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Author Topic: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair  (Read 6943 times)

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Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
this time it seems hopeless. I think I am going to loose everything. I have lost my job and it seems inevetable that I will be homeless in a matter of months. I do not know what I will do with my things I am looking toward all kinds of disability yet I am also trying to keep up this front that everything will be ok. I feel helpless in this world to keep things going. this is an old and horrible feeling that continues in my life I do not want to be pitiful and dependent on everyone for my existence. I am fighting the fight but I am tired and even becoming afraid of getting back up for fear of being knocked down again.

Offline BT65

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Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2008, 08:22:17 AM »
Peter, you might want to sit down and write out all your options.  Just trying to keep them in your head can cause them to become "lost." 

Also, I can't remember from an earlier post, did you say you were on Xanax?  I just wanted to let you know that prolonged, regular use of this type of medication can cause rebound anxiety. I don't know how much you take or how long you've been on it, but you might want to talk to your prescribing doctor about tapering it.  Good luck.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2008, 08:48:29 AM »
Betty,
 I have written things down I have typed them out, I have tried to keep my options open. I have applied for jobs unemployment I still have a month of pay coming, I have filled out paper work for ADP I have an appointment with a lawyer today and a docor tomorrow. I am wearing myself out on the options, I have done so much work that I just want to sleep for weeks. Xanax yeah I have been taking it I will talk to the doctor about it. thanks for your advice.
Peter

Offline YaKaMein

  • Member
  • Posts: 368
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2008, 11:47:59 AM »
Hopefully, getting the bipolar disorder better managed will help. Again, you're doing a fantastic job approaching everything and keeping it together with all the stress of change.

New pic looks really sharp. You need some breaks right now and hope you get some relief.
09/11 Endocrine Consult
08/11 CD4 328 14.9% VL 0
 Disc'd Bactrim DEXA -3.1 Tscore
03/11 CD4 338 14.7% VL 0
11/10 CD4 300 14.3% VL 0 <20copies
07/10 CD4 336 14.0% VL 0 DEXA -2.7 Tscore
03/10 CD4 308 13.4% VL 0 Vit D normal
01/10 Began FOTO
11/09 CD4 274 13.7% VL 0 Chol 173 Trig 131
07/09 CD4 324 13.5% VL 0 DEXA -3.1 Tscore lumbar
03/09 CD4 207 10.9% VL 0
11/08 CD4 227 10.3% VL 0 Chol 176 Trig 156
04/08 CD4 228 9.5% VL 0
01/08 CD4 194 9.0% VL 0
09/07 CD4 176 8.3% VL 0
03/07 CD4 130 9.5% VL 0 Chol 261  Trig 227
12/06 CD4 109 6.4% VL 0
09/06 CD4  88 5.5% VL und desens'd rtd to Bactrim
08/06  Began Atripla
07/06 CD4  59 5.0% VL 145 Chol 117 Trig 104
06/06  Bactrim rash, X2 Dapsone
 EFV & Truvada Chol 128 Trig 131
05/06 CD4  6 (2.0%) VL 78667 only V179D mutation Dx PC MAC

Offline Peter6836

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  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2008, 12:59:46 PM »
YaKa thanks for the compliments I appreciate your input. I do need some rest, somehow someway.
Peter

Offline bear60

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  • Posts: 4,104
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2008, 01:05:41 PM »
Hi Peter
I hope things work out for you.....I am sure they will.

((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))

Joel
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2008, 01:36:13 PM »
Joel thanks for the hug it feels good.

Peter

Offline Surviving

  • Member
  • Posts: 20
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2008, 06:56:13 PM »
perhaps you should proceed to file for federal social security disability benefits as soon as possible.   both your infection, loss of hope and loss of employment and even loss of access to medical treatment would be considered to give back to you what you put into the social security system.

Offline Anna Karenina

  • Member
  • Posts: 32
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2008, 03:37:33 AM »
Peter you really do look great in your avatar - like some hot shot businessman or lawyer!!! Your skin looks all brown and glowy too lol (only a girl would notice that right)
Betty is right about the xanax - doctors over here in Australia (generally) refuse to prescribe benzos on an outpatient basis because of the awful rebound anxiety that happens.
Talk to your Dr about going on an SSRI like zoloft, it's a bit nasty for the first few days (a bit of nausea and agitation is common) but it's EXCELLENT at reducing anxiety. 
Good luck!

Offline Peter Staley

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  • Founder & Advisory Editor, AIDSmeds.com
    • AIDSmeds.com
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2008, 10:11:34 PM »
Hey, Peter -- just wondering how you're doing now, since it's been a few days since you posted this thread.

I'm thinking of you.

Peter

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2008, 12:16:38 PM »
Peter, thanks for your concern I saw a doctor he perscribed more drugs, and I have an appointment with a psych tomorrow. I am trying to fill out all the forms necessary for a disability retirement. I talked to a lawyer about my termination, I am treading water. I applied for some more jobs I do not know where it will all lead but I am trying. One problem is I am sleeping far to much. Hopefully the psyc tomorrow can help. My motor skills seem to be deteriorating now. I have problems writing, and walking. I am still afraid of being homeless, but the drugs take some of the anxiety away.
So I do not know if this is good stuff or bad, I suppose a mixed bag.
Again thanks for your concern, It helps a lot to have people who care.
Peter

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #11 on: July 30, 2008, 09:54:59 PM »
well everyone. I saw the psych today. He is going to make some dramtic changes to my meds. Today he took me off respridul and trazidone. he changed things to 200 mg of serequal at night and kept the busprene, prozac, and xanax right now. I have to go and see him in fifteen days and then he will change the busprine and prozac to something else. Today I fell out of the bed in the morning getting up. I do not suggest splits over 40 especially over 50. I hope I did not hurt myself too badly. I am having trouble walking and bending over. What next?????????

Anna thanks for your compliment I was taking my parents to a wedding. I do a lot outside and tan up easily. Being gay I know all about moisturizing, and I am blessed with good genes. Thanks for telling me that I do not look too bad for a 50 some year old. I wish I could find a partner that thought the same thing.

Thaniks everyone for keeping up all you support it means a lot.
Peter

Offline Peter Staley

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  • Posts: 1,337
  • Founder & Advisory Editor, AIDSmeds.com
    • AIDSmeds.com
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2008, 08:49:04 AM »
Peter -- do you think you might be able to do a little exercising each day?  Even a little bit can help in many ways.  It has been shown to help with depression, for instance.  Even a short walk outside each day would do wonders I bet.

Here's hoping the change in meds helps.  Stay strong!

Peter

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: feeling helpless fearing homlesness unemployment and despair
« Reply #13 on: July 31, 2008, 09:48:33 AM »
Peter your not the first person to tell me about exercise. It is so hot here, but I do the pool occasionally and evening walks.
The new meds are making me feel strange dry mouth and all that, I am working through it.
Thanks
Peter

 


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