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Author Topic: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Read 2625 times)

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Offline angelofdreams

  • Member
  • Posts: 89
  • dreaming away
i just want to have a real rant tbh.
i met this great guy a while ago,
really have been having a great time, and do like him a lot.
suprisingly more then any other guy i've met before.
he doenst care about me having hiv, he doesnt go out on the gay scene, hate guys that cheat and lie.
all went great untill saturday.
some mates stayed over from down south.
no problem there,
suddenly one of my mates had some coke and i just had a taste of that.
never taken any before and i dont usually deal with ppl that thake it.
before we went out i called him to say good night and just have a little chat
i told him i just tried a little bit of it and he went really balistic.
he just went of the handle.
now he says he doesnt want to accociate with people that take drugs and so now he doesnt talk to me,
just not feeling really happy about it because of his past and the guys he been with before that took loads of drugs and he doesnt believe me at all about it when i say i dont do drugs normally
To live would be a awefully big adventure

Offline Basquo

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,254
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2008, 10:01:48 PM »
If he went ballistic about something as insignificant as that, what's he going to do if you do something significant? Like get a parking ticket? Get his order wrong at the takeout? Wear a belt and shoes that don't match?  Sounds like if he goes ballistic instead of trying to understand the situation, he's not going to listen to you in the future and you're better off knowing now.  I say RUN!!!!

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,394
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2008, 11:37:40 PM »
he just went of the handle.
now he says he doesn't want to associate with people that take drugs and so now he doesn't talk to me,
just not feeling really happy about it because of his past and the guys he been with before that took loads of drugs and he doesn't believe me at all about it when i say i don't do drugs normally

The first part of any relationship, whether it be lovers, friends or whatever, is trust. You were honest about having had a taste of the coke. Being up front like that, he should have at least given you the benefit of the doubt.

While I'm glad he didn't have a problem with your being positive, I am troubled when I hear people go on about not getting into the "gay scene."

I have often found these people lacking in a type of social spirit I find essential.

So, as Creighton said, you are probably better off finding out now.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,644
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2008, 12:15:47 AM »
   
   well, I have to say, I'm somewhat relieved.

   I thought this was going to be about the french police.

   robert
..........

Offline Peter Staley

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,337
  • Founder & Advisory Editor, AIDSmeds.com
    • AIDSmeds.com
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2008, 10:17:19 AM »
Angel -- just a possibility, but sometimes ex-addicts (if that's what he is) can get very triggered and then frightened when someone close to them uses.  I'm not saying that's what's happening here, but it might be.

Give him some time, and keep trying to talk it through (if he'll let you).  Good luck.

Peter

Offline MSPspud

  • Member
  • Posts: 613
  • Joined Mar 2005 - Formerly UofMurbs
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2008, 11:41:39 AM »
Angel -- just a possibility, but sometimes ex-addicts (if that's what he is) can get very triggered and then frightened when someone close to them uses.  I'm not saying that's what's happening here, but it might be.

Give him some time, and keep trying to talk it through (if he'll let you).  Good luck.

Peter

Agreed!

I remember having this same reaction to a guy I was dating using coke.  There's something inside  that burns and makes you want to use when someone you love or is close to you is doing drugs of any sort.  It's very painful from his end too - it's also a survival instinct.  The good news is, that he may get over it.  I did, but it took more confidence/understanding in my own relationship with drugs until that happened.  Give him a little time, but definitely reconnect.  

Hang in there.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2008, 11:43:46 AM by MSPspud »

Offline CJWAUS

  • Member
  • Posts: 59
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2008, 12:15:12 PM »
You don't know what he may have gone through before you.  I had a major issue with meth, in fact I let it take 6 1/2 years of my life and i got HIV because of it.  I also lost the 3rd of only 3 men i have ever loved to it. I don't think i would want to get hurt like that again myself.

This is his issue and as you may not know where he is coming from, it is for the most part his to deal with.  You don't sound like a real drug user to me, but I know I would react very poorly to a telephone call like that.  Often times coke, meth, and a group of friends going out leads to sex parties and stuff like that, and knowing where the various drugs i did (most of the alphabet of them) took me (depraved and indifferent sex), i would be very sad to receive a call like that, again due to my own past.

During my trial and error process of trying to get off and stay off meth, twice while in a clean stage I net guys who claimed not to use but as soon as the clothes come off they said "do you mind if I do a bump", and my reaction was at first what the fuck, you lied to me, then i said sure as long as I can have one as well. In the end it took an overdose of injecting 1.2 grams of very high quality meth to get me to stay off it.  I had a hell of a time living through that, and don't think i could do it again, and that's what "scared me straight". Last night I watched Trainspotting, and watching the guys in it shooting up did cause a bit of a stir down below and a slight feeling of euphoria, and that was watching guys who were supposedly doing heroin, I have never done heroin myself, but the whole association thing was enough to cause an involuntary reaction in me. 

The reasons for his rejection may never be known to you, but you also never know if he will come around again or not.  best of luck to you.   

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,009
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #7 on: July 19, 2008, 05:59:32 PM »
If he went ballistic about something as insignificant as that, what's he going to do if you do something significant?

For me illegal drug use isn't insignificant. If I started dating someone and they told me they went out with friends last night and did cocaine I would be looking for the exit.

Maybe if you guys can hang out socially, not romantically date, he can get to know you better and trust that you are not a regular user.

« Last Edit: July 19, 2008, 06:20:58 PM by GSOgymrat »

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,019
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2008, 06:23:13 PM »
Sounds a bit self-loathing to me.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,019
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2008, 06:23:48 PM »
Oh... thanks for deleting that GSO -- now my post looks totally irrelevant.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2008, 06:35:54 PM »
Your posts are never irrelevent Philly ..you are always connected with the matter at hand... ;D

Angel I can't offer anymore to what the guys have already said..just wanted to give you a (((Hug)))

More Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2008, 11:32:42 PM »
For me illegal drug use isn't insignificant. If I started dating someone and they told me they went out with friends last night and did cocaine I would be looking for the exit.

Maybe if you guys can hang out socially, not romantically date, he can get to know you better and trust that you are not a regular user.



I am assuming that his stance on drug use, was already known to you  as you have mentioned he had quite a few 'hangups' regarding gay life and drugs.....

Once free of the drug world, I would also have no desire to knowingly let it back into my life.
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline water duck

  • Member
  • Posts: 397
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2008, 05:09:50 AM »
Two pieces of jigsaw that need to smooth out the rough edges to fit perfectly together.

Maybe if you take a step back and look at the situation without emotions, the solution will come to light.
 Have patience with yourself, the starting place for healing and recovery is always the SELF.

Instead of looking at the threatening dark clouds, look towards the silver lining.

Wd

Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #13 on: July 20, 2008, 06:05:43 AM »
Well if you do reconnect and he does explain himself, hopefully you'll get an apology.  Whatever his issues and concerns are, there are better and more productive ways of communicating them than going ballistic.

And if you don't reconnect, you'll be fine.  In the grand scheme of things you haven't done anything that scandalous!

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #14 on: July 21, 2008, 02:16:11 AM »
I don't know what the rest opf GSOgymrats post said, but I  feel the same way.  When I was a young teenager I smoked pot if someone else had some, up until the age of 16 or so, but that's the extent of my illegal drug activity. If the guy I was dating told me he had just done coke with some friends, I may not have gone ballistic, but I would have told him that I have no interest in being with someone who uses drugs, even if it's just on a rare social occasion.  This isn't judgmental, just my own preference.

I hope you get to talk it out with him, and see if things can be worked out. Good luck.

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #15 on: July 21, 2008, 07:07:26 AM »
I don't know what the rest opf GSOgymrats post said, but I  feel the same way.  When I was a young teenager I smoked pot if someone else had some, up until the age of 16 or so, but that's the extent of my illegal drug activity. If the guy I was dating told me he had just done coke with some friends, I may not have gone ballistic, but I would have told him that I have no interest in being with someone who uses drugs, even if it's just on a rare social occasion.  This isn't judgmental, just my own preference.

I hope you get to talk it out with him, and see if things can be worked out. Good luck.

Paul

I'm sorry for the confusion on using the quotes.  :-\

I was agreeing with gymrat in response to OP's statement about the hangups of the guy he was dating.
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #16 on: July 21, 2008, 07:05:26 PM »
Angel -- just a possibility, but sometimes ex-addicts (if that's what he is) can get very triggered and then frightened when someone close to them uses.  I'm not saying that's what's happening here, but it might be.

That's my gut feeling on this as well. 



Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,009
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #17 on: July 21, 2008, 09:42:48 PM »
just not feeling really happy about it because of his past and the guys he been with before that took loads of drugs and he doesnt believe me at all about it when i say i dont do drugs normally

That is obviously where this is coming from. If he dated an addict and was burned he is not going to believe you when you say your drug use is not a problem because he's heard that before.

Offline DCGUY2007

  • Member
  • Posts: 315
Re: aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #18 on: July 22, 2008, 11:41:35 AM »
Angel,

I say give him some time. I know I am very hesitant with being involved with guys that use recreational drugs.I enjoy drinking alcohol socially but have never used recreational drugs. For some of us knowing someone that has done coke can be a big thing and a concern. But I am sure he will calm down and talk to you. I would not have gotten as upset as much as he did but I don't know what bad experiences he has had. Then again one never knows if he is upset about the coke incident or has realized he can't handle the poz issue. I have had guys tell me they know they want to break up with someone but they will wait to pick a fight to do it.

After some time if he still doesn't come around then that is his lost. Doing coke one time isn't something that should break up a relationship.

 


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