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First time on blog - 5 days converted


I just found out that I seroconverted last week, just after my 40th birthday and I am having a hard time not feeling tainted and unwanted. 
I told two of my closest friends and they've been very supportive, then I told my sister and brother-in-law this weekend and they both showed such anger and negative outlook about the up-coming response from the rest of the family that I am scared to say anything.  I wasn't going to worry my parents over this until I got my head around it, but I needed to tell my sister who is so close to me - I needed her support.  Now I feel all I got was demands that I tell everyone since it's irresponsible not to do so.  (So everyone will be able to wipe down the toilet seat when I go - actual example - or foretelling that my born-again brother will forbid me from touching or even seeing his kids again.)
Not exactly the response I was hoping for - I know they were in shock too and that they are angry for what they see as self-destructive behavior, but I can't go thru that reaction with all the close friends and immediate family whose support I wanted and whom I planned to tell.
Any suggestions.
Per una Selva Oscura (In a Dark Wood)

Dear Selva,

Well, first let me welcome you to the forums.

Wow.  That's a lot of information for you to be handed so early on in diagnosis.  But, you can never predict how people will act (or react) when you tell them.   I told my parents right away (albeit involved me calling them from a treatment center).  My mum though, was a very proactive type person.  She called an immunologist and talked to him at length about what can and cannot be done (washing silverware seperately etc).  Unfortunately, some people take panic as a general route to everything they hear out of the ordinary.  You know your parents best, and should be the one to decide when to tell them.  You might want to be armed with some medical information to put down any fears they may have (maybe also for your born-again brother). 

Just know that being diagnosed today is no longer a death-sentence like it was years ago.  There are better treatments, support etc.  I would suggest that you find your local ASO (Aids Service Organization).  They will be able to walk you through this initial phase.  And they also might be able to suggest a good therapist/support group, should need be. 

Good luck and I hope to hear more from you.


very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I think Betty has given a great response here to you. In time things will get better. If you don't have to do something right now wait. I know some things may feel urgent but you will be here for a long time. Hope you continue to post and keep everyone updated.

Thanks for the input.  Maybe I am rushing things before I have my own head around it.  I'm still having tests done to find out where my Tcells and VL are at so probably I should wait til I have more facts and am stronger to speak this out to family who might not take it well out of fear for me.
I appreciate your responses.

Hi, well... i think i know a bit of how you feel... when i was diagnosed it was hard to decide wether tell everyone or nobody. Although i think you did it right telling someone, diagnosis is a heavy weight to carry alone. What i did was to tell those i disclosed who else knew about me... so they could interact and offer support, hiv is a heavy weight over one single person, and even relatives need support network. Another thing is not just disclosing, but offering information... perhaps yous sister can come over here and find some info and support.

I think... it is better to keep things simple, just do what you feels right to do... it helps to addapt to this new reality, whatever people say after you disclose it is not your problem, it is theirs. Don't feel pushed to do anything to please anyone... when people push me i always tell them: This is my life, my virus, my problem and i am the only one to decide what i will or won't do.

The less we need while learning how to feel comfortable with this is to be in the middle of other situations that increase the stress level we are facing, so... take your time and relax. You have lot of years yet to decide about disclosure.

Juan Carlos


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