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Author Topic: I Just Don't Know Anymore  (Read 3152 times)

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Offline mickey09

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  • Posts: 9
I Just Don't Know Anymore
« on: June 16, 2008, 04:19:51 AM »
My brain hurts from the non-stop thinking about maybe having this virus.  I gave unprotected oral sex to another guy.  I don't remember there being any cuts or anything in my mouth or on him.  I tested negative after 8 weeks.  I also don't recall having any ARS.  But in any case, I can't sleep anymore, and all I do is just spend all my time on the internet, looking up HIV.  Does anyone know what my chances are that I will be positive by 12 weeks?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2008, 04:32:22 AM »
You have good oral hygiene, you didn't have a risk. You test again, it will be negative.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2008, 08:11:44 AM »
Tell your brain to give it a rest. While we do hear from time to time anecdotal reports of infection through giving head, they never hold up under scientific scrutiny. On the other hand longterm studies of both gay and straight sero-discordant couples who have lots of unprotected mutual oral and only protected intercourse have resulted in not a single sero-negative partner having become HIV positive.

The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after a real exposure. Given that I don't even consider you to have been at risk and with your first negative at 8 weeks, I consider a negative at 13 weeks to be a slam dunk.

Get busy with other things now and the waiting time will pass much more easily than you may imagine possible.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline mickey09

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2008, 11:57:12 AM »
Yay! I just test Negative after 9 weeks!  Is this a good sign?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2008, 01:34:29 PM »
Is it a good sign? Did you read and really take in anything I said to you?

I wouldn't have even thought testing was necessary about this incident.

Andy Velez

Offline mickey09

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2008, 10:47:48 PM »
ok, so I need help.  Today I all most lost it.  I started to have panic attacks.  Everything around me feels like it's closeing in on me.  I know you guys keep telling me that I really diddn't have a risk, but I just can't seem to grasp it.  I don't have anyone to talk to about this, and it's killing me.  I kept telling myself that I have 24 days left, but I don't know if I can last that long.  Can anyone give me some words of in encouragement.  Has anyone never seen or heard of anyone turning positive after 9 weeks?  Thanks.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2008, 11:01:00 PM »
Mickey,

You don't have 24 days left because you're not going to test positive. You really are HIV negative.

I suspect that you may have guilt issues that are driving your fears in this case. I suggest that you consider getting some counselling from somebody qualified to help people with sexuality issues.

MtD

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2008, 08:00:13 AM »
I strongly second Matty's suggestion that you get some professional help. This is not an HIV situation no matter what your head is saying to the contrary.

We can't help you with that in this setting.
Andy Velez

Offline mickey09

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  • Posts: 9
Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2008, 02:02:56 AM »
Thank you, Andy, Rod and Matty.  It means alot to me that you guys care.  I started to talk to someone that can help me.   I guess I'm just really worried about the three weeks, even though you guys say I didn't have a risk.

Offline Bucko

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  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2008, 01:17:06 PM »
Thank you, Andy, Rod and Matty.  It means alot to me that you guys care.  I started to talk to someone that can help me.   I guess I'm just really worried about the three weeks, even though you guys say I didn't have a risk.

Mickey-
Glad you found the help. And oral's not risky not because we say so, it's because of the science.
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline mickey09

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #10 on: June 21, 2008, 01:17:18 AM »
Hey guys, ok , so it's 11:40 pm where I live and I can't sleep.  I haven't been able to sleep since May.  I hate this so much.  Online I've seen countless people like me, young and old, beating themselves up for a couple of minutes of pleasure.  As the days go by SLOWLY, I've tried not to look at myself in the mirror, because everytime I do I see something that might look like it's HIV related. You know what I mean, like looking inside my mouth to see if anything unusual is there, or checking to see if there's a weird mark on your body.  Every single little bodily function seems to scream out that you have it.  Another big problem is staying away from the internet.  After a couple of hours on the computer, I feel like I've already have HIV.  The worst part of it is , for me, is the waiting.  It's like trying to get to the finish line, but you have the world's heaviest cement blocks on your feet, and all you can do is just try your best to not pass out from the extreme weight.  I know that oral sex has a low risk, but still it's a risk all the same.  I promise that when I get my negative result on July fifth, I will protect it with my life.  I will never put my mind, body, and spirit though this again. Also I will volunteer at every AIDS event that I can get to.   I also promise that I will live life to the fullest.  Before this, I was the type of person who just stayed at home, and never really did anything.  I guess you can say that I was in a box.  I was tense all the time.  People told me that, but I never listened.  I'm starting to tear up now, as i realize that life is too short.  HIV or not, I am a CHANGED PERSON!  The tears coming down my face, prove it.  From now on, everyone that knows me will see something different in me.  They won't be able to put their finger on it, but they will notice at change.  A change for the better.

Offline mickey09

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #11 on: June 27, 2008, 07:31:23 PM »
Hi guys!  OK, so I've decided that I'm going to go test at the  12 week mark, and put this behind me.  I already tested negative after 10 weeks.  I'm tried about stressing over a low risk event.  I know that testing wasn't warrent here, but I've got to shut the little nagging voice in my head up.
Does this sound like a good idea?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #12 on: June 27, 2008, 07:37:56 PM »
You're stressing over a no risk event.

If getting tested at 12 weeks will help you get through this then do it. Personally I doubt it will. Like the others who have gone before you, you'll just start questioning that result too.

Fortunately our Moderators have options at their disposal to prevent you from questioning those results in this place. Whatever you decide to do is up to you. This has nothing to do with HIV because you are HIV negative.

Oh and don't send me PMs seeking advice. It's against our rules.

MtD

Offline mickey09

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #13 on: June 27, 2008, 07:42:13 PM »
sorry

Offline mickey09

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #14 on: July 05, 2008, 10:51:38 PM »
Andy, Matt, Rod!  Can anyone one talk to me?  I kinda feel in down, and really want to talk.  I know, you guys keep telling me I didn't have a risk.  but I'm testing on Tuesday, and I really need someone to talk to.  I feel like like after my 10 neg. I'm going to test positive.  I need some reassurance.

Offline RapidRod

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  • Posts: 15,280
Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #15 on: July 06, 2008, 02:42:18 AM »
There is nothing more to discuss. You haven't listened to a damn thing anyone has told you so far.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #16 on: July 06, 2008, 08:25:25 AM »
You've gotten informed responses here. Your forthcoming test is a slam dunk to be negative.

It's not our job to handhold you. And if you keep coming back here with more of the same you're going to get yourself a time out. Consider yourself warned.

Take your test, collect your negative result and get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline mickey09

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #17 on: July 12, 2008, 04:20:30 AM »
I'm sorry!  I don't want a time out.  I got my 12 negative! but, I'm having werid achs and pains, that are starting to worry me.  I've never had these kinds of pains before.  I swear I won't be needy anymore.  Im sorry andy, rod, matt, and bucko.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
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Re: I Just Don't Know Anymore
« Reply #18 on: July 12, 2008, 06:35:09 AM »
mickey,

You are hiv negative. Take your aches and pains to a doctor - they're nothing to do with an illness you don't have.

Ann
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