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Author Topic: Giving up on dating or l cannot win  (Read 3852 times)

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Offline bluelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 178
Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« on: April 24, 2008, 05:15:31 PM »
I know you ladies have dating threads going.But l need to vent and not have it get lost.I met a non poz guy through friends seven months ago.Unlike before l did disclose right away ok he found out last night.The reason l did not tell him right way was because for once l wanted him to see me know me not the HIV right away.

He has been wanting to go deeper ie sex and l was putting it off.Last night l cooked him dinner and then sat him down and told him.

His reaction was "I wasted seven months on you."

He then left l doubt l will hear from him again.

I give up l have looked for poz guys in my area they are either hiding or fucked up the ones l have met.Or l have had the odd one you that wants the model and l don't fit the mode.How do you ladies keep so up beat through it all?

Because l am giving up hope that their is a nice normal guy out there for me.

Offline appleboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 344
  • Just me!
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2008, 05:28:14 PM »
Removed because admins said I could not post here.  Sorry for doing it.
« Last Edit: April 24, 2008, 06:36:18 PM by appleboy »
If you are walking down the street and your pants drop to your ankles bend over pick them up and keep on walking!
My Blog

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2008, 05:42:33 PM »
Blue--

Please believe you are not alone and that guy was a real ass. If it was me, I prolly would've clocked his ass with something.. :D I feel the same way as you, like me and my gay friends are the only poz people in town. Check out my blog, girl, we are on the same page. You can click the link below that says "The Royal Blog". Not to toot my own horn but I think it is a good read and we may have more in common than you know.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Winiroo

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  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
    • http://winiroo.synthasite.com/
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2008, 05:50:37 PM »
Had to scroll up and make sure I was on the positive women's thread. Yep ...

Sorry thing aren't working out in the love department for you blue. I was surprised to read you had gone 7 months dating without sex. I would never be able to pull that off.

Maybe next time you shouldn't wait so long before telling your status?

When I was dating it always seemed like no one interesting was available who lived closer than 300 miles away. You just gotta keep putting yourself out there I suppose. You cant find someone if you aren't looking. Either that or you quit looking completely and they all come out of the woodwork. Seems like I met more interesting men when I wasn't available LOL
I was active in online chats, forums and local social groups for HIV positive people. I met quite a few people. Not all of which where my type.


http://cmd.shutterfly.com/commands/pictures/slideshow?site=winiroo&page=winiroo&album=21
“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” Margaret Thatcher

BeTheLove

  • Guest
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2008, 05:50:59 PM »
High Fives to Apple Boy!  I agree.

BeTheLove

  • Guest
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2008, 05:55:25 PM »
Also,
Any guy who responds as your guy of 7-months did is undoubtedly without a shread of compassion, courage, and a few other things I can't quite put into words.  My guess is he's be one selfish lay on top of it all.  You proabably saved yourself some bigger disappointments in the bed room my dear.

Offline BubbaPat

  • Member
  • Posts: 49
  • Bubba hugs!!!
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2008, 06:01:27 PM »
Hey Blue....

Don't give up, in fact... NEVER give up.

7 months was not wasted.  He found someone that could be with him even if he was an idiot and you found that you can go without sex for 7 months.  GIRL!!!  You have my nomination for saint hood and YES... you should have clocked him going out the door.

I see people trying to find others "without baggage" and find it laughable.  WE ALL HAVE BAGGAGE!!!  Its just a matter of finding someone with a matching yet complimentary set.  You'll find your set.  Don't worry.

bubba hugs,
Patrick
Bubba hugs!
Patrick

Offline bluelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 178
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2008, 06:16:37 PM »
I agree with you all.Yep looking at it now l should have hit him with my frying pan that l cooked his dinner in.

I guess l am still learning about this whole discloser thing tell them right away don't them right away no happy middle road.

And no sainthood people umm toys were made for a reason l cannot believe l am about to post that comment...LOL

Offline Snowangel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,413
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2008, 06:19:50 PM »
Blue,
Sorry you had to deal with that ass but I agree with everyone else, both when they said it is his loss, not yours and that he is a shallow fuck.  You deserve so much better and you will find one day when you least expect it.
I give you props for waiting 7 months too ;D
Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Online Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 27,949
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2008, 06:26:57 PM »
What the heck is going on here? Not one, but two MEN posting in the WOMEN'S forum?

Guys, please read this forum's Welcome thread. Please do NOT post in this forum again. No, not even to apologise for posting in the first place.

Thank you for your cooperation guys.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,949
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2008, 06:29:18 PM »
Blue,

It sounds to me like you had a lucky escape. It sucks, but at least you found out how callous he could be.

Men! I'm ready to give up on them too, positive, negative, whatever.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,639
  • Diagnosed + 1989
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2008, 06:45:25 PM »
Well Blue, it's hard to find someone isn't it.  I'm woman-exclusive when it comes to relationships.  Since being diagnosed poz, I've had two relationships with HIV- men.  They both knew I was HIV+ and they both ended in disaster. 

As for the man who said he wasted 7 months, well I would've told him "no, it was I who wasted the time."  But, you found out what an ass-hole he was.  And I'm not convinced that meeting someone who is HIV+ would make your luck any better.  I'm not saying to give up trying if you really want a relationship.  It just seems hard to come by these days.

I agree with you about the "toys."  I indulge regularly with my vibrator and a couple free porn sites on the computer.  Hey, we gotta do what we gotta do.  Good luck.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

tendai

  • Guest
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #12 on: April 25, 2008, 08:16:37 AM »
Blue - that guy is an a**hole and u're well rid of him. dont let it cloud your opinion on all men, there are nice guys out there u just havent met the right one yet.  theres ladies here who are married, engaged or going out  some with  poz men some with  neggies. your man will come to you soon enough, maybe even when u least expect it.

p.s i dont think i could last 7 months like u did!

Offline germangirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 67
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #13 on: April 25, 2008, 04:12:31 PM »
Tell him that he didn't waste time, that you have waisted your time with him. ;D

What a asshole.

Finding the right guy is always difficult even if you are HIV-.

I have many friends who always get assholes and find out after a few months. They are HIV-.

Don't give up, here in Germany we have an adage that says: Every jar has its cap.

So go on looking for your cap.

One of my friends has found her cap now after years of dissapointment.
Eres el aire que respiro,
Eres el compania de mi soledad,
Eres el luz que me ilumina,
Eres el camino en la oseuidad.
Dedicated to my husband

My husband is positive, I am negative.

Offline seekay70

  • Member
  • Posts: 40
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #14 on: April 29, 2008, 07:51:30 PM »
Ok I am gonna give my 2 cents.  that guy was a total ass.  As far as going 7 months without sex....well at least ya know ya can do it, just think when you do get some....its like being a virgin all over again.   Do NOT give up on the whole relationship thing, I was infected by my husband, found out 3 years ago, that was the final straw in our relationship.  I have 3 beautiful, healthy, negative children from my marriage.  I am currently going through a divorce, came back home, ran across a man I met 20 years ago when he was 14 and I was 17.  We talked a month or so before I disclosed to him.  I told him that I had a lot of baggage and it would probably change how he felt about me.  When he asked me what the baggage was, I straight up told him and then told him the ball was in his court, he could either dribble or pass.  He told me he was aware of the risks and that he was not scared,we have been together for 4 months.  The sex is amazing, the companionship is priceless.  We have many more aspects of our relationship that you can read in one of my other posts, that make him an amazing person.  My point is that I thought he would turn tail and run, I was straight up with him before I let myself get so involved that I knew I would end up being hurt or angry.  I was not looking for him when I found him and I know he is my soulmate, and he to this day does not regret the choice he made just as I do not regret telling him first off.  You will find the one you are looking for, just give it time and be straight up from the get go, that way your heart and spirit does not get damaged in the process.

Sherry

Offline netta

  • Member
  • Posts: 396
Re: Giving up on dating or l cannot win
« Reply #15 on: April 30, 2008, 06:36:20 PM »
Blue, Welcome to the club! I'm in the same boat.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2008, 06:38:29 PM by netta »
"to thine own self be true"

 


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