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Author Topic: Why can't I find a guy that doesn't *obsess*?  (Read 1587 times)

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Offline Mouse

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,463
  • Om nom nom.
Why can't I find a guy that doesn't *obsess*?
« on: July 06, 2008, 06:32:00 PM »
I'm going insane. I seriously cannot understand why every single guy that I've ever had any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with OBSESSES over me. That probably sounds really intensely vain or something, but I don't know how else to describe it. Pretty much every single relationship I've been in has involved the guy I'm with calling me constantly, sending me text messages all the time, demanding my presence every single day, not giving me any personal space when we are together, harassing me incessantly when I'm signed onto an instant messenger, etc.

What has occurred recently to sort of fuel this rant is this guy I met last weekend at the convention I attended in Pittsburgh. His name is Will and I stupidly gave him my number last Friday so he could call me and we could have lunch together or something while we were in Pittsburgh because he seemed alright, though already gave pre-clingy warning signs like putting his arms all over me and stuff, but I figured he was harmless enough because I'm obviously dense or something. TBH, we did mess around a little bit during the con and had lunch together a couple times (and he paid for my food) and since then he's been text messaging me OBSESSIVELY every single day, calling at like 2 am, bothering me when I'm on Yahoo, etc.

I'm obviously way too nice or something because I do answer his calls once in a while and talk for like 10 minutes and then make an excuse so I can hang up, but he is honestly just crazy about me and I barely know him and even more than that find him to be just incredibly tedious to be around. He wants to fly me down to South Carolina to spend some time with him at his house and I just have NO interest in doing that or really seeing or talking to him at all. He's very nice to me, I suppose, though a bit of a pervert - I just really can't take how annoying he is. :|

I don't know what to DO. I don't want to be an asshole to him, and I really should just tell him I'm not interested in a relationship or anything further like that with him, but I just get the impression that even that isn't going to get him to leave me alone.

Offline mjmel

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,069
Re: Why can't I find a guy that doesn't *obsess*?
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2008, 07:48:39 PM »
Feels like sticky paper, eh?

Be up front. If he doesn't "get it" be more forceful. If he still doesn't get the message....discard politeness and get real about it and sever communications abruptly.
Sooner or later you'll learn to detect these types and you'll do a better job of avoiding them. You'll get better at it each time and then eventually--you won't attract them anymore. Let me correct that.....You won't allow them into your space anymore.

Put your foot down. As you stated, you are attracting them unaware.........perhaps because you are young and not a seasoned streetsmart person yet. That type understand too well you can't see 'em coming. Yet.

Don't let him mess with your head. Tell him to "F_ _ K OFF" if need be.

Mike

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Why can't I find a guy that doesn't *obsess*?
« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2008, 07:51:59 PM »
~shakes head in an annoyingly parental way~
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline YaKaMein

  • Member
  • Posts: 368
Re: Why can't I find a guy that doesn't *obsess*?
« Reply #3 on: July 06, 2008, 08:07:07 PM »
Oh Mouse,
Empower yourself by setting limits with him. Take control of the contact you have with him. Tell him not to call you between certain hrs, only once a day, don't take his calls or respond to his texts. You can still be polite, honest, and direct by doing any of these.

You're on the right track by being willing to tell him of your disinterest in him or no future relationship with him. Remember, when it's not you, then okay to surmise it's THEM. Some of these are life's annoying lessons that you're gaining experience from now. Doesn't have to be fun.

Sorry you're going through it ... but this too will pass. Keep us posted.  -YaKa
09/11 Endocrine Consult
08/11 CD4 328 14.9% VL 0
 Disc'd Bactrim DEXA -3.1 Tscore
03/11 CD4 338 14.7% VL 0
11/10 CD4 300 14.3% VL 0 <20copies
07/10 CD4 336 14.0% VL 0 DEXA -2.7 Tscore
03/10 CD4 308 13.4% VL 0 Vit D normal
01/10 Began FOTO
11/09 CD4 274 13.7% VL 0 Chol 173 Trig 131
07/09 CD4 324 13.5% VL 0 DEXA -3.1 Tscore lumbar
03/09 CD4 207 10.9% VL 0
11/08 CD4 227 10.3% VL 0 Chol 176 Trig 156
04/08 CD4 228 9.5% VL 0
01/08 CD4 194 9.0% VL 0
09/07 CD4 176 8.3% VL 0
03/07 CD4 130 9.5% VL 0 Chol 261  Trig 227
12/06 CD4 109 6.4% VL 0
09/06 CD4  88 5.5% VL und desens'd rtd to Bactrim
08/06  Began Atripla
07/06 CD4  59 5.0% VL 145 Chol 117 Trig 104
06/06  Bactrim rash, X2 Dapsone
 EFV & Truvada Chol 128 Trig 131
05/06 CD4  6 (2.0%) VL 78667 only V179D mutation Dx PC MAC

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,141
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Why can't I find a guy that doesn't *obsess*?
« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2008, 11:01:27 AM »
Nonsense -- you can't "instruct" a clingy person (I call them all "toilet paper" after the tendency of some pieces to stick to the bottom of one's shoes).  TP doesn't get it, and never will -- best avoided at all costs, and I must say that a LOT of gay men are TP to the max.  What's worse is all of this new technology, as Mouse mentioned, is super TP enabling stuff -- the IM-ing, SMS-texting, cell phones, etc.  Pre-internet it was SOOOOO much easier to shake off these atrociously needy losers.

But hey, that's what having a good cloaking device is all about, right?  ***BLOCK***
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Why can't I find a guy that doesn't *obsess*?
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2008, 11:40:14 AM »
~shakes head in an annoyingly parental way~

I will try to be even more annoying.. ;D

"And they called it puppy love
Oh, I guess they'll never know
How a young heart really feels
And why I love her so

And they called it puppy love
Just because we're in our teens
Tell them all it isn't fair
To take away my only dream

I cry each night my tears for you
My tears are all in vain
I'll hope and I'll pray that maybe someday
You'll be back in my arms once again

Someone, help me, help me, help me please
Is the answer up above
How can I, how can I tell them
This is not a puppy love.."

I can provide the youtube link too!
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: Why can't I find a guy that doesn't *obsess*?
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2008, 01:15:01 AM »
I will try to be even more annoying.. ;D

"And they called it puppy love
Oh, I guess they'll never know
How a young heart really feels
And why I love her so

And they called it puppy love
Just because we're in our teens
Tell them all it isn't fair
To take away my only dream

I cry each night my tears for you
My tears are all in vain
I'll hope and I'll pray that maybe someday
You'll be back in my arms once again

Someone, help me, help me, help me please
Is the answer up above
How can I, how can I tell them
This is not a puppy love.."

I can provide the youtube link too!

I can sing the back up vocals on this  ;D  Have the best day
Michael
(who would hold out for tickets to Barbados)

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: Why can't I find a guy that doesn't *obsess*?
« Reply #7 on: July 08, 2008, 02:28:45 AM »
what is tbh?

psycho cyber stalkers suck. gotta let him know how you feel. itll give you back your happy space :   )
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

 


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