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Author Topic: Looking for a definitive answer:  (Read 2584 times)

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Offline bea

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Looking for a definitive answer:
« on: April 02, 2008, 07:01:34 PM »
Hello,
I am a girl from Italy. I think this forum is very helpful!
I spent several hours reading all the old posts, but I am still confused about kissing and HIV
About my story, I do not know what I had in my mouth. I suspect that a tooth was not doing too well and, as a consequence, a section of my upper gums was swollen. In the past, I tried to blow this thing a few times and something really gross (like puss) came out  (but not much blood, I think) and then my gums went back to normal ( or my gums absorbed the swollen part). However, this thing ( could you tell me the name?) kept coming back for a while ( until I went to see a dentist).  Last May I semi-open mouth kissed an old friend. I cannot recall if I had or not that stuff in my mouth.  Assuming that I had, should I be concerned? He kissed me maybe 5 or 6 times. Our tongues touched for no more than 5 seconds each time and my mouth wasn't really that open. How long has to be a deep and prolonged kiss to be considered risky?
Also, could you tell me if I understand  correctly?
a) French kiss is 100% safe only if both partners have healthy gums, lips, etc...
2) Otherwise, it could be risky. Why there is not agreement about this? Someone says "no, risk", someone else says "theoretically yes". I knew of only one case, but I read somewhere that they both had bad gums ( with enough bleeding for a possible infection??) and somewhere else that the woman had oral surgery. What is the truth?
This is my question: if I have an open sore, my gums are bleeding, etc, how much blood from the other mouth is needed for me to get HIV in this way?

Should I get tested? (Please, say no!). I did a test 2 years ago and it was negative ( my boyfriend too). This is the only incident I am concerned about. I can't sleep thinking that I could infect my boyfriend, but at the same time I am very anxious about doing  :) :)another test.

Thank you for reading my post!

Bea

Offline Ann

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Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2008, 07:12:33 PM »
Bea,

Kissing is not a risk for hiv infection, no matter what sort of details you want to tack on.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER KISSING, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bea

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2008, 07:27:57 PM »
Hi Ann,

Thank you for your answer. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and never had sex with other people since we started dating. We both tested few years ago, and both were negative.

Can I ask you something about blood test in the US? If you are a blood donor or when you do all your blood exams, do they test you for HIV as well?

Thank you again,
Bea


Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2008, 07:33:11 PM »
Bea,

Blood donation is NOT a way of finding out your hiv status. If you're worried, test through an hiv testing center.

As long as neither you nor your boyfriend have had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse outside your relationship since your tests, then you can assume you are hiv negative.

If in doubt, test at an hiv testing center, not a blood donation center.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bea

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2008, 07:38:44 PM »
Hi Ann,

My test was done at an HIV center in Italy and I think my boyfriend's at the Health Center of his University.

If I don't have health insurance here, where I can buy Oraquick?

Thank you,
Bea

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2008, 07:44:57 PM »
Bea,

I haven't a clue where "here" is. Why don't you google your location + hiv?

Remember, you do NOT need to test over a kiss!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bea

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2008, 07:58:10 PM »
Sorry, I meant here in the US, where I am currently living. My health insurance coverage isn't that great and I guess I would have to pay for that. However, I am not thinking to get tested at the moment, not for the kiss at least        ( your answer was really a big relief for me, thank you!), but it was more for future occasions.

Ciao!

Bea

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2008, 11:51:19 PM »
Ann's already told you that no matter what details you throw into the mix, kissing is not a risk for HIV transmission. And as long as you always use condoms for intercourse (vaginal or anal) if you have sex with someone outside of your relationship, then you don't have to be concerned about transmission either.

I'm wondering why you even think you have a need to get tested since nothing you have reported thus far would have put you at risk. 
Andy Velez

Offline bea

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2008, 05:45:48 PM »
Hi Andy,

Thank you for your answer.

I was wondering about a quick test, only because from time to time a get really anxious over improbable events and the only thing I am able to do is worrying (Yeah, I am not too proud about)

I didn't know about the quick test ( which I am sure is not even available in Italy) and was nice to find out that you could have an answer in such a short time. However, I am not planning on get tested at the moment!

Thank you again! :)

Bea

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2008, 10:15:22 PM »
You're welcome. And I urge you to get productively busy with other things in your life so you don't have as much time to focus on what we absolutely regard as a non-risk situation.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline bea

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2008, 11:52:43 AM »
You are right :)

I don't want to piss anyone off, but could you tell me why you don't believe in the UCSF case of infection via saliva (mixed with blood)?. I am not saying that I believe it, I just want to be informed and be on the same page with people that know more about than I do.

I read the article and I thought that something wasn't right in several occasions:
- For example,  they first say that the guy had bleeding gums while brushing his teeth but after that they say that the wife was using the same toothbrush but there never was blood on it.
- Also about her mouth injuries. I read that she had oral surgery, but somewhere else was stated that she simply had bleeding gums. I've never known that gums good bleed so much to put you at risk. Everyone always told me that a lot of blood was needed to pass the virus from one person to another.

I don't understand why this case as to be such a mystery. Is that just me?


Offline bea

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2008, 11:43:13 AM »
Hello,
I am back with a new question.
I am not sure I understand when a bite is low/medium risk and when it's zero risk.
I read that if there is blood-to-blood contact, in theory you could get infected ( and someone actually did). But if there is the saliva in the mouth, how can this just be a blood-to-blood contact? It means that the person biting should have an open cut on the lips or around the mouth instead of inside?
I know that the primary way to get infected is through unprotected sex and sharing a needle, but could someone please answer my question?
Thanks!

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2008, 12:28:39 PM »
bea,

There's never been a documented, proven case of hiv transmission via a bite. There might be people out there who claim it happened, but it's never been proven.  Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

What's with the biting question anyway? Are you in the habit of biting people or letting them bite you? You're at risk for bacterial infections if you are.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bea

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2008, 08:30:40 PM »
Thanks! :)

I am not biting/or letting people biting me! However, about a month ago, a friend bit me on my belly button ( it was more like a bite/kiss kind of thing). I felt the teeth but I didn't immediately check to see if I was bleeding. Now the thought came back to mind. But I trust you if you say that I am not at risk, really.

It may sound stupid, but I have been worrying about getting HIV in these unrealistic ( and more realistic) ways for so long! I am not sure that I can explain this. I am not exactly the girl that sleeps around. I had only 2 boyfriends, never used protection with the first one ( very stupid indeed), learned the lesson, got tested several times after ( alone and with my actual boyfriend) and still always using condoms. I grew up with people teaching you that abstinence is the only way (oh, good old catholic countries) and the result is that I have now mixed feelings about sex and very irrational fears...I almost feel like I can never relax.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Looking for a definitive answer:
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2008, 08:38:29 PM »
Seek professional help for your HIV phobias.

 


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