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Author Topic: romantic disabilities  (Read 2448 times)

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Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
romantic disabilities
« on: July 26, 2008, 06:28:33 PM »
well hmm, not sure to go with this one  but wtf.

so i met another guy. trust me, i won't burden you with their names. as my friends have come to know it's pointless naming them until after the third date. then i just feel rather whorish correcting them (no, not angel, jose or dre). anyhow, i met some guy at group. he is totally awesome. like we connect on so many levels. he's good conversation, good to look at, poz like me, works. he's 2 years older and loves music and geeky stuff as much as i do (maybe a lil more).  so, we were talking after our first pseudo date (like till 1 in them morning parked somewhere) fingers all entwined and romantic and stuff.

then, like 3 days letter i get this ambiguous, its not you its me text (i know, i have seen the post it note episode of sex in the city and am soooo there). like, the previous text was all ill call you soon, had a great time. now, in dude's defense, he is just getting out of a massive 7 year relationship. he has some shit to sort out. when he gets done sorting it out im hoping there will be an opportunity for us to test the waters (and some other things).

i need some advice from you queens & hags. what am i supposed to do? i havent told my friends (3 dates rule) and this really sucks cause i like dude. i saw him at our group like 3 weeks and was hoping to meet him again. amazingly, i ran into him online and we hit it off. we had some phone conversations and made plans to do stuff.  we did stuff, then talked for hours and hit it off well. now what? am i to walk away cause he has break up issues to deal with? am i supposed to wait? can i just aggressively pursue this? uggh, any input would be useful. he just got out of this relationship 3/4 weeks ago,  is there some unwritten grace period? i don't want some other dude to come in and snatch him up cause i went about this all wrong.

your friend, reboundee in ca.

btw, the pics below were taken last week : ) -- hope everyone is doing well and enjoying there weekends.




midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,002
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2008, 08:26:48 PM »
Talking about Sex in the City didn't they say something about waiting one month for every year of the relationship? Since we're gay men I think we are suppose to divide that by seven, like dog years. ;) I think you need to let the guy set the pace. Let him know you are interested but don't come off as impatient or desperate. Hang out together, have fun, flirt. If you don't take it too seriously he may lighten up and come around.

BTW, you look great in the photos!


Offline next2u

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  • Posts: 1,761
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2008, 08:40:42 PM »
omg ford, thanks. you're the best. ive been wringing my hands about this and didnt know what direction to take. i got the text last night and was blown away. i know dude needs time and i have time. i just didn't know what to do next. like, i dont want to sound totally desperate but i want him to know i am very VERY interested. hmm, ill take you advice to heart. one month for every year divided by 7, that's a little over one month!!! haha, thats comedy. btw, u always look fab in your photos!!! dude, if this so works out you'll be getting a very gushy & warm thank you : )
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline redhotmuslbear

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  • Posts: 605
  • A genuine certified freak of nature, and a hot one
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2008, 09:31:21 PM »
Ya know, I am sick of hearing the stories many times a day from different sources about men with "break-up issues" having the audacity to manipulate the emotions and genitals of kind, warm single man or woman for what seems like their own thrills and need to be needed.  Skip giving the guy "space" and step up in his face to let him know how being with him has made you feel and that he needs to either check his moves until he's over his issues or face that relationships don't have a timetable.

If he has the compassion to apologize the face of such a response, you may have found a keep.  If not, move on to better things.

Best,
David
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2008, 09:39:07 PM »
When it's right, it's right. btw, the "sex and the city" rules are just mere suggestions.  I go by the "Two & a half men" rule for gay breakups.  Just wait five minutes, then go for it.  lol
« Last Edit: July 26, 2008, 09:45:30 PM by red_Dragon888 »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

ďNeither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline denb45

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  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2008, 09:45:33 PM »
omg ford, thanks. you're the best. ive been wringing my hands about this and didnt know what direction to take. i got the text last night and was blown away. i know dude needs time and i have time. i just didn't know what to do next. like, i dont want to sound totally desperate but i want him to know i am very VERY interested. hmm, ill take you advice to heart. one month for every year divided by 7, that's a little over one month!!! haha, thats comedy. btw, u always look fab in your photos!!! dude, if this so works out you'll be getting a very gushy & warm thank you : )

HE might be on the re-bound (so to speak) but if he keeps using that as an excuse, then, that's not a very good one, if he needs to fill a void during this period, and he's using you to do this, (I'm getting over someone, but you'll do untill then) that's just NOT accpectable, , Id confront him on this issue, (tell him just how you feel)  at least you'll know the truth  ??? if he can't seem to come clean to you about any of this, if he broke up with you via text message, and he isn't man enough to tell you this face to face, then maybe this person isn't the one for you
honesty is always the best policy  ;D
« Last Edit: July 26, 2008, 10:05:08 PM by denb45 »
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • Posts: 23,904
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2008, 09:47:53 PM »
Ya know, I am sick of hearing the stories many times a day from different sources about men with "break-up issues" having the audacity to manipulate the emotions and genitals of kind, warm single man or woman for what seems like their own thrills and need to be needed. 


Oh give me a break, rednot -- they had one date and held hands.  No need to get all cyber-verklempt.

::rolls eyes::
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #7 on: July 26, 2008, 10:17:16 PM »
in all honesty i want his ass now. ford's line of thinking mirrors my own and i want dude to process his emotions so he can get become better and make room for me. with that said i also appreciate redhotmusclebear's (damn your name is way hot, is there a pic to go with that mighty title?) comment and i do want to be aggressive and assertive. i think after our next meeting (tentatively scheduled for tuesday) ill give him the space he needs and let him know that 1) when he's ready ill be here but 2) i better be at the front of the line and no games. i will let him know how i feel (your ass makes me all warm fuzzy and mighty erect) and ask that he is honest with me. now, i dont want to scare him off. this is very new for me. ive been single over 10 years and damn it, i want a boyfriend. if i have to wait another month or two for a gem (who can at least be my friend during that time) then it is not a problem. if something else comes up, fine, ill pursue it - but in all honesty i was hoping he'd be the one that comes around.

thanks guys for all your input. the guy still has not responded to my text. i hope it will be an advance. btw, i am wearing my heart on my sleeve (and what the fuck does that mean?)

btw, philly, where is the luv bro? that one date left me all warm and fuzzy and last night was like hell. i had been hopeful for a while and i have been looking for a partner for months (years?). we started off of well then it all fell a part. in the back of my fucked up head i was comforted by the fact that at least this dude had the decency to text me, the rest just stop calling or disappear. i popped some pills (cause i was in a shitty spot) and went off to bed last night. this is a big deal to me. so was the last one (the neg guy who turned out to be all psycho - and yes, he stopped calling too). we may have only had one date, but it's a lot better than being on my hands in knees in some filthy bookstore hoping to find love or comfort through a glory hole. (but amazing sex can happen there, so don't get on my case fellow hoes).
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,362
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2008, 10:35:04 PM »
So, I haven't been out dating in many years, but...... 

I think you need to take a breath.  You are putting way too much pressure on yourself, him and this hoped for relationship.  Your intensity may do far more harm than good.  You've had a date, you think it went well -- try for a second date.  If he doesn't want a second one, then move on.  This thread just seems to show you projecting far more into one date than probably makes sense.  Now, perhaps you are showing far more of this here, but if someone came on this strong, it would likely scare the shit out of me.
If you go on a second date, enjoy the moment.  If there is a third, enjoy that -- but stop projecting a LTR with this man until you know each other better.  Even if this doesn't turn into anything long-term, it doesn't mean that you can't have some great times and wonderful memories.

Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2008, 10:49:09 PM »
bocker,

understood. thanks for the insight. hmm, it did start off well - i just hope it leads to better things. i hope i haven't put too much pressure on him. i am very critical of myself. 10 years of failed attempts kind of makes one wonder about themselves. each one another notch in the rejection head board. i guess i will have to see what happens and not put all my eggs in one basket. or maybe ill just turn straight (this option was more appealing when i was neg: ) ).

my intensity - i am def caught up in the moment. maybe i should go out and do something or someone : ). and he told me the date went well which only confirmed my feelings (i did not ask, he just told me). if he doesnt want t a second one, then ill be were im usually at -- wondering why i even bother. i am projecting a lot because i am hopeful, there are a lot of end possibilities, i just want at minimum a couple of months of happiness. im not even sure if i am ready for a monogamous relationship. i just don't want to wake up alone again (like this morning). and im sure i wouldn't scare the shit out of you - i dont call a lot, text obsessively, or ask who you were with or what you were doing. my heart & head are good for the most part. i don't like clingy people and i'm not clingy/ocd by nature. but, 10 years later, one has to wonder and there is a possibility you are right mr bocker. anyhow, hope your day went well and your weekend is a blast. 
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #10 on: July 26, 2008, 10:59:49 PM »
thank you everyone for your insight/comments. obviously i am making a mountain out of an molehill. i will put my energies and efforts into more promising romantic undertakings.
*note - i am not being facetious. i will be sure to have a strong cocktail with a friend tonight and let bygones be bygones. if anything comes from this one & only date ill be sure to thank you again for your efforts.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline komnaes

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  • Posts: 1,893
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2008, 12:15:11 AM »
I am sure you're posing your photos to tease us! ;D

I am with gymrat, flirt with him like crazy. Too few of us know how to flirt anymore.. I would appreciate some now too.

Hugs and have luck, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline Robert

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Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2008, 02:00:38 AM »
And I'm with Shawn and Ford.  CAll the guy up, go out for a drink and flirt and laugh and have a great time.  Keep it foot-loose and fancy-free.  YOu come on too strong and he'll back right off.  Turn on the charm and see what happens.

robt
..........

Offline Cliff

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Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2008, 02:20:19 AM »
I'm not sure I would bother.  With him coming out of a 7 year relationship, 3/4 weeks ago, he's likely going to want to play the field for a bit and/or get back together with his ex. 

I'm in the just be friends (take it easy) and see how things go camp.

Nice pics!

c

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2008, 08:02:09 AM »
Damn you're handsome. Are you bi as well? ;)

(a hag can dream, can't she?)

I'm with Cliff - try for the "we can be friends while you sort yourself out" route. You know - "come cry on my shoulder while I give your ass a sly squeeze".

Good luck!

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Lisa

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Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #15 on: July 27, 2008, 09:55:02 AM »
My evil twin (clif clif) said it right hon. I don't think you can carry all of this guy's baggage right now. Love the three date rule though. Flirt, and play hard to get if you must, but this child is going to have "issues" for a while......you don't want to get all wrapped up in that.
Besides, you have way too much else going for you......like Ann said, WOOF!  :P     ::)
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Iggy

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Re: romantic disabilities
« Reply #16 on: July 27, 2008, 10:59:41 AM »
then, like 3 days letter i get this ambiguous, its not you its me text (i know, i have seen the post it note episode of sex in the city and am soooo there). like, the previous text was all ill call you soon, had a great time. now, in dude's defense, he is just getting out of a massive 7 year relationship. he has some shit to sort out. when he gets done sorting it out im hoping there will be an opportunity for us to test the waters (and some other things).

Sounds like it really was him and he was just being upfront with you instead of playing a long game.  I kno0w that doesn't help much when you like a person, but I give him credit for not stringing this out into a lot of drama.

Going by your pics, I don't think you should have to worry too much about finding other interested parties.  You've very attractive!

 


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