to believe. Add to that the hateful hypocrisy of many religious leaders and almost absolute apathy extant in the general public for anything that doesn't directly affect them, and you have just about guaranteed that folk tales and blind stupidity have vanquished common sense and factual reasoning - and by the sound of some of those posts, compassion as well.

I guess someone also forgot to mention to those folks on the other forum, wherever it was, that life is a death sentence. Nobody gets out alive.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #5 on: November 10, 2006, 09:51:44 AM »
Oops, first paragraph is from Moffie, not quite sure how to highlight.  New to this and completely computer illiterate.  Sorry Moffie.
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline wellington

  • Member
  • Posts: 508
  • Don't sweat the little things.
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #6 on: November 10, 2006, 10:05:09 AM »
Shocking but not surprising. And you still think we put people on the moon in the 60's?

Offline Biggums

  • Member
  • Posts: 199
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #7 on: November 10, 2006, 10:13:45 AM »
Good post Tim.  Hey, what's the story behind AZ rejecting the ban on gay marriage too?
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #8 on: November 10, 2006, 04:27:03 PM »
Funny, I have heard some of the same responses here. People in my town seem to be somewhat educated but then others are just plain ignorant, they can't call it what it is but instead say she's got" that shit". When I have tried to be honest it has done nothing but blow up in my face. For that reason alone, I would not deal with a neg.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #9 on: November 10, 2006, 04:37:17 PM »

So, Tendai, please understand that while we profess to be more "Developed" on one hand, on the other hand, we are so very backward and "Un-developed".  Sad isn't it?


Hey Tendai,

I am in total agreement with Moffie here. We are in a "developing" world. It is just the beginning of its "development". This very same thought came to my mid as I was reading your initial post before reading Moffie's statement. This is sad, but True.

Make the BEST of each and evey Day!

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,273
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #10 on: November 10, 2006, 04:55:40 PM »
I totally agree with Tim. I don't see any of the responses as ignorant, well maybe the one that would eat glass. It's all about the lack of knowledge, nothing more or nothing less. I can understand most of their replies. I've always been open and willing to discuss HIV or AIDS with anyone, straight, bi or gay. If they ask I'll be more than glad to answer their questions. I do it at the schools, so it wouldn't any difference if I talked on the street about it. Good post Tim.

Tendai, where have you been. Glad to see you've come back

Rodney



« Last Edit: November 10, 2006, 05:08:08 PM by RapidRod »

Offline pozguy75

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,239
    • POZitively Speaking
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #11 on: November 10, 2006, 05:00:15 PM »
For the record...I would totally have sex with an HIV +ve person...I do it with myself all the time!
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline tsw923

  • Member
  • Posts: 174
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #12 on: November 10, 2006, 08:16:35 PM »
Sadly I'm not surprised. 
It just makes me even more nervous about trying to get back out and start dating. 
Help find a cure for leukemia, lymphoma, and other blood-related cancers by sponsoring me as I walk a 1/2 marathon as a part of the Maryland chapter of Team in Training.  To find out more and to donate, please click on the following site:  http://www.active.com/donate/tntmd/tswtntmd

Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: thought u might like to know
« Reply #13 on: November 11, 2006, 07:13:13 AM »
I dated a positive person when I was negative.  Now that I am positive, I realize that the earth is full of billions of brains filled with all kinds of information.  Some of this knowledge is good, some is bad and some is rotten...

 


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