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Author Topic: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!  (Read 2782 times)

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Offline dk29

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Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« on: August 21, 2008, 06:07:44 PM »
During a separation with my wife, I met someone new. I had a relationship with her for about three weeks. She told me that she had tested Neg for all STI's and HIV in April. She did disclose that she has HSV-2 and has had it for about 18 years, but only has out breaks every three years or so. She said that she has not had any unprotected sex since three months of her last test. We ended up having a one time sexual encounter with a Durex latex condom. The condom was used correctly, did not break, did not slip, and sex was vaginal only. My fear is that when the condom was removed, vaginal fluid which may have gathered at the base of the condom came in contact with the head of my penis. At the time I had three small areas of irritation on the head of my penis, resembling pimples. I always assumed it was HSV, but never had that confirmed. A week after, I decided to go to the DR for a check up, as my wife and I agreed to work through our problems. I was checked for everything, including swabs of the irritated spots on the head of my penis, and all came back neg except for an HSV-1 antibody (big whoop). The DR said that the irritated spots were likely dermatitis and suggested a topical cream.

Again, my fear is that vaginal fluid from the base of the condom came in contact with broken skin on the head of my penis. I remember a time when I had sex with my wife in which we used a condom. I removed the condom prior to ejaculation and noticed her fluid had gathered on the head of my penis during removal of the condom, so I know this scenario is possible.

I have since aquired the HSV-2, and have passed it on to my wife. The other woman said she has not had an out break in three years, and does not know of ever having passed it on to anyone else. Now I have to doubt everything she has told me about her sexual health and history. Does this matter at all, or change the fact that the sex was protected? I am in fear that I have passed HIV along to my wife now also. We have had 1.5 unprotected acts sexual intercourse since this, but I have pulled out on both occasions. I figured since I was checked at 7 days for chlamydia, NGU, and Gonnorea, plus the fact that there were no symptoms, I was in the clear..... Now I am really in doubt and very stressed.

I called the other woman today and expressed my concerns to her. She said the herpes probably came from my wife messing around on me (not a chance). She also said that she has a Dr appointment in two weeks and she will call me if there is anything for me to be concerned with. She continued to tell me that HIV is not the end of the world and I could live with it. 

Moderators: In your experience, is this a possible means of transmission? To me it does sound theoretically possible. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone else by unknowingly passing something along.

Sorry for the long post.....

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2008, 06:13:13 PM »
1anonymous29, you have been told several times that you didn't have a risk with having protected sex.

 
 


Online Andy Velez

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2008, 06:14:30 PM »
You are worrying needlessly. HIV is not transmitted in the manner you are concerned about -- vaginal fluid passing while condom is removed and getting into a break on your skin. Really. It's perfect that you used a condom. They provide very effective protection.

There's no need for testing as far as HIV is concerned. If you continue to be sexually active outside of a monogamous relationship then you should have a full STD panel done at least once a year.

As far as HIV is concenred this time you don't have to worry any further.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline dk29

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2008, 06:23:47 PM »
I hope and pray that you guys are right. I do trust your opinions, and I thank you for them. I have been prescribed Paxil for my OCD and anxiety by my GP. I will get through this, I just need reassurance from the pros every once in a while (or quite frequently). I have a good understanding of how HIV is passed, but when I take a risk I begin to over think it.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2008, 06:55:54 PM »
HSV is much easier to pass/acquire than HIV. And you're having acquired HSV is NOT a sign that you have also acquired HIV.
Andy Velez

Offline dk29

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2008, 01:55:08 PM »
Does the fact that the HSV break out was in my groin/pubic hair region and not on my penis validate that my penis was never in contact with her vaginal fluid? I know HSV is passed from skin to skin contact and not fluids, but I'm trying to find some peace about this.

Offline Ann

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2008, 03:25:22 PM »
My fear is that when the condom was removed, vaginal fluid which may have gathered at the base of the condom came in contact with the head of my penis. At the time I had three small areas of irritation on the head of my penis, resembling pimples.

Does the fact that the HSV break out was in my groin/pubic hair region and not on my penis validate that my penis was never in contact with her vaginal fluid?

Dk,

How about you get your stories straight? In your first post, you had bumps on your penis. Now suddenly it's herpes in your pubic hair. Make your mind up.

But, whatever. You used a condom for intercourse. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. You didn't have a risk for hiv infection.

Hiv transmission happens INSIDE the human body. It doesn't happen when cum - female or male - gets splashed around from a condom after sex. It also doesn't happen when vaginal fluids get onto bumps or herpes lesions or whatever in your pubic hair. You need to let this go.

Just one more thing - keep your herpes to yourself. You should NOT be having any kind of skin-to-skin contact when you've got active (or healing) herpes lesions ANYWHERE on your body. Talk to your doctor about taking acyclovir medication to stop you having outbreaks.

Ann


« Last Edit: August 23, 2008, 03:28:07 PM by Ann »
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline dk29

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2008, 06:28:01 PM »
Ann,

Thank you for your response, your opinion is very valued to me. I am sorry for the confusion about the herpes. The pimple type sores on my penis head were checked out one week after the intercourse by my Doctor and he diagnosed it as a skin irritation. This skin irritation was present at the time of intercourse with her, that was my concern. Also, at the one week mark I was checked for Gon, Chla, and NGU, all negative. My blood test revealed I had antibodies for HSV-1, but I can not recall ever having a break out. The herpes the other woman gave me had a very minor break out in my pubic hair region resembling ingrown hairs. These showed up two weeks after the 1-2 minutes of intercourse with her. My Doctor also said they looked like ingrown hairs, but swabbed them anyway. Meanwhile my wife had a classic break out and was visually diagnosed by her Gyno. I feel so horrible about this and worry that I may have brought HIV home also!! I hope you are all correct about no HIV risk here!!!
« Last Edit: August 23, 2008, 06:30:16 PM by dk29 »

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2008, 08:38:31 PM »
DK, yours is a familiar story but happily it's not about HIV. It's about being a dawg like a lot of the rest of us, going straying and then being guilt-ridden and panicky afterwards. Fortunately HIV is not an issue for you.

You did what you did, you can't undo it, see it, accept it as a part of your personal history, take a good deep breath and get on with your life. That's the best thing you can do for all concerned. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline dk29

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2008, 11:24:08 AM »
OK, the swab of the "ingrown hairs" came back as hsv-1. Now I don't know what to think. Could an out brake of hsv-1 in my genitals be related to ARS? I have also not eaten or slept well in the past week, had a low grade fever (highest was 99.8), what felt like swollen (uncomfortable) lymph nodes in my neck and groin, night sweats, diarrhea, I vomited one time (when my wife told me she had what looked like herpes), and a spotty type redness on my chest that came and went for about a day. I am trying to chalk all this up to anxiety and the side effects of the new meds (paxil). The herpes out brake started just prior to all the other symptoms. I also started smoking a pack a day in the last week.

Offline Ann

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #10 on: August 25, 2008, 12:18:25 PM »
dk,

Herpes has nothing to do with ARS.  Nothing you did put you at risk for hiv. Herpes is MUCH, MUCH more easily transmitted than hiv.

If you're feeling unwell or are concerned about possible side-effects from your medications, see your doctor. We cannot help you with that here.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline dk29

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2008, 12:11:41 PM »
I just wanted to give an update on my situation. As I have mentioned in prior posts, I had a very mild genital herpes out break in my pubic hair region which came back to be hsv-1. This out break occurred 2.5 weeks after my exposure. One week after the exposure I had a positive antibody test for hsv-1, which proves I did not contract it from the other woman. In the prior 2 weeks before the out break I had shaved my genitals twice, on the second time I experienced severe razor burn. My hopeful theory is that the irritation from shaving triggered this out break. If it had not been for my wife having her first out break, I would have never thought it would be herpes, heck, even the Doctor visually diagnosed it as ingrown hairs. I had to specifically request him to swab it. I don't know if it is my mind playing tricks or not, but in my teens I do remember having, what I thought at the time, was painful insect bites in my pubic region. If I recall correctly this was around the time I was receiving oral on a frequent basis from an ex-girlfriend. I am hoping and praying that this out break was not triggered by a recently acquired HIV infection. I don't know if there is science to back this up, but my theory is that the body would send out most or all viral antibodies to fight this new and unknown viral invader. I hope to God that I am in left field on this theory.

On another note, I have stopped taking the paxil after I found a wealth of information on-line regarding it's side effects. Since then, the nausea and fatigue have ceased. I also found a great web site related to anxiety disorders and learned that when the body is in extreme stress mode it can cause SO many physical symptoms. All of the ARS symptoms can actually, some milder than others, be attributed to anxiety. I even learned that anxiety can create discoloration of the skin ("ARS" rash), the feeling of swollen areas in the body (lymph nodes) and raise one's body temperature to resemble a mild fever!!!! Case in point, after I did a search for the location of lymph nodes in the body, that evening I began to feel tender and swollen in those areas.

The woman in question in my "exposure" is due for her check-up this Tuesday. At this point I have seemed to get a grip on my anxiety and am having second thoughts on whether or not I even want to or need to know her results. After our intercourse she began to let on that she was much more promiscuous than I had previously believed. She still insists that she was tested negative in April and has had no unprotected sex or condom brakes since the negative test, but she seemed kind of nervous when we talked about her getting tested.     

I will keep everyone posted on any changes. Thanks for the support.

Offline Ann

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Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #12 on: August 28, 2008, 12:51:21 PM »
dk,

How's the weather out there in left field?

You didn't have a risk for hiv infection. Your herpes outbreak has nothing to do with hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline dk29

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  • Posts: 7
Re: Assess my risk PLEASE!!!
« Reply #13 on: August 28, 2008, 01:10:45 PM »
Ann,
Actually the weather out here is not too bad for August ;).... Thanks again for the reassurance. I don't want to get into any moral discussion, but since this incident I have learned to love my wife and family in a new and great way!!! Even though we were separated and in a rough patch during this time, I should not have been a typical man and strayed. BUT, this life experience has taught me that what I have at home is a wonderful thing, and I would not want to do anything to ever jeopardize that again.

 


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