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Author Topic: ejaculation on skin / risk?  (Read 6929 times)

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Offline stewie

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ejaculation on skin / risk?
« on: July 04, 2008, 12:26:41 AM »
Hello,
thank you for such a helpful and informative forum.
I am male, 27 yo. On June 21st, I met a guy of unknown status and we fooled around for a couple of hours; there was no penetration (anal or oral), but I'm very worried because he ejaculated on my chest, twice. I've read the facts, and I know that hiv cannot enter intact skin, but I also read on an official canadian info sheet that a cut on the skin need not be visible for transmission to occur. There was also a small wound on my foot, and there was semen on the sheets from some point and on. I cannot get this out of my mind and I am in agony. It's been 12 days now, and I know I'm in the critical  window for ARS to happen, and everything feels like a symptom.
What I'm most worried about is, what if there was some minor cut or abrasion on my skin? There was quite a lot of semen. Loads of sweat too.
This has been my only risk, I had tested negative in March, and this has been my only exposure since October 2007.
Any comments would be much appreciated.
Thank you.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2008, 06:39:10 AM »
You were never at risk of contracting HIV in the situation you provided. Take the time and read the lessons on Transmission. The link can be found in the "Welcome" forum.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2008, 07:09:05 AM »
Stewie, you are worrying needlessly. Perspiration is not a risk for transmission. Nor is ejaculating on the surface of the skin such as on the chest.

Transmission simply doesn't happen in the manner you are concerned about. HIV needs a very hospitable environment such as a vagina or an anus to be transmitted sexually. In more than 20 years of working in the epidemic I have never known of a case of transmission via the kind of topical setting you have described. I feel certain in saying you aren't going to make history by becoming the first.

Just make certain that if you get around to having intercourse that the insertive partner always without exception wears a condom. They provide very effective protection.

This time you have no cause for concern.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2008, 12:27:59 PM »
Thank you so so much for these replies.

To be completely honest with you, this is not the first time I am worried about HIV. I went through the same worry, following an exposure in October 2007. I took tests at 2,3 and 6 months, they all were negative, and I was feeling a lot better until this ejaculation on skin incident I described.

I hope you're not thinking I want to waste your time. I have sure read the lessons on Transmission (over and over, and on practically hundreds of websites). I also believe myself to be a rational person, and I do understand that ejaculation on the skin is very low risk. It's just that the scene seems so REAL, if you know what I mean, that I somehow fail to accept that it could never be a threat. I replay the scene in my mind and I recall a big quantity of semen on my chest, and sometimes I think, "how can this not be a risk at all? If there was a minor cut there, then infection could have happened"... Then, I keep making scenarios, like "he briefly touched my anus (not fingering, just touched it (and all apologies if I'm getting too graphic here), so what if he had pre-cum on his finger?"... The agony overwhelms me at times. And of course worry can cause ARS-like symptoms, and the minor discomfort such as a slightly elevated temperature or a tingling on the hands makes me really anxious.

That said, after having read several threads on this forum, I do trust your judgment and it's a great comfort to read your replies. I'm really grateful. I know the risk is theoretical only, but I wish there could be a way I knew with absolute certainty. Do you feel I should not even go get tested? Would you recommend psychiatric help?
 

Offline Ann

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2008, 01:37:55 PM »
Stewie,

Yes, psychiatric help would be advisable for you.

Getting cum on your skin is NOT low risk, it's not a theoretical risk, it's NO risk. End of story.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2008, 07:19:48 PM »
Ann, thank you for this comment, and I will indeed follow your suggestion. There's a part of me that clearly understands that this level of worry is illogical following a negligible risk encounter.

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2008, 11:22:26 AM »
Hello,

all apologies to bother you again with a new post.

I followed your suggestions and I had a session with a psychiatrist. I'm not sure how it went. I described everything I told you and she said that, although all the discomfort I am feeling may indeed be due to anxiety, she cannot exclude the possibility of infection and she cannot use as a working hypothesis that I'm not infected. She said that what I'd been describing suggests that I met with a highly promiscuous partner, which means that the probability that he is positive is quite big. She acknowledged that it was a good thing that we didn't have penetrative sex, but she said that 2 hours of fooling around PLUS receiving sperm on my skin, could very well lead to actual infection. She concluded that she cannot treat me for anxiety unless she is sure that it's just anxiety (as opposed to actual infection). She suggested that I go get tested in 10 weeks, and if the result is negative and I'm still worried, then I could always visit her again (yeah, right). In the meanwhile, she offered to prescribe Xanax, which I refused.

On the one hand, I desperately want to believe that I had no risk, but on the other hand, the things she said, well, they made some sense, didn't they?... I also re-read the Transmission lesson, and it says infection may happen after exchange of fluids (which would be a possibility if I had a minor cut on my chest where he ejaculated). I mean, 2 hours of making out is too much time, and it all was too "physical" - I am not sure I can fully grasp that I didn't open a window to infection.  Also, it's been 2 weeks and 2 days now, and I know I'm in the most dangerous period for ARS, and I'm in so much agony that I have trouble breathing at times. I feel exhausted and weak in the knees and sleepy (even if I make sure to sleep at least 7 hours a day) and this tiredness makes me terrified.

Any comment would be much much welcome. The anxiety is overwhelming, and I wish that it could be late September so that I could go and have an accurate test.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2008, 11:36:03 AM »
Oh gee. You need to move on. First you didn't have a risk then go to a psychistrist that doesn't know the first thing about HIV and transmission. Nothing she said made any sense. What does make sense is the following.

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #8 on: July 07, 2008, 11:46:50 AM »
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to get on your nerves. I did seek face-to-face help, I even paid 100 euro for it. Sorry again, and thanks for the help you've provided. 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #9 on: July 07, 2008, 04:03:17 PM »
It's very unfortunate that you happened to land with a psychiatrist who apparently knows nothing about HIV. If you still need help with the emotional aspects of your concerns get to someone else for that.

You did not have a risk for HIV. Period. So you are worrying needlessly. Get on with your life.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #10 on: July 09, 2008, 12:19:45 AM »
Dear Andy, thanks for this reply. I did meet with another psychiatrist, and he was very good. He didn't see a reason for real concern over the incident, but he said I may still need a test for stress relief. I feel quite sick at the moment, tired, loose stool, with scary random tingly sensations but he said they most probably are stress-related or because of the very hot weather- if it was ARS I'd have high fever. He said I should get out more, meet people, keep myself busy with things I like doing and if possible take a holiday.
 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #11 on: July 09, 2008, 08:03:04 AM »
Go ahead and test if you must for peace of mind and collect the inevitable negative result. Hopefully that will help you to get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2008, 05:10:25 AM »
Sorry to bother you again. I am continuing therapy and it's going well. Some days are better than others.

I wanted to add something re my exposure. I discovered that I have hemorrhoids, and they must have been there for a while. The partner I was with touched them with his finger, and with his penis as well (but there was no penetration - just contact). Does this cause a risk if he had cuticles / pre-cum on his finger or pre-cum on his penis? (I know this is gross, but I'm still worried about this. Thank you for your patience).

 

Offline RapidRod

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #13 on: July 20, 2008, 05:28:27 AM »
No it does not change a thing.

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #14 on: September 14, 2008, 03:48:41 AM »
Hello everyone
sorry to bring this post up again.
It's just that yesterday it was the 12th week mark since the exposure, and I'm waiting for another week so that I can have a definite test.
I am very scared & I feel I'm the biggest coward on earth.
I've continued the sessions with the therapist. He kept saying that all my problems are probably just guilt or anxiety. I haven't seen him for a month now, he had agreed on me getting tested.
I've been having several symptoms, weird pimples and itch on my skin, a strange sensation of warm feet, spots on the forehead etc; every day I'd wake up and there would be something new. I wanted someone to give me a break and let me have at least one good day. I am so tired of being afraid and feeling like this.
Anyways, I'm just writing this to thank you for your assistance. This thread has been important relief.
And, Andy, if this is not too much to ask, a couple of words of encouragement for the upcoming test will be much appreciated. Thank you so much.   

Offline Ann

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #15 on: September 14, 2008, 07:29:59 AM »
Stewie,

As long as you've not had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse that you've not told us about, I FULLY expect your test to return with negative result. NOTHING you describe in this thread has been a risk for hiv infection.

Take your symptoms to a doctor. We don't do symptoms here as they are meaningless where diagnosing hiv is concerned.

Go test and get it over with. You can go anytime for a conclusive result.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #16 on: September 14, 2008, 08:36:26 AM »
Dear Ann, thank you so much for this reply.

I've planned to go test next Monday, on the 22nd (91 days).

I am not disrespecting your opinions. It's just a bit hard to hang on when one doesn't feel too healthy and has nobody in real life in talk to about such a situation.

So, even if a test is not needed for diagnostic purposes, I hope it will be useful as a treatment out of this anxiety.

Thank you again. I cannot thank you enough for this forum, and I feel that all posters here think the same.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #17 on: September 14, 2008, 08:50:44 AM »
Your symptoms are in no way HIV specific. That's no surprise since you didn't have a risk. Hopefully when you collect the inevitable negative result you will let go of this unwarranted fear about HIV.

We've done whatever we can do for you here. If your fears continue they will have to be addressed elsewhere. That's beyond the scope of what we can do here.

Andy Velez

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #18 on: September 20, 2008, 07:34:13 AM »
Andy, Ann,
sorry for abusing your kindness. Please tolerate with me for a little longer. It's just that I'm taking the test first thing on Monday and I feel awfully depressed.
This last week of waiting has been the worst symptoms-wise. I've had abdominal pains, numb/cold/itchy hands and feet and difficulty concentrating. Some weird spots/pimples all over my body as well. I've always thought that once I'd be past the 8th week I'd be more relieved, since it would be too late for ARS, but this last month has probably been the toughest.
There's no need to reply to this, I've taken too much of your time already. I just wanted to write a few lines to calm my nervousness a bit for the upcoming test. Thank you for listening. 
 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #19 on: September 20, 2008, 09:30:12 AM »
All of the latest above notwithstanding, you still didn't have a risk, these symptoms have nothing to do with HIV and you're going to test negative. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #20 on: September 23, 2008, 11:49:28 AM »
Dear Ann and Andy,
I'm writing to let you know that I just got my 91-days results, and they were negative. I know you're not surprised, but I was worried beyond words. I think I would have a heart attack earlier today.
The stuff at the lab broke all "anonymous and confidential testing etiquette" - they told me to wait for a while, and then someone shouted "Mr (mynamehere) for the AIDS test results please!" (she said "AIDS", not HIV) and then my results were on a desk where everyone could see them - but, well, it was hard to be angry when I saw "negative".
Anyways, I would like to *thank you* from the bottom of my heart for your assistance. You cannot imagine how helpful you've been. This being my last post, I'd like to send you my best wishes and express my gratitude. Thank you!   

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #21 on: September 23, 2008, 01:00:54 PM »
Good. Glad to know the exchanges were helpful to you and that best of all, you received the expected happy result.

I don't blame you for being angry about the manner in which the result was delivered. Very unprofessional and irresponsible.

But at least now you have confirmation about your negative status. On with your life!
Andy Velez

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #22 on: November 24, 2008, 05:02:46 AM »
I'm sorry to be back. This is a new situation, but I think you prefer them to be in the same thread, if the poster is the same.

I've put myself in a similar position and I'm so ashamed about it. The 3-month countdown has started again, and I'm feeling terrified.

I met a guy online, and we made out. No penetration, we didn't even take our underwares off. But there was a lot of kissing with tongue, cuddling, touching, licking each other's bodies. No blood per se, but minor cuts here and there must have been present, and some red rash-like marks on both his body and mine. Both our underwares were wet with precum, and they must have rubbed against each other at some point.

I know what your answer will most probably be, and I don't want to abuse your kindness and your patience. Is it completely impossible to contract the virus by such "softcore" activities? Don't I even need to go test? And, should I see the psychiatrist again? It doesn't look like he helped too much. 


Offline RapidRod

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #23 on: November 24, 2008, 05:26:06 AM »
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #24 on: November 24, 2008, 05:36:28 AM »
I'm sorry to be back. This is a new situation, but I think you prefer them to be in the same thread, if the poster is the same.

I've put myself in a similar position and I'm so ashamed about it. The 3-month countdown has started again, and I'm feeling terrified.

I met a guy online, and we made out. No penetration, we didn't even take our underwares off. But there was a lot of kissing with tongue, cuddling, touching, licking each other's bodies. No blood per se, but minor cuts here and there must have been present, and some red rash-like marks on both his body and mine. Both our underwares were wet with precum, and they must have rubbed against each other at some point.

I know what your answer will most probably be, and I don't want to abuse your kindness and your patience. Is it completely impossible to contract the virus by such "softcore" activities? Don't I even need to go test? And, should I see the psychiatrist again? It doesn't look like he helped too much. 




How very sad, for you and this unfortunate guy

I urge you to find approproiate mental health service before you bring yet another unwary person into this shame spiral.

Of course you have no risk for HIV. But you know that. This, all this, even our admonishments, is a source of some pleasure for you. Fulfillment, as punishment for your misdeeds.

I beg you to seek real help. Or at the very least, to leave other, innovent people free from your pathology.

Those of us who are HIV positive absolutely cringe at the thought of encountering someone such as yourself. You subject us to stigma that many of us never get over, at a vulnerable moment when we think we are understood.

Please, I urge you, get help.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #25 on: November 24, 2008, 06:23:26 AM »

Those of us who are HIV positive absolutely cringe at the thought of encountering someone such as yourself. You subject us to stigma that many of us never get over, at a vulnerable moment when we think we are understood.




This is an unfair thing to say. I am aware that most probably my problem is psychological. The last few months, I spent quite a fortune on psychiatrists' bill, I don't think I could be blamed for not trying. My behaviour does not intend to put stigma on anyone. Yes, I have many issues unresolved, I am at a conflict with my sexuality, and yes, I am afraid. I know that this probably doesn't mean too much to you, since all you see is an extreme hypohondriac. But, at least, please don't think I don't understand you, or that I derive any kind of pleasure from this.   



Offline Ann

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #26 on: November 24, 2008, 07:02:12 AM »
Stew,

Your attitude towards sex and hiv might not be intended  to stigmatise, but unfortunately, that is indeed the end result.

You didn't have a risk. You already know that. We're not here to hold your hand every time you have a sexual encounter.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline stewie

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #27 on: January 16, 2009, 03:53:41 AM »
Hello all. I had said to not post again, but you are the only ones who've supported me and I'm really overwhelmed. I took a test today (at 54 days) and I'll know the results on Tuesday. I experience a lot of discomfort, and there's several weird-looking spots/pimples on my skin - and I know that all these may be caused by anxiety, and I know that you told me there was no risk, but somehow this cannot register. I tried a new psychiatrist (in December) but I stopped visiting him because I didn't want to take anti-depressants and he said there's nothing more he could do for me. I have no question, I guess. I understand it is plain silly to ask if making out naked with no penetration of any kind is safe or not. Then I think of the deep kissing, and the possibility of cracks or small wounds on skin and I cannot shake the fear. Sorry for tiring you. Waiting for the results is a torture. 

Offline RapidRod

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Re: ejaculation on skin / risk?
« Reply #28 on: January 16, 2009, 05:09:22 AM »
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

 


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