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Author Topic: scared  (Read 7588 times)

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Offline Asia

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scared
« on: June 26, 2008, 02:18:04 PM »
I am concerned about an incident a few days ago. I had sex three times with a friend of mine(I am female). There was no ejaculation at any point, but there could have been pre cum. A condom was used all three times, but I am concerned that maybe it could have broken without me knowing it. My other concern is that the first time, i was a little under the influence( I know this was a bad idea) and I am certain a condom was used this time as well, but worried maybe he inserted prior to putting the condom on? I've talked to him and he said nothing happened and we were safe. He also hasn't been with many girls, and I think he is generally good with using protection, but I'm still worried. What is my risk here? Do I need a test? I am very worried. Thanks.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: risk?
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2008, 03:35:55 PM »
If the condom had failed you would have known. If you are concerned he didn't use a condom then test. 6-8 weeks post exposure followed up with a 3 month conclusive test. Excessive drinking and sex don't mix.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: risk?
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2008, 04:16:32 PM »
Just adding on to Rod's comments... When a condom fails it's not a subtle event as people worry sometimes. It's not a teensy weensy hole. The whole thing ends up looking like a fringed hula hoop on the guy's penis.

I can't emphasize strongly enough how dangerous it is to mix casual sex with excessive drinking. All too many HIVpositives I've known can testify to the sad truth of that. Have all the sex you want. Just do it sober and with the guy always without exception wearing a latex condom.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Asia

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Re: risk?
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2008, 08:54:31 PM »
I appreciate the comments, and I know excessive drinking and sex dont mix. Like I said, I know the condom was used the first time. I'm also almost certain it was on the whole time, just not 100%. So worst case scenario, it wasn't on at the beginning I guess. Are my chances high that I have HIV?

Offline Ann

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Re: risk?
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2008, 04:00:31 AM »
Asia,

How long is a peice of string? You can't quantify this kind of thing, not really, not with any accuracy.

However, if a condom was used the whole time, you had NO RISK.

If a condom was only used part of the time, then you need to test at the three month point. You were there, we weren't - it's your call whether or not you need testing.

Personally, I think you would have known if he'd been in you condomless. It feels different, to me anyway.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Asia

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Re: risk?
« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2008, 02:57:02 PM »
Thank you for your responses. So as long as a condom was used the entire time, there is no risk, correct? I also made him pull out before ejaculation, even though we were using protection.

Secondly, we recently had what I guess would be called "naked frottage". We were both naked, and there was some grinding, but no penetration. Would this be considered a risk for HIV?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: risk?
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2008, 04:50:54 PM »
Thank you for your responses. So as long as a condom was used the entire time, there is no risk, correct? I also made him pull out before ejaculation, even though we were using protection.

That's correct. Protected sex is not a risk for HIV transmission.

Secondly, we recently had what I guess would be called "naked frottage". We were both naked, and there was some grinding, but no penetration. Would this be considered a risk for HIV?

Frottage (naked or otherwise) is not a risk for HIV transmission.

MtD

Offline Asia

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scared
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2008, 08:29:12 PM »
I have three things I am concerned about, and am hoping to find out whether I need to be tested or not. I am pretty sure these are no-maybe low risk, but that is what I am trying to find out. I work at an Elementary School, and all the exposures I am concerned about relate to my kids.

1. I remember several times at the beginning of the year, before we were really prepped about how to deal with wounds/injuries among the kids, that I helped a child apply a bandage. I never noticed blood or anything on my hands, but I can't be completely sure I didn't get blood on my hands. I do tend to get small cuts sometimes, although I'm fairly sure I didn't have an open wound or anything. I have no clue if any of these kids are HIV positive or not. I did just get a negative test a couple days ago, and my last exposure would have been about 11 weeks ago I believe, but I can't be certain about that either. What are my risks here?

2. I'm not sure if mucuous, or snot, is a mode of transmission or not. I have helped blow noses, but again, I am pretty sure I didn't get any of it on my hands, and I always wash my hands of course too, afterwards.

3. There is a tub of vaseline and Qtips in the classroom that I have been giving out to kids with chapped lips. I have used it myself a couple of times. There are other teachers in the classroom giving it out, but I am fairly certain that they have only used a clean Q tip to dip in the tub each time a student needs some. What if a child had cracked/bleeding lips though, and for some reason stuck their finger in the tub, put some on their lips, and put their finger back in the tub, and then I used it? Would this be a risk?

Please help. Are any of these risks? I am losing sleep over this, and thought I was in the clear after my last test, but these latest things have caused me to worry again, and I really don't want to have to wait out the window to test if it is unnecessary. Thanks so much in advance.

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2008, 08:49:39 PM »
Please, someone, respond. I am desperate and up tonight, really worried. Thanks.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: scared
« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2008, 08:57:55 PM »
As you are desperate and up tonight, I recommend that you take that time and energy to read our LESSONS section on transmission. The vectors of HIV transmission are spelled out there. And you were not at risk in any of the scenarios you described.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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Re: scared
« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2008, 09:03:26 PM »
Asia,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.

Unless you're having unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with your students (you better not be having ANY type of sex with your students) then you haven't had any risks for hiv infection where they are concerned.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #11 on: November 24, 2008, 06:25:30 PM »
Thank you for your responses. Two more things- I think I know the answer to the first one- but I have been scratching my eyes today(allergies I think) . Is there any chance that if I accidentally touched or brushed up against a childs wound or something, and then scratched my eye? Also, how accurate is an 11 week test? Thanks.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #12 on: November 24, 2008, 06:30:56 PM »
As you have already been told you were never at risk..

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2008, 07:27:20 PM »
Just chiming in to affirm that you weren't at risk. Given that you are teacher I would hope you can become better educated about HIV and therefore be in a better position to pass on solid information when needed about HIV to your students. Right now your hysteria seems to be ruling the day.

If you had experienced a real risk for transmission such as specifically unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse, then testing would have been necessary. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the smallest number will seroconvert within 4-6 weeks after an exposure if they are going to seroconvert at all. A final all clear test result is recommended by the CDC to be done at 13 weeks. So IF there had been a risk, a negative result at 11 weeks would be tantamount to an all-clear. We still go with the CDC recommendation of 13 weeks just to be sure.

All that other stuff about nicks, cuts, bruises, scratches and such that you are tossing into the worry mix are totally irrelevant. It's pretty much of the ignorant, HIV boogey man phobia sort of stuff that we've dealt with since the beginning of the epidemic.

So my suggestion is you're a teacher. Learn and teach so there will be less ignorance about HIV. That's one good way to help end the epidemic.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #14 on: November 30, 2008, 03:03:45 PM »
Thank you for the responses. This past weekend, I actually probably had the closest thing to an actual risk, in terms of likelihood that the person has HIV(I have heard that he is, but I'm not 100% sure). He kissed me on the cheek. Is this in any way a risk? I have read that it is "unlikely" on thebody.com, but to me, that still means there is some risk there. What if he had cracked or sore lips, and then kissed me on the cheek and I had a pimple there or something? Any responses are much appreciated. Thank you for all the help.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #15 on: November 30, 2008, 03:07:14 PM »
HIV is not transmitted by kissing. 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #16 on: November 30, 2008, 03:11:35 PM »
No, that wasn't unlikely. It simply wasn't in anyway a risk for HIV transmission. Read and/or re-read our lesson on Transmission. The only real risks for HIV transmission sexually are through unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Everything else that people worry about is theoretical.

You are worrying needlessly but you do need to become better informed because this epidemic is going to be around for a longtime to come. 
Andy Velez

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #17 on: November 30, 2008, 03:34:37 PM »
Thank you, but I am a little unclear on your answer. Are you telling me that there is, in fact, a "theoretical" risk from receiving a kiss on the cheek by someone that is more than likely HIV positive? I did not notice any cuts on his lips or on my face or anything, but that doesn't mean that they weren't there, I just didn't notice.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #18 on: November 30, 2008, 03:37:33 PM »
I guess I wasn't being as clear as I thought I was. No, there wasn't even a theoretical risk, no matter what details you might come up with like acne, scratches or whatever. HIV is not transmitted by locking lips or kissing or being kissed on various body parts. NO RISK WHATSOEVER!
Andy Velez

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #19 on: November 30, 2008, 07:37:23 PM »
So what you are telling me is..there has never been a case of transmission in this manner(and I am not going to be the first), even if he had full blown AIDS?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #20 on: November 30, 2008, 07:39:02 PM »
That's exactly what you are being told. You did not have a risk..

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #21 on: November 30, 2008, 08:08:21 PM »
There was absolutely no risk whatsoever no matter if as you so delicately put it, he had "full blown AIDS."

You need to let go of this concern and get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #22 on: November 30, 2008, 08:42:18 PM »
Thank you. And I do apologize if I offended anyone by my wording, that was not my intention.

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #23 on: December 16, 2008, 04:12:03 PM »
One more question on risk. This past weekend, I was in a bar and some random guy started talking to me. I was trying not to be rude, so I was being cordial. As he was talking, some spit came out of his mouth. I have no idea if it had blood in it or not, and not sure if I got any in my eye or mouth, etc. Is this any risk? Do I need to be tested??

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #24 on: December 16, 2008, 04:33:04 PM »
Someone please help..Ann? Andy? I realize maybe this is OCD of me, but how is it not possible, if he had blood in his mouth and it got in my mouth or eye? I am freaking out. I have no idea what this persons's risk factors could be. Please help!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #25 on: December 16, 2008, 05:05:46 PM »
You're thinking MAYBE this latest scenario of yours is OCD????  MAYBE?

This totally off-the-wall iffy script you're scaring yourself with has nothing to do with any genuine risk for HIV transmission. I mean -- a guy in a bar is likely to have a mouth full of fresh HIV+  blood and spits it into your eye or mouth? And if he did that it STILL wouldn't have been a risk. In plain words: no risk.

If this is typical of the way you're "thinking" these days, I strongly suggest that you see a mental health professional and talk about what is driving these fears of yours. They sure don't have any basis in HIV science.

 
Andy Velez

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #26 on: December 17, 2008, 09:12:23 AM »
So I am reliably negative? I got a negative test about three weeks ago, but all the other things have been since then(kiss on the cheek, spit incident, etc.) These are all NO RISK?

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2008, 09:14:15 AM »
My test, by the way, was about 4 months past my last sexual exposure, which was protected anyway, just to clarify. I am still a little concerned about the spitting incident and the kiss on the cheek(and I have had some symptoms as well)

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #28 on: December 17, 2008, 09:19:10 AM »
No risk as Andy has correctly advised you.

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #29 on: December 17, 2008, 10:06:29 AM »
Ann? I hadn't heard anything from you yet, and was wondering if it was because you had something different to say or not.

Offline Ann

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Re: scared
« Reply #30 on: December 17, 2008, 10:23:39 AM »
Asia,

If I had something DIFFERENT to say, I would have said it, don't you think?

You've been told what is a risk - unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. If there were addtional risks, we would have told you. You've been here long enough now to understand the basics of hiv transmission. We're not here to hold your hand every time you have a sexual experience.

If you'd read the Welcome Thread like you're supposed to before posting, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situations, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #31 on: February 18, 2009, 06:12:10 PM »
I have two things that I have grown concerned about. The first one is that the other day, using my fingernail, I attempted to pull a splinter that was sticking out, out of a child's hand. I got it partially out, and there was no noticeable blood, but I guess it was possible there was blood present that I didn't see.

Secondly, I know holding hands is not a risk, but what if I had a cut on one of my fingers and a child came up and held my hand? I'm pretty sure she also had a cut on her hand, I'm just not sure where and if they could have touched, etc.

Are any of these risks in any way? I took another home access test(my last was in November), and I am freaking out because my result came back that the sample I submitted to the lab could not be tested. I was too scared to stay on and talk to the counselor about why. My other risks have included someone accidentally spitting on me, kissing on the cheek, rubbing my eyes after touching a child..I was tested about 11 weeks after a one time unprotected sexual exposure with my boyfriend(who tested negative at the beginning of our relationship also)..so is there any way I could be positive from these exposures? I just don't understand why I would get that result from home access, and I've also had symptoms like being tired all the time, losing weight, I had a fever for about 6 hours one day, etc.

Please help.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #32 on: February 18, 2009, 06:23:57 PM »
You just don't listen.

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #33 on: February 18, 2009, 06:40:11 PM »
Asia, we can't help you here any longer with these repeated non-risk situations.

You had been warned about what your real problem is -- an obsessive concern about HIV that is not grouned in any real risks. As Rod has said, you don't listen.

Get yourself some help in the proper professional setting. Meantime I'm giving you a 28 day time out.

Don't try to get back before your TO is up by creating another name because that will cause you to be immediately be permanently banned from the site.

 

Andy Velez

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #34 on: June 04, 2009, 08:07:26 PM »
I am worried sick. I had my last test back in November, which was negative. It was about 12 weeks after one unprotected sexual exposure(vaginal sex) with my boyfriend, who got tested before we ever started having sex. We did use condoms the majority of the time, but one night we didn't, which I thought was ok since I had listened to the results and he was negative for everything, etc. Anyway, I tested negative after that. I haven't had any exposures since then, although I have been worried about incidents at school around my kids, etc. involving helping with cuts and stuff like that. I've also had people accidentally spit on me in bars.My only sexual exposures have been with my ex boyfriend.  Anyway, I just had a home access test done and when I called to get my results, was transferred to a counselor. This has never happened before, and I have been tested a lot. The website says not to panic if you are transferred and that it does not automatically mean you are positive, but I am freaking, I couldn't even stay on the line. Is there any way I could have anything given my exposures? I don't know what to do, please help.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: scared
« Reply #35 on: June 04, 2009, 09:07:30 PM »
Seek professional mental help you don't have a concern with HIV.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: scared
« Reply #36 on: June 04, 2009, 09:52:21 PM »
HIV is (happily) not your issue. Get yourself some professional help to deal with your real issues. We can't do that for you here.

Andy Velez

Offline Asia

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Re: scared
« Reply #37 on: June 04, 2009, 09:53:59 PM »
Ok, so there is no need for me to be re-tested or worry any further? There is no chance of me having HIV? Thank you for the replies.

Offline Ann

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Re: scared
« Reply #38 on: June 05, 2009, 06:37:24 AM »
Asia,

Andy told you that "HIV is (happily) not your issue." Why would you need to re-test?

I'm giving you that time out you've been warned about - your second. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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