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Author Topic: whats wrong with me?  (Read 2810 times)

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Offline takashi

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
whats wrong with me?
« on: July 23, 2006, 07:22:38 PM »
Exposure: Unplanned Insertive Oral (male masseur)

worried, scared, paranoid, distressed, depressed for 5 months and then went for a blood test. Private doctor performed the test under a diff. name..came back negative for HIV 1. Thanks for your support for the last 3-4 months...which stopped me from going crazy. NOW, I am back to the starting line again!!!!!!!

I am tired all the time...a jittery (sp?) feeling.....like a rush of blood or a lack of sugar etc. SCARED that I am showing signs of HIV without having the antibodies (absolutely ridiculous - and Yes I agree) I am thinking what about HIV 2? (I am in the US) What about Hepatitis B or C? I can  not get this tired feeling out of my system, sleepy...don't have the energy. I can't take it anymore. I am numbed by the fear that I am infecting my family as well. I slept with my wife (with protection) and now I am worried I have infected her. I understand the science, I agree with what you are saying....but ....what about this being tired all the time...my legs feel like they are going to give up!

I thought this journey was over...I can not believe I am doubting my HIV 1 test....now worrying about HIV 2 and Hepatitis..Hopeless and ridiculous. I can not live like this. Why am I not excited about my test results...I got this numb feeling after the results came out. I see people get so excited about their results and move on...I am stuck in my own prison.

Hope Ann, Andy, Jonathan - you are all well.

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: whats wrong with me?
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2006, 07:54:22 PM »
<<Exposure: Unplanned Insertive Oral (male masseur)>>

Whatever your troubles, they absolutely are not HIV. ANY HIV. Of that you can be certain. I hope you and your doctor find out and treat whats wrong with you.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 24,913
Re: whats wrong with me?
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2006, 08:32:47 AM »
Tak, you were never at risk for HIV in t he situation you are concerned about.

You are HIV negative. Period. End of story.

Along with discussing with your doctor about what the possible causes of your symptoms maybe, I also suggest that you consider seeing a therapist or other such professional to get some support with the emotional aspects of your situation. Perhaps you are having some guilt about the experience. I don't know, but that often happens when someone is married and goes straying.

What I do know is that from what you have reported you have absolutely no basis for any concern about HIV.

Cheers, 
Andy Velez

Offline takashi

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
on the verge of a nervous breakdown...
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2006, 09:58:20 PM »
Ann and Guys...what should I do? 23 days after being intimate with my wife (with protection, checked and re-checked condom for holes etc post usage) now she is sick in bed. Headache, 101 fever and just tired. Is this ARS??? how can this be such a coincidence? 23 days and now she is showing all these symptoms. We did travel and currently in a foreign country...my feeling is she is just tired and picked up a bug somewhere...but I can not get the ARS thing out of my head.....what should I do???? I can not take it anymore...this is so stressful. I ...OK can accpet HIV, now if I infect her.. I have nothing else to do but kill myself. What a miserable situation....I didnt even solicit this encounter where this all started in Jan. I know you will say guilt, I can not give her something I dont have, condoms provide protection to HIV etc as a solution to this problem....but wierd things do happen - no? like the rash cream accident in Australia. I wish I could show you my heart...it is bleeding with remorse that I have done this to her!!  I can not take this anymore...what should I do?

Offline ScienceGuy25

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  • Posts: 120
Re: on the verge of a nervous breakdown...
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2006, 11:34:51 PM »
I know you will say guilt, I can not give her something I dont have, condoms provide protection to HIV etc as a solution to this problem....but wierd things do happen - no? like the rash cream accident in Australia. I wish I could show you my heart...it is bleeding with remorse that I have done this to her!!  I can not take this anymore...what should I do?

You've already been told you didn't have a risk with insertive oral sex.  On top of that you tested conclusively negative from a no-risk situation.  Do you have any idea how many other (much more common) afflictions could be causing your wive's symptoms? You have heard of that thing called influenza (flu) virus?

Your issue is not an HIV one and from your post, the only option for you is to seek the help of a mental health care professional.  Anxiety/depression are other real physical condition that often go untreated because people are ashamed to seek help.  Do your self a favor and find a professional to help you through these irrational thoughts.

Offline takashi

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Does Motrin work in ARS???
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2006, 11:10:42 AM »
I think it is not ARS...she is feeling fine after taking Motrin. I freaked when she kept talking about hands being cold and numb, shiver, stomach unrest and headache with 101 fever. She wont be able to sight-see if she was having ARS the same day - correct? She took Tylenol yesterday and the fever came back after 8 hours. In the meanttime we had gone to visit people etc and she was somewhat okay. Today she was bed-ridden and with those scary symptoms. In the afternoon she was fine after taking the Motrin and we went out to the shrines, cafes, florist etc for several hours. She didnt have any headaches except for the strange numb feeling in the hand. What do you guys think?

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: whats wrong with me?
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2006, 11:51:55 AM »
takashi,

You didn't have a risk of hiv infection. Not one person has ever become infected through getting a blowjob and you won't be the first. Whatever is going on with you and your wife has nothing to do with hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline takashi

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: whats wrong with me?
« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2006, 05:35:47 PM »
Thanks Ann. I have totally lost my logical thinking and ability to make rationale connections. This unsolicited straying event has ruined whatever I had. Thank you to the forum members for your patience and allowing me to stay sane (somewhat). What a miserable situation! I am emotionally drained....

Offline takashi

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
TB and HIV.
« Reply #8 on: November 11, 2006, 05:03:19 PM »
Am back again. Same exposure. Got tested at 6 mos and then last month. Initial exposure Jan 2006. All negative. My wife has to go to immigration next week for a TB test. I am so scared that I might have infected her and she will test +ve for TB.

Does TB show up in the initial year of HIV infection?

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
  • Posts: 24,913
Re: whats wrong with me?
« Reply #9 on: November 11, 2006, 05:52:14 PM »
Takashi, we deal with HIV here. You are HIV negative.

I don't understand why you are insisting you have passed along TB to her? Have you tested positive for TB? Or are you just by some twist of mind still clinging to the absolutely unfounded idea that you are HIV+ and this has somehow caused her to get TB?

I also don't understand how you are deciding she has TB. Is this more of you practicing medicine without a license and your mind simply going wild without any scientific basis? That's what it seems like to me.
Andy Velez

Offline takashi

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: whats wrong with me?
« Reply #10 on: November 11, 2006, 07:03:17 PM »
Thanks Andy. I like your comments that 'feelings are not facts' - but I have this doom and gloom feeling. I cant get over the HIV ghost. I feel somehow I have given it to my wife and kids. I was relieved yesterday when the lawyers told me yesterday - she only has to do TB test...not HIV and HPV etc. This morning I woke up -"oh no....what if she has HIV and shows up +ve for TB".

Just becasue one is HIV +ve doesnt mean he/she tests +ve for TB....correct? You will have to be exposed to TB - correct? I am losing my head!

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: whats wrong with me?
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2006, 07:06:51 AM »
Takashi,

Hiv (a virus) and TB (a bacteria) are two totally different illnesses. A person will only test positive for either if they are infected with that pathogen.

You do not have hiv, so you cannot have possibly infected your wife with hiv. If she is hiv positive, she didn't get it from you.

If you continue to experience feelings of gloom and doom, I suggest you get some counseling for yourself. This is an hiv website - we deal in hope here, not gloom and doom.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline takashi

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: whats wrong with me?
« Reply #12 on: November 12, 2006, 09:11:28 AM »
Thanks Ann and Andy (Jonathnan and all) ......HOPE, YES!!! This website gave me hope when I was back in Feb and survived the dark days being in touch with you all. Posting became almost a therapy. Thank you for giving us the hope - when everything seems to be lost. I keep telling myself that with a 6 mos and 11 mos -ve tests, I should let it go and move on with my life. But events like an immigration medical, my son having a stomach ache etc - takes me straight to HIV land.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: whats wrong with me?
« Reply #13 on: November 12, 2006, 09:17:48 AM »
Takashi,

Even if you were hiv positive (which you aren't), why should your son having a stomach ache make you worry about hiv? Hiv isn't transmitted through everyday, household contact. If you were positive (which you aren't), the only way you would infect your son is by having intercourse with him.

If you cannot let this go despite your conclusive negative results, I suggest you seek counseling. Seriously.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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