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Sometimes do you feel that being HIV+ makes you more prone to be codependent?

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The stigma that this disease generates makes me  hesitant to go out and make new friends. The fear that they will reject me, or be affraid that they can get HIV passed  on to them. There is  still alot of ignorance about this disease with the general public. HIV has made me want to hold on to the friendships I have even if they aren't healthy for me.  Steve is a perfect example of that.  I lost myself because I becamed so attached to him that it finally became to unhealthy for both of us. It hurts me the way it ended. I wish him the best & hope he can work through whatever  that may be. I need to find myself again, but I don't know how. Letting go of Steve is going to be hard for me. I really care about what happens to him. I don't really have a lot of friends. Kevin whom I have known for 30+ years, Dean for over 25 years & Michael for 15.  Always thought it was better to have a few close friends than a bunch of acquaintences.

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling now. Does anyone have any thought or feelings on this?


Hello Dan it is Eldon. I'm sorry to hear that things turned out the way they did with Steve. I was once in a (3) three year relationship with my X and were were as close as the grains of rice. It all ended suddenly and I found myself wanting to be with him again but, I respected his wishes to move on.

I also care about what happens to my X as we showed each other so much about living our lives together. Now, as far as going out, I'd say GO. Live your life and enjoy it to the fullest! Don't let HIV slow you down. Some will be your friends and some will not be your friends. It's all a part of what life has in store for you.

So cheer up and look at the brighter side of things and you will see that life only get's better each and every day. The support you need is right at your fingertips. Go out and be social. It is a good thing. It is not as bad as you may think it is. Take it to heart, I know what you are going through.

Dear Dan,

Just prior to the change to the new forums format, I wrote about 2 abusive relationships in my life since HIV.  The last of those two was an alcoholic who was emotionally abusive and I stuck by his side for a few years, and finally took his pictures off the wall after 5 years and no contact.  Somebody is codependent and I think that somebody may be me.

I think society may dictate that we (as disabled people) are not as perfect or as good) as the "healthy" persons and if it is not a societal issue, we may invent that for ourselves.  I am on these forums almost every day and that post, "Questions RE: Abuse" was the most read and responded thing I have ever written here.  It was those responses that made my believe, I was capable of giving and receiving love.  I accepted the advice of everyone.

I walked into this man's office, sat on his lap and said, "OK, you and I both know I love you, I have some issues with prior abusive relationships," nailed them all in order.  I found that the perfectly healthy can also have issues.  He has job stress and depression from a former partner who died of AIDS and a more current partner who broke his heart.  He has a hard time getting out of bed each day for work but work must be done, so he goes...

We are working on our individual issues together and the high point of the day is... No one is perfect, we all have to work at it.  Have the best day

I was actually thinking about topic this earlier today. My partner and I just had our 14th anniversary and I was thinking how HIV has affected our relationship. I acquired HIV from my partner about 6 months after we got together. He didn't know he was HIV+. Initially the diagnosis came very close to breaking us up and I'm still surprised I didn't end the relationship. All these years later HIV is hurdle, like many others, we have been through together and I think whenever you successfully navigate a crisis with someone it makes the relationship stronger. However we hardly discuss HIV or meds anymore other than to remind eachother about "taking our vitamins" as we put it.

I think HIV has little or nothing to do with our staying together. I definitely don't think either of us thinks we couldn't snag another partner-- neither of us has problems with self-confidence. From reading this board there are obviously lots of charming and attractive HIV+ people out there and HIV negative people who can deal.

Always thought it was better to have a few close friends than a bunch of acquaintences.

I'm in total agreement with that Dan, and that's how I live my life.

Co-dependent relationships will suck the life right out of a person. I need all the energy I can muster. I'm not about to fritter it away for anyone.

As far as the social scene, I'm not into much of that, so don't feel I'm missing out on any potential friendships there.

Friends - true friends - have come into my life and remain, because they would have whether I was HIV positive or not. They are the ones who add to my life, not take from it.



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