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Author Topic: Just getting something off my chest  (Read 5834 times)

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Offline 31diver

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Just getting something off my chest
« on: April 11, 2008, 01:41:31 PM »
This is probably going to be a bit long, but, just needed to vent.
As some of you know, I work in law enforcement. In my office we have several civilian females who work as victim advocates. Most of them are very liberal, but one in particular is especially so. Also, she is gay and takes every opportunity to remind everyone of that part of her life.
This woman and I have bumped heads in the past in regards to politics, where she has engaged me in a political discussion where I had an opposing view. When I attempted to explain why I believed the things I did, she goes off on a tirade about how insensitive, and naÔve, I am and damning me for being a republican, etc. Basically I am wrong for not believing the same things she does.
Since then, she has attempted to engage me in other political discussions, to which I have not participated in. Initially I simply told her that departmental orders prohibit me from engaging in political discussions while on duty. Then I would just tell her I was too busy. Eventually, I started to lose my patience and I informed that I had no interest in having those discussions with her. Her discussions do not involve the exchange of ideas and opposing views, but rather, her just spouting off whatever the latest DNC agenda is.
Well, she complained to my supervisor that I was mean, insensitive and anti-social towards her. To which I answered, I treat her professionally, but I would prefer not to debate certain topics with her, which I am prohibited from doing in the first place.
Now here is the kicker.
A few days ago, she was on one of her rants about HIV, going on about about how insensitive straight people are towards those afflicted, especially individuals in law enforcement. I don't completely disagree with her, but experience has taught to me avoid certain topics with her, and I thought it prudent to avoid this one.
Anyways, during the course of conversation, of the other ladies she was talking with, who knows I have a penchant for science and medical issues, it is part of my job after all, asks me what I thought about HIV.
I tell her that fortunately, there has been a lot of progress on the medications, and that research has shown, that under certain conditions, people who are positive can lead full happy lives as long as they are adherent to their med regimen, follow their doctors advice and take the appropriate steps to maximize their health. I didn't want to get into too much detail, fearing it would make people wonder I was so informed on the subject.
Well, this comment won me the grand prize of another one of her tirades about what the hell do I know, and that I have no clue about what I am saying and that I am just repeating what big pharma wants to hear, blah, blah, blah,,,,,,
If it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to disclose, I gladly would share why I know what I know,,,,,and why, including taking my meds, working out, eating healthy foods, living my life,etc.
I guess the frustration is just over not being able to see that look of absolute stupidity and watch the arrogance fade from her face if I were tell her,"Listen, you stupid cow, I know exactly what living with HIV is like, 'cause I do it every fucking day!!!!"
Thanks for listening to my rant.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2008, 01:49:57 PM »
You know I almost think I understand where you're coming from, but I must be honest with you lumping woman, gay, and cow in together pretty much tells me all I need to know. Oh and before I forget, not to mention liberal.


Offline Lisa

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2008, 01:50:32 PM »
Just as she did, couldn't you have a word with upper management about her persistence in trying to engage you in these tirades? Last time I looked, you didn't have the 'assualt me' sign pasted on your back. It makes no difference whether she's a girl, or gay, it sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2008, 01:54:31 PM »
Exactly why no one wants to say anything to her. Everybody knows she'll start screaming discrimination and whatever else she can think of, so they rather just avoid the headache.
Political correctness at it's best,,,,,

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2008, 01:55:33 PM »
While I disagree with your politics I agree completely with your stance about taboo subjects.  I would take Lisa's advice and talk with management.  

You don't have to be friends with anyone you work with.  Religion/Politics and the like should be off limits in the work place in most cases.

Good luck in getting things straightened out.

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2008, 02:00:41 PM »
Ironically, I do enjoy a good debate, so long as it is respectfu. I understand that people have differing opinions and if I listen to your point of view I would appreciate the same. However, like you said, politics and religion are hot topics.
It's unfortunate, because I do believe that frank discussions can solve a lot of problems. Oh well,,,

Offline GSOgymrat

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  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2008, 02:02:28 PM »
I would just ignore her. That's what my coworkers do with a similar coworker who goes on similar anti-Bush, anti-Republican tirades. It makes everyone in the office uncomfortable so we all ignore her when she starts up and when she finally realizes that no one is paying attention she shuts up. When she tries to start a political discussion with me I just say "I've never been interested in politics, sorry" and pick up my phone.

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2008, 02:06:30 PM »
Mentioning that she is a gay liberal was onli intended to provide the facts of the scenario, her personal preferences, whether sexual, political, or anything else is quite frankly not my concern. As for the cow comment, that's just out of frustration,,,,hey only human

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2008, 02:15:33 PM »
I've been ignoring the political stuff for awhile.
It was the HIV issue that hit close to home.
And then being berated by this individual who doesn't know the first thing about me making these comments.
And frustrated that I can't say squat.
Was just venting,,,,,,ARGH!!!!!

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2008, 02:20:47 PM »
Was just venting,,,,,,ARGH!!!!!

Vent away then.  I think we all need to do a little of that from time to time.
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2008, 02:31:18 PM »
Even more ironic is that I quoted Voltaire to this person once, "I may not believe in what you say, but I shall defend to the geath your right to say it".

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2008, 02:54:01 PM »
Ooooops, death that is.
Trying to type on the Blackberry a little too fast,,,,sorry

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2008, 02:56:21 PM »
I never like to discuss religion or politics at work and I've heard coworkers make Aids jokes that would curl your hair, so I'm with you on that.

But just for the sake of argument if your status ever did become public at work who do you think would be more supportive, the big, fat, liberal, lesbian or your straight, conservative, male, coworkers?

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2008, 03:08:25 PM »
Dachs, now who is lumping people together?
The answer to your question depends on the individual person.
As a matter of fact, one of my co-workers is aware of my status. He happens to be an ultra conservative republican who I have worked with for several years. The only reason I told him is because of the very real possibility that I can be shot, stabbed, or otherwise injured and/or incapacitated and whoever treats me would need to be made aware of my meds.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #14 on: April 11, 2008, 03:19:57 PM »

But just for the sake of argument if your status ever did become public at work who do you think would be more supportive, the big, fat, liberal, lesbian or your straight, conservative, male, coworkers?

zing
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline 31diver

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  • Posts: 75
Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #15 on: April 11, 2008, 03:29:49 PM »
I know that I am not the only cop in my dept that is poz.
At another dept, there a couple of cops who are open about their status. Unfortunately, aside from health care workers, law enforcement officers run some of the highest risks for occupational exposures.
I don't disclose out of personal preference.
I just still want to be me and not viewed any differently in any way. Not to mention, I just don't feel it's anybody's business. Plus, I love what I do, and thus far, I haven't needed to make any major adjustments. I still work 60 to 70 hour weeks, and haven't allowed this to slow me down. I guess I don't want anybody else doing me any favors even though they may be well intentioned.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #16 on: April 11, 2008, 04:54:50 PM »
Situations with HIV infection can change rather quickly, speaking from experience of course.  Anyway, I'm not sure you "got" Doxie's point.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #17 on: April 11, 2008, 05:03:37 PM »
I "got" Doxie's point. Unfortunately, here in South Florida, I've just as many people in the gay community that are just as bad as those in the straight community.
Like I said, everybody's reaction to this is different and it depends on the individual, not whatever social sub-set they identify with.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #18 on: April 11, 2008, 05:09:00 PM »
Oh trust.  I'm well aware of the rampant unfierceness in the gay community.  There are a lot of idiots, racists you name it.

In fact, I'm sure it's annoying to have this other employee attempting to engage you in unwanted political discussions when you've made it clear you have no desire to participate.  The fact that she's a fat lesbian is fairly irrelevant though.  I'm sorry that this woman insists on reminding you daily that she likes to munch carpet and wear flannel shirts.  But hey, she's probably reminded daily that you're a straight man.

Such is life for the oppressed.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #19 on: April 11, 2008, 05:24:44 PM »
Philly,
As I stated before, her preferences are none of my concern and have not factored in any way in my feelings about her.
As far as reminding her that I'm a straight man, I don't think so, I don't discuss my personal life with her, nor do I discuss personal exploits.unlike certain people.....
I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on that point.
My description of this individual was only to place certain elements of the scenario into context, nothing more.
As for changing situations regarding infection, I'll worry about that if and when it happens. I'm not going to start driving myself nuts about things that may or may not happen.
One of the things I've learned in life is that for something to beat you physically, it first has to beat you mentally

Offline mjmel

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #20 on: April 11, 2008, 06:37:07 PM »
Hope your venting helped you release some of the related stress.

I am inclined to think that even if you were to disclose your HIV status, you'd still not know enough in her eyes.

Mike

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #21 on: April 11, 2008, 06:57:23 PM »
Feel a bit better, not withstanding having to defend why I described the scenario the way I did, whatever.
But, I agree with you Mike, like a line from a movie, "Some people, you just can't reach".

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #22 on: April 11, 2008, 07:17:50 PM »

One of the things I've learned in life is that for something to beat you physically, it first has to beat you mentally

Ah.  I knew my two bouts of extreme wasting years ago was just a simple case of my being mentally unfit.  Thanks for clarifying that.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #23 on: April 11, 2008, 07:31:30 PM »
Believe it or not Philly, you just proved my point.
You're still here because you didn't give up or give in. Has nothing to do with your mental fitness, but about your will to live and willingness to fight no matter the opponent.
That's what I meant about being defeated mentally before physically.
I've seen people suffer devastating injuries and survive because they wouldn't give in. Conversely, I've also seen people just let themselves go.

Offline Snowangel

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #24 on: April 11, 2008, 08:08:19 PM »
31-  All I can do is shake my head..... damned if you, damned if you don't.

IBut just for the sake of argument if your status ever did become public at work who do you think would be more supportive, the big, fat, liberal, lesbian or your straight, conservative, male, coworkers?
Not her....31's answer(about HIV)  to her made perfect sense but for whatever reason she couldn't concede?  Must be a pretty big chip!

The fact that she's a fat lesbian is fairly irrelevant though. 
OK,The fat part maybe, but her whole topic was about "straight" people, especially those in law enforcement.

I got the picture......next time this biotch starts talking just think to yourself, only a few more years and I'll be dealing with a different kind of flake ;D

As far as the supervisor goes, he should have nipped that shit in bud and not even give her the time of day.  I 'm quite sure the tax payers are paying for you guys to uphold the law and not listen to some nutjob on her soap box.

Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline Robert

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #25 on: April 11, 2008, 08:47:36 PM »
31.

I'm with you.  I don't care what her politics are or her background.  If she were to throw that shit in my face I'll tell her to fuck off.  In fact, I would tell the supervisor that he/she had better talk to her real fast because next time when I do tell her to fuck off  you know she would go running to the boss in 2 seconds.  If the supervisor doesn't say something then the fault lies with him/her.

Other than those 2 words I wouldn't bother saying another word to her.  Like the others have said, it wouldn't make a bit of difference.

good luck.  and good for you for venting.

robert



..........

Offline 31diver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #26 on: April 11, 2008, 08:52:30 PM »
Thanks for listening . I'm not usually one to go on about stuff, but it just kind of got under my skin.

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Just getting something off my chest
« Reply #27 on: April 11, 2008, 10:42:34 PM »
Venting is good isn't it? 
Glad you feel better.

I have to listen to a lot of crap from families at work and I pretty much have to keep my mouth shut.

 


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