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Author Topic: I'm alone  (Read 5269 times)

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Offline scaredom

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
I'm alone
« on: August 26, 2008, 08:49:44 PM »
I am 47 and a single father of teenagers. I'm pretty sure I was exposed in early 2007 but a casual fling with a women from out of town. She called me afterwards and told me to get tested for Chlamydia which I did and was treated for that. That was painful enough for me, but now I had wanted to start a relationship with another woman, I decided to be sure and test for HIV with Home Access and I was simply shocked and stunned to have it come back positive. Is this really happening?

I'm terrified that I won't be there for my kids and have to put them through this type of illness. I've searched for support for heterosexual hiv positive in Nebraska but can't find any. I go in the a local clinic tomorrow for another test, but I'm not optimistic. I really need someone to talk to I'm afraid to go to the doctor because my alcoholic ex is a nurse and if she finds out I could lose my kids.

How could I have done this. I'm consumed with guilt over what this means to my kids.

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2008, 09:36:58 PM »
Until you have had a confirmative test, you're not positive.

Offline scaredom

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2008, 09:42:16 PM »
forgive me but I'm ignorant. Does that mean the blood test?

Offline xyahka

  • Member
  • Posts: 778
  • Dance together!! aha!! aha!! I like it!!
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2008, 01:07:59 AM »
Hi, yes. You need a confirmative test.

Elisa Test may come back as reactive for several reasons and eventhough there is a low probability of false positives... it does happen. That's why you need a confirmation test Western Blot or IFI. They will confirm if you are really Hiv positive.

In any case, whatever happen you have to understand that in case you are diagnosed hiv positive, it does not mean you will die tomorrow. Many people in this forum have over 20 years living with it, you can also achieve that.

Wish you all the best,

Juan Carlos
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline scaredom

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2008, 07:57:52 AM »
Thank you, but I'm not very optimistic. The Home Access people tell me they've not had a false positive on record. I'm not doing very well with this.

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2008, 08:12:07 AM »
False positives are not uncommon,

Contact your doctor and ask to be tested again.

MtD

Offline jennynyc7

  • Member
  • Posts: 146
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #6 on: August 27, 2008, 09:05:58 AM »
Hi scared,

I was just diagnosed in Feb of this year and am a single mom of two toddlers. First off, you will NOT lose your kids. Having HIV is not a legal reason to have them taken away, believe me, I have already spoken to my attorney. Secondly, like others have said, HIV is very manageable. Sure, some things will change but you may find you will become a better person (as I did) and begin to live life to the fullest. I too did a Home Access test but that was after I tested positive at the health dept. They are very accurate and they actually do a confirmatory Western Blot test. Most will test several times before they "believe" it.  I have been on meds since day one with no side effects to mention. I get them free too since I am a a single mom. You will be surprised the amount of support you can get, mentally, physically & financially. We are here for you. Take care and post back soon!

Jen
12/24/07-infected
1/3/08-ARS began
2/12/08-diagnosed
Initial Vl=99000
CD4=585
2/14/08-began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
3/01/08=Swapped Reyataz for Viramune
5/1/08:     vl= undetectable
                cd4=1250
10/24/08:  vl=undetectable
                cd4=1172 (55%)

12/4/08:    vl=254 (hopefully just a small blip)
                cd4=1234

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,943
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #7 on: August 27, 2008, 09:49:12 AM »
Scared, don't panic.  Even if the confirmatory test comes back positive, don't panic.  Take some deep breaths. 

If you are indeed positive, you may want to contact your local ASO (Aids Service Organization).  They can help you maybe get in touch with a support group for people who are HIV+, put you in touch with a good therapist if need be, and should you ever need it, they can walk you through any government assistance paperwork.  The case managers there are also good people to talk to about your fears etc.

I tested positive in 1989.  I have a (now) 24 year old daughter.  So, she was five when I tested positive.  It's possible to still raise your kids.  There's no reason why you would lose custody of them.  HIV is not a reason to lose custody of children. 

Let us know how your other test comes out.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Assurbanipal

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  • Posts: 2,173
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #8 on: August 27, 2008, 02:36:17 PM »
Hey Scared

It's tough to be away from sources of support and not to know where to look.  This site has a way to search for the local Aids Service Organizations that Betty mentioned -- you can find it on the home page, or just click on this link.

http://directory.poz.com/

You may not wind up HV positive after the confirmatory test, but even if you do, you should know that HIV treatment has progressed enormously in the past decade; for people who are diagnosed relatively quickly after infection and get appropriate medical care, recent studies show that they can live long productive lives and have life expectancies that are pretty close to normal.  You can still be there for your children.

If you are looking for more information you might want to read the lessons on this site (Look for the word "Lessons" in bold black letters at the upper left of your screen).  But try not to worry too much while you set up your next round of tests.

Assurbanipal
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline scaredom

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #9 on: August 27, 2008, 03:24:00 PM »
unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any ASO's listed within a 100 miles of me.

Offline Assurbanipal

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  • Posts: 2,173
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2008, 04:52:49 PM »
I know Nebraska is a big state, but there are 11 ASO's listed in Omaha, including at least one (Nebraska AIDS Project) that appears to offer state-wide services.  You might give one of them a call to see if they can tell you what your best local options would be. Sorry not to have better options.  Good luck


"Nebraska AIDS Project (NAP) includes a staff of 25 with offices in Omaha, Lincoln, Kearney, Norfolk and Scottsbluff. NAP provides HIV education and prevention programs to the entire state, and comprehensive case management services to the men, women and children living with HIV and AIDS in Nebraska and portions of Southwest Iowa and Eastern Wyoming.
"

http://www.nap.org/
Phone: (402) 552-9260

5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline scaredom

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2008, 04:27:02 AM »
I had a second test done at NAP and it was positive and they took a sample to do a confirmatory test. They have a case manager there and a therapist. I don't know if I can get myself to go to the doctor's office they work with because of my ex working for the same hospital. They keep telling me not to panic, but I think I'm having panic attacks. Sweats and unable to stay sitting down. There is little doubt now.

I have appreciated all the kind feedback this board is giving me and I feel like I should be dealing with this better. It is my fault. I just don't want my kids to pay a social price for it either.

Offline Assurbanipal

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,173
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #12 on: August 28, 2008, 08:02:02 AM »
Try not to panic -- there's different ways of managing fears.  One is to write them down.  It might be productive for you to spend some time actually writing out how you think your ex could find out your status and then to discuss those issues with clinic staff. 

While this may not have mattered to you before, you will find that all health care providers are subject to certain laws that are designed to help protect your privacy.  The law doesn't provide 100% guarantees, but most health care providers will be glad to talk to you about what they will do to protect your privacy given your specific concerns about your ex -- as a general issue, health care privacy rules feel like more bureaucratic paperwork to them, but faced with your specific concerns most will take it seriously and tell you what they can or cannot do to help you and how likely that is to protect you in your specific situation.

The alternative is that you may need to drive to a different clinic to see a doctor.  That's clearly not ideal, but for most folks we are talking about 4 times a year, which would be pretty manageable.  It may help to talk these things out with an experienced case manager at NAP as well.  But remember, you are not alone, and we are here with you too.

Hugs

A
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline scaredom

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #13 on: August 29, 2008, 01:27:00 AM »
thank you.

I did a little better today. I am still have periods of time when I'm pacing constantly. I'm going back to work tomorrow. I'm not expecting any word back from the confirmatory test until Tuesday. Once that happens I guess they can assign me to a case manager.

I'm starting to get paranoid about every pimple and think I'm getting rashes. I'm so paranoid it could be just the lighting in the bathroom for all I know.

I'm just trying to remember that last Sunday I looked fine. I don't think in 5 days I would be much worse?
I spent the day with my daughter. If nothing else I've really realized how much I love my kids.

Offline BT65

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  • Member
  • Posts: 9,943
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #14 on: August 29, 2008, 08:47:34 PM »
Scaredom, what you're going through is perfectly normal and not anything someone else hasn't gone through.  I would just relax though until the confirmatory test comes back. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 593
Re: I'm alone
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2008, 02:58:33 PM »
Hi scared,

If you dont want to doctor in Omaha I have a great ID team that I see in Lincoln.. NAP has been little help to me as Im married and have insurance so I dont know alot about them..
My docs name is Steven Rademacher and his office is at Bryan Hospital (the one on 48th)

good luck, and please dont wait to get checked out.. its not worth it..

lisbeth
poz 1986....

 


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