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Author Topic: AHHH SHIT!  (Read 1667 times)

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Offline Mattycakes

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  • Posts: 3
AHHH SHIT!
« on: March 31, 2008, 12:49:21 PM »
Okay I'm sure sure where to put this question exactly but feel free to move it wherever is most appropriate but for now, this seems to be the best place.

Okay first of all I am 22 y/o gay male generally a bottom, I have slept with I think 6 men that I had unprotected sex with since I was 18 and I bottomed for every one of those. One of those was my ex boyfriend of 7 months who claimed he was negative (which as we all know does not mean a whole lot). SO we were having unprotected sex the whole time we were together. However the bastard cheated on my the ENTIRE 7 months with 12+ people. I found this out a full year and a half later (had no idea it was even going on). I do not know if he is HIV+ as I have not talked to him in almost three years. Besides him there are two others that have actually ejaculated inside of me during unprotected sex both of them pretty promiscuous I am guessing. The other three were hook ups but no ejaculation. I was drunk, I made bad choices. What's done is done.

No I have NEVER had an HIV test ever. Mostly due to the fact that denial is comforting and I am positively scared shitless, I mean SHITLESS, I get panic attacks even just thinking about it(especially when I think about my shameful,stupid history). I did decide it's time to man up and I made an appointment for a rapid HIV test this Thursday around noon.

Now my main concern that IF I test positive (which is likely given my history) what the hell should I do about insurance. I do not have insurance right now, and the last time I had insurance was June 07. I started a new job DEC 3rd I think. With my new job we get insurance after 6 months but I have only been here for 4 so I have two more months to go.

sooooooo If I go in Thursday and I test + am I totally screwed on any kind of health insurance from then on out and have to pay out of my pocket for meds if/when I need them(which I can not afford 3,000 a month)? Because wouldn't that be a preexisting condition? So I never in my life can I get insurance again? I'll just end up dying fast because I can't afford the meds to live longer?

OR 
Should I put off the HIV test for two months until I get health insurance in June? So then I am covered?
Or will it even matter?

Any help/advice on this would be greatly appreciated!
Ug....this sucks  :'(
« Last Edit: March 31, 2008, 01:32:42 PM by Mattycakes »
Dedicate yourself to the vision of poet Herman Hesse, who declared war on cheap, false beauty: Kill every figure skater you can find.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: AHHH SHIT!
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2008, 01:18:47 PM »
Before anything else you need to stop having unprotected anal sex. It doesn't matter whom you are with or what you think you know about his HIV status, whoever is the insertive partner must wear a condom. Every time. No exceptions. Otherwise you are putting your health and your life at risk each and every time you do it without a condom. It's as stark and as simple as that.

As for getting tested, you can do it anonymously now or you can wait for two months. Whichever you feel most comfortable with. I don't see that waiting two months is going to put your health in jeopardy even IF you test positive. You may actually be lucky enough to scoot by safely this time and test negative.

Good luck and keep us posted.
Andy Velez

Offline Mattycakes

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Re: AHHH SHIT!
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2008, 01:30:23 PM »
I didn't not use condoms on purpose...I just drank a bit much and didn't use good judgement. (other than the ex bf of course...that was a mutual decision)

I have always always always been a stickler for condoms and I use them the vast majority of the time I just made a few bad decisions but not because I like Bareback sex or anything like that.

Anyway...I just don't want people to think I wake up in the morning and ask myself "Gee who can I have unprotected sex with today?"
Dedicate yourself to the vision of poet Herman Hesse, who declared war on cheap, false beauty: Kill every figure skater you can find.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: AHHH SHIT!
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2008, 02:06:47 PM »
Matty, "the vast majority of the time" doesn't cut it. You either consistently practice safer sex or you don't. And if you can't negotiate safer sex when you drink too much, which is a commonly shared problem, then lay off of the drinking. Mutual decision about no condoms with your ex? More bs, fella. Anyone who insists on fucking without a condom is telling you he's putting pleasure ahead of your health (and his). That's not what I call love or anything like it.

So stop with the defensive explanations. Learn from your experience and be committed in the future to always without exception using condoms. Period.

Good luck with your test.
Andy Velez

Offline Bucko

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  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: AHHH SHIT!
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2008, 06:10:03 PM »
I didn't not use condoms on purpose...I just drank a bit much and didn't use good judgement. (other than the ex bf of course...that was a mutual decision)

I have always always always been a stickler for condoms and I use them the vast majority of the time I just made a few bad decisions but not because I like Bareback sex or anything like that.

Anyway...I just don't want people to think I wake up in the morning and ask myself "Gee who can I have unprotected sex with today?"

Please let me add that your risk of contracting an STD, including but not limited to HIV, is greatly enhanced when mixing booze and or assorted "party drugs" with your sexual pleasure. Your ability to make informed, smart choices is obviously diminished.

But what you might not consider is that the sex itself feels better, is more interesting and can be much more creative when you have all your wits about you. Alcohol and sex just aren't a clever combination.
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: AHHH SHIT!
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2008, 10:22:20 PM »
Adding on to Bucko's comments, very often alcohol is the fuel to release inhibitions to do whatever and the whatever, as Bucko has pointed out, works better and is more enjoyable when done sober. So give yourself the permission to have a good time sexually and safer is my suggestion.
Andy Velez

Offline Mattycakes

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  • Posts: 3
Re: AHHH SHIT!
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2008, 10:44:12 PM »
I am going to make a new rule for myself which would be wise and generally easy to implement. NO drinking and sex. I don't do drugs so that is not an issue.

Thanks for your input Andy/Bucko and here is to better and safer decisions in the future...I've been foolish for far too long and it's time to put an end to that bullshit.

Now I have decided to go in thursday anyway so now it's TIC TOC. :-\
Dedicate yourself to the vision of poet Herman Hesse, who declared war on cheap, false beauty: Kill every figure skater you can find.

Offline Bucko

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  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: AHHH SHIT!
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2008, 03:53:59 AM »
We'll be around should the terrors strike, but my gut says you'll be OK.

I know it sounds cranky and puritanical, but trust this wizened old(er) male-crone: sex rocks;, occasional indulgence in one's favorite mood-enhancer is a requirement for whatever's left of my mental health; but combining the two diminishes the pleasure of both.   
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

 


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