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Author Topic: Cunnilingus and HIV  (Read 7851 times)

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Offline mercy_chaplet

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Cunnilingus and HIV
« on: May 05, 2008, 04:33:08 PM »
Hello,
Ive ben reading these forums for the last two weeks.  To be honest, I would be a total nervous wreck if it werent for you guys.  In fact, I would have the symptoms of "anxiety" if it werent for this website.  I appreciate your straightforward talk, and brutal honesty. 

Ok, five nights ago, I had protected sex with a woman I met on a business trip.  She wasnt a prostitute and in her late 40's I would say.   Long story short, I went down on her. 

Afterwards, I checked my condom to see if there was any breakage.  Out of curiosty, how is this done?  I just filled it with water to see if there were any leaks.   Is this method OK?

As Ive said Ive read these forums and they have helped immensely, but two things stick out in my mind.

1)  I had a small canker sore inside my mouth
2)  She had like a birthmark, or something, that had pubic hair on it right above and to the right of her pubic area.

Today , I went out to get a comprehensive STD test. 

I have experienced no symptoms since that day.  Should I be worried about HIV?

Thank you all very much.



Offline Ann

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2008, 05:52:24 PM »
mercy,

No, you didn't have a risk for hiv infection. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection and going down on a woman is not a risk for infection, canker sore or no canker sore.

You don't need to check your condom out with water - a broken condom is VERY obvious. You would have known if it broke. Read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them with confidence.

The birthmark or whatever is meaningless as far as hiv goes.

You don't need to be concerned about hiv regarding this experience. Keep using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.


Ann

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mercy_chaplet

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2008, 08:42:21 AM »
Ann,

Thank you for your timely response.  I think Ive re-read your post about ten times! 

My brain tells me I dont have a risk for HIV, but I dont think Im the only one when I say that once you take the test , and see it in black and white, its only then that you finally feel relieved.   Your words are extremely comforting otherwise.   

Do you think this paranoia stems mostly from guilt?  I have a feeling it does in my case..

Do you think its a good idea not to even take the secondary HIV test 3 months from now?  Ive been tested 2 years ago and have been negative, and have used condoms since. 

In fact , when I got tested the first time , I engaged in risky behaviour with my girlfriends.  Oral, unprotected sex, the works.  Even two instances of an unprotected one night stand!  Completely crazy, I know, but Ive learned my lesson, and have since worn condoms. 

Also, for others who might be reading this.  I didnt wear condoms during my formative sexual years, 21-27 years old.  And the primary reason being that the condoms were EXTREMELY uncomfortable.  They would even chafe my penis, and squeeze the blood out making my penis soft.  I was in love twice! and engaged twice!  So, i didnt think it was necessary.  But guess what?  My condom size wasnt the right one!  Im not trying to gloat about the size of my penis.   I was just uneducated about condom use!   If I use the condoms I use now, sex would have been enjoyable and safe.  Sorry about the soapbox talk, but I really believe we need to educate young people about condom use.  How to use them, what size should fit you, etc.   I am now a firm believer in this, even if my conservative family doesnt believe it.

thanks for listening, I know its a rather boring post, but I feel that I can truly talk openly, and freely in these forums.  And i feel as if people are really listening to me.

thanks for work guys,

   


Offline Ann

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2008, 09:17:06 AM »
mercy,

A lot of people don't realise that condoms come in different sizes. I'm glad you discovered otherwise. To further put your mind at rest concerning oral...

Hiv transmission doesn't stand a chance of happening via female genitals to mouth - there are just too many obstacles on the oral route.

The first obstacle is the mouth itself. The mouth is a veritable fortress, standing against all sorts of pathogens we come into contact with every minute of our lives. It's a very hostile environment and saliva has been shown to contain over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv.

Hiv is a very fragile virus - literally. Its outer surface doesn't take kindly to changes in its preferred environment; slight changes in temperature, moisture content and pH levels all damage the outer surface. Importantly, it needs this outer surface to be intact before it can latch onto a few, very specific cell types and infect. 

Which leads to the second obstacle. Hiv can only latch onto certain types of cells, cells which are not found in abundance in the mouth.

The third obstacle to transmission this way is having hiv present in the first place. The female secretion where hiv has been shown to be present is the cervicovaginal fluid. This fluid is actually a thick mucus that covers and protects the cervix.

The fluid a woman produces when sexually excited comes from the Bartholin's glands, located on either side of the vaginal opening. I have yet to discover one shred of evidence (and believe me, I've looked) that shows this lubricating fluid to have any more hiv present than other bodily secretions such as saliva, sweat or tears. Saliva, sweat and tears are NOT infectious fluids.

So there you have it. Once the results of the serodiscordant studies started rolling in, what we know about hiv transmission on the cellular level was validated. The only people who were getting infected were those who had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. Period. One of the three studies went on for ten years and involved hundreds of couples. That's a lot of nookie.

As you've recently tested for hiv (I'm assuming it was included in your "comprehensive STD test")and so you won't need further testing at this time. Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs, so you can wait until next year for your next routine check-up.

As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Keep using those condoms and you'll be fine where hiv is concerned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mercy_chaplet

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2008, 09:50:42 AM »
Thanks again Ann,

I will get the results tomorrow or the next day, and let you know the results.


Offline mercy_chaplet

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2008, 03:21:26 PM »
Got my results today.  All negative.

I dont think I will even test for HIV in three months.  For a lot of us who have ODC, it is really not healthy.  Unless you want to go on a crash diet and lose some weight worrying.   

I appreciate this forum, and for your time. 

Just an afterthought about the whole episode and sex in general..

Sex is simply not fun anymore in this day and age.    I experienced a beautiful night with a beautiful person.  After getting a no-reply to my query about her STD status, it has completely soured the moment and our relationship.. 

Call it OCD, depression, anxiety, the media!, i dont know, but fear and ignorance are the real killers...

well, my prayers go out to you guys who run this forum, and for everyone reading this here..

Thanks again

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2008, 04:26:45 PM »
mercy,

You're hiv negative and you do not need further testing until it's time for your next routine sexual health check-up.

An
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mercy_chaplet

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  • Posts: 10
Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #7 on: May 09, 2008, 03:11:18 PM »
Will do Ann, thanks again.

I dont know where i can post this, so Ill just stick it in my own thread.

After reading some of the posts in the other forums on this site,my heart really went out to the people who gave their heart to their partner and taking them at their word about their HIV status.

And then I thought, wouldnt it be great if there was testing equipment you can take with you on a date.  Like a home testing kit, but portable, effective, and relatively quick with a result.  Not to mention for the guys who visit prostitutes.  It would keep the experience worry free.

Apart from home testing kits, can this be a reality in 10 years time?     

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #8 on: May 09, 2008, 03:50:31 PM »
And then I thought, wouldnt it be great if there was testing equipment you can take with you on a date.  Like a home testing kit, but portable, effective, and relatively quick with a result.  Not to mention for the guys who visit prostitutes.  It would keep the experience worry free.



Mercy,

Bad idea. What if one of these testing kits give a false positive? They do happen, you know. And what if this person who finds out they're possibly hiv positive during a date goes off and commits suicide because they weren't informed in a controlled, supportive setting? Bad idea!

I've got a better idea; use condoms until you're in a relationship where there is the level of intimacy where going together for a test is possible.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mercy_chaplet

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  • Posts: 10
Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #9 on: May 09, 2008, 04:04:59 PM »
You make very good points Ann.  I thought about the same thing. 

Thats why I posted maybe in 10 years the technology would have improved so dramatically not to give a false positive.  However, , if someone found out they were positive after a night of drinking or what have you, it could lead to bad snap decisions, I agree.

But, the HIV infection rates seem to be on the rise globally, even with all of the education out there.  Its almost as if we put on blinders in the heat of passion.  Can you imagine what it would be like where testing for HIV can be as simple and precautionary as wearing a condom?   Like brushing your teeth in the morning..   The whole culture of testing would become commonplace and not stigmatic..

I dont know if its a law yet, but in New Jersey they want to test every new born baby for HIV, and every child under 13.  I think thats a great idea!

Anyway, just some thoughts...

Offline mercy_chaplet

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  • Posts: 10
Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #10 on: July 01, 2008, 08:15:55 AM »
Hi folks, 
its me again, and back with another experience. 

I receieved a blow job last night from a divorced woman, and i didnt even ejaculate, because i just felt uncomfortable after my last experience.   I couldnt sleep, thinking that i have infected myself.  And ive read and re-read this site a million times that fellatio doesnt pose a risk!  why do i think i am infected?!  what the heck is wrong with me?!

my apologies for being such a worry wart...

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #11 on: July 01, 2008, 08:36:07 AM »
In the entire history of the epidemic no guy has ever been infected through getting a blowjob. Not one confirmed case of transmission in that manner!

It's safe to say you aren't going to make history by becoming the first such.

You're worrying needlessly. Get on with your life.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline mercy_chaplet

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #12 on: July 01, 2008, 08:58:38 AM »
Thank you Andy,

feeling better already.   :)


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #13 on: July 01, 2008, 09:30:05 AM »
Good. Glad you found that exchange helpful.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline mercy_chaplet

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #14 on: September 15, 2009, 12:12:08 PM »
Hi Guys,

I finally remembered my password to get back onto these forums.   :)

Ive been browsing the forums however the last few weeks or so.  

And something that has been niggling at me for a couple of years finally came out into the forefront.   My apologies if this should be a new topic , but its relevant to my experiences that I posted here in this thread.  

About... 5 or 6 years ago, I had unprotected sex with a girl I had met in the city.  (NY that is).  The experience was a one night stand.  Now Ive had them before, but emotionally, it left me feeling empty.  And gradually, I started to develop feelings of guilt after the encounter, and for some reason an awareness of the high level of promiscuity in society.  (Im no one to judge anybody, I am far from being angelic).  So, I started to take account of my life, and my behaviour, and was in all honestly, in shock with myself.  I had practiced a lot of unsafe sex.

For the first time in my life, I felt as if I definitely had contracted HIV along the way, and was about to face my own mortality.   Subsequently, I had a mental melt-down.    I couldnt even test for months, and lost about 15-20 pounds from worry, and prayed every moment to God for forgiveness.  I didnt want to know the result!  After reading the "Am I infected" sub-topic, I realise most have felt the same way.   And in many ways, I feel ashamed to the way I acted, after finally testing , and having the results come back negative.

Where am I going with all this, you may ask?  

Ever since then I have practiced safe sex.  Suffice it to say, the experience in itself was traumatic.  Its something I wont recover from.  I "might" have PTSD.  Guys, I just want to apologise for this post right now before I go any further.   I know my issues are minimal compared to others suffering.  I feel foolish even writing this, but I cant even tell the people I am closest to, only the good people here at poz.com.  

After reading about PTSD, every symptom is right on the money with the way I feel after this incident.  Which brings me to another point.  I believe I am a sex addict.   I know some are laughing right now, and thinking, "youre a guy, were all horny".   I would be laughing too if I didnt educate myself on the topic otherwise.   Yes, I may not be!  But I reall really love having sex.  It is who I am!   and now I feel I cannot move on from this incident , and not be the person that I am!  

Again, I know issues are more mental, and I really am sorry about this post.  I just had these thoughts inside of me, and didnt know where to manifest them....

Are there others like me out there?   Is there any negative folks out there on these forums who have become "paranoid" about sex after their HIV-related worries?  Do you think its wrong to request someone get an STD panel before being intimate?   are there resources on the web, apart from therapists, that may help me?

Am I way too neurotic?!?

Thanks guys
« Last Edit: September 15, 2009, 12:20:32 PM by mercy_chaplet »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #15 on: September 15, 2009, 12:18:24 PM »
If you can seem to get over a no risk issue seek professional mental help as to why.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #16 on: September 15, 2009, 04:48:20 PM »
One of my guiding principles in life is KEEP IT SIMPLE.

As long as you consistently use condoms everytime for vaginal and anal intercourse you will be well protected as far as HIV is concerned. Other STDs are easier to acquire, so if you are sexually active it's a good idea to regularly have a full STD panel done. That means at least annually.

You raise the issue of sexual addiction. I can't say a lot about that. You have to consider if your sexuality activities make your life unmanageable. That's one measure of such adddiction. You can also check out any of the various sex-related 12 step programs. They seem to have been useful for many people, both gay and straight.

Life is too short at its best to miss out on enjoying your sexuality so look into it if you need some support.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline mercy_chaplet

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2010, 10:14:08 AM »
So,
I met a woman a few months ago at the airport.  Long story short.  She is married, and weve developed a relationship.  We will take it to the next level when we see each other.   I will wear a condom 100%.  However, I asked her to get tested before anything happens between us.  The doctors took six tubes of blood today for HIV , and other STD's.    She was happy to do it, and thought it made sense.  For the sake of doing it "together" I will also get tested next week.

She insists she always wears condoms with her husband.

have i gone too far in asking people to get tested first?  plus, does it really matter?

i think a therapist is the next appointment i should make!   :-[

Offline Ann

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Re: Cunnilingus and HIV
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2010, 10:30:13 AM »
Mercy,

As long as you use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, it does not matter what the other person's hiv status is.

You need to realise that there is a window period for hiv testing and her test will only accurately tell you what her hiv status was three month ago.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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