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Author Topic: Ladies I need your opinions....  (Read 3984 times)

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Offline jshort

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  • Posts: 32
Ladies I need your opinions....
« on: July 03, 2008, 05:05:06 PM »
Ok heres the deal. I need to know if Im crazy, lol. My boyfriend goes out almost every saterday. Not anything crazy, just either to his friends house to play video games and have a few beers or out with the guys. Im annoyed because I feel that he shouldn't go out EVERY weekend, he's 30 years old with a family. I think once in awhile is fine, not every  sat. He says he works all week and should be able to go out every saterday because he doesnt think its all that often. If all his friends are busy he looks for people to go out with, he literally can't stay home. So do you guys think Im overreacting?? Should I just let him go out and not say anything?? I need your opinions....

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2008, 05:25:04 PM »
It just plain wouldn't happen with me. That's the kind of thing you do when you aren't a family man.
I couldn't be with a man who did not want to spend his free time with me. And God help him if I had children with him and he didn't want to spend his time off with his kids and me. Or if he expected me to watch his children <not mine> while he went out and played with the boys. Uh, No. That wouldn't happen.

Going out every once in a blue moon would be ok as long as he was home in a reasonable condition and at a reasonable hour and we both agreed to the locations he was visiting. But not every weekend.
 
Also I don't see men who go to titty bars. If my guy wants to spend money on a woman it better be me.

If he wants male company suggest he invite his friends over to the house sometimes. See how he reacts. I would be suspect of him if he refused.

Offline BT65

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2008, 05:50:21 PM »
Well Jshort, I really can't tell you exactly what to do.  That is totally up to you.  But, if it were me, I wouldn't want him going out every Saturday night.  I would want him to stay home and babysit sometime so I could go out.  In other words, there's taking and giving in any successful relationship.  I would also want to spend some Saturday nights with him, and also have him spend time with his kids. 

That's probably not much help.  Good luck with what you decide to do.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline anniebc

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2008, 05:55:23 PM »
Personally I don't see anything wrong with it, if he works hard all week then I think he deserves a night out with his friends, if he is spending 6 nights a week  with you and the family I don't see what the problem is, my hubby goes out every Friday night to see his mates at the muso's club, unless something comes up on a Friday night and we are both invited, he works hard during the day and I trust him.

If he is only having a few beers with friends and coming home to you I don't see what you have to worry about..although I think you will have problems if you start telling him he can't do this and he can't do that, and telling him where and where he can and can't go is just asking for trouble...if he is not getting into trouble on his nights out then yes, I think you are over reacting, you wanted opinions, well that's mine.

Hugs
Jan :-*
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Offline Ann

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2008, 06:29:31 PM »
Frankly?

You're overreacting.

Ann
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Offline minismom

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  • Quocumque jeceris stabit
Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2008, 06:36:27 PM »
I'm going to do something I don't do very often, if ever.  I'm going to ride the fence.  When Hubby was working 70hrs / wk and commuting over 120 miles / day just to get to work, and only had  2 days off while I was home with 6 children and managing the house by myself, then YES I do believe that I would go ballistic if he went "out with the guys" EVERY week.  Not to mention that we've never had the money for such a thing, I needed a break from the kids, and the kids needed to see their Dada.  It had nothing to do with trust, i trust him whole-heartedly or I wouldn't be married to him. That's one side of the fence.

On the other side, now that we both work from home and the 8 of us are together nearly 24/7, we each take a day "off".  We each get 1 full day off, away from the house, to do what we want (except I'm not allowed to do the grocery shopping :P).  It has nothing to do with wanting to be with buddies as much as it has to do with just needing some down time.  

Maybe what you should do is make a compromise.  He can go out every other Saturday with his buddies and you get to go out every other Saturday with your buddies, or alone.  Or, if he gets to go out on Saturday night, then you get to go out on Friday night.  Or, Friday night is designated family night and you split Saturdays.  Or, maybe ask about having his friends over to your house with their wives.  Just a couple of suggestions.  But, with the wee ones, I understand that you, too, need some time off.

Mum
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Offline Winiroo

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2008, 07:12:59 PM »
My ideas of whats right in a relationship isn't universal and is definitely not right for everyone. I'm fairly selfish with my man. I want pretty much most his free time. He is my best friend and there is no one else I'd rather be around.

My girlfriend on the other hand, she hardly ever sees her husband because he travels a lot. For her personality that works out very well. I think if she where made to spend more time with her husband she might go nuts.

My late husband fooled around so that makes me leary of my partner prefering to spend down time with someone other than me. I know not every man is a cheat but thats just the way my mind works.

Offline minismom

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2008, 07:24:20 PM »
Wendy, I was so afraid that Hubby and I would kill each other after being together all the time.  It took a while to adjust, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm with you on the selfish, Win.  I married my best friend and can't imagine being without him.  But, I do like my day "off" when I don't have to cook, change diapers, or clean.  But, I get to sit in the park and read, or go to the library, or have lunch with a friend.  It's very renewing.

Mum (who hopes I didn't just hijack the thread - sorry!)
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Offline Winiroo

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2008, 07:33:09 PM »
LOL Well since my baby is all grown up and living away from home so I have a lot of alone time.
Billy actually does too if you count all the time he is driving from here to there and everywhere. LOL
He also wakes up in the middle of the night and eats sweets and watches tv.

That's gotta count  ;D  Technically I am not married but we consider ourselves as married. So I'm married to my best friend as well.

Ok I'm done hijacking...

Offline jshort

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2008, 07:36:35 PM »
see i asked because im a bit on the fence aswell. I know he deserves to go out because he does work hard, but im just weird about the EVERY sat thing. honestly maybe its a bit of jealousy cause im stuck home all the time. who knows, ive decided to keep my mouth shut and just let it fly, i will admit im a control freak and a real bitch sometimes i dont take much crap so if i believed he was up to no good i wouldnt be with him. i guess i just dont get why he comes home and imediatly feels he has to make plans and run out. I kinda have the "what about us" feeling. whatever, it will play out however it will play out but i guess i should just keep my reservations to myself in order to avoid further conflict....

Offline Winiroo

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  • Positive since 1991
Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2008, 08:18:45 PM »
I read a really cute suggestion for the man that likes to go out with his buddies.

Before he leaves, Open up your lingerie drawer filled with a bunch of sexy lingerie. Let him pick out something and tell him that you will have "his choice" on when he gets home. Then you will know that while he is watching the game or what ever he's thinking about you in "his choice".

LOL

Offline Victory101

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  • Posts: 33
Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2008, 04:15:39 PM »
Jshort, don't know how old your kids are but I think if I was in your shoes i wouldn't like it as well. I would want some of ME time as well ie either he takes out the kids and leaves me home alone or I go out alone to meet my friends.  When my hubby is free, he goes out with the kids and I really appreciate that time to myself.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #12 on: July 05, 2008, 08:15:55 PM »
see i asked because im a bit on the fence aswell. I know he deserves to go out because he does work hard, but im just weird about the EVERY sat thing. honestly maybe its a bit of jealousy cause im stuck home all the time. who knows, ive decided to keep my mouth shut and just let it fly, i will admit im a control freak and a real bitch sometimes i dont take much crap so if i believed he was up to no good i wouldnt be with him. i guess i just dont get why he comes home and imediatly feels he has to make plans and run out. I kinda have the "what about us" feeling. whatever, it will play out however it will play out but i guess i should just keep my reservations to myself in order to avoid further conflict....

Girl, please, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, no need to be mad about the situation. If he can go out and spend every Saturday with his boys which I can relate to somewhat because I am a gamer myself, then you can go out with your girls. I assume you have some. Video games not your thing? You know they can be fun depending on what you are into. Just saying...

Anyhoo, this can go many ways but if you both are going to be out or even if you go out once in awhile, make his ass pay for the babysitter. Or how about he invite his boys over to play video games while he watches the kids? So, you can go out and he can spend time with his boys at your crib. Just make sure they clean up behind themselves and are out the door by the time you get home. I wouldn't just clam up and say nothing but he should compromise and give you the chance to get a break.
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Offline mahalia

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Re: Ladies I need your opinions....
« Reply #13 on: July 08, 2008, 08:11:50 AM »
i definitely know i would have a problem with this one too. every sat?!!!i dont knw, thing is its bothering jshort, have u tried tellin him how u feel bout the whole arrangement? a relatnship involves 2parties, so it just shud not b bout him. try to work out a program that wud suit the both u, such that he makes tym for u, for the kids, and u to also go out and have fun n seein his boys. i appreciat his wantin to go out but thy shud also be a balance in doin things. worst mistake is keeping things to urself to avoid a conflict, like i said earlier on, tell him how that makes u feel n what u would love to see goin on. hope u also not too controllin n wanting him by side all the tym, it can strenuous u knw n actually boring!!!hahaha! all the best

 


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