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Author Topic: SEX  (Read 4199 times)

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Offline what a life

  • Member
  • Posts: 31
SEX
« on: June 07, 2008, 10:25:39 PM »
I got HIV from my last girlfriend. We broke up and about a year later I found out. During that year I found a new girlfriend that I have been with we were aways careful and she is fine she has been tested two times both neg. We are very lucky. We love each other very much and planned to marry before we found out I was HIV+. I gave her every chance to back out. I even planned to tell her to get lost. She was not having it. She has been my rock during this tough time. For six months I could not  have sex I felt dirty and guilty. She has pushed the issues to have sex under very protect ways. I feel like I am playing Russian roulette with the person I love the most in this world. It scares the hell out of me. everytime we make love. I enjoy it but I don't enjoy it if you know what I mean. It is not getting easier in fact it is getting harder and I am feeling more and more guilty. I know she is an adult and she knows all the facts and dangers. Others have told me that is is a grown up who has a brain and the people who know her have nothing but great things to say about her. She is no dummy and I'm not some rich guy shes working. She loves me. All being said I love her "I would jump in front of a moving bus for her". So that is what makes this so hard. The pain and depression I feel for myself has me just holding on. What if? Is all I can think about. I have told her all this and we have seen some "professionals" about this. But in my heart I feel it is wrong.
So my question, How do all of you deal with this? How do I endanger the one I love?
Thank you for your time
I keep waiting to wake up from this dream. Why me? The past is history, Tomorrow is unknown and today is the present "a gift"

Offline megasept

  • Member
  • Posts: 478
  • Steven here...
Re: SEX
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2008, 03:29:38 AM »
Hi. You sound lucky to have her. Don't push her away. Get help for your depression and maybe a different sort of counseling for both of you. If you two are having unprotected intercourse then stop, even though consensual. If you're using a condom and the right lube, you are on the right track. Get the facts (read the Lessons here) on safe sexual activity for the both of you. My last partner is still negative, and I was positive more than 10 years before we met. Infection between serodiscordant partners is preventable, not inevitable.
 
8)  -megasept

« Last Edit: June 08, 2008, 03:31:16 AM by megasept »

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: SEX
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2008, 05:27:52 AM »
Hi WAL,

I see from another post that your VL is undetectable and that's good news in relation to what you're talkiing about. You have very little chance of passing your virus on to her when you're undetectable, so that combined with condoms makes for ... good sex!

Poz/neg couples wanting to have children are even doing it naturally these days - when the poz partner is on meds and undetectable for at least six months - with success all round. In other words, they're getting pregnant while the neg partner remains neg. Do a forum search on "Swiss study", as well as a site search, and you'll find more information.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them with confidence. There is also a female condom you might want to look into and try out.

How's your ITP issue going? Did you and your doctor get it resolved?

Good to hear from you again.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
Re: SEX
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2008, 01:05:41 PM »
condoms, sexplay, toys, foreplay, fun and lots of imagination -- ya know, the stuff dreams are made of.

but the guilt takes therapy and introspection. you are still capable of a healthy sexual relationship, just get yourself to a healthier happier spot. involve her in your progress. also, my aso has a magnetic couples/serodiscordant support group. maybe you could find one in your area.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline what a life

  • Member
  • Posts: 31
Re: SEX
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2008, 10:42:33 AM »
Thanks to all
I keep waiting to wake up from this dream. Why me? The past is history, Tomorrow is unknown and today is the present "a gift"

Offline Prestige

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: SEX
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2008, 05:55:32 AM »
Well ''what a life'' I am saying the same thing, I found out in a Hospital for birth help! Married for 4 years couldnot have a kid and when we tried a specialist klinik find out HIV, my wife neg GOD BLESS, after that EVERYTHING is different, condoms, stress, no oral sex, meds etch, etch
I dont have any good advice other than stick to your girl, without my wifes love and support I dont know where I would have been know.
take care

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: SEX
« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2008, 06:23:11 AM »
Hi Prestige

Welcome to the forum..maybe you could introduce yourself so we can get to know you better, just start a thread of your own, if you have any questions or need support of any kind the guy here are willing to help you.

Again welcome to the forum.

Hugs
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Prestige

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: SEX
« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2008, 06:47:33 AM »
U are wright
so male 36 possitive   CD4 150, VL 120,000 and on meds, married no kids, feel well

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: SEX
« Reply #8 on: June 15, 2008, 06:56:54 AM »
Hi Prestige

I have sent you a PM..if you look under your name on the left hand side you should see "New 1" in bold letters..just click on it.

Hugs
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Peter Staley

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,337
  • Founder & Advisory Editor, AIDSmeds.com
    • AIDSmeds.com
Re: SEX
« Reply #9 on: June 15, 2008, 08:12:47 AM »
Prestige -- welcome to our forums!  I'm glad you found us, and look forward to getting to know you here.

Peter Staley
Founder
AIDSmeds.com

Offline what a life

  • Member
  • Posts: 31
Re: SEX
« Reply #10 on: June 24, 2008, 08:57:24 PM »
My Itp is getting better. Still have some issues with it but it is getting better. Thanks for asking. Life is still hard but as most of you all have said I can make it better. I am seeing some professionals about this other then my ID doctor and it is helping. You find there is a whole person to work on and not a disease that defines me. Easier typed then done. It is getting better even as I write this and look back to a few months ago I can see how much I have grown. I wish I had more time to spend on this forum but I find work, doctors, girlfriend, and only using my home computer makes it tough. I will do my best to stay part of the group and not just jump in when I need something. I owe it to myself and to all. Thanks again WAL
I keep waiting to wake up from this dream. Why me? The past is history, Tomorrow is unknown and today is the present "a gift"

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,903
Re: SEX
« Reply #11 on: June 25, 2008, 09:12:18 AM »
WAL, glad to hear things are improving for you!
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Bryon

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Re: SEX
« Reply #12 on: July 01, 2008, 06:02:10 AM »
I am negative and my partner was positive. We were together for 13 years and it was the best years of our lives.
He died January 2008 of CANCER NOT OF AIDS.  Love her and allow her to love you just play it safe.
« Last Edit: July 01, 2008, 06:09:18 AM by Bryon »

Offline justakuntrygul

  • Member
  • Posts: 22
Re: SEX
« Reply #13 on: July 01, 2008, 04:26:52 PM »
Keep her by your side, but if you do feel guilty then you should stop. It's obvious that this girl knows what the risk are, but she is protecting you and herself from anything else right? Have fun.  You only have one life to live...Live it wisely. Don't give up on everything as far as love and sex go.  Seems to me that you have a good thing going on here.  To find a person that is openminded and would give up their world just to be a part of yours is truly amazing...

take care!

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,903
Re: SEX
« Reply #14 on: July 01, 2008, 07:00:44 PM »
Bryon, welcome to the forums.  Sorry to hear about the loss of your partner. 

I've had plenty of sex since becoming HIV+.  That shouldn't hinder one's sex life.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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