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Author Topic: Trying to stay hopeful...  (Read 13171 times)

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Offline RapidRod

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #50 on: August 22, 2008, 03:10:36 AM »
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #51 on: August 22, 2008, 07:57:23 AM »
Blue,

Of course you don't need PEP. You didn't have a risk.

Saliva actually contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

Seriously, make sure condoms are used for intercourse and you won't have a risk. Thankfully, hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus. You're just not going to get it in this latest scenario of yours, even if you sucked the pus out of his head.

If you can't get the basics of risk and transmission through your head, maybe you should stop dating positive men. Not because I'm afraid you'll get infected - because you won't as long as you're using condoms for intercourse - but because we positive people can tell when a negative person is constantly worried about being infected. It's not conducive to a healthy relationship.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #52 on: August 22, 2008, 12:32:59 PM »
You're right, and we've agreed to a break until I can get my head in place and into reality. A family member of mine passed away today, further adding to my stress levels... but the question I didn't understand the answer you gave to was if the blood (not so much the pus) was an issue and if since my gums feel sore from overflossing that made a "break" for an entry?

I'm packing for a trip out of town and I shall not be a burden anymore, but can we allay that fear? Because I remember a CDC (on the cdc.gov site) transmission page involving "one case" where gum issues on one party made transmission to another likely and the reasoning was blood. Honestly, what would be different here? My mind just plays out a horrible thought of how a healthcare worker can get infected if "one drop" gets inside their mouth, or does it not go so easily?

Again, I realize you must think I'm overreacting but I always understood it was about risk assessment in the "am I?" forum, so what specifically states no risk? I plead for you all not to take offense to my questions, I'm agreeing that I need help and getting it so in the meantime I will take a hiatus from anything that could demean my positive partner, AS WELL AS leaving here until I get my conclusive negative result in October.



"Yes there is a chance that you can get HIV from blood splashing in your mouth and you really need to see a doctor tody if at all possible for immediate testing and treatment; you never want to ignore a serious virus like HIV and it's beter to go and be safe rather than avoiding going becase it seems scary.

Here are a few excerpts that provide more information for you:

HIV transmission can occur when blood, semen (cum), pre-seminal fluid (pre-cum), vaginal fluid, or breast milk from an infected person enters the body of an uninfected person.

HIV can enter the body through a vein (e.g., injection drug use), the lining of the anus or rectum, the lining of the vagina and/or cervix, the opening to the penis, the mouth, other mucous membranes (e.g., eyes or inside of the nose), or cuts and sores. Intact, healthy skin is an excellent barrier against HIV and other viruses and bacteria.

Some health-care workers have become infected after being stuck with needles containing HIV-infected blood or, less frequently when infected blood comes in contact with a worker's open cut or is splashed into a worker's eyes or inside their nose. There has been only one instance of patients being infected by an HIV-infected dentist to his patients. [www.cdc.gov/hiv]

Blood, semen, pre-seminal fluid, and vaginal fluid all may contain the virus. Cells in the mucous lining of the mouth may carry HIV into the lymph nodes or the bloodstream. The risk increases if you have cuts or sores around or in your mouth or throat. [www.aidspartnership.org]

Blood in the mouth does not guarantee HIV infection, although it may increase the risk. [www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS]


I hope this helps and I wish you good health,

Margot"
« Last Edit: August 22, 2008, 12:43:17 PM by prayerblue »

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #53 on: August 22, 2008, 01:55:37 PM »
Blue,

"One case" in over twenty-five years? And who's to say that healthcare worker hadn't been engaging in risky sexual behaviour with someone and the blood thing was just pure coincidence? C'mon man, ONE CASE in all these years and you're going to focus on it? Stop it. Stop it right now.

We don't deal in theoretical risks like the CDC is prone to do, we deal in real life risks. If anything you brought to us was any kind of risk, believe me, we'd tell you. We don't want hiv infections to go undetected because not only is that a danger to the person themselves, but it's also a danger for ongoing transmissions. The majority of people who know they're positive would never dream of passing this bug on - new infections are mainly down to the positive person not knowing their status.



I'm sorry to hear about your family member. Now put this hiv stuff out of your head and go be with your family.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #54 on: August 23, 2008, 04:42:15 PM »
Ann-

This does need to end,, I agree. I'm going to the funeral tomorrow and this will end there too, but please just reiterate because one thing the CDC woman said made me feel more scared.

The thing about "open cuts" being a risk if contact with blood happens.

Back to then. I picked at a spot on my face (pimple? folliculitis? I just felt something there) for hours, up until the time he got there. If that pus/fluid/blood droplet touched that, wouldn't that fit what the "open cut" + "blood" transmission scenario?

Look, I promised to go away and I am. I simply won't have time after grad school commences this week. But thanks for your help, and for the help you give others... I juist need to know there was no risk because the CDC woman wouldn't say that at all... she wouldn't recommend or deny a need for PEP and wouldn't confirm or deny the potential risk to that because I was unsure of the volume or type of fluid involved." It wasn't sweat. It wasn't saliva. It was pus or blood mixed, and I'm so damn scared it touched my lips (as earlier mentioned) or the "open cut" pimple thing that it might be enough since they also said "mucous membrane contact is enough to transmit in a healthcare setting."

If I can't believe them, who am I to believe? What is the answer here besides "man, you're insane?" My therapist is out of town and the one helpful hotline (GMHC) that made me stop panicking is closed til Monday, well past 72 hours after exposure. I beg of you a last time, and if you see fit to give me the answer to why this isn't a risk my word is my honor, I won't keep at it.

My mind is so screwed up, I just need your clarity. You say things so clearly and so the lips/mouth thing wasn't a risk, right? But what of this open cut? I feel like this is something unusual...
« Last Edit: August 23, 2008, 04:45:37 PM by prayerblue »

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #55 on: August 23, 2008, 04:59:53 PM »
Blue,

The response you got from the CDC is a typical CYA attitude. CYA = Cover Your Ass. They give non-committal answers because to be honest, most of the people who answer the phones at the CDC don't have any direct experience of hiv. They don't live with it on a day to day basis like myself and others here do. They're as paranoid as you are.

I understood the first time around what you meant by the spots - yours and his - and the puss and the stress and the blood and the... just stop it, will you?


I understand what you've been saying, now understand what I've been saying.

USE CONDOMS FOR ANAL OR VAGINAL INTERCOURSE, CORRECTLY AND CONSISTENTLY, AND YOU WILL AVOID HIV INFECTION. IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE.

Forget all this crap about spots and cuts and pus and acne etc. Use condoms when you fuck and you won't have to worry about hiv.

If you're an injecting drug user, don't share your works.

Now go buy a shit-load of condoms and enjoy your life.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #56 on: September 11, 2008, 10:12:56 PM »
Sorry to be back, Ann and all...

Just have to ask.

This OraQuick thing I read about... is it a big deal?

I just feel nausea when I read it.

I took that test at 5 weeks and three days. Wasn't quite six weeks.

I've been gone about three weeks now, I've stayed away as I said.

I just feel generally awful lately, and I can't tell if my lymph nodes are swollen, and I know symptoms are no measure of things... but I'm already on antidepressants for about a week now and feeling like crap. I just feel a sense of fear that I can't understand, reading the test error thing.

I know you aren't here to hold people's hands, but I just have to ask...

I read on healingwell, but was unable to verify, that even the CDC says that these days a 6-week test is pretty near conclusive... I just didn't know if they made it up and attributed it to the CDC or if that's true. I guess either way I don't know how it went from 6 months to 6 weeks... but either way, I was short of the six weeks.

No, I haven't been trolling here or anywhere, I've been busy with school and trying to focus... but trying to have hope in the face of what feels like such adversity. I just don't know how I can possibly NOT have it? I remembered I'd read a post of Ann's saying the only seroconverters on here were receptive anal intercourse without condom with someone positive as the inserting partner...

Ann, can we go back to the beginning when I wasn't a pest and you said your gut feeling, which was famous, had a feeling I'd turn out ok? I just cannot figure out why I feel so miserable all the time.

The antidepressants sure don't help, they've made me drowsy and my stomach nauseated. But this is almost 9 weeks in... was there ARS somewhere? I don't know... I never had a fever, if my thermometer was right, but I don't know if my nodes are swollen and I always have a tight sensation in my throat and a slight headache it seems... has this happened before and the person was completely negative at the end? My muscles always seem sore and tense (but still sore) and I really can't tell if it's body acne or the seroconvert rash...

Sorry. I went away for a while like I said I would, but I guess I'm back to ask if anyone thinks the result will change from the 5 week test... or if that test even had any weight since it was the oral swab under the accuracy error scrutiny in question. I am human, I just feel like I'm falling apart now that the hope I had is being number crunched by this error scenario.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #57 on: September 12, 2008, 08:12:03 AM »
Blue,

No, I don't think the OraQuick thing is all that big a deal. If it worries YOU, just make sure you are tested with a non-oral swab method. In otherwords, make sure they either prick your finger or put a needle in your vein to get some blood.

I still do NOT expect your three month conclusive test to be anything other than another negative result.

Now get back to getting on with your life until you're finished with the window period.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #58 on: September 15, 2008, 10:24:07 AM »
Guys, please help me understand what's happening to me.

I'm losing weight rapidly, it seems, and I'm not a small person. I feel nausea all the time, and gag a lot, and I feel ill most of the time and drowsy. I hadn't noticed the weight loss until today, when a belt that only went to two notches before went to three and maybe four. I still feel headache-y and uncomfortable in the throat and I swear the acne on my back is getting worse.

I'm also sweating a lot lately, which scares the hell out of me. Both in the day and night time... last night I kept waking up and my head and pillow were drenched but it was cold in my house. I know my mom said I did this one a lot when I was younger, but it seems to be getting worse. I feel so gross and like I want to throw up and I'm not hungry anymore it seems...

And I had diarrhea a couple times already, it was so unpleasant... It made me sit in my shower and just sob for a half an hour or more...

And I got these weird bug bite looking itchy spots, almost in a perfect single file line from my neck to the base of my spine. I haven't gotten a fever, unless my thermometer is wrong... but the fact I felt a lump on my shoulder scares the hell out of me!

Am I seroconverting?

Let's throw a counter-point and anyone tell me if it makes sense... A week ago, my doc stuck me on a low dose of sertraline, but I was on a much higher dose years ago with none of these side effects... Please, it's getting to be so bad the idea of not living because of the fear is hard to get rid of... I know I'm annoying but please, God, please help me...

It's 10 weeks since that risk. No where have I really gotten "precum is highly unlikely to transmit" during the intercourse, and I started to gag and cry when I read someone on here swearing oral infected them. I did both that day...

It's getting so bad I feel like the walls are closing in... I really keep trying to stop, but I can't help but fear because I feel sick and my appetite is gone...
« Last Edit: September 15, 2008, 10:26:59 AM by prayerblue »

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #59 on: September 15, 2008, 10:54:55 AM »
Blue,

If you feel  unwell, see a doctor. Nothing you report is hiv specific.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline KMF559

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #60 on: September 15, 2008, 06:23:33 PM »
Im sorry if im not suppose to post in other threads..But this is exactly How I feel almost exactly on the money I also noticed in my belt last week It was much smaller ..=/ Im just as scared as you're and how you explain how you feel is exactly how I feel..=-! :'(

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #61 on: September 15, 2008, 06:32:45 PM »
KM, you are definitely not supposed to be commenting in other threads. And you know that. So stop indulging yourself and spreading your anxiety or you will end up getting a time out.

Thanks for your cooperation.
Andy Velez

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #62 on: September 15, 2008, 07:51:23 PM »
I just don't understand...

And I gotta wonder, Andy, do you just avoid answering my stuff to let Ann do it?

I feel so ill. I looked in my mouth and I saw white on a tonsil. It's been 10 weeks... or was there some other exposure that wasn't an exposure to you all and really was, like the cum in the tub or the open wound? I so appreciate what you all do here, because it can't be easy to do... but I feel, like probably most, there's a fading light of hope for me.

I feel physically ill... I spent an hour on the phone with a hotline therapist because I feel all alone and I can't even think of ANYTHING that could cause these symptoms, much less to go on this long...

Has everyone just brushed me aside into the he-doesn't-know-what-he's-saying category? Or do you all think this is just in my head?

Ann... it didn't infect me... right?
« Last Edit: September 15, 2008, 07:57:58 PM by prayerblue »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #63 on: September 15, 2008, 08:04:08 PM »
Hey buddy! Stop misreading meaning into my not having responded. Ann and others have given you spot on answers. And as upset as you are, you're not the only person in these Forums who asking for responses.

Like Ann I expect you to test negative at the end of all this drama you're working up. You need to get productively busy with other matters. And don't tell me/us that you are too worried to do that. That's not going to fly here. Your life is about more than this incident and at the end of the day you're going to test negative. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #64 on: September 15, 2008, 08:08:19 PM »
I'm so sorry...

it's just become obscene... I understand what you're saying, Andy, I swear I do... but I fear going alone to the test and even talking to people about it, hence I've become a nuisance here I suppose...

Point is, this is ten weeks out and something is hitting me and giving me nausea, and weird itchy red spots at random places, in addition to the usual headache and blah blah we won't go over... it's the nodes (or are they? even my M.D.-having psychiatrist won't confirm or deny totally) and the diarrhea and the nausea and the most of all tonsil thing that have convinced me there's no other thing it could be and that I'm either terribly unlucky and a late seroconverter or really REALLY unlucky and got a test that was either inaccurate or way too early.

Feelings are not facts, right? So why's my body refusing to believe the negative is even possible now?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #65 on: September 15, 2008, 09:26:49 PM »
We've told you what we can tell you. Including that symptoms of any kind will never tell you anything accurately about HIV status. Yet you just keep rattling them off regardless of what is said to you.

Discuss your symptoms with your doctor. For the rest it's time call a halt to what you've been carrying on here for almost two months back and forth. You've been told you're going to test negative. Get on with your life in the meantime. We're not here to hold your hand each time you have another burst of anxiety.

Consider yourself warned. If you come back with more of the same you're going to get a time out. 
Andy Velez

Offline prayerblue

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When you know, you know...
« Reply #66 on: September 29, 2008, 07:07:53 PM »
Because of the fact the ASO here said they wanted me to come test with them for peace of mind, I did. Keep in mind from the other forum that I was given a positive/reactive result at a Planned Parenthood clinic...

Man, screw those guys. They did it wrong or something, because not only did the EIA come back negative, the rapid oral test today came back negative. So, all in all, the counselor said "baby, you're negative. See me in a month if you feel a need to be sure, but as of this moment, no way no how no McCain..."

All of you are Godsends, and Ann has the patience of Atlas and the wisdom of Athena... Andy, I owe you a lot as well, you gave me that push I needed to get the hell over myself; and of course to all the other guys and ladies who were there for me (harsh words or not,) I salute you and owe you my deepest gratitude.

There's something hard under my ear, maybe it IS a lymph node... but he said it's not HIV-related. I think it's safe to say that I am living proof that if you're stupid and read online you'll manifest the symptoms in no time and make yourself physically ill... And my muscles really are still sore all over for no reason, but this (myalgia?) can be from many other things, right?

I hope not to ever have to go back into the I just tested forum, much less the living with forum... not because I think anything less of HIV-ers, though. Quite the opposite: you all have changed my views on the seropositive population. To all of you who live and daily fight this virus with all you got, please continue and accept my humble apologies for any type of remarks seen as condescending or rude.

God bless, and although I'll still remain somewhat to talk to those I still talk to, I don't think it'll be due to a change in test results... You guys really are great, and I think Ann ("guts are famous") lived up to her prediction. (Ann, should I test next week too as per window period?)

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #67 on: September 30, 2008, 06:16:40 AM »
Blue,

If you lived in the UK, where we use the same tests as they do in the States, you'd be conclusive this week. So no, I don't think you need to test again next week. The result will be no different and you'd just be wasting time, money and resources.

You've been wound up tight as a drum for the past few weeks and you wonder why your muscles hurt? Relax already. Show your hard thingy under your ear to a qualified doctor. There are hundreds of things that could be causing it. You've ruled out hiv. You don't have hiv.

It's time you got on with your life.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #68 on: October 08, 2008, 12:29:16 AM »
Thanks, Ann and all, for all the great help. My doc says I'm finally showing improvement, and measured this by the fact I went out and had a good time with friends for the first time since I thought I got infected.

My question, and I swear this will NOT turn into another 80 replies, is can HIV piggyback onto skin and infect via herpes? I guess I'm asking can the HIV combine with the herpes someone has and since herpes can be so easily spread, thus can too the HIV? I'm only asking because I once kissed someone who was not wearing a shirt, and could see that unfortunately there was something that looked like shingles (far worse than any back acne I've ever seen) and had the distinctive blistery look to it.

Now of course, stupid me, I didn't think HIV but my dermatologist said shingles appear very readily in HIV infection because the immune system is weakened and thus the dormant varicella (chickenpox) or herpes viruses awaken... am I nuts to wonder if it's possible for the two to spread together that way, or is that what you mean when you say "not possible to spread by casual contact?" Even if there is viral shedding from another viral infection?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #69 on: October 08, 2008, 01:16:51 AM »
Have you had chickenpox?

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #70 on: October 08, 2008, 07:14:00 AM »
Ok, Rapid, I'll bite. Yes, I've had chickenpox. I just wish to know if when viral shedding takes place, other viruses can shed with it, or basically if the two can merge because I hear all the time of HIV/HSV coinfection and HSV making it easier to acquire HIV during unprotected sex. So please, by all means, at at least in the first sentence don't make me feel like a complete idiot for asking. I've already committed to getting an answer and going on my merry way again, because it would appear I'm uninfected from the sexual encounter of the past.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #71 on: October 08, 2008, 07:49:49 AM »
Blue,

I've never heard of hiv being shed along side herpes or shingles. (Herpes and shingles are related, but two different viruses)

But what's that to you anyway? If you use condoms like you're supposed to, you won't have to worry about this stuff. You're not going to get hiv by touching someone's shingles or herpes lesions - something you shouldn't do anyway.

By the way, Rodney asked if you've had chickenpox because only people who have had cp can get shingles.

It's high time you found a different website to hang out on. You're heading quickly for a time out - I won't warn you again.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #72 on: October 08, 2008, 07:53:38 AM »
Yes'm. I'm out. I apologize, and thanks for answering my question. Just didn't know if shedding sheds ALL viruses one has! And there was no sex, so then I guess I'm golden still. Thanks Ann!

 


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