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Author Topic: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn  (Read 5945 times)

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Offline pozinathens

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panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« on: July 16, 2008, 07:41:06 AM »
I met a guy via the internet for anonymous sex and unfortunately did not divulge my hiv+ status. I had no intentions of having unprotected sex with him. For the record, I do understand that is no excuse and I should have divulged my status regardless. We did engage in anal sex WITH a CONDOM. He was the top and I was the bottom. During the heat of the moment, he decided to RIM me beforehand.

Now, after the fact, he is sending me text messages indicating he thinks I am hiv+ and is going to go to the police, etc.. Out of fear at the moment, I have told him I was unsure of my status and that we were safe anyway. His latest messages indicate he is going to be tested and if he tests positive I am going to jail.

I am freaking out and just really uneasy at the moment.

I know the risks of him contracting hiv from rimming is probably low but am still unsure what I should do. My viral load is undetectable which I also hope lowers the likelihood of infection for him.

Any and all advice appreciated.

Offline Ann

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Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2008, 08:34:14 AM »
poz,

Rimming, no matter what your viral load may be, is not a risk for hiv infection for the person rimming you.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline pozinathens

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  • Posts: 27
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2008, 09:00:49 AM »
It was my understanding there was a risk albeit it a low risk. Thanks for the reply though. I guess I am just going to have to wait this one out and see what transpires next. I have not been able to sleep for a couple of days for worry about this whole issue.

Offline Winiroo

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Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2008, 01:41:55 PM »
He sounds like a psycho.

Offline Anna Karenina

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Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2008, 03:43:15 AM »
I'm pretty sure if you used a condom he has no case (if for some awful reason he is positive)?  I mean there is no way a judge would see that as you deliberately infecting him and also they wouldn't be able to prove beyond reasonable doubt that it was YOU who infected him given that you used protection.  He could be positive from some other encounter.  What an unreasonable jerk he is!

IMO, from a legal and moral standpoint you are in the clear!

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2008, 06:07:31 AM »
I'm pretty sure if you used a condom he has no case (if for some awful reason he is positive)?  I mean there is no way a judge would see that as you deliberately infecting him and also they wouldn't be able to prove beyond reasonable doubt that it was YOU who infected him given that you used protection.  He could be positive from some other encounter.  What an unreasonable jerk he is!

IMO, from a legal and moral standpoint you are in the clear!


For a medical student you seem to spend a lot of time offering your moral and (unqualified) legal opinion.

You know Anna, unless you're a solicitor or barrister acting under the instructions of a solicitor you should be very careful before you go giving unqualified legal advice to others.

The Legal Profession Act 2004 (NSW) and associated statutes are pretty clear in this regard.

MtD

Offline Anna Karenina

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Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2008, 07:37:12 AM »
Sorry I didn't mean to push advice as if I were a qualified barrister/solicitor I was just saying what I thought to be true because pozinathens asked for all and any advice! 

You are right I am totally unqualified in this regard but I'm pretty sure pozinathens wouldn't take what I said as sound legal counsel, as I didn't claim to be a lawyer or to have any professional qualification in a legal field, I'm sorry if you took what I said the wrong way but I don't really understood how you could have??  What do you mean by I spend a lot of time offering my legal opinion?  I'm pretty sure this is the first time I have commented on anything legal. 

p.s I'm not a medical student (but if I was what would be wrong with discussing morality, are medical students not supposed to consider moral issues???!!)

all the best anyways, I don't like to annoy people  ::)
Anna

Offline keyite

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  • Posts: 514
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #7 on: July 26, 2008, 09:56:26 AM »
Anna, I wouldn't worry about it - nothing in your post gave me the impression you were expressing anything other than a personal opinion.. ::)

Offline ArisGreekSquared

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Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #8 on: August 25, 2008, 08:48:55 AM »
Well, PozinAthens...You and I both know how Greek men and women can be as we are both Greek! It is a hard situation but if he didn't ask your status then I don't see a problem.  It follows the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, I think. 

I'm not familiar with Greece's laws on this (if any even exist) but I wouldn't worry too much.  It's his own fault, really.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2008, 12:50:58 PM »
Aris, I believe Pozinathens is in Georgia, not Greece.

Poz, how are you doing? Did anything ever come of this situation? I sure hope not. For a start, you two did absolutely NOTHING that would have put him at risk for infection. Rimming isn't a risk and you used a condom for intercourse. If he's ended up poz, it's not from you.

Let us know how you're doing.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline pozinathens

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  • Posts: 27
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #10 on: October 02, 2008, 04:56:27 PM »
Thanks for asking. I was fine until several days ago. The guy has started text messaging me wanting to come over to my place and play again. I first responded with no and then finally just stopped responding. The incident happened over 2 and a half months ago.  After I stopped responding to his text messages in the last day or so, he now tells me he tested positive and that he is reporting me to the authorities, etc. I am a nervous wreck and have been unable to sleep, eat and hardly work.

He text messaged me a few minutes ago and said he was told he "would probably not live longer than 10 years". I think he is just harassing me for several reasons.

1) He was still wanting to have sex until I said no
2) the very next day he says he tested positive

I am still scared to death of what will happen if and when he goes to the authorities. It is true I have had safe sex with people without telling my status. I know that is a major mistake and have truly learned my lesson.

At this point, I just want to become celibate.

Any words of encouragement is greatly appreciated. If this comes out and is in the papers, news, etc. I am truly not sure how I can survive.


Offline pozinathens

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Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2008, 04:56:59 PM »
Yes, I am in Athens, Georgia.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #12 on: October 02, 2008, 06:35:15 PM »
Poz, that sucks. Honestly though, it sounds like the guy is a psycho and trying to make you sweat for turning him down for sex. If he really tested poz, don't you think he would have called not to ask for sex, but to discuss his diagnosis? I smell a rat - a big, fat, bluffing rat.

So sorry you're having to deal with this. Might be best to call his bluff by ignoring him? Unless he can prove anything, like by genotype testing, I doubt he has a leg to stand on anyway.

Can you get some legal advice through your local ASO?

Good luck and keep us posted.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline pozinathens

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  • Posts: 27
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #13 on: October 02, 2008, 06:42:44 PM »
Thanks Ann, I agree and think he is bluffing. It is difficult though waiting this thing out. I honestly think if he had tested positive and suspected me as the person responsible he would have already been to the authorities. Then again, it may be just taking them time to investigate. I am of course thinking and fearing the worse.

If this comes out it will be a major embarrassment, probably mean loss of job and/or possibly jail time. It is just really difficult to cope with all of this right now.

Thanks for your comment though.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #14 on: October 02, 2008, 06:47:43 PM »
poz, hang in there mate. If by chance he IS poz, it isn't from you. You did nothing risky. You are innocent until proven otherwise and I doubt he can prove anything.

He sounds like he just needs the attention/drama.

Again, see if you can't get some legal advice from your ASO or perhaps a local LGBT org.

And please do keep us posted.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Winiroo

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  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #15 on: October 02, 2008, 09:15:43 PM »
Save all his text messages just in case. I doubt he will follow through with anything but having those text messages wouldn't hurt.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #16 on: October 02, 2008, 09:56:41 PM »
Oh dear.

I just realised I said "LGBT instead of the usual GLBT.

Guess you know where MY head is at. ;D

Poz, please know you've got people on your side.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline pozinathens

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  • Posts: 27
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #17 on: October 03, 2008, 11:31:40 AM »
He sent another text message last night acknowledging that the acts we performed were low risk. In the note, he said we used an oil based lubricant and that is how he got infected. We definitely did not used an oil based lubricant.

Thanks for all your support and comments. I am trying to stay strong and wade through this mess.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #18 on: October 04, 2008, 08:47:11 PM »
My suggestion, poz:  stop speaking to this nut case.

Furthermore, call an aids service organisation and see if there are any laws about disclosure.

A link provided on another thread has information about the laws for HIV and disclosure in Georgia, USA.

http://www.lambdalegal.org/our-work/publications/general/state-criminal-statutes-hiv.html

Do not continue communication with this person until you have legal counsel about what to say and do.

You didn't infect this guy, afterall.. The only question is a legal one.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline pozinathens

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Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #19 on: October 09, 2008, 07:50:56 AM »
Thanks all. I definitely am not communicating with him. It has now been 4 days and I have not heard from him so I am hoping he has moved on and will no longer be harassing me. I am so thankful all of you were here to listen and offer advice.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: panic and not sure what to do or where to turn
« Reply #20 on: October 09, 2008, 08:48:49 AM »
Hey Poz, that's good to hear. Sounds like it was just emotional blackmail because you turned down his advances You know the saying... hell hath no fury...  ;)

Fingers crossed he's gotten bored and has moved on to a new victim person.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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