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Author Topic: Jsu tested positive  (Read 4379 times)

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Offline madi

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  • Posts: 9
Jsu tested positive
« on: July 28, 2008, 03:52:32 AM »
I just tested positive and my husband is also positive. I saw this coming as my husband was sleeping out and drinking heavily. I stated using a condomns but unforutunately I was late. I thought he will change his sleeping out but it is even worse. The main problem that I am sitting with is how do I stay in this marroage . I thought  this is lesson and we must support one another, but it is not. Every time when he is sleeping out I get so frustarted that I call her mon who is and HIV councellor to infrom her about my status but I feel for her as she is 75 ys and she dearly love his son, but at the same time I feel she is the only one who can comfort me.

Offline auspoz

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  • Posts: 160
Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2008, 04:23:06 AM »
Hi Madi,

I am really sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis, and the trouble that you are having.

I was diagnosed in January. The people in these forums have really helped me to understand a lot about my situation, and I'm sure some more experienced helpers will be along very soon to offer advice to you.

My thoughts are with you. Hang in there.

Auspoz

Offline BT65

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Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2008, 10:12:32 AM »
Madi, welcome to the forums.

You've got a really tough situation.  If I'm getting what you're saying, you're talking about calling your husband's mom, who is also an HIV counselor?   If she is supportive, then I don't see anything wrong with calling her.  I would just keep the conversation on you and your problems surrounding your HIV infection, and off of her son.  It's up to him if he wants to discuss anything with her. 

At this point, do you have a good HIV doctor?  Are you getting the necessary labwork/monitoring done?  Have you had a thorough physical exam?  This is very important.  Also, you might want to seek out a good therapist to help you deal with your husband's infidelity, and to help you with any issues you personally have with being HIV+, to make good decisions concerning your marriage etc.  This would give you another person to talk to besides your mother-in-law.

Also, there is a women's section of the forum that's excellent.  I invite you to join we other ladies there.  We're really a good bunch.

Hang in there and let us know how you're doing.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline madi

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2008, 03:19:05 AM »
Thanks for your support guys. At the moment Betty I do have a very good HIV doctor my Gynaecologist refered me to this doctor. She explained everything to me and told me that at the moment I do not need any medication as my CD  is 510 and Viral laod 1001. She also refered me to a very good councellor. I am seeing my doctor again First week of November.I am busy reading more articles about HIV so that I can be empowered. I really feel I am fine, At work I am also doing very well. I have also started to plan my life and started leading a very healthy life style. This is not the end of the world, i still have my 16 year old boy to take care of , he is very loving and supportive although I have not told him at the moment what is going on.

Chao

Offline BT65

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Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2008, 10:15:30 AM »
Madi, it's good to know that you've got a good doctor and your numbers are excellent. 

About your 16-year old.....I tested positive in 1989 in a treatment center and my 1st husband died three days after I got the (HIV) results.  My daughter was 5 at the time.  So, I told her about her father when she and my mum came to visit me, but decided to hold off a bit on telling her my HIV results.  I did tell her however when I got out of treatment (which was about a month later).  So, she's known all along.  It has made her more open-minded, and not paranoid or afraid of being around people with HIV or any other illness.  I know disclosure is a personal thing, but maybe you should consider telling your 16-year old. Of course, that can be discussed with your therapist and is really not my business.  Just a thought.

Good to hear from you, btw.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline madi

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2008, 06:58:35 AM »
Hi BETTY
 How are you, thanks for everything. He is not  sexually active .I must say at the moment I am not ready to tell my son, Although He is not  sexually active I did took him for councelling and HIV test he must be he was so happy that he is  negative. I really need to tell him and I do not know how, I am worried about his reaction, 

Offline BT65

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Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2008, 09:57:11 AM »
Madi, I am not sure where you live but your local ASO (Aids Service Organization) should have some literature concerning how to tell your children.  Also, you might want to talk to your therapist about a good approach.  When I told my daughter (and of course, she was only 5), I tried to keep it very basic.  I also told her (some when she was little, some when she was older) ways to not get infected and myths concerning HIV and its transmission. 

Most likely your son will be in a little shock and worried; but with support from you I'm sure he'll come around and be supportive.  I would keep the therapist involved regularly to help both of you deal with this.  Good luck.
  Luv,
Betty

Oh, I'm doing fine.  Thanks for asking.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline madi

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2008, 07:53:39 AM »
Hi Betty

I will keep on reuqesting help from my therapist , my love her so much he was even asking me mummy is this women your friend? why did you not introduce her to me long ago. I need to talk to her atleats once a week, that is what my boy said. My country is South Africa, I am black south african women.

Offline wow1969

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  • Posts: 208
Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2008, 09:23:24 AM »
Hey Madi,

I felt that I should say something ... I don't know how old your kids are but my son is six (6) years old and I have decided to not tell him anything at this time. I think that he's just too young and it's not a pressing matter. I don't know your exact situation but I was also born in South Africa (white gay SA male) and I live in the United States now (have since I was a kid). Just because we are from the same country I thought I'd say something :-)

The question you need to ask yourself is this "Does your current situation mean you have to tell you kids now or can you put it off until they are older and more mature?" I'm waiting until my son is older and more mature.

It's just a thought and I know that everyone's situation is different. Blessings on you and your home and family.

The Wowser

Offline wow1969

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  • Posts: 208
Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2008, 09:25:24 AM »
oh, and where are you living there? I was born in Pietermaritzberg

Offline BT65

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Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2008, 11:46:57 AM »
The question you need to ask yourself is this "Does your current situation mean you have to tell you kids now or can you put it off until they are older and more mature?" I'm waiting until my son is older and more mature.
The Wowser

Wowser, her son is 16 and well able to deal with this; with the help of the therapist.  It's better he find out now rather then she get real sick and he finds out that way.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline wow1969

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  • Posts: 208
Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2008, 12:30:20 PM »
True, hence the reason I specified based on the current situation. My current situation would make disclosure to my son very difficult. Each and every person and experience is different which is why I made the suggestion and included the qualifier regarding current situation.

Offline madi

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Re: Jsu tested positive
« Reply #12 on: August 15, 2008, 09:38:23 AM »
I think my current situation does not allow me, my son is still a teenager, this is a very sensitive stage in his life. My son however knows at the moment that I am sick, but I have not told him what the illness is, he has not asked me either. I just told him mom is sick and please pray for mom so that he can see you getting married. and he responded hei "mom I do not want you to die not evn at 70years". I told him this the monday that I was told that I am positive that is the 5th may 2008 . I am taking him to school every morning so we always talk, and that days talk was about my health and I was still in shocked I needed to vent and he was the only person next to me.
 

 


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