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Author Topic: looking for insight  (Read 3712 times)

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Offline kentucky08

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looking for insight
« on: July 23, 2008, 11:27:32 AM »
Hi all i am looking for some insight,

About a week ago I recieved (my penis in his mouth) unprotected oral sex from a man whose status I did not know.  It did not last long at all.   I have seen this catagorized as low risk, negligible risk, theoritical risk, and no risk.  Can someone who has some authority on this matter please clearify this information?   I am wondering?

1.  am i at risk for contracting HIV from this one time activity?
2.  should i get tested?  is it needed because of this one, and scared straight now only, event?
3.  if my wife wanted to have unprotected sex tonight could i in good conscince do it knowing that i would not be passing HIV on to her?

thanks for all your help,

Me

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2008, 12:05:52 PM »
ken,

Getting a blowjob is NOT a risk for hiv infection. Not one person has ever been infected this way and you will not be the first.

You don't need to test over this incident.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline kentucky08

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  • Posts: 11
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2008, 02:02:14 PM »
Thank you Ann.  So any feelings about possible infection that I feel should be chalked up to good ole' guilt?  No risk right?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: looking for insight
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2008, 04:16:08 PM »
That's right. And a common enough response it is on the part of wandering spouses and bfs. You absolutely were not at risk for HIV in getting a blowjob.

You do need to be aware that other STDs are easier to contract so if you are sexually active you ought to be watching for any symptoms and regularly have a full STD panel done. That means at least once a year.

But as far as HIV is concerned, there was no risk.
Andy Velez

Offline kentucky08

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  • Posts: 11
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2008, 05:09:12 PM »
Thank you very much for your reply and calm but confident reassurance.  I guess I can put the matter of HIV infection to bed and now concentrate on the terrible guilt I feel. Right?

thanks

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: looking for insight
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2008, 05:13:07 PM »
Yairs. This is not a situation where you should be concerned about HIV. If you're experiencing "terrible guilt" over this then I suggest you have a face-to-face chat with a counsellor.

MtD

Offline kentucky08

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  • Posts: 11
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2008, 08:51:40 PM »
This will be the last time i post, i do not want to be "that guy", so i have NO REASON whatsoever to be worried or spend another second worrying about contracting HIV from the experience i mentioned?  No need to get tested right?

Sorry and thanks so so much

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: looking for insight
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2008, 08:53:57 PM »
THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOUR TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT HIV OVER THIS INCIDENT.

I hope that clears the matter up for you.

MtD

Offline kentucky08

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Re: looking for insight
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2008, 10:49:25 AM »
would it make a difference, at least one to worry and get tested about, if he was HIV +?  I do not know that he is but in this state of anxiety you know how the mind goes through zillions of different possibilites.

thanks,

Me

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2008, 12:20:14 PM »
Ken,

When giving risk assessments, we always assume the other person is hiv positive.

YOU DID NOT HAVE A RISK and you will not be permitted to use this forum to go on and on about your no-risk blowjob.

Read the posting guidelines found in the Welcome Thread and abide by them. Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline kentucky08

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  • Posts: 11
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2008, 09:15:59 PM »
I am so scared. I cannot look at my children without thinking the worst and crying.  How can you all be so sure?  I am sorry to keep posting but I am just grasping at ANYTHING positive and reassuring of your alls and all the information I have found and how it all points in my favor.

thank you and sorry.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2008, 05:46:58 AM »
Ken,

If getting a NO RISK blowjob is causing you this much grief, then perhaps it's time you sought counseling. We cannot help you with your guilty feelings here.

How can I be so sure? I was with an hiv negative man for over eight years and he never became infected. Yes, I gave him blowjobs. Yes, I'm hiv positive.

Not only do I have personal, first hand experience, but there have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

You're worrying over nothing. You got a blowjob. Get over it.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline kentucky08

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #12 on: July 25, 2008, 02:50:52 PM »
Thanks Ann. 

I saw one place that had a 1 in 10,000 chance of a reciever (guy getting blown) of getting HIV.  Is that accurate of are the chances even lower?  If my wife wanted to have unprotected sex tonight I could do it without thinking about giving her HIV correct? 

Andy and/or Matt, please feel free to comment.

I think I am done going out and looking for information.  It seems that I am going through peaks and valleys as far as my worry about HIV in this situation.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: looking for insight
« Reply #13 on: July 25, 2008, 05:17:10 PM »
In the entire history of the epidemic I have never known of a single confirmed case of transmission to a guy via his getting a blowjob. NOT ONE! We've already told you that.

The transmission of guilt and anxiety over it is a whole different matter and obviously you're in a state about it. How many ways can we tell you there was no risk for HIV? The guilt? That's something you have to come to peace about yourself. I can tell you that it's no love tribute to your wife or your family for you to lug guilt around and nurse drama about this event.

You had your dick sucked by another guy. See it clearly, it's a part of your history now, take a breath, let it go and get on with your life. That's the best thing you can do for all concerned. And stop surfing the net for more ammunition to scare yourself with.

No HIV testing is necessary. Period. End of story.
Andy Velez

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Posts: 12,160
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2008, 05:20:28 PM »
Look kid,

Numbers like "1 in 10,000" and the like are meaningless when talking about the risk of HIV being transmitted in one way or another. Essentially they're just made up.

We can't vouch for what other sites say, all we can do is tell you what the peer reviewed science has to offer on these matters and that's pretty straight foward. After more than 25 years we know that you cannot contract HIV from getting a blow-job. Doesn't matter who's giving it to you - man, woman, HIV positive or HIV negative.

Darlin', I have to tell you I don't think HIV is your problem. I reckon your issue has to do with your sexuality. I recommend that you seek some professional help with that.

MtD

Offline kentucky08

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #15 on: July 26, 2008, 09:00:30 PM »
so as far as HIV is concerned i could have unprotected sex with my wife tonight and not give a seconds thought to giving her HIV?

thanks and although it may not show i am doing better

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,160
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #16 on: July 27, 2008, 02:25:52 AM »
That's right son.

If you were not at risk of being infected it stands to reason that you cannot infect your wife with a disease you don't have.

MtD

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #17 on: July 27, 2008, 06:48:05 AM »
Ken,

You're getting to the point where we draw the line. You didn't have a risk and you will not be permitted to use this forum to wring your hands over the fact that some guy sucked your dick.

Make sure you read our posting guidelines found in the Welcome Thread - this one in particular:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline kentucky08

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #18 on: July 29, 2008, 01:38:54 PM »
so recieving a bj, even if from an HIV+ person is not very very low risk or theoretical risk, it is
absolutely NO RISK?  Please excuse my ignorance but my ownly knowledge in this field has been through what the public education system has told me.

Please do not be mad, i have taken several days off from the board to try and get control and not post and have moments where i do not worry and then others where i have unwarrented (right?) fears about not being able to pay for meds when i test positive.  I have even gone so far as to practice how i would tell my family.

thanks for everything and for understanding.

as of right now i am not going to worry or test per your alls expert advice.

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,250
  • His name is Carl.
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #19 on: July 29, 2008, 01:46:43 PM »
This will be the last time i post, i do not want to be "that guy", so i have NO REASON whatsoever to be worried or spend another second worrying about contracting HIV from the experience i mentioned?  No need to get tested right?


Meanwhile....


NO, you were not at risk - as you have been told several times now.  You really may want to consider that face-to-face counciling, as it really seems to be troubling you excessively (and unnecessarily).  We don't just hand out "no risk" proclamations without really, really meaning it.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #20 on: July 29, 2008, 02:21:55 PM »
Ken,

Getting a blowjob from an hiv positive person is NO RISK!

Please re-read my last post to you. This is your last warning.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline kentucky08

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #21 on: July 30, 2008, 09:05:14 AM »
Oh my God!  I just read a post titled "just calm me" where a guy was in a similar circumstance as me and he was told "no risk" and now he has tested positive.  I am so scared.  Please reassure me with something positive!  I am so sorry for posting again but this has me completely freaked

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #22 on: July 30, 2008, 09:29:07 AM »
Ken,

Did you bother to read my reply iin that thread? There's nothing more for me to add to what I've already said.

Get a grip, man. You got a blowjob and it's time you got over it. Not one person has ever been infected through getting blown and neither you nor the guy in the other thread are going to be the first.

I'm giving you that time out I've warned you about. Being able to come to this site and read is obviously doing you no good at all. There's nothing more we can do for you here.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline kentucky08

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: looking for insight
« Reply #23 on: October 29, 2008, 10:50:56 AM »
I have stayed off posting here for a long time but have one last thing to ask.  I took all your advice to heart and it helped me through some really tough times.  I have begun to believe it is not a risk to have insertive oral but at almost the 14 week mark I went and got tested with a blood test anyway.  More to alieveate my own feelings once and for all.

The results came back, and I quote:

HIV 1 and 2 Antibody Nonreactive [NR]

Does that mean the same thing as negative?  14 weeks is conclusive for those that have had a real risk and since I did not have one it is more than conclusive right?  Even the conservative CDC says 12/13 so 14 is like super duper not a chance to be wrong or change conclusive correct?

I have also seemed to develop what looks like roscea, that is not in any way related to HIV is it?  (that is my last paranoid question)

You all are the most patient people I have ever come into contact with in my life.  You are amazing.

thanks

Offline RapidRod

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Re: looking for insight
« Reply #24 on: October 29, 2008, 11:07:26 AM »
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline Ann

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Re: looking for insight
« Reply #25 on: October 29, 2008, 11:24:36 AM »
Ken,

Of course you're hiv negative. Getting a blowjob is not a risk. You don't need further testing, even if you DID have a risk. You are conclusively hiv negative. 

If you're worried about your skin, see a doctor. It's nothing to do with hiv. YOU DON'T HAVE HIV!

Make sure you read and re-read Rodney's post (#24). If I have to time you out again it will be for 56 days.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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