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Author Topic: My stupid story  (Read 2679 times)

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Offline AlanWatts

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My stupid story
« on: March 22, 2009, 08:17:30 PM »
First of all an enormous thank you to all the people on these forums. Not only the facts of transmission and testing from this area but also reading the stories of the POZ community leading full, long and happy lives after their diagnosis has done a lot to quell my anxiety to the point where I can at least function during 'the wait'.

I'm a self-identifying straight male who picked a bad time to explore his sexuality. My potential exposure came about six weeks ago while on holiday in SE Asia. It was my last night in the country and I received an email from my ex informing me that our divorce had gone through. To celebrate (or wallow) I went out and got drunk. Very drunk. At a club I met a dapper 40ish looking guy who later offered to give me a lift home. We ended up instead at his house. He gave me a drink and though i was definitely drunk enough already, after that I was a complete mess and my memories are very sketchy afterwards. I remember him putting on straight pornography, promising to call some girls to come over. There's a lot missing, maybe an hour or two. I have fragments of me giving him oral, him giving me oral, some frottage. I don't remember seeing any condoms,whether or not he came or i came, and I have no idea if I passed out for any length of time.

I've never had any experience either giving or receiving anal sex, so excuse me if this sounds ignorant, but is it possible for him to have penetrated me at some point during the night, even though the next day I didn't feel any soreness down there, no bleeding or anything like that? I have a some flashes of him trying to at some point but I can't be sure. I was drunk and he had a pretty small dick.

Anyway, it's been about 6 1/2 weeks since that night and I never saw or spoke to him again. A week ago I got a bad sore throat followed by diarrhea and other mild flu-like symptoms (I know, nothing specific, just enough to get my anxiety revved up) I'm now in China on business, in a country where hiv is highly stigmatized and even asking for a test (especially if you are a foreigner) can be enough to get yourself ostracized or fired. A positive test means possible detention followed by deportation. I tested negative 10 days (insurance test) but know that doesn't really mean anything.

I'm heading back to the US in about four months, but I'm not sure I can wait that long to get tested. Do my risks warrant breaking my contract? Does delaying have any repercussions on long term treatment if I do end up positive? I heard the earlier you start meds, the better your long-term prognosis.

Thanks again for any insight. I'm pretty far from home and have no support network here.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My stupid story
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2009, 10:05:03 PM »
You're definitely right that sex and drunkeness ought not to be mixed. Avoid doing that in the future.

Nothing you are reporting put you at risk for HIV transmission. Giving oral sex is only theoretically risky. In the real world of HIV we know that the real risks are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. It doesn't seem to me that you had either in this situation. As for getting oral, no guy has ever been confirmed to have been infected that way and I don't expect you to make history by becoming the first.

Your symptoms are not in any way HIV specific. If they persist you should discuss them with a doctor.

If you can let go of being concerned about what I think was a non-risk incident, then get tested at 13 weeks after it and collect what I certainly expect will be a negative result.

That's the deal.
Andy Velez

Offline AlanWatts

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  • Posts: 4
Re: My stupid story
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2009, 01:33:51 AM »
Thanks Andy, I appreciate your quick response to my question and will get tested at 13 weeks.

Perhaps this is the wrong forum and excuse me if it is, but if someone penetrated you anally while you were unconscious, for whatever reason, would you definitely know it the next day? I guess that's my only big  concern at this point.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My stupid story
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2009, 08:46:18 AM »
Yes, I would expect you to be aware that you'd been penetrated. Particularly if you were inexperienced with anal sex because you would almost certainly have a (very) sore anus.
Andy Velez

Offline AlanWatts

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Re: My stupid story
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2009, 07:25:50 AM »
Okay. I'll stop worrying about it and get my 13 week test for peace of mind.

Thanks again for your quick replies. This experience is giving me a good lesson in empathy - much love and respect to all the positive people out there!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My stupid story
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2009, 08:06:45 AM »
You're welcome. I do expect you will come out of this ok.


Andy Velez

Offline AlanWatts

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  • Posts: 4
Re: My stupid story
« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2009, 04:34:54 AM »
Hi Andy and all the mods,

Just wanted to follow up and let you know you were correct in your assessment and my 15 week test indeed came back negative.

Your no-nonsense approach and patience is very much appreciated. I used to consider myself well-informed on the subject of hiv, but I know I was not. I have several positive friends, and though I always embraced them I still felt a tinge of anxiety if we shared smokes or drinks, or kissed on the cheek, and especially if one of them had a cut or scrapes somewhere. That's gone now.

I'll try to fight the ignorance here whenever I can (I'm in Asia at the moment -- the amount of ignorance is astonishing. It is tragic what often happens here.)

Thanks again and keep up the good work.


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