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Author Topic: worried, please help  (Read 3175 times)

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Offline scaredguy2008

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worried, please help
« on: May 30, 2008, 11:54:49 AM »
hi,

i made a stupid mistake and slept with a prostitute in amsterdam.  oral and vaginal intercourse with a condom she supplied.  i didnt notice any split/break etc.

the only thing i am worried about is that she lubed herself up with her fingers-basically fingering herself(quite deep) and then put a condom on me.  im sure some of her fluid and i guess, worst case scenario, blood was on the inner side of the condom as she didnt wash her hands and put it on me straight away. 

can hiv be transmitted in this way?  i know it is "fragile" but surely getting the virus trapped inside a condom, and then having a penis constantly touching this fluid for about 10 minutes is a risk?  especially with it being a warm airtight environment?  afterwards the opening of my penis seemed much more red in colour than usual.  i also have a history of having small cuts on my foreskin.  ive also read this increases chances of infection?

i am also very very worried because since my return, i slept with my girlfriend and in exactly one week she developed a sore throat, fever, cough, aching, and a general feeling of unwell.  this lasted for 12 days and she is now fine.  after about a week and a half i developed a big ulcer on my tongue, and its still there(2 weeks later).  another has now appeared on the bottom of my tongue?!?  im obviously really worried as although i see you state symptoms are not a way of diagnosing hiv, it obviously seems a worrying coincidence and im really struggling to get it out of my mind.  i regret it all so much so pleas help.  i have certainly learnt my lesson but dont want it to be hugely costly to me but more importantly my girlfriend.

i would basically like the experts/doctors etc to give a risk assessment (and reasoning for opinions), as sometimes i see people on here struggle to understand the hows and whys to something that they think is a high risk.  im not a nutter, i just am so worried that somehow i have caught hiv from this episode and need someform of help before waiting over 2 months to test.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: worried, please help
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2008, 02:08:48 PM »
The bottom line in this situation is that you used a condom for intercourse. Way to go! They provide very effective protection against HIV transmission. And you would have known if the condom broke because it's not a subtle event. The condom ends up looking like a fringed hula hoop on your penis.

Nothing else you have reported from that incident is in any way a risk for HIV transmission. All that other stuff about your gf's symptoms subsequently and your tongue and all that is totally irrelevant. If either her or your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor(s). They have NOTHING to do with HIV.

Please read our lesson on Transmission. There's a link to it in the welcome thread which opens this section. The only thing you ever have to worry about sexually is unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse. The rest is all in the realm of theoretically risky but in the real world of HIV we know sexual transmission is about unprotected intercourse. Really.

Again and again I see that a guy who's strayed and gone to a pro gets all worked up about what he's scared he's caught and passing it on to a wife, gf or partner. Often it's about guilt and aanxiety and nothing about a real HIV risk. You are a dawg like a lot of us. Take a breath, accept you did what you did, let it go and get on with your life.

We do recommend that anyone who is sexually active do a full STD panel regularly -- at least once a year, as other STDs are much easier to acquire than HIV.

This time out you're good to go and no HIV testing is necessary.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline scaredguy2008

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  • Posts: 6
Re: worried, please help
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2008, 05:01:11 AM »
thank you so much for the reply.  very informative.  you are correct, i feel very anxious and guilty, but the reasoning for my real worry is my girlfriends symptoms as i know that if i had them, it could be mind over matter and stuff, but when your girlfriend is asking questions like "why hasnt this gone yet? (after 12 days, which seems very unusual-it went on day 13) and nobody was catching it off her, and she also didnt know where she picked it up, i began to panic, and still am to be honest.  any ideas?

so, even with this situation you would not even suggest getting a test at all?  you are that sure that there was no risk?   if so thats fine with me(!), i just dont want to regret it years from now.  its pretty much only the symptoms that is causing me to go through the whole incident again and again and again in my head.  and i know i shouldnt rely on symptoms to get worked up about it, but the fact is, the coincidence is very worrying indeed.  and ive never had such a problem with ulcers.

would you also mind telling me the reason why i was not viable to infection from this episode as i still cant understand how my situation wouldnt have been a risk?  could the condom have failed without splitting?

thanks for your time again and if you could help me some more on this it would be great.  and then i promise to leave you alone!  ive seen how these posts can go on and on but i can assure you i dont want it to go like that, i just need it straight in my head.

thanks,

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: worried, please help
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2008, 05:50:30 AM »
scared,


The fragility of the hiv virus comes into play when the fluid was outside her body and on her fingers. Not only that, but the infectious fluids on a woman are found deep inside the vagina. It's actually a thick mucus which covers and protects the cervix and she would not have had this on her fingers. The lubricating fluid a woman produces comes from two glands on either side of the vaginal opening and I've not found one shred of evidence that this fluid is infectious - it's more like sweat or tears which are NOT infectious.

Condoms are designed to fail noticably. They don't fail in an invisible way and you'd have known if yours failed.

If the sex worker you saw was one "behind the windows" in Amsterdam, it might help you to know that they are regulated by the government and are tested for all STIs regularly as a requirement of their contracts.

You did not have a risk for hiv infection.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline scaredguy2008

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: worried, please help
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2008, 03:35:26 PM »
thanks.

i cannot stop worrying about this though.  im paranoid that the condom wasnt of required standard, or i somehow got infected in another way.

the main problem is my girlfriend's symptoms are actually still present, after having seemed to have gone for a day or 2 after about 2 wks.  so she has a sore throat, swollen glands etc everyday, some days improving as the day goes on, most definitely worse in the morning and at night.  she has now had this and similar symptoms inc diarrhea, cough etc for just over 3 weeks now.  all i can think about (however low risk an event you tell me) is that i have infected her. 

i know you will probably only reply with short answers telling me im worrying needlessly, but can you please state the accuracy of these symptoms with possible ars?

and is it possible that ars symptoms can last this long?  and come on only 1 week after infection?  she went to doctors and they found no bacterial problem with a swab test.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: worried, please help
« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2008, 04:04:49 PM »
This forum does not discuss symptoms. HIV has no specific symptoms. You had protected sex so HIV is not a concern.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: worried, please help
« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2008, 05:42:35 PM »
Fortunately feelings aren't facts. And the science-based facts as far as HIV is concerned are that you did not have a risk for transmission.

We can't turn your mind off even though it keeps churning thoughts up that scare you. As I have said previously, from experience I would say the real issue here is guilt and anxiety about your having strayed from your relationship. If you can't let go of this concern then perhaps you see need to see a counselor or other professional to sort things out with.

This is not an HIV situation and we've done what we can do for you.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline scaredguy2008

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: worried, please help
« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2008, 04:47:57 PM »
i realise what it looks like but dont her symptoms suggest there could possibly have been some exposure as they are too much like ars for me to relax?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: worried, please help
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2008, 06:01:47 PM »
Seek professional mental help. You are out of the scope of help we can provide on this forum.

Offline scaredguy2008

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: worried, please help
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2008, 06:43:14 AM »
i realise i am worrying, but that seems a little strong?!  sorry if ive annoyed you but im not as educated in this as you guys and all im looking at is what happened and then the hugely suspectable symptoms that followed.

are you telling me nobody has ever caught hiv when an intact condom has been used?

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: worried, please help
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2008, 06:46:10 AM »
are you telling me nobody has ever caught hiv when an intact condom has been used?

scared,

Yes, that's exactly what we're telling you. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. You didn't have a risk.

Ann
« Last Edit: June 14, 2008, 06:49:21 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline scaredguy2008

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: worried, please help
« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2008, 07:00:38 AM »
thanks ann.  to cure my obvious anxiety and worrys i am going to test anyway.  at 6 weeks post incident, i see you state most people who will test positive will do so, although i do understand 3 months is only conclusive.  basically, does it matter what test i do or are you referring to any test when you state the 6 week stats?  there is a rapid 60 sec finger test available to me.  would this be ok?  i just need to get on with my life and after trying to block everything out and take your good advice, testing is the only option left and i really believe if i got a 6 week negative, it would be enough for me to move on.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: worried, please help
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2008, 07:03:42 AM »
scared,

Any antibody test will do, they all give the same results. Don't be surprised at your negative result after your NO RISK incident.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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