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Author Topic: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.  (Read 13398 times)

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Offline letmebeyourhero

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newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« on: April 04, 2008, 04:48:13 PM »
Hey there everyone!

Diagnosed 11/21/07.  I just happened to stumble upon this forum, and it seems to be helping ALOT.  From what i gather, this is a very welcoming community, full of some pretty wise people.

While I GREATLY appreciate the wealth of information given by some of the long term survivors on the forum, I still feel a bit alone as i am a mere 25 years old.  It seems that the majority of people that post are a bit older, and in someways, i find it hard to relate.  So basically, i come seeking some reassurance that im not the only youngin out there (granted, 25 is just on the cusp of 'youngin' status).

I have met only ONE positive individual in my area around my age, and...well....he was...WEIRD!  Don't get me wrong, i like weird, ...but not this weird!

So yeah, it would be nice to know you're out there!  As of now, i am lacking a support system other than my treatment team, as i have not had the courage to disclose to anyone.  I am hoping that this forum will provide me with the encouragement, and understanding i feel i need...untill i am comfortable enough to get family and friends involved.
A decent guy, named Chris - spanning time.

Offline motherlion

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  • Posts: 2
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2008, 05:07:11 PM »
My son is 23, 22 when he told us.  He told us the day he found out.  Of course he did.  We're his parents and we love him no matter what.  Strength in numbers, you know.  Why haven't you told your parents? 

Offline letmebeyourhero

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  • Posts: 27
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2008, 05:52:46 PM »
hey motherlion,

I have yet to tell my parents because i feel as if i dont want to burden them with news like this, at least not right now.  My father had a hard enough time accepting his sons sexuality, and now HIV on top of that?!?
My parents are good people, and they will also love me know matter what.  Im just not too sure how to approach the subject.

ohhhhhhh things to look forward to!    :-\
A decent guy, named Chris - spanning time.

Offline mjmel

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2008, 09:22:18 PM »
I just wanted to say, hello, and welcome.
Can't say much more cuz I'm older (much older) and you're looking for feedback from youngins.
 ;)
Mike

psst: I hope you make buddies here...but older guys/ladies..have the experience, advice and soon you'll grasp how smart some of those members are on this forum. Whew!

Offline Assurbanipal

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2008, 09:32:14 PM »
Hi LMBH and welcome to the forums.  There's lots of folks your age and younger on here . . . but not usually on a Friday night :) 

 . . .so you may be stuck with us old sedate types for a few more hours. 

But just wanted to say welcome.
A
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline BT65

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2008, 11:37:00 PM »
Hey, I just wanted to tell you welcome to the forums.  I'm older than you (42) but was diagnosed when I was 24.  I got involved with the ASO (Aids Service Organization) here, which at that time was in a church office.  You might want to find the one (ASO) in your area and see if they have any support groups etc.  I hope to hear more from you. 
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline anniebc

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2008, 12:00:27 AM »
Hi there


Welcome to the forums.

Another oldie here I'm afraid..seems like you are surrounded by us today,... :D.. but never fear I'm sure the younger genertaion will be along soon.

It's not easy picking the right time to disclose to your parents or deciding how to approach it..but when the time comes you will know...until then there are lots of Mums and Dads, (well guys old enough to be your father anyway) here at AIDSmeds, just promise me you won't tell them I said that..so if you need any help, advise or information just ask.

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #7 on: April 05, 2008, 12:12:53 AM »
Welcome to the forums.  Don't feel alone.  No need to.  We may be an old and rickety lot, but we's stil pretty cool.  There are some others here in their 20's.  I just chatted up with one today here, so I'm sure you'll make friends!  37 here (and a half), but my current sorta boyfriend / guy I'm dating is about your age, so maybe I'm not THAT far over the hill to ya!   ;D
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline germangirl

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  • Posts: 67
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2008, 03:45:41 AM »
Hi, welcome to the forums.
My husband is 31 and positve. So he is not much older than you. I am 33.
But here are lot of users in your age.
Eres el aire que respiro,
Eres el compania de mi soledad,
Eres el luz que me ilumina,
Eres el camino en la oseuidad.
Dedicated to my husband

My husband is positive, I am negative.

Offline BT65

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2008, 07:39:18 AM »
37 here (and a half), but my current sorta boyfriend / guy I'm dating is about your age, so maybe I'm not THAT far over the hill to ya!   ;D

Cradle robbing wench.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline dgr20002

  • Member
  • Posts: 288
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #10 on: April 05, 2008, 08:18:00 AM »
Hey You,

Yeah I am older too but I found out when I wasd 26 and probably was infected when I was 25. So eventhough today I am 46 there isn't really anything you will go through that I or others here haven't been through already. We are here for support for you and each other. It's not like we are trying to date you  :o

Anyway welcome and if you have questions just put it out there. We can help.

David

btw I may look like a cow, but I'm really not one. Not yet anyway  lol.

Edited to add:  I WAS dating a 28yo but he just wanted TOO much sex so I had to dump him.
« Last Edit: April 05, 2008, 08:59:06 AM by dgr20002 »

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #11 on: April 05, 2008, 08:49:05 AM »
Cradle robbing wench.


Sea hag.



(Damn.  I thought that little post might fly through under radar after midnight in IJTP, but I guess not.)
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline letmebeyourhero

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2008, 09:02:49 AM »
We are here for support for you and each other. It's not like we are trying to date you  :o



I apologize if my original post came off the wrong way.  I was just curious as to how many people in their 20's were going through what i am going through right now, as it seems there is NO ONE my age in my hometown to relate to.  A little reassurance that Im not the only one in the club amongst the sea of dancing twinks who carries the burden of HIV.

Of course i am looking to talk to, get advice from and (one day) give advice to people of ALL ages.  This is but one thread (my first thread) of many to come, im sure.
A decent guy, named Chris - spanning time.

Offline dgr20002

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2008, 09:06:57 AM »
I was just teasing you. Again welcome to the Forums.

David

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2008, 05:40:56 PM »
Yes, definitely WELCOME! We're glad you found your way here when you needed to.

HIV in your life is still very, very new. Give yourself as much time as you need to get adjusted to it. Including in relation to talking to your parents. If you haven't already read the lesson on disclosure, check it out.

Gradually you're going to find things will fall into place. And life is going on. It's essential that you have a doctor who's watching your numbers. It ought to be someone you can ask questions of when you need to and discuss things openly. And of course you're welcome to be here as much or as little as you like. Ask questions here or discuss anything that's on your mind. You've already gotten responses that ought to tell you that there is support and knowledge here for you.

Again, welcome!

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline dec206

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  • Posts: 1
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2008, 10:35:54 PM »
Hey man!  I definitely understand what you're going through.  I'm 21.  I found out I was (+) 12/2/06... I was 20 at the time, and this was possibly one of the craziest days of my life.  It was almost surreal after receiving the results because I had tested (-) just six months prior. 

So far, my support system is extremely narrow.  I've only told fraternity brothers that I am closest to and also a few others who shared their status with me first.  None of my family members are aware that I am (+).  However, I've hinted a few times that I am faced with a medical condition.  It has been terribly hard because they do not even know that I sleep around with men.  I'm sure they probably wonder since I have never brought a female around them.

But man, I'm here.  I totally can relate.  Hopefully you find the strength to survive this.

Offline xyahka

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  • Dance together!! aha!! aha!! I like it!!
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #16 on: April 06, 2008, 03:35:21 AM »
Hii :) not sure if this will help but i will try.

I am Juan Carlos and I am 30 years old (hope that sounds like if i am 5 years closer to your age and not 5 years away lol). I got diagnosed when i was 29.... actually 2 months before i turned 30.

Well, i would say there are several young boys in here even though the amount is not as much as the amount of mature people in the forums and that has a reason... as you have felt and seen... young people finds hard to disclose their status yet.

It is ok, you and i know it takes time. I am sure you will find more people around your age or younger with the time... remember many of them are yet hidden... I live in a country where all pozies are hidden too... So the way i have met people has been chatting over a local activist email list or in the waiting room of the hospital. At first they were as affraid to show up as i was... but with the time I got to meet some nice people face to face, you only have to be patient. Someone advised you to visit your ASO, i support that.. it is the good way to start.

Welcome to the forums :), count with us.

:) Cheers from half sunny half rainy country :)

JuanCa - feeling a big young tonight :) the first time in a year LOL  :D - Working over night on weekend but feeling happy  8)
« Last Edit: December 12, 2009, 05:53:37 PM by Andy Velez »
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline letmebeyourhero

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  • Posts: 27
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #17 on: April 06, 2008, 03:25:31 PM »
Thanks to everyone that took the time to respond, and welcome me here.  It means so much to know that there are good, caring people out there.  :-*
A decent guy, named Chris - spanning time.

Offline eclecticguy

  • Member
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  • I only look surprised
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #18 on: April 06, 2008, 07:12:17 PM »
and if you take care of yourself, you'll span a lot more time
"Faith is blind trust in the absence of evidence, even in the teeth of evidence" -Sir Richard Dawkins (Darwin's Rottweiler)

Offline xander6540

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  • Posts: 8
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #19 on: April 06, 2008, 07:59:40 PM »
i'm 22.. was diagnosed a month ago or so.  Life is continuing for me... and I feel so much better than the from the first week when I found out. 

Offline positively_me

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #20 on: April 06, 2008, 11:39:49 PM »
Even though I'm older than you now, I was diagnosed when I was in my late 20's.  I would go to support groups and was the youngest one there...plus the only straight female!  I felt like there was no one that understood what I was going through.  The only thing I had in common with the groups was that we were all positive.  God bless the gay community where I live because they were so good to me and very, very supportive.  They understood the disease and helped me get through the first few years.

I understand not telling your family.  I have a 12 year old child that I haven't told because I just don't know how to yet.  I think waiting until you are ready and you can show them that you have control of your hiv, it doesn't have control of you, you'll feel better in telling them.  There is so much that you're dealing with now.  It is ok to get yourself right before you tell others.

I hope you find lots of support and love where you are.  Do not despair...you aren't the only one out there.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.  - Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline letmebeyourhero

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #21 on: April 07, 2008, 01:29:15 PM »
I have done a little research on some support groups offered by my ASO.  However, I have some anxiety about attending as I know someone i attended high school with works with the ASO, and an individual who is also positive( and is friends with a few in my circle of friends), has attended these support groups in the past.  This person also battles an ongoing crack addiction, and i wouldn't trust him to keep my status confidential when/if he relapses.

I know i am sounding completely paranoid at this point.  For that, i apologize!
A decent guy, named Chris - spanning time.

Offline Central79

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  • Posts: 527
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #22 on: April 07, 2008, 03:07:48 PM »
Hey

I was diagnosed just after I'd turned 26. I'm 28 now. You will gradually get your head around things - but it takes time and space. I think it's hard being diagnosed young because all of our peers are generally health problem free. If I was older I might be more accepting of it - my father takes more pills for his heart condition, with more side effects, than many HIV+ people especially since the advent of all the new drugs. So I feel a bit robbed being younger, but also incredibly lucky I didn't catch HIV 10 years ago.

Having said that, I'm okay. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders - I think you recognise the need to get support whilst protecting yourself from unsuitable people from knowing. I think that's probably been the biggest stress for me over the last two years, having trusted a bit too freely and been burnt. Not everybody thinks about your feelings as much as you'd like or think, and I've certainly been pretty fragile over the last two years and not needed the additional stress.

People I haven't regretted telling include my parents (after about 18 months of getting used to it) and my sexual partners. I anonymised my on-line profile and put my HIV status up in there. It was really useful to have sex and hang out with other poz guys and negative guys who accepted it without drama. It did me the world of good. Ironically, it has been my boyfriend who has slightly screwed me over through confidentiality. Not because he's malicious, but because he was shocked and just talks too much - a mixture of naivety and gossiping. Don't expose yourself to that until you're ready.

I guess other issues include not trying to scare yourself. HIV can do a lot of random and unpleasant stuff, as can the medication. But the side effects are getting rarer and more tolerable. Increasingly people are living fairly normal lives (physically) with HIV, although the social stigma is still there. I think a bit of denial can be healthy, if it means you do as much as you can.

Anyway, best of luck with it all. When I was in your position, I never thought I'd be in my position writing this now. But you get used to stuff!

M.
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline letmebeyourhero

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #23 on: April 08, 2008, 07:56:35 PM »
Well, ill admit, things have calmed down a bit since my diagnosis on 11/21/07 (Happy thanksgiving to me!)...and i realize that i am not quite "used to it", yet...but Im getting there.  One day ill no longer have to avoid a certain area of the city, so i don't have to pass by the clinic i tested at...damn that place still gives me the chills!

I appreciate the added encouragement as i strugge through the whole disclosure thang...
A decent guy, named Chris - spanning time.

Offline eclecticguy

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #24 on: April 08, 2008, 10:47:26 PM »
Disclosure is a tough issue.  As a general rule I don't disclose unless I think there's a need to know; after all, you need to think of yourself as a person who happens to have HIV, not a patient with HIV who happens to be a person.  There's a real difference.  If you decide to disclose, make sure they're reliable.  Your friend with the addiction - he has enough going on. 

As for support groups,I think they're great, but they're also like a good pair of jeans.  You might need to try a few on before you find the right one. 

I liked what Matt Mee had to say.  Sex and a social life doesn't end with HIV,it just gets a little different sometimes.  Personally,disclosure is mandatory before sex.  In some states its a legal issue not to disclose your status before sex.
"Faith is blind trust in the absence of evidence, even in the teeth of evidence" -Sir Richard Dawkins (Darwin's Rottweiler)

Offline BT65

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #25 on: April 09, 2008, 02:00:17 PM »
Personally,disclosure is mandatory before sex.  In some states its a legal issue not to disclose your status before sex.

This is something I have a hard time understanding.  Sure, disclose if it's bareback sex, but if a condom is used (correctly) why does one have to disclose?
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline bearby

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  • Posts: 41
  • April 2007
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #26 on: April 09, 2008, 03:17:33 PM »
Oye Vey !
My first thing to comment about is that why disclose of ya use a rubber ( what we called them in my so called formative years ); you have to disclose beacuse just what happens if the condom should break and any of  the seminal fluid gets inside then what will you tell him after he or she has possibly gotten infected that's just plain insanity  :o !
 But now as to the subject of disclosure I was not allowed  such a graceful  item where my folks were concerned beacuse my mother stood at ther foot of my hospital bed beacuse the dr allowed her to remain in the room beacuse she was family along with my partner at that time ( who btw is still my partner/mate/confidant et al ) .
 Altho my mother was in on the information that I was poz from the get go she like my partner has never failed to be at my side along with my father any time I have ever needed them .
 A year or so ago I even outed my self to my fellow leather comrades at a brunch and believe you me telling well over 150 leather floks was scary enuf but to tell them such news was nearly enuf to make me run away from  the podium with out even saying a word  well that gave me courage enuf to accept the offer by my id dr to get in on a pictoral essay thatw as being done by a grad student t the  biggest research college around here and had a professional pic of my partner & I done and posted in the clinic waiting  room for all to see how well the group of the ten or so of us had done about being compliant with our med regimes that we were all nearly or were showing no  decetable viral  load  at all .
 Knowing that big ol picture was hanging there was enuf to give me the strength to go ahead and out myself at work and talk about a bunch of caring folks THEY sure were !
 I used to slip away and take my hand full of meds when I needed to but after telling jus one manager and one other employee I had created myself a care team within a care team beaccuse they each  asked me before telling any one else if they could divluge such sensative information and  if I knew the person well enuf I would go tell them my self so there would be none of tha he said she said crapola involved and that expanded my care team expotentionaly beacuse upon learning of my being poz several others came forth with their own poz news which caused us to create our own llittle poz  network at work .
 I mean  we each watched the clock when one of the others was working to ask if the other person had had his or her meds and lawdy forbid if they had the runs or got sick one of us was more than willing to take on the extra work to cover for them to be able to leave asap to get home  or to the dr to be checked .
 Ok I  know that some of this might seem unreal to some of ya but hey I have  maanaged to create this world all my own  and  continue to thrive beacuse  hey after all it is my world that I created and got th people that I wanted to be there until my ultimate demise not to mourn my passing but to revel in the life that i created for myself beacuse I had the nerve to go forth and be bold and not hide the face that "
Have you preformed your random act of kindness today ?

Offline bearby

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  • April 2007
Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #27 on: April 09, 2008, 03:18:45 PM »
that " YES DAMMIT I AM POZ ! "
Have you preformed your random act of kindness today ?

Offline positively_me

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #28 on: April 09, 2008, 06:07:41 PM »
This is something I have a hard time understanding.  Sure, disclose if it's bareback sex, but if a condom is used (correctly) why does one have to disclose?

OMG!  What do others think about not disclosing if condoms are involved?  I've heard of people that feel that since their partners don't ask their status or care if they use a condom, then they don't feel like they should tell them.

I just can't get my head around this way of thinking.  To me it would be morally wrong not to tell/warn someone of the risks before having sex with me.   I'm not judging anyone who doesn't disclose and would really appreciate it if others could explain nondisclosure to me.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.  - Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline BT65

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #29 on: April 09, 2008, 09:08:10 PM »
I think most grown people know the risks of having sex today, protected w/ a condom or not. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Patrick

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #30 on: April 11, 2008, 02:17:39 AM »
Well, ill admit, things have calmed down a bit since my diagnosis on 11/21/07 (Happy thanksgiving to me!)...and i realize that i am not quite "used to it", yet...but Im getting there.  One day ill no longer have to avoid a certain area of the city, so i don't have to pass by the clinic i tested at...damn that place still gives me the chills!

I appreciate the added encouragement as i strugge through the whole disclosure thang...

Hi Chris.  I was diagnosed with HIV only one week before you.  I'm 28 years old, so we're pretty close in age.  I can completely understand all of your feelings, as I have them a lot too.  It takes time to get your head around the medical condition but it does get better.  I think I bounced back from my seroconversion a lot faster physically than I mentally adjusted to my diagnosis.  In any case, as you well know, HIV is only truly vindictive when its left untreated.  We are blessed to live in a time where the medications are plentiful, they work very well, and the side-effects are tolerable.  Guys our age can expect to live a fairly normal lifespan due to the treatment that is now available.  So don't fear for your demise (that's what really screws with my head) and understand that it is a whole lot better to be recently infected today than 10 or 20 years ago.

Glad you found the forums.  At the risk of repeating what you've probably already heard, just make sure you are being monitored every 3 months so you know what your blood levels are at.  Success with this virus means staying on top of that stuff so you know when you need to begin treatment.  Take good care of yourself, your life is far from over.

-Patrick
Seroconversion - late October 07
11/14/07 - CD4 190   VL >750,000
11/14/07 - Started Truvada & Kaletra
12/5/07 - CD4 851     VL 710
2/19/08 - CD4 604     VL Undetectable
5/8/08 -   CD4 829     VL Undetectable
8/12/08 - CD4 915     VL 80 (blip)
11/11/08 - CD4 967    VL Undetectable

Offline letmebeyourhero

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #31 on: April 11, 2008, 02:55:20 AM »
ya know...Through all of this so far, i havent had any "fear for my demise".  We're all going to die one way or another.  I feel just that because i have an illness i could possibly die from, doesnt mean im actually going to die from it.

What I do fear for are things like the terrible stigma that is still attached to an HIV diagnosis. 
I also fear for financial matters.  Will i be destined for life long government assistance if i can't get sufficient insurance through my place of employment?  Am i doomed to never open my own business ( a dream ive had for a while), due to no health benefits?.  Will i never be allowed to make over 44,000/year, for fear that my ADAP will be cut off?  Im deathly afraid that I will have to struggle financially the rest of my life, just to afford my medication and treatment.
A decent guy, named Chris - spanning time.

Offline BT65

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #32 on: April 11, 2008, 09:27:22 AM »
Chris, if I were you, I would try to not think about every matter at one time.  Take one matter and deal with that, then another etc. 

Your dreams can still be realities.  I've been HIV+ since 1989, full-blown Aids since 1994, and I'm finishing a BS in psych right now.  Yeah, it's a struggle, but when I break life down into manageable parts, it's a lot easier.

Good luck and keep in touch with us.
   Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline FutureX

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #33 on: April 22, 2008, 10:12:48 AM »
What city do you live in?

Here in Washington DC, we have a big poz network, I hope you find something in your area.

Jimmy


Offline letmebeyourhero

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #34 on: April 22, 2008, 07:37:14 PM »
i Live in Western NY...im not sure of any "big poz networks" here

I suppose ill never know unless i take the next big step, which would be walking through the door to a support group
This all kinda makes me wanna move to a bigger city. 
A decent guy, named Chris - spanning time.

Offline Winiroo

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #35 on: April 22, 2008, 08:09:44 PM »
I'm a little late with this but welcome to AIDSmeds. I tested positive when I was 20. I'll be 36 next month.

Offline BT65

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #36 on: April 22, 2008, 08:52:07 PM »
Letme, I live in a small town as well.  They have one support group here though, that's a pretty good one.  Good luck with what you decide to do.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline FutureX

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #37 on: April 22, 2008, 09:01:47 PM »
Ive never been big on support groups...a bunch of people sitting around in a circle with a box of kleenex...NOT SO MUCH!

We have poz house parties, and they are much more effective for me, especially in the beginning, to be in a social setting with other poz guys.

So come on down to DC LOL :)

Offline letmebeyourhero

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #38 on: April 22, 2008, 10:23:21 PM »
I'm a little late with this but welcome to AIDSmeds. I tested positive when I was 20. I'll be 36 next month.

Thanks for the welcome!  Better late than never! haha.

So come on down to DC LOL :)

Sounds like fun to me!   When and where? hahaha.

Letme, I live in a small town as well.  They have one support group here though, that's a pretty good one.  Good luck with what you decide to do.

I wouldn't exactly call my town a "small town", but i think its small enough where im sure i would bump into someone i didnt want to see at the support group.  But the more i think of it, the more i should just get over it.  I think as i become more comfortable with all of this, things will get easier....as many of you have already said.

Thanks again!
A decent guy, named Chris - spanning time.

Offline Winiroo

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #39 on: April 23, 2008, 05:54:59 PM »
I agree with FutureX. The support group thing wasn't for me but the social group has been awesome.

I didn't much care for being in a circle of ladies all boo hoo'ing doing the "my story is worse than yours" thing.

Yuck.

I know it helps some people but with my personality it doesn't suit me.  One on one therapy was ok though. For the most part I'm over feeling badly about my situation I just want to enjoy my life.

Offline BT65

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #40 on: April 23, 2008, 11:50:58 PM »
Of course Letmebe, one person's experience doesn't dictate what might be ideal for you.  You do what makes you comfortable and keep in touch with us. :)
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Winiroo

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #41 on: April 24, 2008, 02:25:55 PM »
Oh absolutely, You never know till you try.

Offline pacerintl

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #42 on: April 25, 2008, 12:34:25 AM »
"This is something I have a hard time understanding.  Sure, disclose if it's bareback sex, but if a condom is used (correctly) why does one have to disclose?'

This is something I just had to respond to, I can't even begin to address the logic of such a statement.  This statement didn't come from a adolescent or someone with little knowledge of HIV but from someone with over ten years of dealing with this disease and they still don't understand.  This disease will just continue to explode with such logic.

In many states it is now a felony to knowingly expose others to HIV without their knowledge. 

Offline FutureX

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #43 on: April 25, 2008, 06:25:58 AM »
Chris,
 Yea I guess I take things for granted, it would be hard for me to visualize only meeting one "wierd" other poz guy, when there are so many here in DC and we have a big social network, most of my friends are poz.

So yea for those out here in big cities, we extend an online hand of support to you, to let you know that there are others out here, (who are not so wierd) who will try and be there for you.

Jimmy
Washington DC
Poz 16 years on May 10th.

Offline BT65

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #44 on: April 25, 2008, 08:28:38 AM »
"This is something I have a hard time understanding.  Sure, disclose if it's bareback sex, but if a condom is used (correctly) why does one have to disclose?'

This is something I just had to respond to, I can't even begin to address the logic of such a statement.  This statement didn't come from a adolescent or someone with little knowledge of HIV but from someone with over ten years of dealing with this disease and they still don't understand.  This disease will just continue to explode with such logic.

Oh, are you the end-all on these things?  If a condom is used correctly and one chooses not to diclose, that's their business.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Ann

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #45 on: April 25, 2008, 09:33:28 AM »
"This is something I have a hard time understanding.  Sure, disclose if it's bareback sex, but if a condom is used (correctly) why does one have to disclose?'

This is something I just had to respond to, I can't even begin to address the logic of such a statement.  This statement didn't come from a adolescent or someone with little knowledge of HIV but from someone with over ten years of dealing with this disease and they still don't understand.  This disease will just continue to explode with such logic.

In many states it is now a felony to knowingly expose others to HIV without their knowledge. 

When condoms are used correctly, nobody gets "exposed".

And no, Betty's not a teenager and yes, she's been dealing with this for a long time. That's why she knows what she's talking about.

Let's get this into perspective. Betty's a woman. She's not a well-hung man who has trouble finding condoms which fit without the worry of them being too small and breaking. Besides, even a snug condom, when used correctly with plenty of water-based lube, rarely breaks.

People need to learn how to use condoms and use their common sense. It is totally possible to find yourself in a situation where disclosure is not necessary. As for some of the laws surrounding disclosure, well, sometimes the law is not only an ass, but a hysterical ass.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline VM-Bass

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #46 on: May 02, 2008, 06:19:44 PM »
I just wanted to add my welcome.  I know I'm REALLY late to the party, but I've been out of pocket for a while.

I was diagnosed when I was 29, but I've probably been poz for about 4 or 5 years.  It is a tough thing to deal with, but the longer I have to let it all soak in, the more accepting I am about just getting on with my life.  I worry as you do that health insurance will be the bane of my existence.  I don't have any right now, and thankfully there's a pretty good public health clinic in my town that I got hooked up with. 

I haven't told very many people, as I think that's a really personal issue.  My Mom and a few close friends know, but that's it.  I found my Mom took it really hard, but she was glad that I told her.  She said that she'll get around to telling Dad one day...kind of like she did when I told her I was gay.   ;D 

As you already know, you have come into one of the most awesome support groups ever.  The AMAZING people here, from all over the world, are a tremendous fount of knowledge for you to take advantage of (in a good way  ;) ).

Again, welcome, and I look forward to hearing more from you.   :-*


Tom
1/11/08                  4/14/08         6/12/08

CD4: 927                    838               883
CD4%: 42                    40                 47
Viral Load: 2170           926               173

The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel...
---Shakespeare

Offline Snowangel

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #47 on: May 02, 2008, 08:34:12 PM »
Welcome Letme,
I was around 22 when I found out, I am going to be 37 in Sept.  Support groups are nice to meet other people that are also living with HIV, if they are run correctly ,they can be very uplifting.  It took me about 4 yrs to tell my mother because I was moving back into her house and I didn't want to have to hide anything from her.  As far as the disclosure, I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with anyone without them knowing.  Condoms or not. 
Take care,
Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline shadoos

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #48 on: May 05, 2008, 02:59:44 AM »
I understand how you feel.
LOST

Offline dusty99

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Re: newly diagnosed, and feeling alone.
« Reply #49 on: May 07, 2008, 12:53:21 PM »
Edited to add:  I WAS dating a 28yo but he just wanted TOO much sex so I had to dump him.



Is that possible??? I never heard of such a thing!!!


BTW: welcome to the Forum, you will get a lot of information, I am newly diagnosed and I have found this to be the case, and yes, I am like many others on here and am older, even if I don't look or act it.
« Last Edit: May 07, 2008, 12:55:03 PM by dusty99 »
17 Mar 08: diagnosed
31 Mar 08 CD4: 565,  30%  VL: 28,900
21 May 08 CD4: 600,  37%  VL: 13,000
25 Oct 08  CD4: 308   34%  VL: 68,000
19 Nov 08 Started Atripla
16 Dec 08  CD4: 580   42% VL: 70
27 Jan 09  CD4: 490   41%  VL: undetectable
24 Mar 09  CD4: 565   42%  VL: undetectable
30 Jun 09  CD4: 615    41% VL: undetectable
25 Sep 09  CD4: 595    47% VL: undetectable

 


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