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Author Topic: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?  (Read 31341 times)

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Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,337
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #150 on: September 08, 2014, 09:36:48 AM »
The person that I am currently dating, I feel as if I have totally shut him out of my life; not wanting him to touch me at all. He doesn't deserve it at all.
I would hope that you could work you way past this issue. Didn't you say that your BF is also HIV+? If y'all are both on medications and UD, there is no chance in hell of any cross-infection or anything. People living with HIV often serosort (hook up with those of the same status) to avoid a lot of "bad feelings" and anxiety. If your BF has already been poz a while, he is probably the best person in the world to understand you and the issues you are going through. It would be a shame to throw away a good guy that could help you.

Last, if I should continue to try and hunt down the person that infected me. I have been trying to inform him for almost eight months, but have been unsuccessful, as he has been rescheduling over and over again.
Nope. stop trying right now. The past is the past and that guy's health is his concern. You should simply send him a note saying that he needs to get checked for any STDs and HIV, and leave it there. BTW have you been contacted by your state's health dpt? Most states do anonymous partner notification. (when someone tests poz, this data is given to the state. the state health dpt contacts you to make sure you understand the issues surrounding being HIV positive. they ask for a list of possible sexual contacts you might have had. they then follow up with those people suggesting they should get tested.) There really isn't any reason for you to continue to track down this guy when the state will do it anonymously for you.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline Kmg1947

  • Member
  • Posts: 30
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #151 on: September 11, 2014, 10:50:45 AM »
My son says his biggest challenge is just the stigma. He is in fear of people knowing. He has had to change Doctors because of it. Some places like clinics are not confidential at all they just throw around the most personal sensitive information like it is nothing, as they are not living with this. He explains that to me often. He said people comment on his weight as he is small, so he feels like they are looking for something. He is trying his best to move out of this state and go somewhere else and not be known. I respect that! I told him no matter what I am standing here for him and will see him where ever he is at, as well as continue to being the support he needs.

One day at a time.
Kay
Loving Life through the Ups & Downs.

K

Offline drewm

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  • Posts: 1,187
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #152 on: September 11, 2014, 11:40:25 AM »
My son says his biggest challenge is just the stigma. He is in fear of people knowing. He has had to change Doctors because of it. Some places like clinics are not confidential at all they just throw around the most personal sensitive information like it is nothing, as they are not living with this. He explains that to me often. He said people comment on his weight as he is small, so he feels like they are looking for something. He is trying his best to move out of this state and go somewhere else and not be known. I respect that! I told him no matter what I am standing here for him and will see him where ever he is at, as well as continue to being the support he needs.

One day at a time.
Kay

Thanks for being his rock, Kay. My mom is still my rock. Sorry about the confidentiality issues. That is something that should definitely be addressed with his doctor / management of the clinic.
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

TRIUMEQ - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE - PRAVASTATIN - CIALIS


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline Kmg1947

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  • Posts: 30
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #153 on: September 11, 2014, 01:23:35 PM »
Thank you so much for your encouragement.

Kay
Loving Life through the Ups & Downs.

K

Offline bubba53

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  • Posts: 150
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #154 on: September 11, 2014, 08:48:52 PM »
 Mine is fatigue,no doubt  , sometimes I'm fine , but I defiantly tire more easily & takes a long time to get moving in the mornings , & the lipo of course , but I learned that's part of who I am now.  Fix the things I can & the rest Well.................
"Who put the pepper in the....Vaseline  ? "

Offline zach

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  • Posts: 1,921
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #155 on: September 11, 2014, 09:46:03 PM »
lonely, worn out

Offline JosephP

  • Member
  • Posts: 28
  • Keep looking FORWARD...
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #156 on: September 17, 2014, 10:41:23 PM »
l
but what really killed me, my youngest son sat in class and listened to kids making fun of hiv/aids.... I've never in my life felt so ashamed as when he cried telling me that story

That really hurts... Sorry!
We are all dealing with this. And we will live long and productive lives!!

Offline JosephP

  • Member
  • Posts: 28
  • Keep looking FORWARD...
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #157 on: September 17, 2014, 11:01:46 PM »
Biggest? also most difficult... Keep mum about it! It has been 12 months since my shocking dx and still some times I get jolted by the tought that I am HIV+... No bitterness, I should have taken precautions but stupidity, the passion of the moment and ignorance have me here today. My ID doctor is great and she gave me hope since the first moment...My primary doctor is also very supportive. I feel great and take that blue pill day after day. I have become a slave of it and panic if I leave my house without my daily dose....
Reading all the posts here help a great deal. I can identify with so many of us that are going thru the same and gives me the courage to continue with life. I have stopped being sexually active, but I am approaching a moment with a girl friend of mine as our relationship has advanced and sex, or the thought of it, is inevitable...What I am going to do? I have not the faintest.. That is my biggest challenge... Also, there are some changes going on at work...Will I have to disclose? Additionally, I have three kids, adults now but nonetheless my kids... How will they react? How did you let this happen at your age, dad? is the question that pops on my head constantly. I have been reading these posts for a year now and love the compassion and understanding. It eases the pain somewhat knowing that I am not alone in the world...Dumb? no...Realist. I know my time to disclose might be getting closer and that does scare me!
One thing HIV has done for me is that I have became closer to God. I do pray. I do hope. I wish for  Him to pass his healing hands over me and rid me of it..
Keep up the good work and let's help each other...
We are all dealing with this. And we will live long and productive lives!!

Offline atxpozguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 64
  • POZ+ 30 year milestone reached for Austin man
    • It's Your Vehicle & Money
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #158 on: October 01, 2014, 01:47:11 PM »
Mine is quality of life as it has taken a nose dive and the outlook does not look good after being diagnosed with cancer that is untreatable, the 40+ meds I must take to address organ damage caused by years of toxic cocktails, body weight is big concern now as I lost 40lbs with the last 30 days, muscle mass down to 37%, chronic diarrhea,  constant trips via EMS to the hospital, a primary care doc that is ruthless, zero support from local ASO, chronic neuropathy pain and early onset Alzheimer.

I am basically tired of all these health problems, tired of taking of taking all of this medication, have no appetite and not being able to see Dr Death for 3 months at a time..

This is what living with HIV/AIDS virus for 30 years does to us LTS...
30 years poz with no expiration date

atxlovingqueer@gay.com
atxniceguy@gmail.com

Diagnosed HIV 1983
Diagnosed AIDS 2001

As of Jan 17, 2012: VL <20k CD4 183  28.5%

Offline JRRRRRR

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #159 on: October 13, 2014, 06:57:00 PM »
Treatment adherence. It's an enormous effort for Matty the Damned. Not the night-time dose, but remembering to take the morning dose.

Bugger. Which is what I've gotta do know. Ah, shit! Or did I already take the fucking thing?

MtD
(Who can never remember)

PillBoxie app!!!  Put it on Nag Mode!
03/15/14 Flu-like symptoms (seroconversion)
05/06/14 Tested Positive  VL 36,000
06/02/14 CD4 231  (14%)  VL 29,000
06/09/14 Started Stribild
07/02/14 VL 20
09/03/14 CD4 321  (24%)  VL undetectable
10/15/14 CD4 488  (30.5%)

Offline mitch777

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,748
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #160 on: October 13, 2014, 08:46:39 PM »
Mine is quality of life as it has taken a nose dive and the outlook does not look good after being diagnosed with cancer that is untreatable, the 40+ meds I must take to address organ damage caused by years of toxic cocktails, body weight is big concern now as I lost 40lbs with the last 30 days, muscle mass down to 37%, chronic diarrhea,  constant trips via EMS to the hospital, a primary care doc that is ruthless, zero support from local ASO, chronic neuropathy pain and early onset Alzheimer.

I am basically tired of all these health problems, tired of taking of taking all of this medication, have no appetite and not being able to see Dr Death for 3 months at a time..

This is what living with HIV/AIDS virus for 30 years does to us LTS...



At,

I am a bit dismayed that I missed this post.

While I have just had my own 32nd year being hiv+ as I speak I have not faced what you have. I DO however have great admiration for the strength you have had and without knowing if your condition is treatable or not or I would have two different replies maybe.

I'm glad in either case that you told us your story. I really would love to give you a hug right now.

m.

32 years hiv+ (oct. 2013) with a curtsy.

Online DANIELtakashi

  • Member
  • Posts: 52
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #161 on: December 05, 2014, 01:34:36 AM »
How long i can live is a question that drives me nuts now.
Here in Japan, there is an image of this disease as only a killer.
Japanese National.
Language:  Japanese and English
Reside in TOKYO
Have visited 45 US states, DC, and Guam and Saipan.

Offline DiabloII

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
  • Life is a Battle Field
Re: What is the biggest personal challenge you face regarding your hiv status?
« Reply #162 on: December 10, 2014, 09:28:16 PM »
I have had many challenges since being diagnosed 6-6-12 with HIV/AIDS.  My first challenge was accepting what I believed to be a death sentence.  I went into a deep depression made worse by extreme fear and the absence of having someone there to support me.  On more than one occasion, I thought of suicide as the answer.  However, I was taking care of my mother and knew suicide would destroy her.  I bucked up and eventually started meds.  My first encounter with meds almost took care of the suicide issue when a violent reaction landed me in ICU for 3 days.  Although I did not tell my family of my diagnosis, a former partner and good friend come to the conclusion I was poz.  I was horrified that someone now knew my dark secret!  He, being in the medical field, encouraged me to stay strong and continue with getting on meds.  However, he admonished me "NOT" to share my status with anyone!  After many trials with meds, my ID doc finally found meds I was not allergic or immune to.  The down side, the list was short!  As I went on the meds, my health started improving.  However, my mental health continued to become worse!  Eventually, I landed in therapy and began taking antidepressants.  As time went by, I started getting better and back on track.  Thank GOD for work!  It kept me occupied where I didn't dwell as much on my health.  11 months after my diagnosis, my younger brother found my meds and began asking questions.  He eventually determined I was poz and outed me to my mother which almost killed her soul!  Knowing that she knew only emphasized why I wanted to keep it a secret.  Not because of rejection, but because of the hurt and worry I saw on her face almost daily as she herself struggled with end of life issues.  On her last day with me, she begged me to do whatever it takes to beat this disease and not give up!  After she passed, I was once again thrown into a deep depression.  This time is has become much worse.  Now I seem to feel I have no more self-worth.  I have withdrawn from friends and family and basically get up every day, go to work, get off and go to bed.  I have since somewhat overcome the depression but still find it difficult to get out and do normal things.  My biggest fear is being alone the rest of my life!  Prior to my diagnosis, I was outgoing, had friends, had relationships and was extremely sexually active.  Now, not so much in any of those categories.  I still refuse to come out of the pill box about my status and I fear daily, someone will find out and out me to others.  There are days I wish I would tell everyone and let it be what it is going to be, but I'm afraid!  I want a love life!  A life partner!  Someone to share the good times and the bad times with!  I would say I want to be normal again but, I don't remember what normal is!  Recently, my ID doc informed me that my meds were not as effective as he had hoped they would be.  Although my CD4 has significantly improved and I have had labs return where by VL was UD, my latest VL's are slowly increasing.  My ID doc changed me to 4 new meds.  I'm lucky in that my insurance covers the cost of the meds.  However, with the new meds, my deduct has sky rocketed and it is putting me deeper in a financial crisis.  Additionally, these new meds have caused me to experience significant fatigue and GI issues.  They have also caused me to gain a significant amount of weight!  All this is really causing me to ask once again, why continue when I know what to look forward to!  Will things ever even out where I can enjoy life and companionship once again?  I'm not asking for normal or anything vastly great.  Just something that will bring some happiness once again into my life!  AM I BEING SELFISH FOR WANTING THIS?

 


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