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I found out that I have HIV last week...

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Kilo:
Im 20 years old, black, college student.
Gay male.
I live in ATL, GA.
As a gay man, I knew that I was at risk, SCIENTIFICALLY. But that risk never REALLY sunk in.
I never had unprotected sex. Until one night last summer. My long time boyfriend's birthday.
He keep asking me for unprotected sex and I told him we could on his birthday.
Biggest mistake of my life.
Now were not together because of other reasons.
I live with my parents and am planning to stay here until I finish college.
I dont know how in the hell I am going to tell my parents
They dont even approve of the gay lifestyle.
If I tell them my diagnosis, it will  be like an I TOLD YOU SO
But I really NEED them to help me through this
I dont want to have to hide medicines, doctor's appointments and other HIV related things from them
I have 3 best friends... I have told one of them.
She was very supportive and is trying to keep me optimistic. She's a God send and I love her.
Ive known her since I was 4.
My other two best friends Ive known about 3 years and they are gay men as well.
I dont mean to stereotype of generalize but the African American community is not as open and loving to HIV+ people
As other communities are
Im scared to death to tell them
I just really need LOVE right now and I feel sooooooo very alone
There have been times where Ill go outside and cry b4 anyone gets up JUST so I can get it out
Whats worse is that I feel no matter who sympathizes, no one can really understand how I feel
 :-[
I have not been sick... and I dont have my blood labs back yet
I feel perfectly fine and I plan to just continue eating right, working, schooling and I want to start exercising
Im just all around scared though...
Its moreso the stigma and ppl finding out
I really just need someone to talk to... I guess
Im confused

woodshere:
So it's been a week since you have found out.  Guess what you're still here and the world didn't end.  It is a lot to handle and understand, but remember it is not the end of the world.  Things have changed yes, but as you said you continue to eat, work, go to school and are going to start to exercise.  Good for you!!!

You are going to be getting a lot of advice, read alot of things and have many decisions to make regarding your HIV.  The thing to remember is that this is your HIV and everyone is different in the way they handle their experience being HIV+.  What works for one person may not for the next.  Hell, HIV itself effects each of us differently.  My advice is to take a deep breath and take your time in deciding who to tell.  You are going to be here a long time, don't rush things thinking it has to be done today. If you need to talk maybe find a support group or ask people here.   Get your numbers so that you can assess where things are for you. And remember, with the internet it is so easy to go into HIV overload, don't get to overwhelmed everything will be here next week.

Best to you and welcome to the forums!
Woods

rondrond:
Hey Kilo,
You don't have to hide here.

welcome
ronnie

wishful:
Kilo Welcome!

Wow your just a baby...(((kilo)))) ..You will be fine sweetheart..stay in school and do what u have to do...Its so definitely not the end of the world....

BtW im jamie...31, single blk f, poz 5 years this sept..never been sick....keep the faith..you will survive...

MOONLIGHT1114:
Hi Kilo~

Welcome to the Forums, you're in the right place.  I am 38yo, outside of DC and poz 14 yrs with no OIs to date.  I had trouble telling my parents and chose to wait nearly 5 years.  Its good that you have been to the docs and that you seem to have found out early, without being sick.

There is a wealth of info on this site, esp in the Lessons (scroll to upper left of screen). 

You're doing the best thing that you can for yourself, and that is reaching out.  Continue to get medical care and know that you don't have to disclose to your parents this week or this month.  Give things a little time and get your questions answered by your doc regarding meds and counts, etc.

One step at a time.  :)

~ Cindy

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