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Author Topic: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!  (Read 6430 times)

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Offline ScottJay

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Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« on: April 20, 2008, 01:58:59 PM »
I made a post the other day telling everyone to be uplifted.

Today I am down in the dumps. I got my bloods back. t-cells 555, vl undetectable, cd4% 20. The percentage has me bummed! and I feel like crap. I am just coming off of the flu and a sore throat, and didnt even want to get my bloods taken while sick, but I had to as my doctor's schedule is tight.

I dont know where my life is going. I am sick of being sick. If only I had the strength to achieve my dreams. Also, I just turned 40. Maybe that has something to do with it as well. I have been infected since 30, and I feel like I lost a lot of years due to being in shock for a few years.
« Last Edit: April 20, 2008, 09:59:42 PM by ScottJay »

Offline dgr20002

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up. How ironic
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2008, 02:10:57 PM »
Hey Scott,

I think it is mostly to do with you turning 40. We all have days like this. They come and go and there will be better days ahead. CD4 and % flucuate but your numbers are't bad at all. As far as your dreams I have nothing to offer there but I believe you can achieve what you want if you have the will to do it. I too spent a lot of years in shock and denial and found out when I was 25. I am 46 now, single and pretty much happy. I have a job and a place to live a few friends and 2 great pets. A good BF would be nice but I don't hold my breath.


Just take a day at a time and anytime you need some support we are here forr you.

David

Offline ScottJay

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thanks
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2008, 02:29:21 PM »
Its just that sometimes I think my hiv negative wife would be better off without me. I feel like giving up. Even though my numbers are good I feel tired all the time, and really take care of myself. I dont know why my percentage is so low and it really really bothers me. I just feel tired and beat up, and have had a sinus issue for over 2 years. Its exhausting. I am really considering giving up. If there were a guaranteed no suffering way of killing myself, I just might consider it. I am just tired

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up. Suicidal
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2008, 02:38:28 PM »
I made a post the other day telling everyone to be uplifted.

Today I am down in the dumps. I got my bloods back. t-cells 555, vl undetectable, cd4% 20. The percentage has me bummed! and I feel like crap. I am just coming off of the flu and a sore throat, and didnt even want to get my bloods taken while sick, but I had to as my doctor's schedule is tight.

I dont know where my life is going. I am sick of being sick. If only I had the strength to achieve my dreams. Also, I just turned 40. Maybe that has something to do with it as well. I have been infected since 30, and I feel like I lost a lot of years due to being in shock for a few years. Now I dont what I am going to do. No pension, no career, only 2 years of college.  this sucks.

If you're having suicidal thoughts it might be time to contact a professional.

Offline dgr20002

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up. Suicidal
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2008, 02:39:14 PM »
Your wife would not be better off nor would the rest of your family. Talk to your DR. Make the earliest appointment you can get. Some HIV meds really do a number on us physically. It could be you need a depression evaluation and medication too. Your wife wouldn't want you to give up. I have similar issues with fatigue and some days are better than others but I push on because I know it just comes and goes and I still have a lot of life to live and a lot to offer.

So do you.

David

Offline ScottJay

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in terms of sucide
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2008, 02:41:35 PM »
I dont mean like right this minute, i was just having thoughts like "maybe x y and Z are better off without having to deal with my stuff."

Offline BT65

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up.
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2008, 04:40:21 PM »
Scott, what do you think your wife would do without you around, seriously.  I found out when I was 24 and now I'm 43.  It probably has quite a bit to do with turning 40. 

And I 2nd what Dachs said, maybe it's time to get ahold of a professional.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Assurbanipal

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Re: thanks
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2008, 07:37:58 PM »
Its just that sometimes I think my hiv negative wife would be better off without me. I feel like giving up. Even though my numbers are good I feel tired all the time, and really take care of myself. I dont know why my percentage is so low and it really really bothers me. I just feel tired and beat up, and have had a sinus issue for over 2 years. Its exhausting. I am really considering giving up. If there were a guaranteed no suffering way of killing myself, I just might consider it. I am just tired

Hi Scott

It's tough to keep that sense of uplift when you are tired. There's a lot of potential causes for tiredness for us HIVers.  Have you seen the lessons on fatigue and tiredness?

http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Fatigue_7533.shtml

I'd encourage you to have an early discussion with your doctor  -- you might want to print out this thread or write up the things you've been feeling and have them handy.

A
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline ScottJay

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assurb
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2008, 07:45:31 PM »
I have had hiv for 9 years. I know all about and fatigue etc. Thank you for posting the link. I think the thing that bugs me the most is the feeling crappy sometimes, and also that my percentage used to be 31 (back in 2001-2005) and now seems to be stuck around 20. I should mention that I contracted herpes shortly before meeting my wife, and I think that has affected my immune system. I hate to confess it, but I am stuck on numbers. I have also had a sinus infection for a long long time, and it makes it even hard for me to think or concentrate sometimes.

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up.
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2008, 08:01:57 PM »
If this where a pissing contest I'd have to declare myself the winner. LOL <joke>

Seriously though, your doing fine hun. Your percentage is likely down because of the infection and the fact that you are just getting over the flu and a sore throat. Don't let those numbers mess with your head Scottjay. Honey if I had your numbers I'd be dancing around and singing more than I already do.  ;D

I know your in a bummer mood at the moment but you can get out of the dumps. And turning 40 isn't that bad of a thing either. For every birthday you have it means you beat this crap another year.
If your HIV negative wife thought she would be better without you don't you think she would be gone by now?
I'm sure she loves you very much and would be devastated if anything where to happen to you.

Look up, this could be a great day if you'd let it be.

Offline ScottJay

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winiroo
« Reply #10 on: April 20, 2008, 08:05:45 PM »
thanks so much. that did cheer me up a bit. SO my numbers arent that bad? the clinical definition of AIDS is a t-cell count of less than 200 or a cd4 percentage of 14 or lower. 20% is not far off that mark, and that is what I cant get out of my mind.

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up.
« Reply #11 on: April 20, 2008, 08:19:13 PM »
You just have to remember your body is working overtime right now because of all the health problems you have had recently. Those numbers don't mean squat until you are back to ship shape order. 

Glad your feeling better babe. Now get better so you can see what your real numbers are.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up.
« Reply #12 on: April 20, 2008, 08:20:07 PM »
Ok.  Tough love time.

Scottie:  What would Jesus do, huh?

Now before everyone starts carping about how rotten I am for throwing SJís previous post up to him, I would like to submit that if he can tell all of us to buck up and smile cuz Jesus loves us, I can do the same now.

I donít mean to dismiss whatever depressive state you might be in over aging and lost time, but consider this:  Yes, getting old sucks.  You know whatís worse?  Not getting old.  And there are several who once graced these boards for which that was the outcome, hon.  And yes, the time lost to HIV also sucks.  You know whatís worse?  Time wasted feeling unnecessarily sorry for yourself.

Look:  If you wanna talk about the more substantial root problems that you seem to have Ė like perhaps battling BPMD or whatever Ė Iím all ears.  But Iím not going to pity you for having higher numbers than about half a dozen of our other regular posters stuck together.

And yes, I will say it:  If you really do have as much faith as you have professed, now is the time to draw on it.  If your Savior can hack getting pinned to a plank for you, you can certainly tough it out at 20% and 555 t-cells / undetectable.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline ScottJay

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thunter:
« Reply #13 on: April 20, 2008, 08:57:14 PM »
Funny you should mention my faith because about a half hour ago I saw a sermon and it cheered me right up. One thing the pastor did say is, even jesus had moments of doubt and weakness like when he asked god "please, if I dont have to bear this burden, please let it pass from me." And there were times when Jesus wept and was in turmoil.

Me, being far more removed from God than Jesus, and being human, will have moments like I had earlier today, and I will not feel guilty about it. If jesus can have a meltdown, so can I.  I think everyone deserves compassion, no matter how ill, or healthy when compared to others. I am not going to deny a man with a cold compassion simply because I have the flu. That's ridiculous.

To be honest, my main concern is for my wife. I dont want her to have to deal with anything happening to me.she would be greatly affected. Sometimes the stress of it all gets to me.

« Last Edit: April 20, 2008, 09:03:37 PM by ScottJay »

Offline Assurbanipal

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Re: winiroo
« Reply #14 on: April 20, 2008, 09:08:11 PM »
thanks so much. that did cheer me up a bit. SO my numbers arent that bad? the clinical definition of AIDS is a t-cell count of less than 200 or a cd4 percentage of 14 or lower. 20% is not far off that mark, and that is what I cant get out of my mind.

Sorry I missed it was a numbers thing.  But hey, while 20% may seem close to 14% its not that far from normal either (31%).  And while the percent is more stable than the absolute count, its not unaffected by the things going on in your life (like the flu).  Feeling pretty good with a lower percent and fewer t-cells here   ;)  , it looks sorta like a normal blip -- but if it is worrying you why not call your doc and ask him/her if you should retest after you are fully over the flu?

Hope this is cheering

A
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline ScottJay

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assurb:
« Reply #15 on: April 20, 2008, 09:12:54 PM »
I am going to wait a month and then do bloods again. I really should feel lucky about my numbers. I have been positive since 1999, have used the same meds for 9 years, and whats more, I did structured interruption therapy (4 months on, 4 months or so off) and havent developed resistance in 9 years. Yeah, i am pretty lucky!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up.
« Reply #16 on: April 20, 2008, 09:19:30 PM »
and whats more, I did structured interruption therapy (4 months on, 4 months or so off) and havent developed resistance in 9 years. Yeah, i am pretty lucky!

Do you still do this?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline ScottJay

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Philly:
« Reply #17 on: April 20, 2008, 09:24:00 PM »
I sure do, and no resistance. My doc is amazed. Before contracting HIV i was into holistic health, herbs and whatnot. If I got sick I took herbs. When I contracted HIV and was told i needed meds, i reluctantly agreed, but insisted on breaks. from 1999 to 2005 with about 8 or so 4 month interruptions, my t cells never went below 500 and my percentage never went below 27%. Then I got herpes from my ex gf and my numbers got a little screwy, resulting in lower percentages, but I am still stable. I pray i never have to take meds on a continual basis, like for a year str8. The longest I have ever been on meds ia bout 5 months. the last break I had was from October 07 to mid december. It was a shorter break than usual because I had a bad cold and decided to go on so my immune system could kick it fast. 

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up.
« Reply #18 on: April 20, 2008, 09:26:25 PM »
I've done the break thing too and it sure bit me in the ass. Good luck.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up.
« Reply #19 on: April 20, 2008, 09:28:27 PM »
ScottJay, maybe your % would be higher if you didn't do these breaks.  Guess you won't ever know.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline ScottJay

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Philly:
« Reply #20 on: April 20, 2008, 09:32:24 PM »
the reason my percent was low is because I had the flu. I didnt even want to have bloods drawn earlier this week because I was still slightly ill.

I guess you missed the part when I said my cd percentage was stable, even during breaks UNTIL I GOT A HERPES COINFECTION. I expect when I go get bloods done in a month the percentage will be back up because I am over the flu.

Like i said, 9 years of stop/starting meds, no resistance, and still undetectable.  That has to count for something. Some people never get undetectable. A few years back I had a herpes outbreak and my percentage when down to 15. a few weeks later, when I had bloods redrawn it was right back up to 31%. I expect the percentage to go right back up, but I was still upset
« Last Edit: April 20, 2008, 09:34:10 PM by ScottJay »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up.
« Reply #21 on: April 20, 2008, 09:33:27 PM »
OK, so then you're over worrying right?  I mean 6 hours ago you were suicidal.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline thunter34

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Re: Philly:
« Reply #22 on: April 20, 2008, 09:34:13 PM »
I sure do, and no resistance. My doc is amazed. Before contracting HIV i was into holistic health, herbs and whatnot. If I got sick I took herbs. When I contracted HIV and was told i needed meds, i reluctantly agreed, but insisted on breaks. from 1999 to 2005 with about 8 or so 4 month interruptions, my t cells never went below 500 and my percentage never went below 27%. Then I got herpes from my ex gf and my numbers got a little screwy, resulting in lower percentages, but I am still stable. I pray i never have to take meds on a continual basis, like for a year str8. The longest I have ever been on meds ia bout 5 months. the last break I had was from October 07 to mid december. It was a shorter break than usual because I had a bad cold and decided to go on so my immune system could kick it fast. 

Now more than ever, I stand by my previous post.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline ScottJay

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Philly:
« Reply #23 on: April 20, 2008, 09:36:19 PM »
Yes I feel much better now. I had a 1 minute crying session, told my wife what was on my mind, she held me and told me she loves me and not to worry. Then we went out to eat and had a great time, I came home and saw a sermon by my favorite pastor, and now I am much better.

Thunter also helped me see the bright side. Even after 9 years of infection, I am still doing a lot better than a lot of people in these parts, and that is something to be thankful for.

Also, my wife, she is amazing!

Offline thunter34

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Can I make a suggestion?
« Reply #24 on: April 20, 2008, 09:49:33 PM »
It gets very confusing.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline thunter34

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When you keep changing the subject line of your thread with every post.
« Reply #25 on: April 20, 2008, 09:50:29 PM »
It makes it hard to follow and know if you've already seen the thread or what it's about.

Just a thought.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline thunter34

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kthxbye!
« Reply #26 on: April 20, 2008, 09:52:04 PM »
TTFN
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline ScottJay

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to Thunter:
« Reply #27 on: April 20, 2008, 09:53:27 PM »
Um, uhhhh, OK. Thanks.

:-)
« Last Edit: April 20, 2008, 09:58:18 PM by ScottJay »

Offline thunter34

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Re: Today I could use some cheering up.
« Reply #28 on: April 20, 2008, 09:59:38 PM »
Seriously:  I think it bears mention that "Jesus" is a pretty big bat to swing.  And if you're gonna use that, you need to be prepared because people are going to be paying extra eye to you and how you weather adversity.  Just sayin'.

A loving wife, money to go to eat, a home with a TV, good numbers, thinking about a family...

From where I'm sitting, it looks like your God has been pretty good to you, hon.

And I have to say:  I can't help but wonder sometimes what some of the ones who have gone on before us would say if they could look down & see what we let overwhelm us now. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline ScottJay

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to thunter
« Reply #29 on: April 20, 2008, 10:06:29 PM »
Like i said, even Jesus has his moments. Also, one has to remember (in my faith) that just as Jesus is for us, there is an enemy who is out to destroy us as well, and sometimes we can allow ourselves to be deceived. Today I succumbed but in the end i triumphed. As I mentioned before, it was the sermon that really uplifted me today, and it let me know that its ok to get down, but to get right back up.

I hope that all the people you say are watching me, and seeing how I behave as a christian see that, a few days ago i posted something uplifting. A few days later, I was down myself, and within that same day I was lifted right back up again. Every christian knows that each day is a struggle. Today I looked to God and he helped me, even through other people. That is a triumph!

:-)

Offline thunter34

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Re: to thunter
« Reply #30 on: April 20, 2008, 10:11:30 PM »
I hope that all the people you say are watching me, and seeing how I behave as a christian see that, a few days ago i posted something uplifting. A few days later, I was down myself, and within that same day I was lifted right back up again. Every christian knows that each day is a struggle. Today I looked to God and he helped me, even through other people. That is a triumph!

:-)

Thunter also helped me see the bright side.

Even through a hellbound Sodomite like lil' ol' me.   ;) 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline ScottJay

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to thunter
« Reply #31 on: April 20, 2008, 10:12:31 PM »
my god works in mysterious ways.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #32 on: April 20, 2008, 10:13:54 PM »
The maybe He will deliver another miracle and you will stop with that subject line business.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline ScottJay

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thunter
« Reply #33 on: April 20, 2008, 10:27:23 PM »
that is a minor thing. I simply do business differently. I prefer to post this way.

Offline thunter34

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Re: thunter
« Reply #34 on: April 20, 2008, 10:38:23 PM »
that is a minor thing. I simply do business differently. I prefer to post this way.

and the fact that it confuses others and makes the threads harder for others to follow means nothing to you.

very well.  perhaps if people start collectively ignoring anything you post, you'll learn to be a bit more cooperative with the community at large. 

and a "minor thing" didn't stop you from whining and kvetching here all day, did it?
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #35 on: April 20, 2008, 10:58:14 PM »
OK.  Lemme break it down for you, partner - real simple like so you can follow it, ok?

If God doesn't stop you from altering your posts and subject lines, the Goderators will.   You see...we used to  be able to go in and edit and reorganize our posts as we saw fit whenever we wanted to, but certain people kept abusing that freedom to the point that it got taken away from us.  Now, you only have a limited time to so to your posts.  And if you keep carrying on like this and deliberately acting like Miss Contrary Mary on us, they are gonna step in and fix it so that you can't  do it...and none of us will be able to either because of you. 

So maybe you can take a few moments to see beyond yourself and start learning how to cooperate with the rest of us so that we may keep this freedom while we still have it.

Ya dig?
« Last Edit: April 20, 2008, 10:59:45 PM by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline ScottJay

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #36 on: April 20, 2008, 11:04:08 PM »
To all the people who Private messaged me, thanks so much. It means a lot, and I am glad seeing my stuggle has helped you in yours. I especially want to thank the catholic gentleman who said he understood every point I made. That meant a lot.

As a general statement, mostly to thunter, I am not here to argue, incite or depress anyone, only to commune and uplift and share.  I will not argue with anyone, be tempted to argue or respond to an argumentive tone. I can see the subtext in the responses of one person in particular, and need it to be known I am not going to entertain it, at all.

Now, I am going to rest in the arms of my lovely wife and thank god for this blessed day. When I woke up this morning, I was in darkness, but by the end of the day, I was in light again, with a smile on my face and pep in my step. A few of you here were responsible for uplifting me. I appreciate that!

Good night all

Offline thunter34

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #37 on: April 20, 2008, 11:27:23 PM »
As a general statement, mostly to thunter, I am not here to argue, incite or depress anyone, only to commune and uplift and share.  I will not argue with anyone, be tempted to argue or respond to an argumentive tone. I can see the subtext in the responses of one person in particular, and need it to be known I am not going to entertain it, at all.

I have no interest in arguing with you either.  In fact, I have remarkably little interest in communicating with you at all.  I do have an interest, however, in making sure that certain freedoms we enjoy here now are not forever fucked simply because some new kid on the block decides he'll have it all his way, the rest of us be damned. 

And I don't know if you mean me in reference to your statement about subtext above, but I certainly hope not.  I took great pains to craft my posts in the hopes that my positions were made crystal clear.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline mjmel

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #38 on: April 21, 2008, 06:29:05 AM »
Scott, consider having some counseling by a professional.
You appear to be on a roller coaster ride--up, down, up, down--and it's going to run you ragged, eventually.
Often, religious zeal will only serve to confuse a person further if he/she does not own up to the realities and keep perspective balanced. From what I've read of your postings, so far, you seem to be having mood swings which may have been brought on by the cold hard facts of your HIV status.
The reality is: HIV is manageable but it's still an effort or struggle, now and again.

Mike

Offline ScottJay

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #39 on: April 21, 2008, 07:15:08 AM »
mmjel:

I am fine. I simply had a bad day. Religious zeal has nothing to do with this, HIV does. I have had it for 9 years. It is faith and love that keep me going.

I dont know how you think religion has blocked my perspective. I am fully aware of what I am dealing with. Oftentimes people knock religion because they cant deal with the fact that religion states there are consequences for actions. I am cool with that. I ACQUIRED HIV. 

As far as professional help, never had it, and am not currently seeking it out. I simply had a bad day. Its over now, its Monday, and I feel great.

Thanks for the advice though.

thunter: you say you have no interest in communicating with me, yet have Private Messaged me four times. Why do you think i didnt respond to your last, out of order, prying message?

mmmm, ok. I am pretty much done.
« Last Edit: April 21, 2008, 07:18:18 AM by ScottJay »

Offline BT65

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #40 on: April 21, 2008, 08:25:15 AM »
Oftentimes people knock religion because they cant deal with the fact that religion states there are consequences for actions. I am cool with that. I ACQUIRED HIV. 

Laws of a state provide consequences for actions.  I don't like the concept that I will be burning eternally if I make 'x' choice instead of 'y,' and that there's some faireytale place called ' heaven' reserved for the sinless.  Religion, for my part, is full of confusion and blown-up guilt.  Are you saying HIV is like a punishment?  It's a disease, like any other medical malady. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline BT65

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #41 on: April 21, 2008, 08:53:33 AM »
Scott, are you and your wife still planning on having a child?
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline thunter34

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #42 on: April 21, 2008, 08:58:55 AM »
thunter: you say you have no interest in communicating with me, yet have Private Messaged me four times. Why do you think i didnt respond to your last, out of order, prying message?

mmmm, ok. I am pretty much done.

Yeah....you pretty much are done.  Or soon will be, I suspect. 

Listen up, pumpkin:  I PM as many new members as possible in the interest of welcoming them into the fold.  Ask around...I'm rather known for it.  And I'm quite sure many people would come forth to testify that, yes, I was the first one to extend a welcome to them here.  It's my way of paying forward a kindness that was shown to me when I first arrived.  That said, I've learned all I need to know about you and then some. 

And I now fully reiterate my position that I want as little to do with you as possible. 

And anything I asked of you was based in response of your original questioning of me.  Oh...that and the fact that you and your story sure do sound awfully, awfully familiar. 

And that's the xtente of it.

« Last Edit: April 21, 2008, 09:01:02 AM by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Florida69

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #43 on: April 21, 2008, 03:39:08 PM »
Scott I totally like your style, and have to say that I have read most of your posts and find them uplifting.  Although, I do not practice religion (I grew up southern baptist and have read the bible and believe in God) I feel like my relationship with God belongs to me. I can appreciate that many people find solace in their religion, as I can see that you do.  KUDOS for that.  Also, when a member is bothering you and you want to ignore them there is an ignore button just for those people.  I am glad you are feeling better.  Remember that a CD4 (according to my doctor) above 500 is pretty much normal.  Happy Monday to you, have a great day.. D

By the way, welcome to the forum..
« Last Edit: April 21, 2008, 03:41:08 PM by Florida69 »
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline ScottJay

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #44 on: April 21, 2008, 08:33:34 PM »
florida: thanks for your vote of confidence. I try not to offend others with my beliefs, and only try to uplift.

bettystacy: we are trying to have a child. so the answer to your question is "yes." And whether I think HIV is a punishment? I think it is the effect of a cause. I am not going to get all judgmental and say that HIV is this or that. All I will say is that it is an effect that was created by a cause or action. Just like a cold or any other occurrence. A series of events leads to a result or effect.

Offline edfu

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #45 on: April 21, 2008, 08:57:36 PM »
Oftentimes people knock religion because they cant deal with the fact that religion states there are consequences for actions.  


And whether I think HIV is a punishment? I think it is the effect of a cause. I am not going to get all judgmental and say that HIV is this or that. All I will say is that it is an effect that was created by a cause or action. Just like a cold or any other occurrence. A series of events leads to a result or effect.

Scott, this seems contradictory.  I would propose that religion is completely unnecessary to understand that there are "consequences for action."  Reason alone--sometimes just common sense--will tell you that.  If people knock religion, it may be because religion claims to be the only valid method to understanding that events lead to a result, and because religion presumes to assign its own assigned belief-system values to "events."   You push a rock; it will move.  You don't need religion to tell you that.  You have unsafe sex; you might acquire HIV.  Religion doesn't tell us that; medical science does. 
« Last Edit: April 21, 2008, 09:01:35 PM by edfu »
"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Offline ScottJay

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #46 on: April 21, 2008, 09:07:09 PM »
edfu:

I am not going to turn my post into a debate on religion. People hate religion, I get that. But, it works for me and millions of others. I say to each his own, lets forget about whether HIV is or isnt this or that, and just get on with living.

I am here to share my experiences and uplift.

I am not going to debate my or any religion. I love God and try to follow his Word. That is all I will say. 

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #47 on: April 21, 2008, 09:14:11 PM »
And whether I think HIV is a punishment? I think it is the effect of a cause. I am not going to get all judgmental and say that HIV is this or that. All I will say is that it is an effect that was created by a cause or action. Just like a cold or any other occurrence. A series of events leads to a result or effect.

I thought HIV was a virus.  What are you talking about here?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline edfu

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #48 on: April 21, 2008, 09:17:31 PM »
Today I am down in the dumps. I got my bloods back. t-cells 555, vl undetectable, cd4% 20. The percentage has me bummed! and I feel like crap.

I dont know where my life is going. I am sick of being sick. If only I had the strength to achieve my dreams. 

I guess we have different definitions of "uplift."
"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Offline ScottJay

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Re: Today I was down but I am not out!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #49 on: April 21, 2008, 09:21:11 PM »
edfu:

if you check my other posts, not just this one, but a different one where I say i want people to hold on and fight and not give up, you will see many people said "thank you, that is very uplifting."

Philly: HIV is in fact a virus. You are right. But I wasnt born with HIV. 

:-)

« Last Edit: April 21, 2008, 09:52:55 PM by ScottJay »

 


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