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Author Topic: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...  (Read 8999 times)

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Offline dad1216

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  • Posts: 135
Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« on: April 04, 2008, 12:16:29 PM »
Not to hijack another thread…

I totally support the forum of Positive Women and the support and comfort it has given the awesome women of this community…since we have such a diverse community here, I am wondering if it is not time for a forum for Man Talk…the same rules as is followed for the women…but a place for men to talk about issues without input from the lovely ladies…guys have issues that can be dealt with by talking and sharing with another guy….and we do have some issues….cheating wives/bf/gf…custody…divorce…sex...vasectomy...anal warts...you get the point…and not to create a separation of the men and women…as there are many times when a woman’s point of view is priceless…but I would think men should have the same option as women do here when they want to talk about something….as to where they want to post a subject…and who's views they want...just my thoughts

Bob 
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline bear60

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2008, 12:20:22 PM »
I think the reason that the Womens Forum is so successful is that women do know how to talk.  I dont think men do. I mean heterosexual men mostly.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2008, 01:51:47 PM »
I don't think it is a bad idea at all actually. Just like the men lurk in our forums, I would definitely lurk in the men's forum. It would be interesting to see what men do care about or their concerns. I hope you get your wish, Bob.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline David_CA

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2008, 01:55:56 PM »
I second Dad's idea!  In fact, there are often times where I've thought it would be nice to 'bury' a thread a bit... sort of like me never reading the Women's forum.  There are times when something's not totally HIV related but not so casual as to be in off topic.  Can we get some other input and thought from Those in Charge?

Bear's right, too... women and gay men sure do know how to talk!  I just had lunch with my favorite lady (some of you met her in S.F.).  We did manage to find a bit of time to eat.   :D

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2008, 02:06:53 PM »
I really don't see the need. It doesn't appear the men have ever been shy about posting on any topic before, warts and all.

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2008, 02:12:11 PM »
I understand the desire. It would be nice if ladies could post to other ladies without lurkers. I withhold sharing some things because I might be monitored.

Offline BT65

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2008, 02:14:48 PM »
I could actually careless if I'm 'monitored' in what I post.  But that's me.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2008, 02:16:30 PM »
ditto
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2008, 06:02:07 PM »
Matty the Damned opposes in the strongest possible terms the notion of a "mens forum".

Every forum in this place is a fucking men's forum. Men never shut up around here. All we ever hear about is men, men, men. "I can't get it up", "I'm going bald", "I've got fat around my cock that wasn't there before.", "Why is my lover sleeping around?", "When will I find a wife to clean up after me?"

Blah, blah, blah.

Since the positive women's forum was started, more HIV+ women participate here. Presumably because there's a place for them to get away from moaning, whining men in their lives. A place to be free from comments about the size of their tits, and juvenile references to menstruation.

Boys, do you ever wonder why there are some women here who never post outside of Poz Women? It's because of the men.

So the day when a man can demonstrate that he's unable to post about his shit because of the outrageous behaviour of women is the day we should have a specific men's forum.

Oy.  ::)

MtD

Offline mjmel

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2008, 06:20:02 PM »
I agree with what Matty and bear60 wrote.

Mike

amended: a 'mens only' corner would have the gay men and straight men exchanging ideas without the soft, delicate buffer of women. oh my! that just would not be civil, would it.
« Last Edit: April 05, 2008, 06:54:09 AM by mjmel »

Offline Snowangel

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2008, 06:28:37 PM »
Is this one of those times?  ;)

Why don't you just say you don't want a womens point of view or want us to reply in the thread?

Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #11 on: April 04, 2008, 07:16:49 PM »
After much moaning and kvetching with the inauguration of the Positive Women's Forum, I tabled this subject on behalf of the men of this site a year ago.  Read it here:


http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=11022.0


I did so with the most diplomatic of intentions, but have zero interest in doing so again.  Largely because, despite numerous PM's that I received from other posters on the subject, almost no one would man up and say so when I presented it publicly for them.  I found that very telling.

I will break from Matty, Bear, Doxie and others in saying that if there was a strong conviction for the need of this additional forum,  I would support anyone in the seeking of it.  I suspect that would be my position for just about any subset one might suggest if it was in the legitimate interest of breaking down barriers to communication as it relates to the positive members of this site.   I am not entirely convinced of that necessity here, to be frank about it.  I personally have no need of it whatsoever.  That said, if such a space was instituted, I would do my best to partake in exchanges there whenever I felt I had something to contribute.

I don't think it's a fair assessment, however, to dismiss the suggestion at the outset by saying "the whole site is already a men's site" simply by virtue of the member demographics.  As it is, it is a shared site  with a membership largely consisting of men, but with a separate section available to women.  There is technically a difference in that respect.  It's kind of like saying that just because there are mostly men at the gym, there's no real need for a men's locker room.  Perhaps that's an awkward analogy, but I think you can get what I mean by that.  The fact that it's mostly men here does not automatically nullify the need some men might feel for a sense of privacy, and if some men here really feel they do need this I don't think they should be berated for it.

But whatever.  If some of you feel you need that, make your proposal if you want. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #12 on: April 04, 2008, 07:46:46 PM »
I could actually careless if I'm 'monitored' in what I post.  But that's me.

I agree
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #13 on: April 04, 2008, 08:04:59 PM »
I agree

Same here.  At nearly 5,500 posts, I would be hard-pressed to claim any anxieties on that front. 

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #14 on: April 04, 2008, 09:12:24 PM »
I really don't think there would be anything wrong with a men's forum,

after all they have this....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWdL9mrYNmQ&feature=related

Offline Winiroo

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  • Positive since 1991
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #15 on: April 04, 2008, 10:08:56 PM »
Clutch the pearls, I haven't seen that in forever. LOL

Good one dear

Offline DCGUY2007

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  • Posts: 315
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #16 on: April 04, 2008, 11:42:20 PM »
Sounds interesting. But I also enjoy getting a womans point of view. Although I am gay I enjoy having women give comments too. Seems to balance things out.

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #17 on: April 05, 2008, 12:48:46 AM »
My question is this:  If we get all the men on one side of the forums and all the women on the other, who would still be found in the middle?

I dunno...but my money's on me, Sharkie and Bettytacy.





/edited to add me where I belong!   :P/
« Last Edit: April 05, 2008, 12:51:15 AM by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Winiroo

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  • Positive since 1991
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #18 on: April 05, 2008, 02:24:03 PM »
The middle is fine with me unless I want to talk about my uterus or girly crap.

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #19 on: April 05, 2008, 02:32:03 PM »
My question is this:  If we get all the men on one side of the forums and all the women on the other, who would still be found in the middle?

I dunno...but my money's on me, Sharkie and Bettytacy.





/edited to add me where I belong!   :P/

oh sweetheart I think we three would get into a lot of trouble.....which would not be a bad thing

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #20 on: April 05, 2008, 04:55:00 PM »
Personally, I like diversity and the more opinions the better.

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline anniebc

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #21 on: April 05, 2008, 05:39:41 PM »
oh sweetheart I think we three would get into a lot of trouble.....which would not be a bad thing

Are you kidding me!!!..we would have to employ a full time Mod just to keep an eye of you three... :D.

Hugs
Jan :-*
(who thinks Sharkie is a naughty boy but vewwy shpecial)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline next2u

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #22 on: April 05, 2008, 09:08:22 PM »
damn, i don't really know!!!

if there is a need i guess a men's space should be created. i don't have a problem posting about my issues here. i guess the point is for other men who do have issues posting there concerns in an open forum. if that space (a men's' thread) will give the others the comfort & security they need to resolve their concerns then so be it. while i strongly agree with mtd, timmy's point is pressing also. i guess another forum would be great for men. its a lot better than typing "oh, and no women please" after comments.

but will it end? will we need a latino space, a gay space, a black space, etc...? hmm, sounds like this could be a journey down the rabbit's hole.

midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #23 on: April 05, 2008, 11:12:43 PM »
You've made an excellent point next2u.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #24 on: April 05, 2008, 11:43:41 PM »
damn, i don't really know!!!

if there is a need i guess a men's space should be created. i don't have a problem posting about my issues here. i guess the point is for other men who do have issues posting there concerns in an open forum. if that space (a men's' thread) will give the others the comfort & security they need to resolve their concerns then so be it. while i strongly agree with mtd, timmy's point is pressing also. i guess another forum would be great for men. its a lot better than typing "oh, and no women please" after comments.

but will it end? will we need a latino space, a gay space, a black space, etc...? hmm, sounds like this could be a journey down the rabbit's hole.

Well said, next.  Look, guys and gals:

(1.)  I steadfastly hold to my argument that some men may in fact wish to have a space to talk about "guy things" without commentary from the women.

(2.)  I also wholeheartedly get Matty and Doxie's assessment that sheer demographics largely makes this whole site seem like a "men's forum" at the outset.

With that in mind, couldn't this privacy aim be achieved much more simply in the way that snow essentially suggested?  Is an entirely separate forum  necessary to hit this goal?  I don't think so.  Why not just take a cue from the women and have recurring "Men's Talk" threads?  If you label it, say:  "Men's Talk 1:  I've got a funny knot on my nut sack", "Men's Talk 2:  I can't get it up", etc. and state in the OP that you'd like to table it for just the men, I have little doubt the women here would graciously oblige.  Yes, they may read...but in all honestly, as it is we can still read everything they are posting in their forum now if we really want to.  I currently skip over their threads based on title alone because I see what it is and respectfully pass.  I have no reason to think they would not extend the same courtesy towards us if it was asked of them.

Someone posted a thread last night about "Straight HIV+ Dating".  I think that is a wonderful idea.  It's a dialogue that clearly needs to be happening.  Thing is, it has  been happening for the gals for some time now.  Trouble is...the men can't join in with them there in the discussion.  What to do?  Exactly what that poster did:  Start your own, and he did so most courteously.  My hope is that the straight men who have been decrying the inability to have this exchange will not just dismiss it out of hand and expect it never to really happen.  Instead, I hope they forge ahead and just continue the dialogue on their own.  I'll lay money that if a sincere dialogue continues, you'll soon find both the men and women participating in it...and you're off and running.  No reason at all (that I can see) that there can't be a Living With recurring dating thread similar to the one that I've been seeing pop up month after month as a cornerstone thread of the PW Forum. 

If you've really got something to say, people will listen.  If you've really got an earnest request, people will heed it. 

I believe that.  I believe that of here.

-YPT
« Last Edit: April 05, 2008, 11:49:11 PM by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #25 on: April 06, 2008, 03:18:58 AM »
I'd like to propose that there be a "Fierce" section of the forums.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #26 on: April 06, 2008, 10:20:36 AM »
I'd like to propose that there be a "Fierce" section of the forums.

Best suggestion yet. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline David_CA

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #27 on: April 09, 2008, 10:08:41 AM »
So I guess the suggestion of a men's forum is going nowhere, or was it not 'formally' suggested to Those In Charge?
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #28 on: April 09, 2008, 10:14:14 AM »
I just fail to see the point.  As it is, AIDSmeds is 90% male anyway, no?  Should we also make an HIV section of the forums?  That will get rid of the HIV-negative interlopers.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #29 on: April 09, 2008, 10:25:41 AM »
So I guess the suggestion of a men's forum is going nowhere, or was it not 'formally' suggested to Those In Charge?

Well, I have to say that gives some credence to the argument that it is just some men bitchin'.  Same thing happened last time.  Some guys moaned and groaned about it, but fell dead silent once it was publicly aired for them.   

I always said that I don't personally have much of a need for it - and have since said that I can see the same thing being acheived by way of "Men's Talk" threads if need be. 

Has dad1216 even been online since he posted this? 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #30 on: April 09, 2008, 10:27:40 AM »
Yes, he was on this morning actually...but apparently doesn't feel the need to comment further on it.

So there ya go.  Once again, very telling.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #31 on: April 09, 2008, 10:28:49 AM »
Interesting opinions but is there actually a forum for men like that anywhere? Probably not, so maybe one of you men should take the initiative and start one if it doesn't happen here. Just because this site may be 90 percent men, does not mean that straight men don't have the need to talk. Are they not suppose to talk and just suck it up cause society says it is the thing men are suppose to do. And I love my gay men but you guys know you do nothing but talk and no one is going to stop you from talking.... :D :-* So why shouldn't the straight, butch, macho, rico- suave guys have a spot? Just saying....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #32 on: April 09, 2008, 10:35:18 AM »
I think Tim had the right idea ... just make your topic fit your audience ie

To the blk men out there ...

To the gay men out there ...

To the married bisexual italian guys ...

You get the idea.  And if someone else wants to peak they are going to no matter what but thats probably all they will do.

Just my two cents ... and if you don't like them I'd like them back 'cause I'm poor & cheap.
AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #33 on: April 09, 2008, 10:51:18 AM »
Just my two cents ... and if you don't like them I'd like them back 'cause I'm poor & cheap.

Testify.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline dad1216

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #34 on: April 09, 2008, 11:51:11 AM »
Looks like the opinions are about 50-50…I understand the part of starting specific threads, however it isn’t the same as a separate forum…where rules apply as to who can post…sure you can say in a thread who you want to reply, but it doesn’t stop those that you don’t want to…I mean my first argument would be it’s posted in an open forum to all…

So to the moderators, I ask…if I posted in Living With and said “no gay men” would they make sure none replied and warn them if they did…what a nightmare for them.

I still think there is a need, and could possibly add more to our community, as the women’s forum sure brought more women here…

Bob
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #35 on: April 09, 2008, 12:11:25 PM »
Looks like the opinions are about 50-50…I understand the part of starting specific threads, however it isn’t the same as a separate forum…where rules apply as to who can post…sure you can say in a thread who you want to reply, but it doesn’t stop those that you don’t want to…I mean my first argument would be it’s posted in an open forum to all…

So to the moderators, I ask…if I posted in Living With and said “no gay men” would they make sure none replied and warn them if they did…what a nightmare for them.

I still think there is a need, and could possibly add more to our community, as the women’s forum sure brought more women here…


So now let's be specific here.  Is your goal to bring more men  here...or just more straight men?

And I don't see mods monitoring that request as any more difficult than monitoring/moving posts from the PW Forum, but I have to ask again:

Would that request of yours be that no women respond to your "Man Talk" threads or that no gay men  respond?  Because, ya know...gay men are  men. 

There is no dearth of men here, dad.  Just perhaps straight men.  This post of yours is again very revealing.

Do tell:  What exactly is your real intention here?  Is it a men's forum...or a straight men's forum?
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #36 on: April 09, 2008, 12:33:58 PM »
Looks like the opinions are about 50-50…I understand the part of starting specific threads, however it isn’t the same as a separate forum…where rules apply as to who can post…sure you can say in a thread who you want to reply, but it doesn’t stop those that you don’t want to…I mean my first argument would be it’s posted in an open forum to all…

Well, so what?  I mean, would it really be that crushing if someone you didn't "want" to post in your thread did?  If that's true, heaven help you.  There are batshit crazy people who post in my threads - and even send me PM's - that I don't want  to hear from all the time. 

Again, aside from a random accidental post, I am willing to bet that the women would honor your request to stay out of your Men's Talk threads.  This again makes me suspect that maybe your real motive is a discussion with only other heterosexual males.  And you know what?  That's cool, babe - if that's what you think you need.  There has been a Hetero Dating Thread up that I haven't touched - cuz it doesn't concern me.  I just think that if a Hetero Male (or just plain "Hetero") forum is what you are really seeking, you should own up and say so.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline David_CA

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #37 on: April 09, 2008, 12:39:10 PM »
I guess my question would be what would be the harm in a forum just for men?  Would I post there?  Who knows.  Although it wouldn't be specifically designated for straight men, I can see where there might be a time when they would want the general audiance to be men.  As much as we gay men can blab on and on about just about anything, we generally do try to respond to questions if we can.

Say, for example, that a HIV+ man wants to ask something about dealing with his negative wife.  He wants to know how other men have dealt with it.  If he asked this in a men's only forum, he would only get responses from men (duh).  Just like I may have some insight to a question in the Positive Women's forum, that's too bad; I can't post there.  If the OP had wanted my input, she wouldn't have posted there.  One can add something like 'men only, please' to a post and put it in OT or LW, but we all know how well that works. 

Face it, adding a men's only forum wouldn't divide us any more than a woman's forum.  It also wouldn't mean that we need to have one for gay men only, blacks only, Asians only , etc as we'd all still fit into the women's or men's forum.

Again, I don't see me posting in it, but why not? Would it hurt?  Not likely.  Would it help?  Quite possibly.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline dad1216

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #38 on: April 09, 2008, 12:42:40 PM »
So now let's be specific here.  Is your goal to bring more men  here...or just more straight men?

And I don't see mods monitoring that request as any more difficult than monitoring/moving posts from the PW Forum, but I have to ask again:

Would that request of yours be that no women respond to your "Man Talk" threads or that no gay men  respond?  Because, ya know...gay men are  men. 

There is no dearth of men here, dad.  Just perhaps straight men.  This post of yours is again very revealing.

Do tell:  What exactly is your real intention here?  Is it a men's forum...or a straight men's forum?

Your Gaydar must be broke.....I am far from being a straight man

I sure wouldn't be allowed in a straight men's forum, so that is not my intentions....although maybe they need one

so not as revealing as you thought.....

I just think that the women get some great comfort and support in their forum talking about their issues...and just thought that men could use the same....no matter what their orientation is...

And would it be all that bad if their were more straight men here...

23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #39 on: April 09, 2008, 12:44:08 PM »
So there ya go.  Perhaps having a Men's Only Forum will bring out lurking men into the site (mostly hetero men, I can only assume, as we queens are everywhere on here).

Welcome back, Andre!   ;D  
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #40 on: April 09, 2008, 12:52:37 PM »
Your Gaydar must be broke.....I am far from being a straight man

I sure wouldn't be allowed in a straight men's forum, so that is not my intentions....although maybe they need one

so not as revealing as you thought.....

I just think that the women get some great comfort and support in their forum talking about their issues...and just thought that men could use the same....no matter what their orientation is...

And would it be all that bad if their were more straight men here...



My Gaydar works just fine, though does tend to get thrown off when someone such as yourself posts about requesting "no gay men" respond to his threads.

And no - in my opinion, it would not be "all that bad" if more straight men were here.  If they are out there reading this and feeling alone and without support, I urge them to get over their fears and join us. 

Further:  If there is actually a swell of men out there who are resisting joining in much needed discussions here on the basis of there not being a Men's Only section, then I urge them to contact The Powers That Be and say so.  If a legitimate need reveals itself, it will be met.  If it's only the occasional grumblings of one or two men here and there....maybe not.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline dad1216

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #41 on: April 09, 2008, 01:06:25 PM »
My Gaydar works just fine, though does tend to get thrown off when someone such as yourself posts about requesting "no gay men" respond to his threads.

My point was that you can't say who you want in a thread....and I picked the largest group in the community as a reference...that's all
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline woodshere

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #42 on: April 09, 2008, 01:26:56 PM »
I would like to ask that a GAY HIV+ MIDDLE AGED BTM BAPTIST DEACON forum be established..... :)

Seriously, a line must be drawn somewhere.  I think hunter's suggestion of "Men Talk's" might work.  However that too could be taken to extreme by someone's title being White Straight Men's Talk only.....   
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline BT65

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #43 on: April 09, 2008, 01:49:03 PM »
I personally could care less if there's a men's forum.  We women, though, are respectable enough not to post in threads where our input is not wanted.  Unfortunately, that's not been the case in our women's forum with some men, who have posted in there irregardless.  (No offense to those of you who don't)  Our bodies have distinct differences when it comes to HIV that most of us only feel comfortable talking about with other ladies.  The majority of men here (that I've observed) don't seem to mind putting it out there 'for all to see,' so to speak.  If one of you men put in the title 'men only please,' believe me, we women would have enough sense to not respond.  Yes, we could still read it, but the men can also read the women's forum, so what's the difference.  This is just my opinion.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #44 on: April 09, 2008, 01:55:39 PM »
I personally could care less if there's a men's forum.  We women, though, are respectable enough not to post in threads where our input is not wanted.  Unfortunately, that's not been the case in our women's forum with some men, who have posted in there irregardless.  (No offense to those of you who don't)  Our bodies have distinct differences when it comes to HIV that most of us only feel comfortable talking about with other ladies.  The majority of men here (that I've observed) don't seem to mind putting it out there 'for all to see,' so to speak.  If one of you men put in the title 'men only please,' believe me, we women would have enough sense to not respond.  Yes, we could still read it, but the men can also read the women's forum, so what's the difference.  This is just my opinion.

Exactly.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #45 on: April 09, 2008, 02:47:40 PM »
This post of yours is again very revealing.


It's beyond my control.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline thunter34

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #46 on: April 09, 2008, 03:02:25 PM »
Of course, there's also no guarantee that all "women" on here are in fact women and vice versa.

*cough cough*
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #47 on: April 09, 2008, 03:19:15 PM »
Of course, there's also no guarantee that all "women" on here are in fact women and vice versa.

*cough cough*

I know what you mean.

"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #48 on: April 09, 2008, 04:31:49 PM »
The majority of men here (that I've observed) don't seem to mind putting it out there 'for all to see,' so to speak. 

I find that very offensive .... ok ... even I didn't buy that one.  Don't see the need for one but don't see a big harm if thats what the Big Brothers & Sisters (didn't want to offend) decide.  I just like as many opinions as I can get.  I know I'm not always right (but not often wrong)  :D  So, I'm greatful to be able to see things from another angle.

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline dad1216

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #49 on: April 09, 2008, 04:57:21 PM »
Our bodies have distinct differences when it comes to HIV that most of us only feel comfortable talking about with other ladies. 

That the whole point....

There may be men out there that only feel comfortable talking with other men about their distinct differences...

Am i the only one that has ever gotten anything from a "man to man" conversation...besides the obvious  ;)

I just think that with the success of the womens forum, it could be just as successful for some men...
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #50 on: April 09, 2008, 06:05:37 PM »
Is it me or is there a degree of nitpicking going on? What is the harm in having a Men's Forum? Why would it have to be just hetero, no matter if men are gay, you all pretty much have the same package and probably some of the same issues. I don't see where a gay man's input wouldn't be welcomed. The matter of race shouldn't even come into play unless I am missing something, you're men, some more fem than others but men none the less.

Though I wouldn't comment in the thread, I would be trying to keep track of who is straight. I am so tired of being rejected by the sexy gay men here, I need to know there are some sexy straight poz men around.. ;) ;D


(who admits to having her own reasons for wanting a Men's Thread) *EG*
« Last Edit: April 09, 2008, 06:07:16 PM by Queen Tokelove »
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #51 on: April 09, 2008, 06:14:58 PM »
I'd rather flirt with the gay men. They wont take me seriously and that's exactly what I would want if I ever flirted with anyone.
LOL I already have a man and I don't need any more than what I got nor do I desire a replacement.

Offline BlueMoon

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #52 on: April 09, 2008, 06:56:22 PM »
I like it when the ladies watch.   :o
...................VL.....CD4.....%
-----------------------------------------
08/10-- ......<40.....290.....42
05/10-- ......<48.....290.....46
02/10-- ......<48.....481.....44
10/09-- ......<48.....277.....46
07/09-- ......<48.....300.....38
05/09-- ........51.....449.....39
03/09-- Added Isentress
02/09-- ........65.....299.....34
11/08-- ........62.....242.....40
08/08-- ........66.....212.....29
05/08-- ......202.....217.....27
03/08-- ....5210.....187.....21
02/08-- Began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
12/07-- 273,000.....157.....22
11/07-- 229,000.....209.....22
10/07-- Diagnosis

It's a complex world.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #53 on: April 09, 2008, 07:58:44 PM »
I'd rather flirt with the gay men. They wont take me seriously and that's exactly what I would want if I ever flirted with anyone.
LOL I already have a man and I don't need any more than what I got nor do I desire a replacement.

Girl, please....I don't have a man so best believe, Her Majesty is going to be lurking. I flirt with the gay guys all the time. I'm looking for potential....*hee hee*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #54 on: April 09, 2008, 08:35:25 PM »
I love having this as a 'mixed group'.   I think our diversity is our strength.

I do totally respect the ladies right to their own forum though; I never even read there, just as I wouldn't look into someone's purse....just doesn't seem right.   I figure if they want men to see their posts, they will put them in "living with" section.

I'm not 'opposed' to an all men's forum, but just don't really see (or personally have) the need for it.

Since I've stepped up to the microphone, I'll take this opportunity to say that we have had more than a few posts by folks in LTS who are not LTS.  (I know, the next question is "Define a LTS").   I'm not going to attempt that, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for just a tad of respect for those who have had AIDS for 10+ years.  That is why we requested that the forum be established.    We are no better, no smarter, no stronger than someone who was diagnosed last week.....it's just that we've been dealing with it (and in different ways) for a LOT longer.   I'll shut up now.
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline BT65

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #55 on: April 09, 2008, 09:10:44 PM »
Since I've stepped up to the microphone, I'll take this opportunity to say that we have had more than a few posts by folks in LTS who are not LTS.  (I know, the next question is "Define a LTS").   I'm not going to attempt that, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for just a tad of respect for those who have had AIDS for 10+ years.  That is why we requested that the forum be established.    We are no better, no smarter, no stronger than someone who was diagnosed last week.....it's just that we've been dealing with it (and in different ways) for a LOT longer.   I'll shut up now.

Good point Alan.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Winiroo

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #56 on: April 09, 2008, 10:38:23 PM »
I respect that Alan but then again I qualify to post in the LTS threads LOL

Seriously though, I have not paid any attention to how long posters have been positive or even if they are positive. For the most part I don't know many people on AIDSmeds well enough to know these things.
Unless its posted in their signature line I honestly have no clue.

Which isn't unusual for me, half the time I am clueless, period...


Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #57 on: April 09, 2008, 10:44:44 PM »
Which isn't unusual for me, half the time I am clueless, period...



Welcome to my world!  About the only clue I have most of time is that board game.  Besides who wants a know it all ... to quote the campy singer Tina Brown "I Like 'Em Big and Stupid!" 

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #58 on: April 09, 2008, 10:47:30 PM »
I respect that Alan but then again I qualify to post in the LTS threads LOL

And from one LTS to another, honey I'm so happy you are still around to be "qualified" to post!

You, clueless?   hardly.... ;)

"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #59 on: April 10, 2008, 09:30:59 AM »

Since I've stepped up to the microphone, I'll take this opportunity to say that we have had more than a few posts by folks in LTS who are not LTS.  (I know, the next question is "Define a LTS").   I'm not going to attempt that, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for just a tad of respect for those who have had AIDS for 10+ years.  That is why we requested that the forum be established.    We are no better, no smarter, no stronger than someone who was diagnosed last week.....it's just that we've been dealing with it (and in different ways) for a LOT longer.   I'll shut up now.

Thanks Alan, I've noticed that too. I'm reluctant to post in LTS because I've noticed an upsurge in advice from the newly diagnosed and negative people. While I'm on the subject I wish we had a positive only forum. It makes me uncomfortable that of late any and every thread is open to basically everybody. I have negative friends on board and we talk everyday so I have no problem with that, it's just sometimes I want a safe harbor of positive folks only.

Offline David_CA

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #60 on: April 10, 2008, 10:55:48 AM »
As to newly diagnosed or neg. folks posting in the LTS forum... I thought that was a no-no.  I had (incorrectly, evidently) assumed that it was off limits just like the Positive Women's forum is.  Perhaps it should be.  Some people need to show a bit more respect; feel free to read in LTS, but don't post (unless they qualify).  If 10 years is the 'magic number' for being considered an LTS, then I have quite a few more years to go before I can post there!   ;)

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Tim Horn

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #61 on: April 10, 2008, 12:20:11 PM »
The primary reason why we created a Forum specifically for HIV-positive women is because of complaints we were receiving over many months from female members of the Forums expressing an inability to speak honestly and openly. These women felt -- and this was our observation as well -- that their attempts to start frank discussion threads about female-specific issues in the Forums, requesting input from other women, were quickly and frequently overpowered by male Forums participants who chimed in with inappropriate humor or comments that were totally off base (no matter how "good natured" these efforts were). In short, threads that should have been left alone by male members of the Forums simply weren't -- time and time again.

Do we really have any instances in which male members of the Forums have felt disempowered from the presence and/or comments of women to the point that they don't feel comfortable starting a thread discussing somethng that's going on with their bodies or lives? Maybe this has happened -- but we certainly haven't received any reports suggesting that this is the case (and, in all honesty, we haven't observed this).

I haven't yet read any seriously compelling arguments that support the need for a men's-only forum. Dad, like Tim Hunter, I'm not altogether clear on what in fact you're looking for here (or, to be more clear, not able to get here) -- a Forum for all men or a Forum for straight-identified men? Fact is, we do need to be very selective about the new Forums we create. While there certainly are arguments in favor of specific Forums for the different sexes/genders, races, sexual orientations, etc., we run the risk of balkanizing this online community and rendering these Forums nothing by a hallway of closed doors. 

Do know that we ARE in the process of developing two Forums for Spanish speakers, as we have received plenty of requests -- and observed in the Forums -- a need for Spanish speakers to ask vital questions and concerns and, most importantly, communicate with each other.

We would like to hear more from those of you interested in a men's only Forum, so please keep your comments publicly -- or privately -- coming.

Thanks much,

Tim Horn   

edited for typos.



 

« Last Edit: April 10, 2008, 12:27:10 PM by Tim Horn »

Offline Snowangel

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #62 on: April 10, 2008, 12:34:09 PM »
 I'm not going to attempt that, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for just a tad of respect for those who have had AIDS for 10+ years. 
Just to clarify for myself- cuz I wondered when I first came here what constituted an LTS- is this having an HIV diagnosis for over 10 yrs or AIDS diagnosis?  I have been poz for 15 with an aids diagnosis in 00(I think)

Thanks,
Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #63 on: April 10, 2008, 12:50:35 PM »
LTS is a vague term, but I think generally many consider a decade anniversary moving you into that category.  The LTS forum is not meant as some sort of holy VIP member clique, but to address those issues that frankly non-LTS'ers often and generally do not deal with -- i.e. multiple side effects from HIV meds that aren't widely prescribed any longer, etc.  It's the same reason that I personally attend a monthly support group of LTS'ers.  Same thing with multiple resistance issues as well as discussion of newer HIV meds that aren't used as first line therapy for the newly diagnosed.

I think there are also mental health issues that seem to predominate those of us that lived through the 80's and 90's with an HIV diagnosis (obviously) as there was so much loss, and many survivors have what might be called a sort of post-trauma type disorder.

And of course, remember that for someone who was diagnosed five years ago but already had an AIDS diagnosis numerically probably qualifies you as a LTS, if you have no idea of the time of your infection because you'd never previously been tested, it's easy to assume you're around the 10 year mark.

And of course, there are those LTS'ers that, while diagnosed for 20 years, have only been on meds for 2 years... I'm not quite sure where they fit in :)
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline dad1216

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #64 on: April 10, 2008, 02:15:46 PM »
Actually I was just asking if people thought a man’s only forum was needed…I know why the women’s was formed, but thought it had grown into so much more now…by bringing more to this community…I was just curious if a man’s forum would have the same success that the women’s has….

Only because I made reference to “no gay”….to make a point… did the question come up about straight orientation…

I was looking for a place for all men…and not specifically for myself…more to offer those out there that maybe want to start their journey with this disease, talking with a guy, then venturing out into the other forums here…

So that was all it was just a thought…that brought some good discussion

….Now I just got to figure out how to tell my kids I’m straight…..they will laugh their asses off….. :-*
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline BT65

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #65 on: April 10, 2008, 02:40:34 PM »
While I'm on the subject I wish we had a positive only forum. It makes me uncomfortable that of late any and every thread is open to basically everybody. I have negative friends on board and we talk everyday so I have no problem with that, it's just sometimes I want a safe harbor of positive folks only.

Hal, I'm 100% with you on this one.  I also have friends who are negative; but they usually refrain from offering much advice on HIV and how to handle it.  It would be nice to know just where negative people can and cannot post.  Can they post everywhere on here? 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Tim Horn

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #66 on: April 10, 2008, 03:50:36 PM »
As a general rule, we do not allow HIV-negative individuals to post in any of the Forums set up specifically for HIV-positive people, notably "Living With HIV," "Long-Term Survivors," "Positive Women," "Questions About Treatment & Side Effects," "Lipodystropy & Metabolic Syndrome," "Nutrition & HIV" and "Mental Health & HIV." HIV-negative members of these pages are technically supposed to keep their comments in the two "Off Topic" Forums, "Someone I Care About Has HIV," and, of course, "Am I Infected?" We turn something of a blind eye to participation in "Research News and Studies," "AIDS Activism," and "In Memorium," given that HIV-positive people really aren't the only ones who might have something of genuine substance to share in these areas. In fact, we've had some HIV-negative members -- at least members who have said they are negative or have never publicly said that they're positive -- participating in the Forums specifically for HIV-positive people, without objection, as they've had an excellent track record of providing really useful information and feedback (notably of the medical variety).

There are some clear cases that we, as moderators, can act on -- for example, chasing someone from the "Am I Infected?" Forum out of the Forums for HIV-positive members. The murky cases are those involving individuals who, for whatever reason, land in the Forums and are reluctant to disclose their HIV status. While we often given the truly obnoxious ones enough rope to hang themselves -- most of 'em do -- there are instances in which the ambiguous among us have at least taken the time to endear themselves to our way of life in these Forums and haven't obviously endangered the safety of the Forums (if so, it would be nice for those who feel threatened by certain HIV-negative individuals participating in specific threads notifiy the moderators).

Should we have a flat-out ban on HIV-negative people in certain Forums? I suppose that would work -- but I certainly can't think of a safe and effective way to enforce such a requirement. As for setting up an HIV-positive-only room, I honestly think this would send the wrong message as to what the rest of the Forums are intended to be -- a safe place for HIV-positive people to communicate and support each other.

Should I be interpreting some of the comments here to mean that these Forums AREN'T the safe place that we've maintained them to be?

Tim Horn 
« Last Edit: April 10, 2008, 03:57:11 PM by Tim Horn »

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #67 on: April 10, 2008, 04:10:52 PM »
Just to clarify for myself- cuz I wondered when I first came here what constituted an LTS- is this having an HIV diagnosis for over 10 yrs or AIDS diagnosis?  I have been poz for 15 with an aids diagnosis in 00(I think)

Thanks,
Snow

Snow, I would most definitely consider you a long-term survivor.   As Philly stated, it is an ambiguous term, that is not always easy to "define".   But if you've been dealing with an HIV diagnosis for 10 years or more, even if you never progressed to AIDS (and I know we have a few of those LTNP's here) I would consider you a LTS.
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #68 on: April 10, 2008, 04:50:30 PM »
Hal, I'm 100% with you on this one.  I also have friends who are negative; but they usually refrain from offering much advice on HIV and how to handle it.  It would be nice to know just where negative people can and cannot post.  Can they post everywhere on here? 

I'm in agreement with Betty and Hal. I have been searching for many many years for a group of people that have gone threw the same sort of experiences I did surviving the 80's and the early 90's. The lines have become a little blurry on the forums lately and I'm not feeling comfortable with that.
Sharkie

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #69 on: April 10, 2008, 05:00:10 PM »
Safety in AIDSmeds is a touchy subject.  I know if I'd been stalked at an AMG gathering and then been chased by a bevy of sock puppets for an entire year, I'd perhaps not be a particularly happy camper.

Of course, not that happened or anything.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #70 on: April 10, 2008, 06:59:00 PM »
I was diagnosed about ten years ago and never thought I was a LTS ... I guess I'm living in denial ... Which is probably how I got here in the first place.

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #71 on: April 10, 2008, 07:11:35 PM »
Barbara please.  You're on Fuzeon.  You're not just a LTS'er, but you get like an instant 20 merit points and a free toaster.  TRUST!
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline J.R.E.

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #72 on: April 10, 2008, 07:12:20 PM »


Should I be interpreting some of the comments here to mean that these Forums AREN'T the safe place that we've maintained them to be?

Tim Horn 

Hello Tim,

Just some fast thoughts. I personally don't believe the forums are "unsafe". I am certainly hesitant at times to post, when I see new names. I think what bothers me the most, is that there are so many people that lurk in the background here. I often wondered, if people shouldn't be required to log in, at all times, even to read the forums. I am sure others will disagree with me on that. It just seems to me, that if we want to help end Stigma and fear, lets get these 140 or more people, that always seem to be watching the forums to "LOG" in . If people really want information, why shouldn't they log in for that information.

As far as the LTS forum. In the welcome thread it states the following : "This forum is a safe place where those who have been living with HIV for anywhere from several years to decades can come to discuss the issues they confront."

To me, a several years means 3 or more years. Perhaps LTS needs to be redefined. Personally, myself I would consider 10 year plus a long term survivor. Once again, that's just my thoughts.

It also states the following :

"It is also a space intended for those who maybe more recently infected but are older in years, and therefore have to deal with special issues related to living with HIV at an older age."

I believe that needs to be kept in place, for those that are 45 plus years of age or older. There are certainly age related issues to take into consideration along with HIV, even in the newly diagnosed but older folks.

As far as the newer people reading the LTS forums. I don't have a problem with that. If these people have a particular question or comment as to some topic matter that was brought up in the LTS forum, I wouldn't have a problem with those people asking about it in the "living with HIV" forum. If people want to answer there concerns about something mentioned in the LTS forums, I am sure some of us would answer those concerns in the "living with HIV forum". If we don't want to answer or comment, we won't.


I also don't believe we need any additional forums. One of the other HIV forums ( Aids 2 hiv) has so many forums and sub-forums,  It's gets me dizzy, just trying to navigate. This is not a slam at Aids 2 hiv, but perhaps a suggestion to simplify your forums a little bit. This is one reason, why I never joined over there. I think all the current forums cover everything on this site.
Also if a guy wants to start a topic and is looking for  responses "from guys only" let him state state in the topic title.


Anyway, just my thoughts

Ray     
« Last Edit: April 10, 2008, 07:15:38 PM by J.R.E. »
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 6/4/14,  t-cells are at 423, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 13% 

  
 62 years young.

Offline NLEWLAD

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  • Anything is possible, ANYTHING
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #73 on: April 10, 2008, 07:47:58 PM »
as i am gay  you would probably think i would opt for the yes lets make a mens space

however no is my answer

women are special especialy my mum

they deserve there own space us men are after one thing and one ting only  either gay or straight

were after sex

women on the other hand are more deep and deserve there own space

i respect that and have never ventured into there space on here

love tothe poz women

simon

xxxxx
Simon - Location Manchester England
Negative test 10/11/07
Tested poz 28/12/07
Confirmed WB 07/01/08
Sero-converted Late December 07

Date        CD4            %              VL

7/01/08   1273 :)      N/A       100,232
24/01/08   755 :(      42%         4,010
13/2/08     922 :)      45%       78,234
09/04/08   652 :(      38%       36,604
05/05/08   936 :)      39%       38,952
07/07/08   844 :)      34%       24,000
12/11/08   753 :(      31%       45,600
no meds yet:)

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #74 on: April 10, 2008, 09:32:58 PM »
Barbara please.  You're on Fuzeon.  You're not just a LTS'er, but you get like an instant 20 merit points and a free toaster.  TRUST!

I hope it's a nice chrome toaster.  I hate needles, but it the Fuzeon works.

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline BlueMoon

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  • Calling from the Fun House
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #75 on: April 10, 2008, 10:02:01 PM »
Quote
It is also a space intended for those who maybe more recently infected but are older in years, and therefore have to deal with special issues related to living with HIV at an older age.   
 

This would seem to easily qualify me to post in the LTS forum, but some members are just so darn touchy about their turf that I'm hesitant to even read it for fear of causing conniptions.  Also, there's this --

Quote
We are not excluding anyone from participating here, but we do ask that you be mindful of the special needs for which this particular Forum has been established. 

So what's the real deal?

And I must be pretty dense, because I have no idea what any of this has to do with safety.  What exactly is the danger that results from any particular person posting in any particular forum? 
...................VL.....CD4.....%
-----------------------------------------
08/10-- ......<40.....290.....42
05/10-- ......<48.....290.....46
02/10-- ......<48.....481.....44
10/09-- ......<48.....277.....46
07/09-- ......<48.....300.....38
05/09-- ........51.....449.....39
03/09-- Added Isentress
02/09-- ........65.....299.....34
11/08-- ........62.....242.....40
08/08-- ........66.....212.....29
05/08-- ......202.....217.....27
03/08-- ....5210.....187.....21
02/08-- Began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
12/07-- 273,000.....157.....22
11/07-- 229,000.....209.....22
10/07-- Diagnosis

It's a complex world.

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #76 on: April 10, 2008, 10:29:12 PM »
I now regret that I posted the paragraph about the LTS forum.   It was done without much thought being given to it, but I now feel it was a mistake.  I did not intend to derail this thread by mentioning it.

My apologies to Tim, the moderators, and to Dad1216, the originator of this thread about A MEN'S FORUM.   Also, apologies to anyone who felt slighted by my comments about respect for LTSers of 10+ years. That is my definition, and mine alone, and not that of AIDSmeds.

 :-[
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

 


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