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Author Topic: China Incident  (Read 3602 times)

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Offline WWinChina

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China Incident
« on: April 01, 2008, 07:57:05 AM »
All - Kudo's to each of you who are active members of this board, you helped me through a very tough time a few years back (Andy, JK, Darkfiber) and I'm very grateful.  I also learned alot.

I was in China for a month and during last weekend, while alone, I went on a heavy drinking binge to pass the time before my return.  I deal with depression, and had a few things going on (I'll spare the details) so I'm prone to an occasional binge for which I'm working with a counseler.  Saturday at a bar I befriended a 35 year old divorced Chinese lady, who just kind of hung around me the rest of the night.  When I left to catch a cab back to the hotel, she just kind of followed me.  I was pretty drunk, but remember most of what happened.

She gave me a massage and then a hand job (remember these fine), then gave me oral for a short time (which I definetly remember  ;D), I also fingered her for a short bit (and I had a dry cracked finger from the weather  >:().  The next thing I remember, I'm finishing myself off with a little bit of her help.   When she left in the morning, she asked me for money for her kids, so I'm not sure if she was a CSW??? or just thinking I was some rich American??

I know the groups thought on oral and fingering (although my cracked finger has me concerned), but I'm totally scared I may have penetrated her with a very chapped (some open cracks) member.  I've spent the last few days thinking very, very hard, and don't think I did (I'm very scared of HIV, and wasn't really attracted to her), but not completely sure.  Seeing as I vividly remember the other sex acts, I've got to think I would remember penetration if it occurred.

Aside from AA when I return to the states, any other sage advice???

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2008, 08:02:33 AM »
Whether you penetrated her with your cracked fingers or not is irrelevant. Fingering is not a risk for transmission, no, not even with nicks, bruises, cracks in skin and other such. It's one of the most common of sexual activities. If it was a risk we would have known it long before your episode. There's nothing to be concerned about nor any need for testing.

The excessive drinking thing you seem to be aware about. That is somethinig to pay attention to when sexual activity is involved.

This time as far as HIV is concerned you are worrying needlessly.

Cheers, 
Andy Velez

Offline WWinChina

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2008, 08:14:06 AM »
Andy - Thanks, and I'm feeling comfortable about the fingering and receiving oral, however, I'm just hopeful this is all that happened.  With my clear memory of the numerous acts, I've got to think I'd remember if I penetrated her.  This kind of feeling would have made a memory (just like the others did).  That's what has me still a bit spooked....

I'll probably test at 6 weeks for peace of mind, then move on.

Thanks!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2008, 08:52:06 AM »
From what you have described I suspect you'd have had some recall if penetration occured. Your doubt is probably more about shame and guilt than anything reality-based. However, it's again a warning about excessive drinking. All too many I have known became infected when drunk and unable to negotiate safer sex.

Test for peace of mind at  6 weeks and collect what I expect will be a negative result. And LEARN from the experience.
Andy Velez

Offline WWinChina

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2008, 10:59:16 PM »
Andy / All - Thanks for the replies.  B/C I didn't have a condom (or want to), I'm fairly sure no penetration occured after thinking everything through.  I'm starting to come to grips with receiving oral and fingering, but the only concern that still lingers is that iimmediately after deep fingering her I used the same hand to finish myself off (b/c I didn't want to have sex with her).  The thought now occurs to me that I had vaginal juices all over two fingers and then immediately put them on me.....this now has me pretty scared as it is very simiilar to sex.   HELP!!

Offline WWinChina

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2008, 08:58:41 PM »
All - Can I get some feedback on the very deep (whole finger) fingering followed IMMEDIATELY by finishing myself off.  I know I was deep enough to touch cervical juices, and then I immediately placed those same fingers on myself.  I'm un-circumsized, so I'm VERY concerned these juices got directly on my foreskin (not the head), but I'm fairly sure the foreskin is a receptor as this roughly doubles a males chances for infection with HIV.  To add to it 2.5 weeks after exposure I have a fever and sore throat....HELP!  Need advice.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2008, 09:43:30 PM »
WW, for you to have reached the woman in question's cervix -- well, let's just say that is extremely unlikely unless you have VERY long fingers. And let's say you did. Which I repeat I don't think happened. In the entire history of the epidemic there has never been a confirmed case of transmission via fingering. It could happen theoretically but in the real world of HIV it doesn't.

As for your symptoms, you have been reading these boards long enough to know that symptoms mean zilch as far as knowing anything accurately about your HIV status. The ones you are reporting are absolutely not in any way HIV specific. I don't see any need for testing in relation to this incident, but if you're going to drive yourself crazy about this then get tested at 13 weeks and collect the inevitable negative result.

Meantime if your symptoms persist see your doctor to find out what they are REALLY about, because it's not HIV. Really.

Andy Velez

Offline WWinChina

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2008, 10:05:15 PM »
Andy - Thanks for your patience.  So you're saying, even though I immediatly put those same fingers on my member (including the possible mucous membranes) it's irrelevant? or transmission doesn't occur this way?  It just seems like these would be the same juices I'd be exposed to in vaginal sex??

If so, I'll enjoy the remaining weeks instead of driving myself mad!


Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: China Incident
« Reply #8 on: April 15, 2008, 04:10:34 AM »
WW,

Your penis would have to be exposed to vaginal fluids while your PENIS was actually INSIDE the vagina. It doesn't matter if you got some on your finger then transfered it to your penis.

You didn't have a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline WWinChina

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #9 on: April 15, 2008, 10:57:59 PM »
Ann - Thanks for the reassurances.

Andy - do you agree?  This just seems alot like vaginal sex to me (except No real exposure to the head of my penis).

All - I'm petrified now, as I changed the diaper of my son, and noticed a paper cut of mine was bleeding (on the wipe) as I changed his diaper!! I'm PETRIFIED I could have infected my son through the wipe and my blood being wiped on his anus!!  I don't think I will sleep for 2.5 months!!!

HELP!!!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #10 on: April 15, 2008, 11:13:44 PM »
Could you please lay off of all this dramarama! Do I agree with Ann's comments? Totally. You are carrying on like a salami and all of course with absolutely no basis in HIV science.

Take a breath, get a grip, get on with your life and test at 13 weeks to collect the inevitable negative result.

HIV is not your problem. You reek of hysterical guilt.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline WWinChina

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2008, 10:50:40 PM »
Andy / Ann - Thanks.  I'm sorry I lost it, but the thought of potentially losing my family and wife over a few minutes of pleasure overwhelmed me.

My only real concern is how could  have inserted my fingers 2 or 3 inches up her vagina (I was thrusting, not just fingering) and then immediately used the same hand to finish myself off; albeit mostly near the base (as I don't really touch the head when I masturbate), not result in any real concern?

My hand was probably inside her for 15 seconds, then I masturbated for another 30-45 seconds before wiping myself with a cloth and going directly to bed.  I'm also UNCIRCUMCISED. 

If everyone still feels this was a NON- RISK incident, I will go away and carry on with my life (I would love to). If anyone thinks I should get tested at 4, 6 or 13 weeks I will and be very careful until then.

Thank you to everyone for your feedback.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: China Incident
« Reply #12 on: April 20, 2008, 06:27:15 AM »
WW,

We understood what you did the first time you told us.

I only wish you'd understand US when we say you didn't have a risk.

We'd tell you if you did. Really, we would

If you've read the Welcome Thread like you're supposed to, you would have read the following posting guideline:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline WWinChina

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: China Incident
« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2008, 10:27:55 PM »
Negative Test at 30 Days.  Had to do it as I've had a sore throat with a Fever for 3 days.  I plan to get a test somewhere in the 6-8 week period and put this behind me. 

Thanks for putting up with me...

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #14 on: April 29, 2008, 07:37:45 AM »
Well a negative test result is always a happy thing even when it's not a surprise. If you choose to test again you will collect another negative.
Andy Velez

Offline WWinChina

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  • Posts: 10
Re: China Incident
« Reply #15 on: May 09, 2008, 01:33:18 AM »
All - I'm planning to test tomorrow at 6 weeks, and HOPEFULLY, putting this behind me.  I realize most of you don't think I had a risk from brief insertive oral, brief finger thrusting in vagina, and then immediate masturbation using the same hand.  While some sites / Dr.'s agree, not all do, so I'm still a little worried. 

I've also read on MASS State Run HIV / AIDS site that their window period is only 6 weeks using the same OraQuick test that I plan to take tomorrow.  So I guess if I lived in MASS I'd be told I'm conclusively negative tomorrow.

I'd appreciate everyone's thoughts on this, and any reassurances for my upcoming test.  I've not been able to sleep (as you can see by the time of this post), but am trying to take steps to responsibly and appropriately put this event behind me.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2008, 01:45:36 AM »
We've already given you our opinions, why would they change? You weren't at risk, you don't need to test.

What do I think? I think you should take heed of the warning Ann gave you on April 20.

MtD

Offline WWinChina

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2008, 03:37:16 PM »
Negative at 6 weeks.  Thanks to everyone for your input on my risk.  I'll be moving on from this and don't plan any further testing.

I wish all of you good health and continued positive lives.  You do make a difference.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: China Incident
« Reply #18 on: May 09, 2008, 05:15:47 PM »
I hope you mean that. No surprise here about that negative.

Stick to that goal, take a breath and move on.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

 


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