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Author Topic: Introduction and disclosure  (Read 1670 times)

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Offline thandi

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
Introduction and disclosure
« on: March 22, 2008, 08:05:25 AM »
Hi everyone

Just to introduce myself properly as I already posted in positive women, I am Tandy from South Africa, I knew about my status in July 2006. It has not been easy but I think I am getting there though I still have my HIV days if you know what I mean. I've never been sick from this disease. I am on meds (truvada and stocrin I think its also called sustiva) been lucky have no side effects at all. Go to the gym two to three times a week when I feel like it and I am in good shape. This site has been a blessing to me to keep me going when I am down and its such a pleasure to read your posts guys. The only problem that I am still struggling with is disclosure. I had to let go some good guys who wanted a relationship cause I cant get myself into disclosing my status. You know, even though millions are infected in our country there is still a lot of ignorance and stigma surrounding this disease.

Anything else you want to know I am here.

Online Jeff G

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,367
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2008, 10:02:08 AM »
 Hi Tandy ... Welcome to the forum. Disclosing is something we have all have had to deal with.
 I know first hand the fear and anxiety that happens when you have to disclose to someone.
 After 25 years of dealing with HIV I sometimes get the butterfly's in my stomach when the
 subject has to be discussed with some one new. The first people I disclosed to were my other
 Doctors and heath care workers , it may sound funny but disclosing in this kind of safe environment
 helped me to work out and find the words to tell others that I wanted to know my status.

 Unfortunately ignorance and stigma prevail everywhere. I cant tell you Ive never had a bad a
 bad experience disclosing . HIV is now a part of my life that Ive come to accept . I only
 want to to surround myself with people that can except me as I am...good luck .Jeff

Offline keyite

  • Member
  • Posts: 514
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2008, 11:25:15 AM »
Welcome Tandy. I agree that disclosing is one of the hardest things about being positive. Even amongst gay men, who are so significantly affected by HIV, there is still a breathtaking degree of ignorance. Having said that, sometimes people can surprise you in a very good way. Not sure it ever gets easier but, like Jeff says, you hopefully find strategies to disclose that feel right for you and when occasionally you do get a bad reaction you come to see it more as their problem than yours. Easier said than done, I know..

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,635
  • Diagnosed + 1989
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2008, 11:45:23 AM »
Thandi, again, welcome.  Look forward to hearing more from you here, as well as with us in the women's forum. :)
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline wetsand

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2008, 11:52:46 AM »
Hi Tandy,

I am farely new to this forum myself but have found it very helpful to speak in an open and stigma free environment.  And some of the folks here, longtime Aids warriors) are so knowledgable, and we can all benefit from their experiences.  Disclosure is tough for me too.  I feel at ease with my medicos, cause they don't seem to judge.  I've told no one else but the two former lovers I may have put at risk.  and one of them, my ex, outed me to our grown daughter, something neither of us was ready for.  She didn't know her mother (tested negative twice) and I were occasionally sexual.  Nondisclosure is a lonely path that I have chosen for now.  I don't even consider dating because it will lead to a moment I don't want to face.  But coming here helps a lot. Welcome!  

Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2008, 12:04:43 PM »
Hi Thandi.

Welcome!

Offline pozguy75

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,239
    • POZitively Speaking
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2008, 03:01:19 PM »
Hi Thandi, and welcome aboard!

I look forward to hearing more from you soon.
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,895
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2008, 03:52:44 PM »
Hi Thandi

I'm glad you started your own thread..now we won't lose you.. ;)

I can't really add much to what the others have said except to say welcome again and we look forward to hearing more from you.

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2008, 04:04:21 PM »
Welcome Tandy,

Living with HIV/AIDS since 1994 and having a background in the media, I have disclosed in all the newspapers in order to get articles printed (it worked for a few years).  More recently, I had a disclosure issue because I met someone in San Francisco who I really liked and beat the "disclosure topic into the dirt" here.  I would have never guessed a 47 year old man from San Francisco would take such information so poorly.  If I had to do it all over again, I probably would disclose on the first date knowing there may not be another "first date" for another 8 years.  ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline thandi

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2008, 10:05:39 AM »
Thanks to all of you for your kind words of advice, I think I will eventually get there in terms of disclosure I am not going to put pressure on myself right now it will happen when the right time comes.

Take care everyone.

Tandy

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,635
  • Diagnosed + 1989
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2008, 10:11:32 AM »
Tandy, don't fret over disclosing. First you have to accept having HIV yourself before worrying about whether other people will or not.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline 27years

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
  • What I did for love I will still do it for love
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2008, 06:25:11 PM »
Welcome to the forums!!Its a good thing you are comfortable with your condition.  Disclosure is sometimes a bit tricky, stick to your insticts. Evaluate the reasons why a person should know your status first.  If its just for a short term benefit there is no need as long as you play safe.  Take your time you will get confidence to let it out when the time and the right person to disclose to  comes.
Nobody dies a virgin life screws us all up

Offline lynee

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2008, 09:00:44 AM »
Hie Thandi

You will find someone do not worry about it,am from Zim and its really difficulty but I believe there is a reason for everything in life.

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,581
  • 'class' of '87
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2008, 12:06:45 PM »
Hello Tandy,

I'm glad that you found us!   We're happy to have you join our forums.   I look forward to hearing more from you and more about you, and your life.

Hugs,

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline wishful

  • Member
  • Posts: 342
  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: Introduction and disclosure
« Reply #14 on: March 25, 2008, 04:31:30 PM »
Tandy, don't fret over disclosing. First you have to accept having HIV yourself before worrying about whether other people will or not.

Ditto and welcome to the forums...i myself just disclosed to my bf in Jan after being with him for about 6 months..We are still together and veddy much in love....He is negative...
Live life to the fullest...

 


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