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Author Topic: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV  (Read 6947 times)

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Offline wow1969

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I was diagnosed about a month ago. As a result of my new friend invading my body and setting up home (how can I evict this asshole? he doesn't pay rent but just keeps taking up more and more space) I have been seeking information via the net.

Part of this knowledge acquisition has included joining some online chat groups. That is where I found some pretty messed up people.

How many of you have heard of the "Givers" and "Bugchasers" etc.... ? There are people out there who deliberately want to infect or be infected by this. I'm not saying my life is over because I have HIV but I will say that it has been radically changed in ways not intended nor wanted.

I asked one of them why and he said he wanted to be "free" and that he wanted to "die young." I just don't understand that. The guy I was talking withs parting words were to say "When someone comes to you and asks for the GIFT make sure you give it to them." GIFT that is a joke.

Strangely, of all the things I've dealt with in the last month, this is by far the most unnerving. I actually had nightmares about it last night.

How have the rest of you, if you have dealt with this group, handled it?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2008, 09:14:11 PM »
Oh honey, you've just gone and kicked over a particularly nasty bucket of shit.

Do a forums search under "bugchaser", "gifter" and/or "seeder" and see what you find. ;)

MtD

Offline komnaes

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2008, 06:10:10 AM »
That's messy, but while I cannot say this for anyone else, I was engaging in some sort of "bugchaseing" myself.

I didn't join any such chatrooms or online forums (like the few infamous bareback hookup sites), but I did do a fair bit of unprotected sex, fully aware of the fact that I was asking for more than I could handle. I just couldn't pull myself out of it - all the way until my diagnosis and now, being HIV+, I am stick back to using condoms EVEN with other fellow HIVers because I don't want another nasty bug on top of this deadly one.

The whole bugchasing scene is scary, but as an individual we do take risks, and in many cases there are possibly some unsolved issues that are leading us, them to behave stupidly. The same people that say they want to be "free" from the disease by catching it are also some of the recently seroconverts who come to these forums in total panic.

They don't (I didn't) think very hard while they thought they were (I thought I was) having fun, especially the "fun" is only a perverted sense of (sexual) fake fulfillment, very much like a drug that makes them feel numb, creating a deadly hiding place that they felt they could (I could) run away from real life problems that could have been resolved more sensibly.
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline BT65

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2008, 10:06:23 AM »
This has been discussed some.  Like the Damned One said, do a search here.  I agree though; it is extremely unnerving.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2008, 12:57:24 PM »

I didn't join any such chatrooms or online forums (like the few infamous bareback hookup sites), but I did do a fair bit of unprotected sex, fully aware of the fact that I was asking for more than I could handle. I just couldn't pull myself out of it - all the way until my diagnosis and now, being HIV+, I am stick back to using condoms EVEN with other fellow HIVers because I don't want another nasty bug on top of this deadly one.

Honey, there's worlds of difference between unconscious behavior and active, psycho-babble rationalized conscious bug chasing.  Spend a couple hours perusing the cyber lunacy on bushare.net and you'll see what I mean.  The manner in which they meticulously attempt to justify everything is where they psychosis can be seen.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2008, 04:26:18 PM »
I'm sure someone will correct me if I am wrong but I don't think bug chasers are as prevalent in the hetero community.

Its psychotic behavior in my opinion. I haven't had to deal with any of the sort though.

Offline komnaes

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2008, 02:15:01 AM »
Honey, there's worlds of difference between unconscious behavior and active, psycho-babble rationalized conscious bug chasing.  Spend a couple hours perusing the cyber lunacy on bushare.net and you'll see what I mean.  The manner in which they meticulously attempt to justify everything is where they psychosis can be seen.

I can't find any justification for infecting someone even that someone seems to be "asking for it". My point is just that - and I speak only for myself - there was just this thin line between "asking for it" and "unconsciously chasing". I wasn't crazy enough to join one of those "gift giving" parties but some of my behaviors were close enough to be called chasing, and I couldn't stop myself until the car had already hit the traffic light.

Looking back, I have to say I found my past behaviors as scary as those neggies participating in this game of chasing.

I promise to finally listen to you and go set up a session with a good therapist.. ;)
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline Ann

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2008, 07:16:13 AM »
I'm sure someone will correct me if I am wrong but I don't think bug chasers are as prevalent in the hetero community.

Its psychotic behavior in my opinion. I haven't had to deal with any of the sort though.

Wendy, I think you're probably pretty much right in your assessment of bug-chasing and hets. However, I think there's a higher prevelance of hets who never use condoms and for whom hiv never ever even shows on the radar... until they find themselves in hospital with PCP or similar.

We just don't seem to have a term for this behaviour. Instead of "bug-chaser", what? "head-in-the-bug-sand"? "Bug-oblivist"? "Stupid-idiot"?

I suppose it's only fitting that I mention I used to be one. That's how I got here.  ::)  :-\

~sigh~
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2008, 10:15:49 AM »
It seems the hetero community in general is less educated on the subject or more in denial that it could happen to them. Or both.

Kinda like teenagers who lack a sense of mortality.

I have seen bug chasers in chat rooms when I was a big chatty chat room chatter in the late 90's.
<shakes head>
I assume they want to feel like a part of something. I don't know. Its all nuts.

Offline wow1969

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2008, 07:05:35 PM »
thank you to everyone who has responded so far ... the guy (bugchaser) i was talking to trying to understand this suggested i go read a bugchasing website to gain better understanding ... i am so sorry i did so ... the stories where graphic and disturbing and are still haunting me ... deliberately trying to acqire HIV is just beyond my ability to nderstand as is what is worse are thsoe who deliberatelly infect others ... my stomach keeps turning over and over

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2008, 10:01:30 PM »
Honey,

There are some things that just aren't worth worrying about.   No one can explain the mindset of the 'bugchasers'.  It is insanity.   Who would strive to have this shit on PURPOSE?   I think a lot of it is fetishism, or the ultimate "nasty" to them, who knows.   It used to bother me a lot too.   I stopped worrying about them.   If they are determined to get HIV, they probably will.    I worry about those who DO NOT understand the risks in their own behavior (or misbehavior!).

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #11 on: July 29, 2008, 10:03:37 PM »
Definitely one of those be careful what you wish for occasions.

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #12 on: July 30, 2008, 09:48:21 PM »
thank you to everyone who has responded so far ... the guy (bugchaser) i was talking to trying to understand this suggested i go read a bugchasing website to gain better understanding ... i am so sorry i did so ... the stories where graphic and disturbing and are still haunting me ... deliberately trying to acqire HIV is just beyond my ability to nderstand as is what is worse are thsoe who deliberatelly infect others ... my stomach keeps turning over and over

I know what you mean about being disturbed and the stories haunting you. I recently received an email from someone who is poz who pretty much wrote in detail defending his behaviors as part of a movement,  a brotherhood if you will. It reminded me of some type of correspondence with a serial killer. Completely frightening.

I hope he is stopped.

sharkie

Offline wow1969

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #13 on: July 30, 2008, 10:45:58 PM »
sharkie that is what i think disturbed me the most the predatory nature of it ... and to see peole glorifying and promoting this behavior ... last night was teh first night i didn't dream about what they wrote ... it was just sick ...

of all the things to get upset about with being newly diagnosed ... this is it? LOL i keep thinking that i should be upset about somethign else

Offline gaz41

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #14 on: August 02, 2008, 06:07:01 AM »
Gift is the German word for poison, seems somehow appropriate

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #15 on: August 02, 2008, 11:42:07 AM »
Gift is the German word for poison, seems somehow appropriate

How funny

Offline 100proofBrandy

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #16 on: August 02, 2008, 03:39:23 PM »
Gift is the German word for poison, seems somehow appropriate
wow that's wild and it does seem very appropriate in this thread
The person you educate today maybe the one you save tomorrow :)

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Just found one of the more shocking things associated with HIV
« Reply #17 on: August 03, 2008, 08:05:13 PM »
funny? in an odd /dark /queer sorta way, maybe

still some scary shit

I prefer the motto "I'll keep my virus to myself"

 


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