Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 31, 2014, 04:36:23 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 23350
  • Latest: Smasher
Stats
  • Total Posts: 636702
  • Total Topics: 48324
  • Online Today: 185
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 3
Guests: 107
Total: 110

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: The Super Dooper Funny Thread  (Read 38578 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #100 on: October 29, 2008, 02:29:28 AM »
I had expressed my concern to Mom that my IRA and Stock Portfolio might be wiped put pretty soon.

She sent me this:


FW: Stock Market
>   
>     Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or
> selling of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn
> you since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON.
> Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks:
> American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, Northern Tissue
> Company.
>   
>     Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight
> on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may
> be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today,
> and millions were wiped clean.
>   
>     It's a tough market out there. Be careful!
>   
>     A government big enough to give you everything you want,
>     is strong enough to take everything you have.
>                           ......Thomas Jefferson
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #101 on: November 19, 2008, 01:57:24 AM »
A bear and a rabbit are walking through the wood when they come across a golden frog.

They think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more amazed when it talks to them.

The golden frog admits that he is a magical frog, and doesn't meet other residents of the forest, but, when he does, he grants them three wishes each.

The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be female.


The frog grants this wish.

The rabbit, after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet and one appears, which he places on his head.

The bears is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish. He asks that all the bears in the neighboring forests be female as well.

The wish is fulfilled.

The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle. It appears before him and climbs on board and starts revving the engine.

The bear cannot believe it. He remarks to the rabbit that he has wasted two wishes. Then, shaking his head, he makes his final wish, "I wish that all the other bears in the world be female as well."

The frog replies that it has been done and they both turn to the rabbit for his last wish.

The rabbit thinks for a second, then revs up the engine and says, "I wish for the bear to be gay!" and promptly drives off as fast as he can.


"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #102 on: November 20, 2008, 01:00:35 AM »
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm, but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then trows the other end of the rope to the horse, and, driving the car forward, saves him from sinking.

a few days later...

The chicken and the horse are playing on the meadow again. This time, it's the chicken that falls into the mud hole.

The chicken yells to the horse to go get some help from the farmer.

The horse says, "I think I can stand over the hole."

He stands over the hole, stretches out, and says,
"Grab my thingie. Then pull yourself up to safety."

The chicken does just that, and is rescued.

The moral of the story:

If you are hung like a horse,
you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.



"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #103 on: November 21, 2008, 12:20:08 AM »
The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young naval student.

"What steps would you take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?"

"I'd throw out an anchor, sir."

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, sir."

"But what if a third storm sprang up forward?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, captain."

Just a minute, son. Where in the world are you getting all these anchors?"

"From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir."

"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,009
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #104 on: November 22, 2008, 11:25:09 PM »
A legal question:


     





Is this statutory rape???   

Or is it just a moosedemeanor.....



Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #105 on: November 23, 2008, 02:09:19 AM »
 :D A statue as a sex toy. ROFL Who woulda ever thunk it?  ;D
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #106 on: November 23, 2008, 02:17:00 AM »
Q: Why did the gay guy out a nicotene patch on his penis?

A: So it would limit him to 2 butts a day.


A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd, as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular attririon of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operated as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

This is why I always feel smarter after a few beers!

"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #107 on: November 23, 2008, 09:25:26 PM »
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years,
Reunited at a party.  After several drinks, one of the men had to use the
Restroom. Those who  remained talked about their kids.
 
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now
he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best
Friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
 
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and
Joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to
Become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company. He's so rich
 that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'
 
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
Universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
Company and is now a multimillionaire.  He also gave away something very
Nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot
Mansion.'
 
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from
The restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'
 
One of the three said:  'We were talking about the pride we feel for the
Successes of our sons. ....What about your son?' The fourth man replied:

 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'
 
The three friends said: 'What a shame...what a disappointment.'
 
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he
Received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand  new jet and a top
Of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends!!!!!!!!


Offline fearless

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,191
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #108 on: November 23, 2008, 11:33:44 PM »
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first
year schoolchildren, using a bowl of Fruit Loops, the cereal with the
hole in it.

He gave all the children the same kind of loop, one at a time, and
asked them to identify them by colour and flavour. The children began
to say:
'Red............cherry,' '

Yellow.........lemon,'

Green..........lime,

Orange ........orange.'

Finally the professor gave them all 'honey' loops.
 
 After eating them for a few moments none of the children could
identify the taste.

'Well,' he said 'I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may
sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and yelled:
'
 Oh My God!!!! They're ar$e-holes !!'
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #109 on: November 24, 2008, 03:14:26 AM »
Three girls worked in the same office with the same female boss.
Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.

One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was horrified to see her husband in bed with her boss!

Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

"No way," the blonde exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #110 on: November 24, 2008, 02:59:57 PM »
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline hivsweden

  • Member
  • Posts: 81
Blind man
« Reply #111 on: November 24, 2008, 05:29:56 PM »
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a
while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice,

"-Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman
next to him says,

"-Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are
blind, that you should know five things;

* One: The bartender is a blonde woman.

* Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

* Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

* Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. *
Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in
karate, and a very bad attitude.

Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says,

"-Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


Offline Rural_oz

  • Member
  • Posts: 47
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #112 on: November 24, 2008, 06:40:08 PM »
I would like to share with you one of the funniest and most wonderful clips I have seen in many years.

These guys have become something of "local heroes" here in Oz as they take tradition Indigenous dance to a whole new level!

please enjoy.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3RI7ET5m4w

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #113 on: November 25, 2008, 12:41:12 AM »
Redneck Birth Control

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a double-wide trailer.

So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him he and his wife didn't want any more kids. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

So he decided to get a second opinion, and sure enough, he was given the same instructions for a vasectomy as before.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5....", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,621
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #114 on: November 25, 2008, 11:39:46 AM »
One afternoon in Jerusalem, a group of towns people were chasing a murderer and they finally cornered him in a dead-end alley.  They all began to pick up rocks, as stoning was a fitting punishment for murder, when Jesus, suddenly appeared in their midst.  He said "Let he is without sin, cast the first stone".  Upon hearing this, one by one, the towns people dropped their stones.

When all of a sudden, a small woman makes her way, from the back of the crowd, picks up a large rock and hits the murderer in the head, killing him instantly.  At this, Jesus turns to the woman and says "You know mom, sometimes you really piss me off".

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #115 on: November 26, 2008, 12:37:32 AM »
A young guy from Texas moves to California and ges to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the day was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?', Kid says "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
"How much was the sale for?"
Kid says, "$101,237.64."
The boss says, " 101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"
Kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then, i sold him a larger fish hook.

Then, I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast.....
so I told him he was going to need a boat.

So we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Blazer.

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said,
"Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."

"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #116 on: November 27, 2008, 02:48:21 AM »
Good Lessons to Learn

Lesson No.1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

Crow said "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson No.2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but, I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull, "They're packed with nutrients"
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch.

He continued to eat more dung daily until after a week, he finally was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson No. 3

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the Boss. the brain said, "I should be the Boss because I control the body;s responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss because we carry the brain about and get him where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss.

So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss.....so the motion was passed.  ::)
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit.

Lesson:
You don't need to be a brain to be the Boss....just an asshole.

Lesson No. 4

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out.
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Lessons:
A) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy
B) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
C) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!




« Last Edit: November 27, 2008, 02:50:15 AM by rondrond »
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,009
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #117 on: November 30, 2008, 04:26:56 PM »
True story.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She
came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building
materials for his home. She read . 'and so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'
 
The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'
 
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the
Man would have said - 'Well, I'll be damned!! A talking pig!'
 
The teacher had to leave the room

Offline GregoryD

  • Member
  • Posts: 20
    • Link to my vacation videos and stuff!
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #118 on: November 30, 2008, 05:16:37 PM »
thanks for the laughs everyone!  :D
Recent Lab data
02/08/07 - CD4 556 - VL Undetectable
07/03/07 - CD4 526 - VL Undetectable
10/03/07 - CD4 580 - VL Undetectable
01/02/08 - CD4 576 - VL Undetectable
02/11/08 - Aneurysm Surgery
04/02/08 - CD4 541 - VL Undetectable - changed to Atripla
11/12/08 - CD4 742 - VL Undetectable

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #119 on: December 02, 2008, 04:17:28 AM »
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,009
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #120 on: December 03, 2008, 09:47:27 AM »
I saw this commercial when I turned out the lights to go to sleep last night and fell asleep chuckling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_aLHel3w20

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #121 on: December 03, 2008, 02:45:00 PM »
I got an email simular to this video. Pretty cool stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szLmAPW39uE

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #122 on: December 04, 2008, 10:19:38 AM »
A handsome dude named Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58PM.

 He   sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10:00 PM news was coming on.

The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll  jump?'

Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'

The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did

a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob,  saying,

'Fair's fair. Here 's your money.

Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM

news and so I knew he would jump.'

The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.' 

Bob took the money.

 
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #123 on: December 11, 2008, 10:36:45 AM »
Super Bowl XXXVIII Commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDaQSJd641k

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #124 on: December 11, 2008, 04:19:16 PM »
wowwww...  and for the holidays



[attachment deleted by admin]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #125 on: December 12, 2008, 11:40:41 AM »


     

    It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

    Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

    Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

    "But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

    Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

    Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

    Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

    "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

     

     
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #126 on: December 13, 2008, 12:05:46 PM »
Rofl Rond :D

Here's "light at the end of the tunnel"

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #127 on: December 13, 2008, 01:34:22 PM »
OMG Allo, I couldn't stop laughing....I've got tears in my eyes...

"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #128 on: December 13, 2008, 01:38:37 PM »
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #129 on: December 14, 2008, 11:08:00 PM »
Name That Christmas Carol!


 1. Bleached Yule
 2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
 3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
 4. Righteous Darkness
 5. Arrival Time2400 hrs - WeatherCloudless
 6. Loyal Followers Advance
 7. Far Off in a Feeder
 8. Array the Corridor
 9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad
11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for this Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals




Answers:
1.  White Christmas
2.  Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
3.  All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
4.  O Holy Night
5.  It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
6.  O Come, All Ye Faithful
7.  Away in a Manger
8.  Deck the Hall
9.  Little Drummer Boy
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
14. Let it Snow
15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain
16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer
17. What Child is This?
18. Joy to the World
19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
20. The Twelve Days of Christmas



Offline kajnjewel

  • Member
  • Posts: 71
  • Living Life with a Passion!
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #130 on: December 16, 2008, 12:07:26 AM »
WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE - LET ME!

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...

"They won't let me fart."
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced; live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world will cry and you will rejoice!

Offline kajnjewel

  • Member
  • Posts: 71
  • Living Life with a Passion!
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #131 on: December 16, 2008, 12:10:09 AM »
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
 
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because . WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING !

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced; live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world will cry and you will rejoice!

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #132 on: December 16, 2008, 01:17:36 PM »


   

Offline Denver Toad

  • Member
  • Posts: 160
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #133 on: December 17, 2008, 02:22:44 PM »
Unknown Reindeer

The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question - worth 500 points! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The contestant, a man in his early thirties, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" he said confidently, "and, ...Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (like the little sign above their heads said to do,) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'" "You know," the man circled his hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #134 on: December 18, 2008, 12:27:22 PM »




"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,009
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #135 on: December 19, 2008, 07:44:38 PM »
While suturing the cut on the hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation. Eventually the topic of Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from the presidency came up. The old rancher said, “Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle.” Not familiar with the term the doctor asked what a post turtle was. The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.” The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued: “You know she didn’t get up there by herself, she doesn’t belong up there, and you wonder what kind of dumbass put her up there to begin with.”

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #136 on: December 20, 2008, 12:07:35 AM »
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #137 on: December 20, 2008, 12:25:12 PM »
 Mexican Oysters

 

 A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming

 around in Mexico ..

 

 While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious

 looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look

 good, the smell was wonderful.

 

 He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

 

 The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are

 called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this

 morning. A delicacy!'

 

 The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'

 

 The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving

 per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you

 come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this

 delicacy.'

 

 The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that

 evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

 After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter

 and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than

 the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

 

 The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor...

 

 Sometimes the bull wins.'
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,009
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #138 on: December 21, 2008, 11:57:41 AM »
Flay him with your ear buds! Flay him I say!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZGIn9bpALo

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,918
  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #139 on: December 21, 2008, 07:37:55 PM »
Beat this!  That's my dog, Cheech, btw!  ;)    Take a look at this and have a good chuckle.  I almost peed myself the first time I used this website!  LMAO! 

COUNTRY ELVES:
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/cOnkXdVxWUNCw4xD8U6d

CHARLESTON ELVES:
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/shaUEEqO6hGoCEQLywGn

DISCO ELVES:
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/zTuw1V5YSbDCOu69sUm5

CLASSIC CHRISTMAS IN THE SNOW:
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/p6QaxureDCXSMtLnu05N
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #141 on: December 23, 2008, 11:05:59 PM »

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #142 on: December 24, 2008, 12:44:34 PM »
Holy night....




Holy Crap....

"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #143 on: December 25, 2008, 09:33:48 PM »
Merry Christmas everyone!



Crank That Santa Claus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNk5jfmaDoI&feature=related

Offline kajnjewel

  • Member
  • Posts: 71
  • Living Life with a Passion!
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #144 on: December 26, 2008, 09:43:01 PM »
After getting tired of meeting someone via the bar scene, a woman placed an ad in the local newspaper saying "Wanted: A Unigue Lover".  A few days went by and her doorbell rang.  When she opened her door and was a man with no arms and no legs. 

She said, "May I help you?"  He replied, "I am here in response to your ad for a unique lover."  She replied, "But Sir, you have no arms!"  He replied, "  It just means that I will never hit you."

She then said, But Sir, you have no legs!"  He replied, It just means that I will never walk out on you!"  She then asked, "Ok, what makes you think you ARE indeed a unique lover?"

His response was "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced; live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world will cry and you will rejoice!

Offline kajnjewel

  • Member
  • Posts: 71
  • Living Life with a Passion!
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #145 on: December 26, 2008, 09:45:11 PM »
                               WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE - LET ME!

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...

"They won't let me fart."
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced; live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world will cry and you will rejoice!

Offline Grasshopper

  • Member
  • Posts: 451
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #146 on: December 29, 2008, 09:42:27 AM »

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #147 on: January 01, 2009, 03:06:02 PM »
Two Large Plastic Garbage Bags

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large
Plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once
In a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20
Bills falling out of your bag."

"Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and
See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that
Money? "You didn't steal it, di d you?"

"Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right
Next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans
Come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand
Behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his
Thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes'.

"Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the
Way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", "not everybody pays".

Offline Roie

  • Member
  • Posts: 263
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #148 on: January 06, 2009, 02:41:15 PM »
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.                                             
Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her

private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor

whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough,

there was definite movement.

 

They went to her husband and explained what happened,

telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral sex'

will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical,

but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

 

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no

heart rate . The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?'

they cried.

 

The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'

 

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.

 

 
Cruise on down the High Way

"When people who are not ready jump in, things can go horribly wrong. For most of us, there is always time to take a deep breath, consider one's options and make a careful, sound decision based on clinical fact, not emotion."
MtD

Offline Roie

  • Member
  • Posts: 263
Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
« Reply #149 on: January 06, 2009, 02:42:19 PM »
And while we're on the subject of men.......

Dear Ted,

 I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
 husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
 halt.
>>
>> I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't
>> believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad
>> passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been
>> married
>> for twelve years.
>>
>> When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back
>> yard
>> and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her
>> unconscious.
>> He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR.
>> When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he
>> was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why
>> neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd
>> been  having an affair for the past six months.
>>
>> I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six
>> months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
>> worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum
>> he
>> has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him
>> anymore.
>>
>> Can you please help?
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> Susie Fox
>>
>>
>> Dear Susie,
>> A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
>> variety of faults. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel
>> line. If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum lines onto the
>> inlet manifold for air leaks. If none of these approaches solves the
>> problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low
>> delivery pressure to the carburettor.
>>
>>
Cruise on down the High Way

"When people who are not ready jump in, things can go horribly wrong. For most of us, there is always time to take a deep breath, consider one's options and make a careful, sound decision based on clinical fact, not emotion."
MtD

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.