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Author Topic: Sex with HIV+ SW  (Read 4383 times)

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Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Sex with HIV+ SW
« on: April 16, 2008, 09:39:32 AM »
Hi Guys,

I'm 32 yr old husband and father.  I had an experience 2 days ago.  I had unprotected oral (I received) and protected vaginal sex with french kissing with a sex worker in Canada.  I found out later through someone who knows her that she is HIV+.  After reading some of the posts here I should be confident that I didn't really have any exposure because the condom seemed intact.  I just can't get it out of my head what has happened.  Aside from the guilt I feel as though i will be punished for doing what I did.  Not only would it ruin my life but it would destroy my family.  I don't want to put my wife at risk by having sex with her but I don't know how I will explain that we can't have sex until I'm tested.  In your expert opinions, do think this is something I should be overly concerned about (obviously I am).  I feel like I'm waiting for symptoms to appear and its already killing me!!  Are the facts true that you cannot get it from kissing or blowjobs?  Is it possible that the condom ripped and I never noticed?  Am I going to be ok?  Your words would help a great deal.  Thanks you ever so much.


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2008, 09:49:02 AM »
First up, just because somebody told you that the woman you had sex with is HIV+ doesn't mean she is.

As to the substantive matters you raise, there is no risk of HIV infection from the encounter you describe. Protected vaginal sex is just that - protected. Receiving oral sex is similarly not a risk, irrespective of the HIV status of the other person. You cannot contract HIV from receiving a blow-job.

Other STDs are a different matter. Chlamydia and gonorrhoea for example can be transmitted via oral sex (be it given or received) and you would be wise to be screened for these diseases. They are much more transmissible and prevalent in the community than HIV.

So, no you don't have to be worried about HIV from this encounter, but you should seek testing for other STDs such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea.

Please take the time to read our Welcome Thread and follow the links to our Lessons to learn more about how HIV is and is not transmitted.

Be well,

MtD

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2008, 10:28:05 AM »
Assuming she was positive, is there a chance when I removed the condom that fluid could have entered my urethra?  I'm totally freaking about this...

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2008, 10:41:10 AM »
No, HIV is not that easily transmitted. It's a fragile virus and requires the kind of setting which unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse provides. You're good to go as far as HIV in relation to the incident you're concerned about.

As Matty mentioned, other STDs are easier to acquire so if you are having sex outside of your relationship, watch for symptoms and in general a regular checkup to have a full STD panel done at least once a year is a good idea. This time you are worrying needlessly about HIV.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2008, 12:23:57 PM »
So in your expert opinions regarding HIV, i can resume unprotected sex with my wife?  I know it sounds like a selfish question but it's a real concern.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2008, 12:28:48 PM »
No, it doesn't work that way. We've rendered our opinions regarding the risks you face in light of what you've told us.

We think you need to be screened for STDs other than HIV.

On that basis you should not be having unprotected sex with anyone until you're sure you're STD free. What you decide to do is up to you.

Sexually active adults have to take responsibility for their actions and that extends to you. You fuck, you're responsible for that. Don't think we're going to absolve you of your responsibilities as a sexually active adult.

Ya dig?

MtD

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2008, 12:45:26 PM »
I appreciate the honesty and will take the advice.  Going to make an appointment asap to get screened.  Although I will have to wait for the HIV test.  If everything comes back clean for the STD screening then I'm god to go?  Correct?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2008, 12:57:58 PM »
Then take this bit of advice. Don't use words like "clean" when talking to HIV positive people about STDs. It suggests that we are in some way "dirty", and that pisses us off.

You don't want to piss us off.

Clearly you're wanting me or someone else to give you the "you're good to go and screw without fear of getting and spreading a disease" signal, which we cannot and will not do.

You were not at risk of HIV infection, but you do need to be tested to determine if you have been exposed to other STDs.

My job is to give you the unvarnished truth about your situation. I've done that.

Your job is to take responsibility for your actions in light of that truth. You're yet to do that.

MtD

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2008, 02:17:33 PM »
In no way did I ever mean that HIV means dirty.  I'm simply referring to a test result.  Again, I appreciate the help but let off a little on me.  I'm not having the easiest time and for some reason you feel as though you should be agressive towards me.     Feel free to correct me with any of the terms I used that maybe you don't appreciate but please do it in a calm and civilized manner.  No threats please.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2008, 04:07:59 PM »
OK, JP. Let's not get sidetracked here in any arguments. The important things are:

1) there's nothing to worry about HIV in relation to the incident which brought you here.

2) As far as other STDs are concerned, just be aware regarding noticing symptoms or if you want to you can do the panel of tests I mentioned.

3) You're a dawg like a lot of us. You went straying. You can't undo that so take a breath, let it go and get on with your life. That's the best thing to do for all concerned.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #10 on: April 17, 2008, 09:18:30 AM »
Thank you both Andy and Matty.  So just to confirm a couple of things (because i'm obviously going crazy about this). 

1) You cannot get HIV from deep french kissing

2) You cannot get HIV from receiving a blowjob

3)  If the condom ripped it would extremely noticable

4) I should not have HIV concerns regarding this encounter

PLEASE reassure me that these are all fact and that I should not worry as much as I am.  I will not be having sex with my wife until I have a negative test done in 3 months.  I don't know how I'm going to cope.  Anytime I'm not doing something my mind reverts back to the incident.  Every minute of every day, I don't know how I'm going to wait out the time until I get tested.  I'm really freaking here guys.  I have a wonderful wife and daughter and I don't want to hurt them.  Help!!!

Offline Ann

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #11 on: April 17, 2008, 09:33:47 AM »
jp,

1 correct
2 correct
3 correct
4 correct

If you plan on testing for anything, you would mainly need to test for gonorrhea as that is the main STI (aside from herpes) that can be passed on from the mouth to the penis. You can test for this ten days to two weeks after the incident or sooner if you develop a discharge from your penis. However, this is an hiv website. If you have concerns about other STIs, see your doctor.

You do NOT need to test for hiv. However, if you insist on doing so, don't think you'll be allowed to use this forum in the meantime to wring your hands over your no risk incident and impending needless test.

Make sure you read the Welcome Thread and the posting guidelines contained therein.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #12 on: April 18, 2008, 09:49:37 AM »
Thanks Ann and everyone for your replies.  A couple more things.  Its been 3 days since the incident and last night I developed a very sore throat, fatigue and an all around ill feeling.  Could this be ARS?  I know you told me I shouldn't have concern regarding the incident but what if the condom broke and I didn't notice?  What if when I removed the condom some fluid came in contact with my foreskin/urethra?  I know that everyone says that there has never been a documented case of this but I can't get myself to believe it.  I also was sweating so much during my sleep I soaked the sheets.  Is this another symptom??  I'm going crazy!!!!!!!!

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #13 on: April 18, 2008, 10:24:57 AM »
Yah, you are making yourself crazy. And with no really well grounded cause in relation to HIV science. Condoms get taken off after use. And doing that perfectly ordinary procedure doesn't put you at risk for transmission, including in specfically the manner you have described.

HIV is not an issue for you in relation to this incident. There's no need for testing about it.

Being a dawg like a lot of us you went straying. Along with excitement it also can after the event stir up a lot of anxiety and guilt. Which is what I suspect is happening with you and is reflected in this unwarranted concern about HIV. Condoms really do provide very effective protection.

As for holding on to guilt, that's no love tribute to your wife. You did what you did. See it, accept it, take a breath, let it go and get on with your life is what I say.l
Andy Velez

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #14 on: April 18, 2008, 11:29:37 AM »
But can these symptoms be related to ARS?  Can it happen this fast? 

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #15 on: April 18, 2008, 02:26:25 PM »
jp,

How on earth could your symptoms have anything to do with hiv when you didn't have a risk?

Keep posting about this no risk incident and you'll be given a time out. If you've read the Welcome Thread like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2008, 04:12:42 PM »
I'm really sorry about posting when I'm told its a no risk situation.  I guess I have to try to relax but ts very difficult.  I'm just not feeling well and needed some more reassurance.  Sorry.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2008, 04:59:18 PM »
Your emotions are perfectly understandable. It's what you do that matters. Stay productively busy and the panic and nervousness will fade more easily than you may imagine possible.

Andy Velez

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

  • Member
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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #18 on: April 19, 2008, 04:20:35 PM »
I won't bug you guys anymore after this post.  Aw I mentioned 3 days after my incident I have a fever of 101, EXTREMELY sore throat (i could hardly swallow) and I just feel terrible.  If its impossible to seroconvert after only 3 days after the incident could someone confirm this.  It would help me a ton mentally in dealing with it.  I won't post again, I just need to know as this is very coincedental and I don't get sick like this very often.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #19 on: April 19, 2008, 05:39:41 PM »
jp,

If symptoms of seroconversion show up - and they often don't - it normally takes at least two weeks.

What part of "you didn't have a risk" don't you understand? Keep posting about this no risk incident and you'll be given a time out. If you've bothered to read the Welcome Thread like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

  • Member
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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #20 on: April 19, 2008, 06:32:10 PM »
Thanks Ann.  I scheduled a full STI screening in 2 weeks and hopefully everything comes back negative.  I appreciate all the help you guys have given me and will let you all know the results when they come in.  Thanks again and cross your fingers for me....

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #21 on: April 19, 2008, 07:06:40 PM »
You're going to be fine. Your symptoms have nothing to do with HIV.

Now, get busy with other things in your life. Guilt and remorse take a heavy toll and are  a very common phenomenon with straying guys. You're a dawg like a lot of us. Give it up and get on with your life is the best thing for all concerned.
Andy Velez

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #22 on: April 22, 2008, 10:29:05 PM »
I'm back to ask questions.  Please don't time me out as this is the only place that I can get any answers and I've never felt like this in my life.  As you know my exposure was unprotected oral and protected vaginal with an HIV+ sex worker.  I thought the condom was intact but the more and more I review it in my head I've come to question what is true.  3-4 days after the exposure I came down with an extremely sore throat and a fever of 101.5.  There were and still is white puss pimples all over my tonsils and a whitish looking tongue.  A family member who is a doc prescribed me antibiotics that night and told me it looks like strep throat.  I took the pills and my fever was gone by the next day (not even 24 hours after).  My throat gradually got less sore and today (my last day of meds) my throat is much better but still quite sore and still remnants of the puss on my tonsils.  I'm not trying to be an ass asking more questions but please help me!

Can someone relatively healthy seroconvert after 3-4 days of a possible exposure?
If this was a serconversion would getting tested in the next couple of days show as HIV+?
After reading all kinds of sites like the body and so on, I read that you could seroconvert immediately after infection.  Is this true?  Also, I read that a sore throat and fever are the #1 symptoms.

I see the pills worked on my fever but maybe it was coincedental and this is just a lighter form of seroconversion because I still have a sore throat with puss.  Otherwise I feel ok except for the throat and the stress of all of this. 

I'm not worried about the oral or the kissing as I completely trust your answers but maybe the condom did break.  I'm so fucked up about this.  I cried to my doctor and he told me all I can do is wait.  Can this strep throat and the fact that its not fully cleared up be a symptom of ARS???? 

Please your answers are all I have as I can't discuss this with anyone but you guys.



Offline RapidRod

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #23 on: April 23, 2008, 03:25:09 AM »
If the condom had failed you would have known. There wouldn't be any "might have" thoughts you would have known.

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #24 on: April 23, 2008, 08:45:15 AM »
But what do you make of the illness I've been experiencing?  Should I test even though its only a week after?

Offline jp.b@live.cajpb

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #25 on: April 23, 2008, 12:04:58 PM »
Anybody please??

Offline Ann

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Re: Sex with HIV+ SW
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2008, 02:45:13 PM »
jp,

As you've been told, if you're feeling ill, you need to see your doctor. If you're still worrying about the sore throat, I don't understand why. The doctor told you what it was and gave you antibiotics. Antibiotics do NOT work against any sort of virus and so would not make seroconversion illness better.

Whatever is going on couldn't possibly have anything to do with hiv - you didn't have a risk!

I'm giving you that time out I warned you about. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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