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Author Topic: Trying to stay hopeful...  (Read 13300 times)

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Offline prayerblue

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Trying to stay hopeful...
« on: July 18, 2008, 06:48:34 PM »
Ok, so my boyfriend just tested positive by the oral swab yesterday (Thursday) and we had sex for the first time last Saturday... so I missed a PEP time and now it's time to be concerned... but for the specifics, which may make me feel even more likely to have contracted HIV...

we were lying down and nude and at some point I just briefly gave him head (which I hadn't ever done to him or mostly any guy I dated precisely for fear of contracting something) and then realized I didn't like the taste and spit much of it out into a towel, hopefully eliminating any pre-ejaculate but not for sure, since I noticed I still had a bunch of saliva in the back of my throat and swallowed by mistake.

then, i got on top of him just to see what it was like (essentially answering that yes, i was a virgin to that point) and it hurt a bit so i got into, excuse the crude description, doggy style where he came from behind and mounted, no condom.

this went on for a pathetic few minutes when my mind snapped to a) the no condom and b) the fact it really was kind of uncomfortable and it hurt the slightest kind of stretching way, so i freaked out that he was giving me fissures and had to have been over within 5 minutes. he complained after that it was kind of loose and not that great in terms of friction and that he didnt go in very well or very long and had to manually climax.

then he proceeded to jerk himself off and i did the same and quickly went into the shower to rinse out the lubricant (he used KY, at least, even if the reality is i did something terrible in allowing this to transpire) where i sat in the shower basically crying for 20 minutes because we didn't do his test first and then i proceeded to digitally (yes, finger) cleanse the anal cavity that i could reach by finger in prayer that no precum got in.

but now that he told me after i didnt go in for PEP like i should have, am i definitely infected? will the 6 months be mostly likely i contracted the virus? it'll be a week tomorrow and to be honest i've started to tell myself it was so short and unintensive it was unlikely to, but the fact it hurt a bit after while i fingered in the shower makes me terrified i made the virus go in for sure.

any advice from the experts? i know i'll see the "test in six weeks/3 months" and "i invited this in by consenting" but is there real hope we're just going to stay serodiscordant? i'm still holding out hope his test is wrong but more than that praying mine never comes back positive...

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2008, 07:31:26 PM »
Blue,

For a start, no, you're not definitely infected.

But yes, you have had a risk.

It's the unprotected anal intercourse that was risky. The fact that he didn't cum inside is in your favour. However, pre-cum is also infectious and you do need to test.

will the 6 months be mostly likely i contracted the virus?

I'm not sure what you mean by the above statement.

If you have been infected, you will probably know at a six week test. However, if your six week test is negative, only a three month test is conclusive. NOT six months. You only need to test out to three months.

If a six week test is negative, you're unlikely to test positive at your three month test.

You've had a risk and you do need to test. The odds are in your favour of testing negative after a one-time incident, but only a test result will tell.

Please make sure condoms are used in future. Your health depends on it.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2008, 07:41:02 PM »
Stats don't matter, so I'm not asking that. I didn't see any bleeding and i kept checking like a maniac in the shower to be sure, but even though the time/duration is not a helpful thing just because it's short wouldn't it be more likely that the longer it went the dimmer the hope became it will not have crossed?

I've only respect for all that you on this board do and to be honest my first concern is to make sure he's psychologically ok, because he really didn't see it coming since his last test had come back negative and he says it was probably a december encounter that led to it.

but is it selfish to be desperate to know i've not contracted it? weirdly he expected me to run like hell after he told me the result but i love him and even though it certainly changed the sexual dynamic i've no desire to bail on him... i'm just praying and hoping that it was not enough to pass to me. he is notoriously dry and usually precums like a small drop but it worries me if that drop was in me and got rubbed in while i rubbed it in further counterintuitively in the shower (or did i do a good thing by trying to rinse out and not let the lube/potential and unconfirmed fluids sit inside me?)

sorry and i meant to clarify the six-month test  i kept seeing recommended... i took immunosuppresants like a year or more ago, will that up my chance to have been infected? (had a really bad skin disorder that i checked with many specialists and my GP to ensure was NOT an STD and sure enough it was not, but i was hiving so my doc put me on something that lowered my reaction until i tapered off and was back to normal.)

i know it was risky to do, i don't dispute that. but is this an odds-still-in-my-favor thing or is it 50/50 because i cant guarantee he didnt precum a drop or that i didn't get a single fissure during it? (for being a virgin, it's not like i never put anything in there so it's not like i was tight to where it tore from the second he went in, but the fear is killing me.)

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2008, 07:46:23 PM »
First off, has his test been confirmed?

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2008, 07:50:29 PM »
No but he's convinced himself and to be honest me by his tale of it being the only guy before me but after his last negative test and that it was bareback to climax and he received the load and it would time right... but i still tell him to have faith it was wrong, i just can't imagine the odds it was. either way, i know it's selfish but i wanna be negative now especially because he needs some support, and he keeps saying he doesnt think it was enough to give it to me but he's miserable with the thought of that because it was trying to be intimate (though stupid to even try without a condom)

first and foremost i know it's about assessing the risk for me, being surely uninfected to that point and hopefully so on, but i still am more concerned on how he'll take this. he'd just moved to the states from HI and is starting from scratch, no job yet after a month and this is just making his depression worse...

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2008, 07:53:47 PM »
His test must be confirmed. Just because he tested positive on a test does not mean he is positive.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2008, 07:58:23 PM »
Blue,

It's good that you don't want stats; we don't do stats. If we went according to stats, I'd be hiv negative myself. I'm not.

The bottom line (no pun intended) is that you have had a risk and you do need to test.

However, you do stand a good chance of testing negative after a one-time incident. Only testing, at the appropriate time, will tell.

Don't start symptom hunting. Symptoms, or even the lack of them, will never tell you your hiv status. Only testing will.

I do sincerely hope you'll come out of this ok. Like I said, the odds are in your favour. But only a test will tell.

Good luck.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2008, 08:03:08 PM »
Not to sound like I know what I'm talking about cause I don't... he took the swab test and got the positive I think, said something about then he got a blood test and came home with two little circle bandaids, one on each hand at the index finger's knuckle (said they couldnt find a vein) and though the research I did said NY had a problem and discontinued the test recently over false positives, my mind can't stop the fear (not like I'm full of anxiety just yet, my day went normally otherwise until I got home and typed this to see how grave my chances are or if my outlook is ok.)

I came here mostly for some support that I saw in other posts, though I don't wanna post the same question over and over I'd like to keep the conversation up until things are clearer. I REALLY am more praying he is truly negative because I really care about him and it crushes him to think it passed over, but at the same time I'm praying that it turns out either way my activity, though risky, was more unlikely than likely to transmit the virus (if he indeed comes back affirmed positive.)

I mean, from then on we've had no sexual contact but even last night he was afraid to touch me because as he was crying he worried his tears would infect me if the brief encounter hadn't. I told him he was being ridiculous and that he expected me to walk away from him is kind of ****ed up (I added my own asterisks) because if you love someone you don't leave them at their most vulnerable moment.

I told him it means, for a while (perhaps at LEAST three months) we'll have even less sexual contact than before, and since aside of that one instance there wasn't another I guess that means back to normal. But I'm trying to console myself to stay strong... any advice on how to avoid being consumed by the fear in the wait? I didn't eat today cause I wasn't hungry but I don't pretend it was a symptom because I learned long ago that all the times I ever even kissed a guy I "thought I had the symptoms" and always tested negative.

On the subject, Ms. Ann, when is a good point to start testing? I was so freaked I tried to test today but the places available either didn't do it on Fridays or were closed inexplicably (!) giving me the slightest fear in the back of my mind as "is this a sign?" but I also want to make sure that something didn't come up unexpectedly like his did after six or seven months of thinking you had been completely negative... I just think it's all I can do is hope that it wasn't long enough of a feeble attempt at intercourse and that no fluids (or not enough? is there a difference regarding precum?) got in and stayed in, though I would assume if it happened in december and this was july he is not at the ultra-infectious stage I read so much about weeks after the intitial infection.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2008, 08:07:12 PM by prayerblue »

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2008, 07:39:07 AM »
Blue,

There's not much use in testing before six weeks. If your six week result is negative, then you only need to test one more time - at the three month point - to confirm your negative six week result.

Keep yourself constructively busy while you wait to test.

You two don't have to stop having sex even if he is positive and you're not. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. Read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can be sure of using them correctly. A correctly used condom rarely breaks.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2008, 01:16:31 PM »
Seriously, though? Is HIV so easy to spread that in two minutes it would be that easy, precum or otherwise? Or do the majority of cases come from full to climax unprotected sex? I know what I did was RISKY but was it mitigated in any way? And furthermore, has it actually happened someone got semen in them from someone who was positive and still came out of it negative or does it pretty much guarantee it at such a quantity?

He also worried about the fact he jerked off earlier in the day, that the dried cum might have made things worse, or the fact that it hurt a little might have made it easier to transmit. I'm trying to be rational but I'm also keeping him here over the weekend to be supportive and get support myself, so I know you must all think I just wanna hear the magic words but I just need some hope to believe in for five more weeks...

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2008, 01:23:29 PM »
Jerking off an additional risk? No way possible. Take the time to read the lessons on transmission. You can find the link in the "Welcome" thread.

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2008, 01:30:29 PM »
No, I assure you I read it he's just worried that some stayed on his penis and that it would mean might have gotten in... I'm here with him for support and I will see a therapist (I see one anyway) soon, but I need a bit of faith that this isn't for sure... Either way I'm still standing by him, and he said that alone is a huge thing.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #12 on: July 19, 2008, 01:34:05 PM »
Blue,

A person can get infected cum inside and still test hiv negative. Exposure does not guarantee infection.

The fact that plenty of lube was used is in your favour, as is the short time with no ejaculation. However, this does not mean NO risk. You'll have to test and that's just the way it is.

Dried cum is incapable of transmitting the virus. Hiv is very fragile and small changes in pH levels, moisture content and temperature all quickly damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

Your boyfriend needs to have his positive result confirmed. False positives have been known to happen. He needs to re-test via a blood test and if that ELISA also comes up positive, it must be confirmed with a Western Blot. You can read about testing in the Testing Lesson linked to in our Welcome Thread

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #13 on: July 19, 2008, 03:36:10 PM »
Is it ok if I continue to talk here? I am not going to just keep asking for rewords of the same answer, but as things hit my mind I feel talking makes it easier. I'm just so paranoid right now even if the risk was so low...

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2008, 04:48:06 PM »
Blue,

Yes, you're welcome to talk here - within reason. If, as you say, you refrain from asking the same questions over and over, worded a little differently, then you'll be ok. However, if you don't, we'll get fed up pretty quickly. Who wouldn't? We're human beings too.

Your anxiety is understandable. However, the chance of you coming out of this ok is great.

I do urge you to see to it that your partner is re-tested and has his positive diagnosis confirmed. You could be worrying for no good reason - both of you.

And please remember; the way this bug is transmitted is through unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. You don't have to be afraid of being physically close to your bf. I was in a serodiscordant relationship for years and he remained hiv negative. It is totally possible, as long as you use those condoms for intercourse. Have you had a look at the links in my signature line yet? If not, get reading.

My gut feeling (and my guts are famous) is that you're going to be just fine. Hang in there.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2008, 02:31:26 AM »
Different question, but I hope you don't think this is repetitive.

So what I'm feeling in addition to the fear and anxiety is that he tells me I'm warm (and true enough, I feel WARM but a temperature said 98.6 and I walk into a cold room and don't feel the coldness for long) and that he heard my stomach growling earlier, which made sense because I hadn't eaten all day and have eaten twice in 48 hours (a big change for me, as I'm hardly a light eater) and that, perhaps worst of all, I can't sleep. Not just that in my day I can't stop thinking, but that at night I can't sleep even though I do my best to not think about it and just blank out.

Is this just the anxiety? Will this last for five-eleven more weeks? I AM NOT going to play the symptom card because that is silly... but is this physical manifestation a normal thing even for those who it turns out were scared for nothing?

I guess I'm just replaying the what-if's in my head, especially the "why did it hurt" part and wondering if washing out after was a mistake... but I'm getting slightly better until I start to think of why I'm not hungry like usual and it snowballs.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #16 on: July 20, 2008, 06:45:00 AM »
blue,

Look mate, you ARE playing the symptom card and all that will do is bring you grief. Stop it now. Symptoms - or even the LACK of symptoms - will never, ever tell you a single thing about your hiv status. Only testing will tell.

Rather than trying to not think about this, get your mind busy with other things. You'll drive yourself batty otherwise.

And I still think you're going to be ok.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #17 on: July 20, 2008, 08:40:57 PM »
Thanks for the constant words of encouragement, Ms. Ann. It would be unlikely for the guy experts to have any different perspective, right? I mean not to doubt or anything because if not for your words of encouragement I might never have had any ability to eat because my stomach was in knots...  just kind of the back of mind wondering if most of the time it's unprotected sex for longer (or shorter even) with full climax that is the cause of infection more often than such an incident where it was quick and relatively "dry" and if guy's experience with that leads that to be a common understanding.

My other question is just one that must sound ignorant but my internet reading on it leads me to ignorant sounding answers anyway... what is safe and what is not safe in terms of him being around? (I read that it's common for the apetite for sexual contact to diminish after such an exposure risk, so the fact I was never with a really high drive doesn't concern me.) But things like he was talking and i felt saliva hit my eye, or he cried and drops fell on my arm, or he likes to hold hands and he sweats real easy (does sweat carry any risk?) and things of the like, of which open mouth kissing with chapped lips tops the list of things I fear at the moment. I mean in no way to talk down about it, just to learn my boundaries.

I really hope that doesn't sound like beating a dead horse. On second read and third I don't see the question over again, this was just to wonder if the guys had any alternate perspectives on the subject or if it correlates pretty well. I'm convinced while it was risky it was not nearly as risky as it could have been... thanks for everything.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #18 on: July 20, 2008, 08:54:07 PM »
Read the lessons on transmission. You can find the link in the "Welcome" thread.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #19 on: July 20, 2008, 09:32:12 PM »
Blue,

Instead of jumping in and asking questions, why not read the responses you've already had? I answered your latest question before you even asked it.

And please remember; the way this bug is transmitted is through unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. You don't have to be afraid of being physically close to your bf. I was in a serodiscordant relationship for years and he remained hiv negative. It is totally possible, as long as you use those condoms for intercourse. Have you had a look at the links in my signature line yet? If not, get reading.

Like Rodney suggests, read the Transmission Lesson. You'll fnd a link in our Welcome Thread

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #20 on: July 20, 2008, 10:24:00 PM »
"For example, one study conducted by the CDC – and frequently cited by many sources of HIV transmission information – suggested that a person has a 1 in 200 chance of becoming infected with HIV if he is the receptive partner during unprotected anal intercourse with someone known to be HIV positive."

So is this as bad as it sounds or as good as I can think it's sounding, since the unprotected receptive incident will NEVER happen again (and therefore I'm not "basing my future chances on the stat") but that it also was very brief and not to climax... I guess I'm wondering if that from the welcome note meant all the way to the finish.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #21 on: July 21, 2008, 06:53:11 AM »
Blue,

If you'd continued to read, you would have read this:

Making personal decisions about unprotected sexual activity using these numbers is not recommended. For starters, these numbers are based on assumptions and guesses, not actual evidence of HIV transmission.

In other words, they pulled the numbers out of thin air.

I suggest you stay off hiv internet sites while you wait for the appropriate time to test. Reading this stuff and freaking yourself out is not going to change the outcome of your test result, you'll only cause yourself extra anxiety.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #22 on: July 24, 2008, 03:58:24 PM »
Been trying to be good and not overpost...

His test is confirmed as of today. Now my mind is in fear again, and I just don't know what to do. Told my therapist about the situation before the confirmation and she, while saying she also thinks it's lower of a high risk than just "high risk" is trying to make sure I stay confident. Does the confirmation change anything, really? I don't know... Beyond that, I'm just trying to convince myself not everyone gets HIV from one time with someone who absolutely without a doubt had it at that moment when there was no climax but the precum thing is enough to drive me nuts.

Does your gut feeling change now that it's been confirmed?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #23 on: July 24, 2008, 04:42:24 PM »
There is nothing for you "to do" right at this moment.

You're going to re-test at the appropriate point and the odds are you will test negative.

If you want to have sex with your bf or anyone else you can do that, just do it the safer way which means an insertive partner will always wear a condom.

And you have to sit with your feelings,which is what so many find difficult to do and consequently scurry around anxiously looking for something "to do." Just let it be. Feelings come and go.

 
Andy Velez

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #24 on: July 26, 2008, 07:21:28 PM »
At two weeks, I'm fighting off the fear and things make me wonder if it's just all in my head. The risk was there but now I'm wondering if it's possible even without looking up things to make yourself feel sick... anyways, thanks for being supportive guys.
« Last Edit: July 26, 2008, 07:43:02 PM by prayerblue »

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #25 on: July 31, 2008, 01:52:29 AM »
Ann, Andy, or anyone else...

sorry to rehash, just kind of worried because I've been night sweating past couple of days in addition to not sleeping well... can that be in my head or does that mean anything? i'm aware your initial thought would be to say symptoms (or lack thereof) mean nothing and only a test does... but even my therapist can't explain away the night sweats and it's coming on three weeks since then... i'm sorry to bug you all again, i'm just hoping this was not a sign of things to come.

i've had my tongue look white and my mouth dry but that can be more easily explained away, right? and slight but not full-on headaches can just be tension... right? please, don't chastise me too much i'm just trying to stay hopeful. my throat is uncomfortable but not SORE, if it was a symptom it'd be sore and i should have had fevers somewhere right?

if you guys can at all, please quell my fears. my b/f thinks the fear, sleeplessness and stress can cause the night sweats...

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #26 on: July 31, 2008, 04:13:10 AM »
blue,

I think your boyfriend hit the proverbial nail on the head.

I also still think you're going to be just fine.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #27 on: July 31, 2008, 01:44:13 PM »
Thanks for your kind words, Ms. Ann. I'm slowly learning that it can all be in my head.

Might I ask a strange question?

What exactly is it in my scenario that gives the most optimism? Are there ever situations where you're not as optimistic toward someone's one-time risk?

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #28 on: July 31, 2008, 02:22:46 PM »
Blue,

I'm optimistic because he didn't cum in your bottom. If you took a whole load up your bottom, then I'd be a bit less optimistic.

You really need to get your mind occupied with other things before the stress of this starts making you ill.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #29 on: July 31, 2008, 04:24:19 PM »
Perhaps the fear was making me feel ill, as a white tongue is not thrush in and of itself and the night sweats didn't SEEM to happen last night (i slept normally and woke up without a sweat so that's probably a good thing, right?)

But honestly, I know you all are here of your own volition to provide guidance and for that I am grateful, as well as hopeful yet that I will be 100% negative. Thanks for bearing with my recurring fears.

I read a disturbing article online that made me cringe a bit but also made me feel a bit less scared of my chances... something called "bug chasing" where people (tended to mention gay guys) allegedly try to seroconvert by taking part in orgies barebacking from the sounds of it as the receiver as well from people who are HIV+. Can this stand to follow that this could (if it really is something that is done) be because one-time exposure is not a guarantee? And moreover, does that really happen anywhere?
« Last Edit: July 31, 2008, 04:39:10 PM by prayerblue »

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #30 on: August 07, 2008, 03:08:17 PM »
Sorry to bring this up again, but this is a new fear I have from today and I'd like some advice.

My b/f masturbated and then took a shower, foolishly thinking that because he put his underwear over it it was all absorbed. When I went to take a bath, I noticed a sticky feeling and immediately called him to ask if he had jerked off this morning... he confirmed he had and was amazed how I could tell. I could tell because I hate the feeling of semen mixed with water, a nasty sticky mess it is, and had felt that before...

The issue is that I tend to digitally penetrate myself once in a while (I'm a male) just for I guess pleasure reasons... but now I'm terrified if before I noticed it I touched some and then did that for a few minutes with his cum on my finger and then I was inadvertently massaging it into myself via anal penetration.

Sorry to be so graphic again, but please tell me did I expose myself again? And moreover, did I reset the timer that I've been waiting for since the LAST incident? It's been a month and now I'm terrified I reset the month back to zero.

I SAW the white sticky fluid so I know it wasn't in my head... but was that a risk? Like 4 hours maybe at the most passed from when he showered to when I did.

Offline atlq

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #31 on: August 07, 2008, 03:38:40 PM »


PB,

Man, you have got to chill! Seriously! I think you may have a medical problem; not related to HIV but due to the stress you are causing with this hysteria. Both Ann and Rodney have told you what you need to know about transmission and testing. Ann has also strongly encouraged you to stop obsessing over this, then get tested at the proper time. I was in a +/- relationship for 13 years. Believe me scenarios like the one you just described and various others did occur .....and he is still negative.

I feel confident in saying that if you were infected by the bathtub scenario you describe above, you would be the first person ever to be infected that way!



“Keep up the good work....   And God bless you.”
  --  Sarah Palin, to members of the Alaskan Independence Party, 2008

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #32 on: August 07, 2008, 04:27:55 PM »
blue,

atlq, even though he's not an approve poster in this forum, was spot on with what he said. He's absolutely correct.

If you're going to be this paranoid about your relationship with a positive person, maybe you should do him a favour and get out. I know from experience that it's an extremely demoralising type of relationship for a positive person to be in. He doesn't need that type of stress on top of being positive.

It's unprotected intercourse you need to worry about - and sharing needles to inject street drugs. As long as you're not doing either, you'll retain your hiv negative status. Yes, it really is that simple.

I'm still very optimistic that you'll test negative when the appropriate time comes.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #33 on: August 07, 2008, 04:31:05 PM »
I'm REALLY sorry, I did NOT mean to sound demeaning. I just couldn't remember anything worse than semen getting into contact with the anal cavity, and had no idea if it would still be fresh enough to be infectious... I am sincerely, sincerely sorry if anyone took it to mean that I feel it's so easy to be infected, just my fear that I got it inside me without knowing... I really hope this was just being paranoid and not anyone thinking I'm trying to be insulting.

I guess just the presence of the fluid freaks me out.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #34 on: August 07, 2008, 04:39:18 PM »
blue,

Hiv is a very fragile virus that is primarily transmitted INSIDE the human body. Spunk lying around outside the body is NOT going to infect you. If he shoots his load INSIDE your bottom, then you might have a problem. (according to you, this has NOT happened) His cum lying around in the bathroom or anywhere else is of no concern where hiv is concerned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #35 on: August 07, 2008, 08:27:23 PM »
So even if some of it was in the tub and i touched it and proceeded to unknowingly put it into myself with the shower on via finger, what does that mean?

Please, I'm only asking because it WAS cum and not precum and I don't know if it was on my finger as I did that stimulation internally, just that it was certainly on my hand after and I felt the sticky feeling.

Why I'm terrified is because this isn't a common scenario but there was present semen and worst of all it doesn't just die in an hour or two... I'm sincerely asking not because I'm trying to be a pest, so I'm hoping this doesn't get me a time-out because I promise I won't ask again. Semen on a finger in the rectum isn't much different than sex, or is it?

You said "lying around" but it was lying there and I may have touched it without knowing... God, help me my head hurts just thinking of it.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #36 on: August 07, 2008, 08:34:03 PM »
HIV does not stay active outside it host, period. You cannot contact HIV in the manner which you described.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #37 on: August 07, 2008, 09:37:48 PM »
blue,

Semen on a finger and unprotected intercourse are HUGELY different. Semen on your finger has been OUTSIDE the body, semen that has been ejaculated directly into your ass hasn't.

Hiv is very fragile, as we've told you again and again. It doesn't like to be outside the human body. Its "skin" splits. It needs its skin to be intact in order to infect.

We'll try this one more time... then if you still don't grasp the concept, don't be surprised if you're timed out...

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and you will avoid hiv infection. IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE. Don't let anyone put their penis into your anus and ejaculate into your anus. Get it? All this other stuff about semen that has been exposed to air is just ... paranoia. Sorry, but that's the truth of it. Get it yet?

Don't let any one  cum in your ass. The rest is irrelevant. Have I spoken plainly enough for you yet?

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #38 on: August 07, 2008, 11:45:13 PM »
Yes ma'am. I shall not inquire again about it, and I feel much better. Thanks for all the words of wisdom... I will do my best not to come back and say anything until I get that negative result you predict so astutely. He even called the CDC and asked them, play by play breakdown of what happened, and they said essentially it doesn't do well when exposed to air (and I assume moisture and body soap) so that it is not a risk at all... thanks for putting up with me this far, everyone.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2008, 12:05:58 AM by prayerblue »

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #39 on: August 11, 2008, 08:24:00 PM »
Ann, is a 5.5 week test going to be worse than a three days later 6 week test in terms of accuracy? I'm starting school in a couple weeks and it'll take most of my time so I wanted to do it on the Wednesday before the Saturday that would mark six even weeks...

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #40 on: August 11, 2008, 08:27:31 PM »
blue,

Three days aren't going to make a hell of a lot of difference.

Don't forget you'll still need to confirm at three months.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #41 on: August 14, 2008, 12:01:13 AM »
Ann and everyone else, this isn't something I asked before so I wouldn't ask if it didn't honestly concern me (I don't want a time out!) but it REALLY is making me feel weird.

I've always had what is just unlucky skin or overly oily and dry skin. My back gets unfortunate "back-ne" a lot of the time but usually it's harmless pink dots. However, today I looked in the mirror and to my horror a bunch of RED pimples (most with the obvious pus inside) in a cluster on my back and some on my shoulders, as well as a couple between the nipples and toward the neck.

I am trying not to scour the net to figure it out since Ann rightfully said that will just horrify me and make things worse, but does this sound like any kind of manifestation? I've still not had any fever and maybe a nagging tension headache. Please advise, I am begging you all not to see me as rehashing because this is just blowing my mind how gross the pimples look.

To add to it, I see (on my thighs mainly) small little pink dots but they seem to all be attatched to hairs... is that a bad sign? I honestly don't know what is causing that. I am only seeking some hope again.

As I said I've always had skin issues, but does this sound like a red flag? I am so scared because this is about week 4.5 since the exposure and I'll test in about a week and am still praying Ann's prediction of "negative" is what I get. But these spots are so disheartening...

Lastly, would the sore throat associated with ARS be REALLY sore? Like my therapist (I am seeing one weekly) said it would be like a "flu sore throat" and that it would hurt to swallow, but for at least a couple weeks I feel my swallowing saliva feels tight or labored but not painful... could I just be noticing it and it's just tension that's causing it? She also said I wouldn't have a tension headache as a symptom but a REAL full-on throbbing headache, was she just pulling that out of thin air? She is a resident of psychotherapy, not an HIV doc.

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #42 on: August 14, 2008, 12:16:27 AM »
Good lord Blue, calm down will you?

Acne is not a "manifestation" of hiv. "Small pink dots" attached to the base of hair is usually folliculitis (inflammation of the hair follicles). Anyone can get that. Go see your doctor about your skin issues. No, none of it sounds hiv specific.

As for your sore throat, that sounds like stress-induced muscle tension. If you're worried, go to your doctor and have your throat swabbed. Personally, I've not met one single positive person who listed a sore throat as a symptom of seroconversion.

In fact, the majority of positive people I've discussed seroconversion with remember no symptoms whatsoever.

Symptoms or even the lack of symptoms mean NOTHING where hiv is concerned.

I'm beginning to think it would be in your own best interest to be given a time out. You're often here haunting the place when you should be getting on with your life until the appropriate time to test.

I'm still confident that you'll test negative - provided you've not had unprotected anal intercourse in the past you've neglected to mention.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #43 on: August 14, 2008, 12:23:05 AM »
As usual, I contend that I'm not trying to be a pest. I will as I said back off til I get the negative test, but this seemed urgent because it (my back acne)  just looked obscene.

I won't push the button to a one-week, I mean that. I won't talk again til after the test.

But to answer, no, there was no other unprotected anal and I'd tested a week into this just to ensure nothing else (hadn't even been intimate with anyone since like May, and this was in July I tested) was risky. So it is JUST this incident racking my brain. Does that keep your confidence high?

(I'm "haunting" usually here looking at the "Research News" forum... some compelling stuff... I still have someone I care for in my life who is infected, after all.)

Thanks for the relative patience, Ann. I shall not continue on, but I really didn't think this one was beating the dead horse. I just don't know how anyone wouldn't be horrified to wake up and their skin look like that!

EDIT: But wait... that just opened up one scary thought for me, what you said about most not feeling ANYTHING... gosh, I hope that doesn't mean it's happening and I'm noticing false symptoms as the real thing could be going on as I speak. The "sore throat" was something I was told about a long while ago, though, but really you think that's nothing to worry about?

In any case, please don't temporarily ban me, I'm shutting up and after this I won't even LOOK  here until after the test... please?
« Last Edit: August 14, 2008, 12:29:40 AM by prayerblue »

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #44 on: August 14, 2008, 12:41:59 AM »
Blue,

I REALLY don't expect your initial negative result to change.

There's nothing more to add to the discussion. You have an excellent chance of testing negative - but unfortunately, you'll just have to wait for that confirmation. Posting on an hiv forum is not going to change the ultimate outcome, so do us all (you included) a favour and get yourself productively busy with things that have NOTHING to do with hiv. Not even for your bf's sake. He is capable of doing his own research, yes? Let him. You need to give yourself some space from all this before you make yourself ill with stress. Seriously. You're your own worst enemy right now.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #45 on: August 19, 2008, 06:21:42 PM »
Today was what would be JUST shy of 5.5 (and not quite 6, obviously) weeks, but next week's school schedule stopped me from testing next week.

I tested negative, via the oral swab, as "nonreactive."

Can I start to assume the test was pretty darn accurate and this is the end of the uncertainty? I know everyone says to confirm at 3 months, but was it too early to test and gain renewed optimism from it?

Offline Ann

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #46 on: August 19, 2008, 06:24:13 PM »
blue,

I don't expect your negative result to change but yes, you should confirm at three months.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #47 on: August 21, 2008, 07:54:30 PM »
I accept my negative result. I do. And I'm going away for a while so my b/f and I won't even see each other now, so I won't stress him or me out anymore. But...

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and I kissed the back of his neck and kissed the back of his head. When I rubbed his hair, I noticed a small cut in his scalp (he shaved his head.)

I saw a red dot, obviously it had bled some, with the clear pus ooze (a drop, just sitting there) and it looked fresh.

My only concern here is if I kissed that spot without knowing, is that risky? I licked my lips and therefore I'm concerned that I got the white blood cells (pus) in my mouth and since I had flossed intensely the last few nights so my gums feel sore.

Or, since I rubbed my face against his head, if the puz or blood got on my cheek where I had a pimple that was open?

I'm going out of town this weekend and I won't be bothering you guys anymore, I mean that. But was this a risk? Please don't tell me you'll ban over a new question, I'm not even referring to the past. I won't be troubling you all anymore... but please give me advice on whether this is anything to be concerned over.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #48 on: August 21, 2008, 08:08:38 PM »
No it was not a risk.

Offline prayerblue

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Re: Trying to stay hopeful...
« Reply #49 on: August 21, 2008, 10:37:28 PM »
Sorry, I guess I just have to ask because I'm an idiot and need things broken down for me... isn't blood THE riskiest fluid of all, and since I had flossed (isn't flossing supposed to be bad before kissing, since fluid can get in the mouth and into the gums) and there was the white blood cells (pus) present, if that got in my mouth wouldn't that be the highest risk?

I remember saliva is said to have enzymes to inhibit HIV, but what if I licked my lips and then teeth immediately (where the gumline was raw) wouldn't that be the worst possible thing?

Last thought, if it got on the cheek where an open pimple was is that not enough "broken skin"?

Seriously, this is not me trying to be whiny or annoying. I just got over one risk event, can this be another at ALL? The CDC woman wouldn't tell me it wasn't a PEP situation even though I asked repeatedly. Does anyone think it is?
« Last Edit: August 21, 2008, 11:20:42 PM by prayerblue »

 


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