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 ::) i dont even know where to start... :-\ everything felt surreal...the other half told me "oh i never mess around with those college girls, they are all  _____." Did he not know he was a _____ himself? alright so in JUNE 07 i just had a feeling...i dragged my mom to a clinic located in manhattan(yes my dear mom went with me) and after praying we headed to the clinic and held hands. we get there and surprise surprise, no one but my mom and i are there. i asked the receptionist, "this is for the rapid test, correct?" (i HATE waiting, i remember my first year of college I had to wait 2 long weeks to get the result and that felt like an eternity)..after the paper cut-like rapid test..about 20 mins later...your NEGATIVE. of course i was reliefed but i wasnt in the clear....i tested too early, way too early...i did nothing much but wait around reading these forums..i wasnt going to waste my time(sorry guys) writing, COULD/MAYBE am I positive forum? when the question to myself is..when are you going to get tested instead of playing doctor/social worker and diagnosing yourself? yet i read and read until i decided to go again, i said in the new year ill make it happen..i did and right now although im remaining strong I still do not want to admit that it occurred(hiv + status at 8:30 am January 26 2008).

so yes im in my mid 20s
no children
from the bronx, a place where people lack the courage to go and get tested(i speak the truth because if you all know we have a large number of people living with HIV)
I guess I did have the courage to get tested but now I dont have the stenght to accept it...I know where it comes from..not too long ago my family "disinfected" their home when they found out my cousin was HIV positive...I dont want my soul to be disinfected... :'(

sorry for the crying and for the essay.


Matty the Damned:

Have you had a positive HIV test result yet?


si. i am on lexapro for anxiety and deppression.

Matty the Damned:
Sorry Love, I must have misread your post.

Welcome to the Forums. :)


thank you having a tough time :-\
i found out on a weekend where i thought i was going to enjoy myself and i def' did not.


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